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I had a couple of discussions with friends yesterday about the women they’re dating. One of my friends is going through a rough breakup with his live-in girlfriend whom he’s been financially supporting for the past half year since she hasn’t been able to find a job and has run out of money. He’s been giving her “emergency cash” that she’s then been using to go party, buy drinks, take skiing trips when he’s not in town, and lend out to her girlfriends. And at least once, she’s called him up in late at night out with friends of hers pleading him to come help her because she’s run out of money and no one else has money and she needs cab fare to get home.
My other friend is dating a girl who cooks well for him and is positive, but who also isn’t the greatest on the looks-scale and isn’t the smartest. He wasn’t crazy about her at first, but now she’s starting to grow on him.
To be honest, both of these situations freaked me out a little bit. To my first friend, I said, “Why the hell are you financing this girl’s frivolity?” He said he knew, and he was ending it, but he hadn’t expected all that to happen and he just kind of fell into it. To my second friend, I said, “You realize you’re getting comfortable and settling in with a sub-par woman, right?” He said he knew, and he should probably go look for something else, but he was just so comfortable.
Neither of these guys are bad with women, or inexperienced with women. They both do all right. But both of them didn’t do something that’s a top priority for me early on: screening out bad potential situations before they arise.
Comments
timely
Mate this is incredibly timely for me, as I have a girl who is positive, fun, and nicely sexual but doesn't quite measure up on the looks scale. While I am not going to dump her completely, I'm not going to promise monogamy and will keep her at arms length - while increasing my social life until i find someone who is amazing in every way.
One question for you though - on your list of qualities you say you go for ambitious, savvy girls with a career... do you find yourself mostly dating masculine girls? Those are all quite masculine qualities, and girls in the arts who work in the service industry all tend to be quite feminine.
Just curious, as I've always dated girls in the latter category, and enjoyed the rewards but suffered the pitfalls as you mention above. Do you have any pitfalls dating masculine girls (do they see you as a project? discard you when you dont fit into their life and plans anymore?)
Warm regards,
Lach
Re: timely
Lach, glad to hear you'll avoid getting drawn into settling with a girl who's just okay. Definitely a position you want to keep out of!
As for my dating preferences, I usually date women with more masculine personalities, yeah. Outwardly, I prefer very feminine women -- sexy dresses, cute skirts, that sort of thing. Personality-wise, I'm quite drawn to women who can challenge me and make me better and who are highly-growth orientated, and the types of women who fall into that category tend to be women with high levels of testosterone and more masculine personality traits like competitiveness, insensitivity, high sex drives, and hot tempers.
Masculine girls are rather different in their relationships with me than they are with other men. With me, they're rather submissive and almost childlike; they have lots of questions and curiosity and view me as an authority figure and frequently want to know what I want to do so we can do it together. These same girls in their relationships with other men tend to walk all over them, tire of them easily, and not get emotionally attached to them. So, those pitfalls do exist, but I don't end up having to deal with them generally. I see a lot of other guys dealing with them, though.
For me, it seems tied to a combination of intellect, ambition, and dominance; I'm a somewhat smart dude who knows a little about a lot and has a lot of things he wants to accomplish with his life, knows exactly what he wants and what he stands for, and does what he wants and doesn't buckle and do things he doesn't want even when pressed, unlike most men. That's the way you need to be to do well with these women, but these women also help mold you into that kind of man as you spend more time with them. Women with masculine personality traits, in my estimation, will either bend you over backwards, or mold you into a more dominant, powerful man.
So from that regard, they're quite fun! Thinking about getting yourself an energetic gal, brother?
Chase
agreed
I have spent time with masculine women in the past and you're correct, they moulded me into the man I am today. I never got into a relationship with one, as I sort of likened it to getting onto a motorbike that was too powerful - so much work keeping it under control that its hard to get to the destination.
Now I realise that highly feminine women are as much like masculine women as a powerful motorbike; so yes, I am thinking of getting a girl who has masculine traits but is quite feminine. And since I have got the fires of ambition burning brightly within me, a woman who is focused on growth and who will grow with me is highly desired at this point.
I must tell you, its heartbreaking as this current girl who is only okay is the only girl i've met who is reading Think and Grow Rich, and actively desires a good career. However, with no makeup on she's a 6, with makeup on a 7 and I crave to have the best and most amazing women in the world and she isn't in that category.
Chase, I want an energetic gal who is amazing and will grow with me; however, I realise now that the only reason I have considered settling with this current girl, and not kicking her out of my life when its best for both of us, is that there is still a small part of myself that doesn't believe I can get a powerful amazing woman.
Are there any adjustments you had to make going from getting average girls to believing you deserve to date some of the most amazing girls in the world? Any tips for someone who is still going through that?
Thanks brother,
Lachstar
Re: agreed
Lachstar, yeah man, definitely want to get a gal who'll grow with you and challenge you.
For me personally, I've always believed I deserved the best. I had the prettiest, most popular girls in school chasing me in 7th grade -- even the 8th grade girls were chasing me back then ;) So I've always been a little put off at the thought of settling. Actually, even top quality girls for me I end up with doubts about, so maybe in some ways it isn't always a good thing to be so picky!
