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Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

11 Mistakes that Ruin First Dates (and How NOT to Make Them)

first date mistakesI’ve been on innumerable first dates over the years. And I’ve coached all sorts of students through limitless more dates. And if there’s one thing you find out, it’s that the first date is absolutely, inescapably crucial to how things play out the rest of the courtship.

The first date is a make-or-break event. Hit a homer on the date, and the rest is pretty magical.

A great first date makes your date partner comply more with you (she does what you ask of her). It causes her to cut you more slack (i.e., she’ll let you get away with more). And it piques her interest in you (now she wants where things go with her and you!).

But there’s plenty of opportunity to botch the first date, too. And a lot of folks do, a lot of the time. There’s all this uncertainty: you don’t know your date well yet (certainly not as well as you’ll know her later on... if all goes well). You don’t know what she likes, what she’ll respond to... what ‘does it’ for her. You might think you do – but you don’t. Not yet.

Even if you’ve known her a while, well... people have their ‘social selves’, which is what they present to their friends and acquaintances. Getting her on a date is about getting past this social self (and finding out whom she really is).

On top of it all, you may not be all that sure what to do with your date, what to discuss, or where to take her. So in addition to all the question marks of your date herself, there is also the question mark of the date.

And the more question marks there are, the rougher things get.

In this article we’ll look at 11 of the most fatal mistakes you can make on first dates.

But don’t worry – we’ll also talk about how to avoid those mistakes, to make your first dates go as smooth as butter (and make your date melt like butter while she’s out with you, too).

Are Gorgeous Women More Difficult than Cute or Pretty Ones?

gorgeous women
Some guys will tell you to get a beautiful girl, treat her the same as any girl. Good advice, but it’s worth keeping in mind: she isn’t, actually, the same as any girl.

Uh, yeah. Duh.

But every so often, I’ll hear some guy say something like “You should just treat that girl like she’s a 7.”

To an extent, I agree, but that doesn’t mean that if you walk up to any stunner on the street and treat her like you would any other girl, you’re automatically going to sleep with her.

Your initial cockiness might intrigue her and get you to the hook point, but very quickly she’s going to find out if you’re really as good as you pretend to be. And if you’re not her superior, she will quickly expose you.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Handle "I Have to Find My Friends"

I have to find my friends
You’ve met a girl, hit it off, and invited her to leave with you. But then she tells you “I have to find my friends!” Don’t fret – there are several ways to handle this.

One of the most bone-chilling things a girl you’ve made a lot of headway with in a bar, at a party, on a beach, or in a shopping mall can tell you when you ask her to go somewhere with you is “I have to find my friends!”

It signals a likely end to this beautiful courtship you’ve enjoyed with her. Either she is going to go and not come back... or you are going to go with her and follow her around like a puppy dog for a bit, until her friends decide it is time to go and she leaves (without you).

It totally sucks. You thought you were doing great with her. But now she “has to find her friends.”

How do you handle this obstacle with finesse, and not lose the girl?

How Much Do You Actually Need to Know About Girls to Get Them?

know about girls
Must you be an expert on women to excel with them? Of course not… yet there are different kinds of expertise, and they have different effects on your odds with women.

I have a lot of fun building mental models of how other folks think, feel, and act that are as accurate as I can get them. As you may notice from comments by female readers on some of my articles, I’m generally pretty on-the-mark.

Yet something I found myself thinking about recently was “How well do you actually need to understand women to date them and bed them?”

It’s an interesting question. And not as easy to answer as you might think... because there are different kinds of “understanding women”, and different kinds of “doing well with women.”

How to Respond When She Only Sends You an Emoji (Video)

Have you ever had a girl respond to one of your texts with only an emoji? As with texting, and anything related to women, the context is important. But if she ONLY sends you an emoji, here's a good analysis of how to form a response.

If you do it correctly, you can sometimes get her to follow up and put more effort into the conversation.

Why Don't Girls Want Intelligent Guys? Part 2: Why Dumb Guys Get Laid

dumb guys get laid
Dumb guys didn’t spend their youth reading books or winning debates. Instead, they occupied themselves with reading people and winning babes.

Welcome to part 2 of this series. If you didn’t catch what I was getting at in the last article, I’ll put it simply.

Intelligent men have issues getting pussy. More specifically, by "intelligent men," I mean nerdy. They use big words, spend lots of time reading, aren’t good with people, and value their intelligence above everything else. That sort of guy.

How I used to be.

These men inevitably discover that it’s the moderately intelligent or even straight-up stupid men who get the most poonani.

Why?

Girls Who are New in Town are Easier

new girl in town
The girl who’s new to town is easier to chat up, get dates with, sleep with, and make your girlfriend. But why? It’s down to social rank and newcomer identity.

Wherever you look, the ‘new girl in town’ phenomenon is in evidence. Specifically, the ‘new girl in town is easy’ phenomenon:

  • Female university students are easier to bed in their first two semesters in school than at any other time in their college careers

  • The new intern at work is far and away easier to bed than the girl you’ve worked with for the past two years

  • Girls who’ve just joined an online dating platform are significantly easier to score meet ups with than women who’ve been on there three plus months

  • Girls you meet at bars or the gym or salsa class who’ve just moved to town are easier to sleep with and date than girls who’ve been there a year or longer

  • Women who are fresh off the boat (FOB) from a foreign country are way easier to bed than foreign-born women who’ve been in your country three or four years

The first few times you hook up with a girl who’s new – in school, at work, in town, in your country, or in any scene – you might assume it’s a fluke. But when it starts to happen again and again, you can begin to wonder something else: could it be that women who are new to the scene are easier in general?

