Female Mind | Girls Chase

Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

Anti-Slut Defense: Why Women Want Sex but Act Like They Don’t

anti-slut defense
For a woman, being promiscuous can be socially devastating, so she employs “anti-slut defense” to maintain a perception of purity, even if she wants to have sex with you.

Hi, guys. Today we will discuss theories of anti-slut defense – a key subject in pickup and seduction.

We’ve discussed anti-slut defense on multiple occasions – covering both what it is, what it looks like, and more importantly, how to deal with it. In this post, we will get theoretical. I will get more detailed into what it is, and especially – where it comes from.

Before we get into that, let’s explain what it is to our new readers. Hopefully it may serve as a recap to those who are more experienced.

How to Never Have a Sexless Relationship (the Sex Trump Card)

sexless relationshipOver the years I've seen friends go through relationships where after a while their woman stops having sex with them. When it happens, the guy is shaken; his self-esteem slides hard. When a man needs something, and is denied it by the woman he thought was there to be his partner for that thing and many others, his view of himself can crater.

I've never had to deal with a sexless relationship for long. A few times in the rockiest parts of soured relationships, I've had female partners do their darnedest to avoid sex with me. I reached a point with one ex like this where it would take me an hour or more of me doing everything I could to break through with her every time before I'd finally get some bone-dry vagina. I've had partners sour enough with me they'd completely dried up for me for sex (like that one), or sometimes firmly denied me for stretches of time.

But in the end, they always ended up pursuing me for sex and initiating on their own again.

I've had some longer relationships... some past the point where other friends' relationships have seen the sex dry completely up. I've had girlfriends whose libidos have waxed and waned. But me getting enough sex with them, except for short tumultuous stretches before I fix whatever the issue is, has never long been a problem.

This is a thing most people dread, the sexless relationship / sexless marriage. It's something when people fall into it, they become lost, confused, lonely, and hurt.

They don't know how to remedy it... and can't find a way out.

Yet, the most reliable cure for sexlessness is a simple one.

It's a position you can adopt that will motivate any partner who wants to keep you to be a whole heck of a lot more flexible with her sex life with you.

That position is this:

I completely understand if you don't want sex. But I NEED sex, and I'm going to HAVE it. If you can't provide it to me, I'll be sad, but again, I understand.

You will find out very quickly at this point whether she wants you enough to change the sex life... or whether things are so far gone it's time for you to hit the eject button.

Franco Lombardi – Gauging a Woman’s Comfort Level on Dates (Podcast)

Welcome back to Dating Mechanics, our podcast here on Girls Chase! Today once again I feature Franco, with whom I’ve done several podcasts – and they’ve turned out to be some of the most popular due to Franco’s special knowledge of dating and relationships. We met up in San Diego over New Years and talked about a girl’s comfort on dates, which is a sticking point I had late last year, where it was difficult to tell how comfortable a girl was on a date, which made it tough to move things forward.

Franco always tells me about his excellent track record on dates, as he was closing 9 out of 10 girls he would take on dates with him. What helps is his ability to gauge a girl’s comfort and where she is emotionally on a date.

Knowing a girl’s comfort level and emotions are key in the moment, as this allows you to determine what you need to do to move a date forward toward intimacy – and very importantly, when.

Girls also often give mixed signals to test a guy, and a good guy should know how to handle these tests as he moves the process along with a girl.

In this podcast, we talk about how to determine a girl’s comfort level early on a date, the adjustments in vibe we need to make to make her more comfortable, the adjustments we should make if an emotion is too strong, how to determine when a girl is comfortable enough for touch and what type, when to start and escalate touch, how to use sexual touch when she’s comfortable, and how to close at the end of the date – whether it’s just going for the kiss or pulling her home.

Here’s Franco…

How a Woman’s Age Affects Her Dating Strategy

women's priorities age and dating
Women’s priorities change as they get older, in life and dating. This guide will help you understand these shifts and how to tailor your seduction strategy with them.

With so many women to choose from in the world, it helps to understand what kind of girl a guy should go for – especially when it comes to her age. A girl’s age has big implications on the dating experience: who she’s looking for, where she is in life, and what you can expect from her in regards to dating and sex.

Men and women mature quite differently when it comes to their character and human role. Men “age” and grow more attractive as they grow older, provided that they take very good care of themselves.

Guys should always aim to have their life handled as they grow older; the social perception of older men stems from guys who “resign” by not keeping fit, having healthy goals, and continuing to be dominant and masculine.

But the guy who takes good care of himself, has his finances handled, maintains a good focus and career, is dominant, and gains experience with women through his life can indeed become very deadly as he ages.

On the other hand, women tend to have a different cycle: maturing faster and earlier than men, but also moving through several phases of life quickly depending on their biological and reproductive “needs.”