I see it with guys I've coached as really one of those things where you have to keep swinging until you get a top quality girl. Once you've had one, and you've treated her well but stayed strong and she's fallen for you, you'll start feeling like you deserve her, and the next top quality girl you get will be a lot easier. Just like approaching; you start approaching, and you're nervous as hell and keep expecting to be blown out. Fast forward later on down the road, and you realize you've come to expect women will receive you warmly and want to meet you, and then it's all gravy. A lot of it is just getting the experiences under your belt and fighting through any mental obstacles you encounter.
-Chase
Strategy in screening them out
It's good that you screen... but the question always is... do we screen without letting them know directly what we are doing and hide our actual intent? Because if you don't do so and they are self-conscious about their flaws, quirks, etc, then they may not open up to you and tell you what you want/need to know. Especially since in the beginning alot of girls are on their best behavior and will lie or at least obfuscate. What strategy/questions do you use in this regard? Direct or indirect? Any thoughts on this? A post on this would be very helpful to me...
Article is on Fire!
This article is fire! Real fucking talk. Emotions are a crazy thing...and since we have the power and capacity to choose the woman we want...might as well KNOW exactly what that something is and demand nothing less than that until we get into a relationship. Might as well set it up so that when we are with this woman, our emotions are positive and certain...not ones of doubt (can i do better, why isn't she prettier, smarter, more challenging, etc). At some point tho we do have to satisfy because no one is perfect and everyone has their flaws...But Mediocre relationships can lead to resentment and even cheating...so why let that happen when you have the power to choose the right woman in the first place?
Girls that are active
I noticed that you said a quality in women you like are those who don't sleep around or catch diseases or risk it that much. What are some things you look for that help you determine if a girl is very sexualy active with many men or not? As you know doing this is not an easy assignment girls sometimes come off differently then they really are.
love
nice tips
iv been classified a creep for many years,
do to unstable and unchecked emotions.
im slowly get my shit together
and remembering how to communicate with girls,
getting back to what i left off...
thanks
ill avoid those girls, but at the same time you gave me hints on how to get them lol,
now its pretty tempting because you know where the wind blows and on know how far you can sail hahah.
Valid points, and a slight request to you
First to mention, the blog in general is great, there's lots of valid points. Not all I would underline and personally use but certainly well analyzed and proven points a lot. I read this article now, as I've found the girl of my dreams lately, smart, funny, a challenge and a real huge personality. I got no problem in making a girl feel interested in me this is what I excel in.. currently she still has a guy.. but I'm counting this to be only matter of time.
A tip, it is a maybe a bit unethical but I've always thought that if she does let herself to be seduced, she's "free" and there's probably something wrong on her current relationship.. Girls tend to hang in "decent relationships" as they seem to like the security of having someone. This doesn't apply if this girl is with my friend, there's a line there.
Other tip I could give in getting this girl you want is to really on beginning stick to these advices what Chase and Ric give. Even that it's "not you", and you have to push yourself to be a little different. Don't be too easy-going, or easy, don't be weak cuddly guy even if that's you! You can be that LATER.
I always say "It's much better to be the dick who turns out to be a great guy than a great guy who turns out to be a dick". And if you begin as a great man there's always greater chances of ending up as a dick in her eyes :). She's going to love the variety you offer.
The "question" goes into format with my story, that maybe you could write an article about "What if she's already has a man"? Because I've ran into few puzzling scenarios here on myself like.
- I know she has a man but she's not mentioning it and I not asking and things progress.
- She told she has a man after we were kissing on our second date, talking about it made herself feel very bad few days later got her to take huge steps back "lets be friends etc" and feelings of embarrasment on her end which lasted about 3 weeks.
- After those 3 weeks we had sex.. though which in all honesty didn't work out all great but still sex. Now this caused an even larger feelings of guilt on herself and steps backwards.
- Currently after little over a month we're again moving back to where we were I can sense it. After all as she's very interested in me and she can't help it.
But a few times I've been a bit lost "aren't I a large enough catalyst to cause her to dump her current man already?", but realized that most likely due to me causing situations which cause large amounts of guilt in her haven't been all that good for the progress in total but has given her and her current man more time as she feels she OWES something to him due to not doing the right things herself.
And what maybe you can emphasize on what mistakes NOT to make, I can tell I haven't done the mistake of putting too much effort on her, as she's already taken it's imperative she doesn't feel I'll be there no matter what she does, I'm around and reachable. But as awesome as I can be only if she's willing to put the effort into me as well.
I know this area is a bit gray, but last of my 2 good girlfriends both were taken before they met me. I don't encourage anyone to try and break peoples lives. I'm just saying that if a girl doesn't point it out to you that she's taken and happy. She is not.
Anyway I feel there would be lots of good points You could maybe shed to us on this area!
Cheers and thanks for all the articles!
-Kiefer
If you know what you want, you have no freedom. Only what must.
Quiet disappointment? Made me think of Mr. Henry David Thoreau -
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”
Don't let that happen to you! Great post!
Girls that are active
Jh, to answer your question, there're so many signs of a girl who sleeps around. Some of these aren't clear cut but they can throw a hint. Like dressing code, number of close intimate male friends, social media activity, her girl friends and generally the way she spends her free time. It's hard for a woman who sleeps around to hide some habits which may clearly indicate her slut background. Since people rarely fundamentally change in behavior. I guess your question deserves an article of it's own. Otherwise thx Amante for this article. It's so spot on. a girl worth buying isn't worth keeping. If you just bought her, don't waste your time with her.
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