As it turns out, they are.

We’re going to talk a bit about why. And then we’ll talk about where to find women who are freshly arrived (for all your dating and mating purposes).

Why Don't Girls Want Intelligent Guys? Part 1: The Problem with Intellectuals

girls don't want intelligent guys
Girls seem to go for dumb guys a lot more than they do smart, intelligent guys. Why don’t girls want to date intelligent guys, though?

The seduction community is rife with smart guys, guys who know a lot about history, science, philosophy, and other disciplines that have a high intelligence requirement for competence and mastery.

Why are there so many intelligent men in the community?

Simple.

Most of them were alone in their teenage years and into their 20s (or 30s). In their search for a solution to their romantic problems, they put their massive minds to the task.

Some of those men became successful. They continued to theorize and eventually write or record their thoughts. They’re the ones who created the seduction community.

Since they're smart, their rhetoric and syntax is affluent, detailed, and nuanced. Thus, the men who most ably learn from these teachers are also intelligent.

Intelligent men go searching, find these resources created by other intelligent men. Then, speaking the same language, they mesh well together, creating a feedback loop of intelligent men teaching other intelligent men.

This is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a great thing. There are certain principles in this field that take time and focus to logically mine and cut, and raw IQ helps quicken that process.

But oftentimes, while intelligence helps with understanding and teaching, and while it looks flashy and impressive on paper or on video, it can get in the way of what this entire community is focused on.

If a Girl Has Sex with You Fast, Is She a Slut?

fast sex slut
If she has sex with you fast, does that mean she’s easy? Well… it might. Yet you need a bigger sample size than one (i.e., just you and her) to really know.

One of the more prevalent notions about women and time-to-bed (I’m just going to call it ‘TTB’ in this article) is that the faster a girl gets in bed with you, the sluttier she is.

This is not just an Internet meme. It existed long before the Internet did. It probably goes back as far as humans have been a mostly-monogamous species and have possessed language (that is to say, this meme’s at least a million years old).

Like much wisdom that’s been with us for a long time, it’s rooted in truth. On average, easier women have shorter TTBs (times-to-bed). The harder a girl is to get, the longer her TTB is, on average.

BUT, there is a but. There’s a big but. A Kim Kardashian-with-gluteal-implants sized but.

To be more accurate, there are several big buts.

And if you don’t know what they are, there’s a not-insignificant chance you will ditch a low partner count girl who’s never moved as fast with a guy as she did with you and never will again... or wife up a high partner count girl (with similarly high predilections to stray) after mistaking her for a cagey, hard-to-get one because she knew how to play the game (or just wasn’t that into you).

How to Build a Harem, Pt 1: Queen Theory

queen theory
In Part 1 of the harem series, we talk about Queen Theory: how women position themselves as long-term partners and jockey for roles and status.

Having created a constantly evolving harem for the past three years running multi-dating relationships, as well as having dated some of these women for 3+ YEARS in this arrangement, it’s time to share with you a series of articles that covers my experience and lessons learned.

So if you’ve been considering such relationships, or you’ve been experimenting with them but have run into issues, this series is for you. We’ll cover all the facets of dating several women at a time (i.e., any relationship non-monogamous in nature), and we’ll go over what it takes to do so successfully and with minimal drama.

To begin, we will cover the first of three biggest concerns in a woman’s dating life. Those concerns are:

  1. Catching and keeping the top man

  2. Her self-interest

  3. Her reputation

Women use the social and sexual marketplaces to advance their own agenda. Thus all these factors are important.

The way to handle the first concern is to understand all the implications of Queen Theory, which is the focus of this article.

A few months ago, I wound up in a threesome with one of my multiple long-term relationship (mLTR) girlfriends and her girl friend. My girlfriend had an event one Sunday, to which she invited me and two of her girl friends. I met her there and proceeded to grab drinks. Over the course of the event, one of her girl friends took a liking to me, and I took a liking to her.

I cleared my intention with my girlfriend before giving both girls a ride home. But instead of them going home, we ended up at my place. Long story short, one thing led to another and we started to get into a threesome.

Everything was going perfectly. I was watching and playing with two sexy women while they played with each other. Eventually, after having our fun, we all fell asleep together – me in between these two sexy girls.

In the morning around 5:00am, I started to feel horny, and my girlfriend motioned me to play with her while the friend slept. I tried my best but just couldn’t get hard. In that moment, I actually desired the other girl, not my girlfriend. Needless to say, I stopped trying after failing for a little while, then went back to sleep.

An hour or so later, I started escalating on the friend, and my girlfriend went to the bathroom. I then started shagging the friend, but when my girlfriend got back, she was very annoyed. She said “ahem,” indicating for me to stop. Once the friend left a little later, my girlfriend and I didn’t have sex; instead, we spent the next hour going over what happened and my feelings for her and the friend. I was forced to handle some drama and her concerns that I didn’t value my girlfriend sexually like I did the new girl.

While I submitted to her frame (honestly, I probably shouldn’t have; I gave her too much power there), I learned how important it is to understand Queen Theory.

Queen Theory in a nutshell:

  • Every woman who is dating a man in an emotional capacity wants to feel like she’s the #1 woman in his life. Always.

  • No woman wants to share her man emotionally. Always.