The mating and reproductive instincts are big, as is a woman’s desire for having lovers, providers, and friends in her life. As such, her needs change throughout life depending on her hormonal and reproductive drive as well as lifetime goals – anything from sowing her wild oats, to getting married, to having children.

Now, keep in mind that these descriptions are general (accurate for most, with exceptions) but also based on my observations and those of others around me. We can see trends in how age influences where a woman is biologically and mentally; therefore, as men, we can build our game around the kinds of women we want in our lives.

Girls Who Want to Sleep with You Usually Know It Right Away

girls know right away
When you walk up, and she looks up at you, she knows if she could go to bed with you later. What comes after is simply leading her there, and making her feel allowed to go.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to sex.

One school of thought is what you might call the 'normal guy school'. In this school, a woman will not go to bed with you until you have 'gotten her ready'. The ways a normal guy tries to make a woman want him / tries to 'get her ready' include:

  • Spending time with her
  • Connecting enough with her
  • Making her laugh
  • Showing her whom he is
  • Displaying valuable things about himself
  • Communicating to her she 'qualifies' for him

Once she has seen enough of the guy's good qualities, goes this school of thought, she will then open up to the idea of sex.

The other school of thought though is what we might call the 'lover school'. In this school, if a woman is going to go to bed with you, she knows it the moment you approach. You still will end up doing things like:

  • Spending time with her
  • Connecting enough with her
  • Making her laugh
  • Showing her whom you are
  • Displaying valuable things about yourself
  • Communicating to her she 'qualifies' for you

However, these actions serve the purpose of moving things along and getting her comfortable enough to let her guard down with you. They are not to 'make her want you'... not really.

Because she already wanted you. You're just trying to help her feel like it's okay to give into what she wants.

Although the actions are superficially the same, the intentions behind these actions are dramatically different between these two men. These intentions drive differences in how the man carries out these actions, how much of them he feels he needs, and how fast with women he thinks he can move.

The more you think like the men in the second school of thought (the lover school), the more natural, easy, and fluid you will find getting together with new women becomes.

How Self-Esteem Issues Make Women Back Out of Sex

self-esteem and sex
Women get self-conscious about their bodies and pussies, which is why you need to make her feel comfortable, or her insecurities can force her out of the situation.

We are in Part 3 of our exploration of sex and female self-esteem.

In Part 1, I described two examples of the seduction falling apart in the last moments of courtship – right as sex was about to happen and the girl was excited and expecting it.

In Part 2, we discussed different ways that self-esteem issues can pop up before a guy invites a girl home.

Now in Part 3, we’ll look closely at what happens in the bedroom – the most vulnerable moment for a woman’s self-esteem.

A guy should be aware of a girl’s self-esteem throughout any scenario with her – especially in the bedroom. In a dating situation, the self-esteem issue is more convoluted because it’s easy to misunderstand the difference between your game versus the girl’s self-esteem, and it's hard to know when and how to make moves.

Sometimes your best intentions to influence a girl’s self-esteem positively can backfire and send the opposite message, making her self-esteem drop in response.

How Abstraction Can Help You Connect Better with Women

abstraction and women
Women can seem hopelessly complicated, but if you check off some basic ideas, you’ll display enough understanding to allow them to bring their walls down for you.

When you learn how to drive a car, you don’t need to know how to put the engine together or memorize the available horsepower at particular RPMs. You don't need to know how the cylinders are operating, or understand the function of the pistons – you just drive.

This is abstraction, the general concept that applies to things of the same nature, or in this example, of how similar machines with four wheels generally operate.

You use abstraction every day in the real world, without even realizing it. This same concept pertains to women and pickup. I’m not saying women are as simple as cars, that’s far from the point, but what I am trying to help you understand is this: there are general rules that are basic to interacting with women that apply to all women. From dating to screwing, there are core rules that can give you better results and get you further in your mission of acquiring pussy or just having women around.

We will use the concept of abstraction to take a relatively complex system like women and try to simplify our efforts to interact sexually with these beautiful creatures.

So how exactly can we apply abstraction to women?

Why You Can Get Hotter Women with Same-Day Lays

same-day lays
Your best chance to have sex with a girl is on the day you first meet. Going for same-day lays will net you a better meet-to-lay ratio and even get you hotter girls.

Hey, guys. Today I have a follow-up to my post about the typical ways most guys meet girls (online and social circle). My conclusion was that men are usually shooting themselves in the foot by picking such strategies.

I will share an opinion that is likely not discussed much on the web and list several reasons why same-day lays can (1) get you laid more consistently, and (2) score you hotter chicks.

The reason we don’t see this discussed much could be that same-day lays may be looked down on by moralist forces. Women do not want to talk positively about it, as they take pride in “never having slept with a guy on a first date” (which is usually bull crap). Men, in the last ten years, have become more moralist than ever.

