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An attractive girl grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. We danced together for a couple seconds before I made up an excuse to stop dancing with her and ran off. I got scared that she would find out that I couldn’t dance and things would get awkward.
That night I walked home kicking myself, questioning what caused me to run away.
There was another time where I wanted to make a move on a girl that was my friend, but the time was never right. I was worried she might reject me and things might get awkward. I waited years to finally make a move but by that time the attraction was gone and she had moved me to the brother zone.
Finally, I have been in relationships where girls did little things that I didn’t like. But rather than bring it up early, I would bite my tongue. I was afraid to make things awkward. I would let these incidents happen until either she would lose respect for me or I would blow up on her about something insignificant.
Something that is not often discussed about success with women is how awkward things can get and how men’s fear of awkwardness leads to them never pushing the boundaries and holding back their success.
Comments
Great Article!
premature ejection... I read that as premature ejaculation at first. oops
So something interesting that you brought up in your article, and its something that many other writers also touch upon is originally, your actions may be clunky or awkward, but you have to go through that phase before you get smooth. more generally, you have to go through an uncalibrated phase before you become calibrated.
What exactly changes? Do you just get better at reading cues, or is it your experience/lack of nervousness showing up in your subcommunication.
Also are these transitions things to actively work on, or do they naturally sort themselves out.
Great Question
Hey thanks for the comment and the question. I would say the first thing that changes is a general sense of ease. Knowing that no matter what you're going to be ok. Most guys intellectual know this but when they are put in a situation they have never been in before your brain starts to think of all the things that will go wrong, which takes you out of the moment. That distance from the moment makes your moves more clunky.
The next is that there will be a lack of hesitation. When you do anything for the first time, you tend to move in a way that is choppy because you're going through unchartered territory. The more experience you have, the easier it is for you to pull the trigger.
There are also a lot of signals that you will notice unconsciously the more success you have with girls. You will need a lot less "evidence" to make a move.
Lastly, there will be a cluster of things that you will be doing different that you won't even realize you're doing. I do a lot of standup comedy for fun, and it always amazes me when I see professional comics because there is an ease about them that newer comics cannot replicate. Its not that their loud, its not that their material is better, its just that their confident and they know they deserve your attention and laughs. The same with your game, there will be a point where you will be so at ease with yourself that you will communicate so much value in the subtle things that you do, that making moves will be so effortless.
But until that time comes you have to go through the clunky awkward moments.
Hope this helps bro!
Great tips and examples
Great article for helping men deal with awkward situations. There is however one thing I would like to mention. Awkward situations are nearly impossible to avoid. This does not mean Men shouldn't know how to "spot" or "feel" that an awkward situation is imminent and if at all possible, to transition around the situation entirly or embrace it. The majority of people find some discomfort in akward situations. There's a reason why they're called "awkward". If you fail to act to the akwardness correctly, the awkardness can lead to the "everlasting akwardness" and damage your interactions forever from that point forward (Anchored). Most people can't handle akward situations well. Don't embrace the akwardness unless your well adapt at handling them first. Embracing the akwardness by far, has the greatest potential like Will said. You can either blow up your interaction completely forever, or take it to the next "level" and unclock ANY relationships full potential. I recommend NOT practicing on anyone who's not a potential lover at first. (Boss, co-worker, family member, maybe church)You can really damage your career, family dynamics, or any relationship if you don't know what your doing. You won't damage your life's "potential" if you mishandle a situation with a random potential lover than with say your boss or sibling. Awkwardness is just another tool in the seducer/conversatonalists tool box. Once you feel confident in your abilities and you can see clear positive "results" in your practice, the world is your oyster.
I like this distinction
I can see where you're coming from and this makes a lot of sense. But I'm hesitant to put a certain time like when you feel like you're a good enough conversationalist/seducer not because I don't think you're right but I can see how many guys won't make the jump to ever make such a decision because they feel they aren't good enough yet. I really appreciate this comment and it made me reflect on my advice, but sometimes you have to do the thing to have the power.
Peace Bro! Thanks for reading
Well imo
If things are awkward how can the ejection be premature? The very definition of being creepy is being a social burden who stays trying to continue an awkward interaction. If its awkward and you don't even know her yet, you haven't clicked move on. If a girl is in to you it won't be awkward unless you yourself are an awkward individual in which case you have bigger fish to fry
Sure
That works, but I'm glad I've not followed that advice, it would have prevented me from having a lot of amazing experiences.
Inviting girls home
Great article! I'm pretty solid in most aspects of seduction, but I run into major blocks when it comes to inviting the girl home. Last night I left a party with a beautiful (and very tall) Brazilian girl, who I had chatted with a lot. It was a bit unexpected - I was tired and was going to leave anyway - but she was keen to go with me when I asked if she wanted to walk down with me. As we exited the building, I asked her for a walk. She had already called an uber, and we live on opposite ends of town, so I figured that was it. But then she offered to share it, and there was a brief window where I could have suggested stopping at my place first. Instead, all my worries crystallized in a microsecond - "she's so tall", "we just met", "it would be awkward to ask her", "it's her taxi" - and I said she should get dropped off first. So, we had a great car ride, with me brushing her leg, and her laughing. But at the end, I faced an even taller block to get invited up to her place, which I did not suggest or push.
I think that awkward feeling will always be there for me in these situations. But I'm wondering if you have suggestions for how to invite a girl home, particularly when there are obvious logistical challenges and in non-clubbing situations?
Thanks
When You Can't Be Smooth Be Honest
I've had situations like the one you've mentioned before. A cluster of a thousand thoughts on how or what should I say to get her upstairs. A lot of times I will suggesting her coming up to my apartment to see something note worthy but a lot of times its easier if I just say something like this.
"I want to spend more time with you, come upstairs let's have a drink for five minutes and I'll pay for your Uber home."
In that line, its not fake, it get rid of her potential time excuse and you paying for the Uber gets rid of her concern for cost.
Will it always work? No.
Will it work more than not saying something? Most definetely
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