From my time on pickup forums, I have seen a decline in not only same-day lay reports, but also noticed that discussions seem to focus more on dates and second meetups. Why has the interest in pulling the girl right away declined? It is an interesting sociological question worth investigating.

But examining that trend is not my task for today. My task is to give you reasons why I believe same-day lays to be superior (in my opinion) than dates, or second and third meetups. By second meetups, I am referring to having sex with a girl the second time you see her, just to make it clear.

When I look at my own lay statistics, I've had much more success going for same-day lays than grabbing numbers and meeting girls later. I have had success with both, but my results with same-day lays have always been significantly better, even as a beginner and an intermediate. I started young, and banging girls at parties was my only option. So I had to focus on same-day lays because going on dates was not possible because I had nowhere to bring the girl (except when my parents were away).

But even later, when I got my own logistics, or at least the girls I met had their own place, I still had more success going for the pull the same day or night of meeting them. Here are my (rough) stats:

  • I lost my virginity with a same-day lay

  • In my first four years of sexual activity, approximately 75% of my lays were same-day lays

  • In my last three years, I only had sex with four girls for the first time on a second date. Yes, I have only been on four dates the previous three years. Think about that for a bit!

  • The hottest girls I have been with have been same-day lays

I will list why I believe same-day lays are superior; however, note that there is a certain bias about my results. I intentionally opt for same-day lays because I love them. I will also share the reasons why same-day lays are awesome. Hopefully, I will clear up some misconceptions. But first, let's get practical.

How Moving Too Slow Can Make a Girl Auto-Reject

moving too slow auto-rejection
I had such a great date, but now she won’t meet up again! WTF? Sometimes if you move too slowly, it’ll negatively affect her self-esteem and cause her to auto-reject.

Welcome back to our study on women, sex, and self-esteem! In Part 1, I gave two examples of encounters with girls I liked, and who liked me back. We both wanted sex to happen, but both dates fell apart because the girl’s self-esteem dropped because of something I did – or didn't do.

A girl’s feeling of self-esteem with a guy has a huge effect on how the encounter transpires. Self-esteem drops can kill courtships long before they’ve “rightfully” concluded. The metric most influenced by self-esteem is your attainability with a girl.

To start off, let’s recap this excellent story from Tomas in one of my articles. It’s a great example of self-esteem on the date.

“I met a woman. She was not very attractive but still decent looking and nice. I had only one hour of time for her. We were walking in the park, sitting, talking, etc. She felt embarrassed to look into my eyes but the talk was good.

Actually, I wasn’t turned on, but I still liked her. I took her hand and kissed her. She reciprocated passionately and almost threw herself into my arms. We talked and kissed more. Then, the hour was over. She extended an offer to visit her at her place next time and explained to me where she lived.

She texted me first, some two hours after the date, very kindly.

The next morning, she apologized in a text that she hadn’t felt the right spark with me and preferred not to meet again.

Varoon – I am an advanced seducer, and stories like this do happen. What’s the common reason for this incongruent behavior? Was there really no spark for her? Or there was, but perhaps she felt she made herself too easy for me? Or was she afraid I‘d leave her after sex? What do you think?”

Tomas’ story is one of the classic cases that I often see here – a girl who’s very interested in a guy at the meet and when going on a date but then automatically ejects herself.

Can you guess the fault? It’s simple, really – Tomas moved too slow, which caused the girl to eject because she didn’t feel she was good enough for him. As in my story of Violet from Part 1, the moment I stopped matching her attraction for me and speed for courtship, it fell apart because it left her feeling that I was unattainable and didn’t want her enough.

Every single girl wants to experience good feelings and avoid bad feelings. Unless she’s a girl who enjoys pain (which is usually a result of her history with emotional or mental abuse), no girl wants to feel bad or raw about dating a guy. That can take many different forms, as we’ll see. It’s possible to hurt her self-esteem by being unattractive, needy, and insecure, as much as it is to be too good for her and to move too slowly toward a passionate embrace.

Inclusiveness vs. Exclusiveness

inclusiveness vs. exclusiveness
To succeed socially, you must make people feel included. But there's a catch: people most want to be included by those they see as EXCLUSIVE.

One of the best feelings in the world is to feel like you are included in an exclusive group.

Humans by nature want to join groups. More specifically, they want to join valuable groups, that they benefit by being members of. One of the primary ways humans determine the value of a group is by how exclusive it is.

Just think of that old Groucho Marx quote:

"I refuse to join any club that would have me."

It's funny, because the humor is self-deprecating ("any club that finds me acceptable as a member can't be a club worth joining"). But it also highlights a subtle truth: the value of the club hinges on how exclusive it is.

Nobody feels good about his inclusion in a broadly inclusive group. People want to be included into exclusive things.

This simple truth has a great deal of weight for your social and romantic interactions, too... because excellence with other people often comes down to how included you make them feel, in your own personal exclusive club.