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Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

How Abstraction Can Help You Connect Better with Women

abstraction and women
Women can seem hopelessly complicated, but if you check off some basic ideas, you’ll display enough understanding to allow them to bring their walls down for you.

When you learn how to drive a car, you don’t need to know how to put the engine together or memorize the available horsepower at particular RPMs. You don't need to know how the cylinders are operating, or understand the function of the pistons – you just drive.

This is abstraction, the general concept that applies to things of the same nature, or in this example, of how similar machines with four wheels generally operate.

You use abstraction every day in the real world, without even realizing it. This same concept pertains to women and pickup. I’m not saying women are as simple as cars, that’s far from the point, but what I am trying to help you understand is this: there are general rules that are basic to interacting with women that apply to all women. From dating to screwing, there are core rules that can give you better results and get you further in your mission of acquiring pussy or just having women around.

We will use the concept of abstraction to take a relatively complex system like women and try to simplify our efforts to interact sexually with these beautiful creatures.

So how exactly can we apply abstraction to women?

Why You Can Get Hotter Women with Same-Day Lays

same-day lays
Your best chance to have sex with a girl is on the day you first meet. Going for same-day lays will net you a better meet-to-lay ratio and even get you hotter girls.

Hey, guys. Today I have a follow-up to my post about the typical ways most guys meet girls (online and social circle). My conclusion was that men are usually shooting themselves in the foot by picking such strategies.

I will share an opinion that is likely not discussed much on the web and list several reasons why same-day lays can (1) get you laid more consistently, and (2) score you hotter chicks.

The reason we don’t see this discussed much could be that same-day lays may be looked down on by moralist forces. Women do not want to talk positively about it, as they take pride in “never having slept with a guy on a first date” (which is usually bull crap). Men, in the last ten years, have become more moralist than ever.

From my time on pickup forums, I have seen a decline in not only same-day lay reports, but also noticed that discussions seem to focus more on dates and second meetups. Why has the interest in pulling the girl right away declined? It is an interesting sociological question worth investigating.

But examining that trend is not my task for today. My task is to give you reasons why I believe same-day lays to be superior (in my opinion) than dates, or second and third meetups. By second meetups, I am referring to having sex with a girl the second time you see her, just to make it clear.

When I look at my own lay statistics, I've had much more success going for same-day lays than grabbing numbers and meeting girls later. I have had success with both, but my results with same-day lays have always been significantly better, even as a beginner and an intermediate. I started young, and banging girls at parties was my only option. So I had to focus on same-day lays because going on dates was not possible because I had nowhere to bring the girl (except when my parents were away).

But even later, when I got my own logistics, or at least the girls I met had their own place, I still had more success going for the pull the same day or night of meeting them. Here are my (rough) stats:

  • I lost my virginity with a same-day lay

  • In my first four years of sexual activity, approximately 75% of my lays were same-day lays

  • In my last three years, I only had sex with four girls for the first time on a second date. Yes, I have only been on four dates the previous three years. Think about that for a bit!

  • The hottest girls I have been with have been same-day lays

I will list why I believe same-day lays are superior; however, note that there is a certain bias about my results. I intentionally opt for same-day lays because I love them. I will also share the reasons why same-day lays are awesome. Hopefully, I will clear up some misconceptions. But first, let's get practical.

How Moving Too Slow Can Make a Girl Auto-Reject

moving too slow auto-rejection
I had such a great date, but now she won’t meet up again! WTF? Sometimes if you move too slowly, it’ll negatively affect her self-esteem and cause her to auto-reject.

Welcome back to our study on women, sex, and self-esteem! In Part 1, I gave two examples of encounters with girls I liked, and who liked me back. We both wanted sex to happen, but both dates fell apart because the girl’s self-esteem dropped because of something I did – or didn't do.

A girl’s feeling of self-esteem with a guy has a huge effect on how the encounter transpires. Self-esteem drops can kill courtships long before they’ve “rightfully” concluded. The metric most influenced by self-esteem is your attainability with a girl.

To start off, let’s recap this excellent story from Tomas in one of my articles. It’s a great example of self-esteem on the date.

“I met a woman. She was not very attractive but still decent looking and nice. I had only one hour of time for her. We were walking in the park, sitting, talking, etc. She felt embarrassed to look into my eyes but the talk was good.

Actually, I wasn’t turned on, but I still liked her. I took her hand and kissed her. She reciprocated passionately and almost threw herself into my arms. We talked and kissed more. Then, the hour was over. She extended an offer to visit her at her place next time and explained to me where she lived.

She texted me first, some two hours after the date, very kindly.

The next morning, she apologized in a text that she hadn’t felt the right spark with me and preferred not to meet again.

Varoon – I am an advanced seducer, and stories like this do happen. What’s the common reason for this incongruent behavior? Was there really no spark for her? Or there was, but perhaps she felt she made herself too easy for me? Or was she afraid I‘d leave her after sex? What do you think?”

Tomas’ story is one of the classic cases that I often see here – a girl who’s very interested in a guy at the meet and when going on a date but then automatically ejects herself.

Can you guess the fault? It’s simple, really – Tomas moved too slow, which caused the girl to eject because she didn’t feel she was good enough for him. As in my story of Violet from Part 1, the moment I stopped matching her attraction for me and speed for courtship, it fell apart because it left her feeling that I was unattainable and didn’t want her enough.

Every single girl wants to experience good feelings and avoid bad feelings. Unless she’s a girl who enjoys pain (which is usually a result of her history with emotional or mental abuse), no girl wants to feel bad or raw about dating a guy. That can take many different forms, as we’ll see. It’s possible to hurt her self-esteem by being unattractive, needy, and insecure, as much as it is to be too good for her and to move too slowly toward a passionate embrace.

Inclusiveness vs. Exclusiveness

inclusiveness vs. exclusiveness
To succeed socially, you must make people feel included. But there's a catch: people most want to be included by those they see as EXCLUSIVE.

One of the best feelings in the world is to feel like you are included in an exclusive group.

Humans by nature want to join groups. More specifically, they want to join valuable groups, that they benefit by being members of. One of the primary ways humans determine the value of a group is by how exclusive it is.

Just think of that old Groucho Marx quote:

"I refuse to join any club that would have me."

It's funny, because the humor is self-deprecating ("any club that finds me acceptable as a member can't be a club worth joining"). But it also highlights a subtle truth: the value of the club hinges on how exclusive it is.

Nobody feels good about his inclusion in a broadly inclusive group. People want to be included into exclusive things.

This simple truth has a great deal of weight for your social and romantic interactions, too... because excellence with other people often comes down to how included you make them feel, in your own personal exclusive club.

Curb Your Approach Anxiety by Flipping the Script

approach anxiety flip the script
When approaching a woman, much of our anxiety comes from not understanding her perspective. This mindset tweak will help unburden your ego and smooth things out for you.

The assumption with approaching a woman is that you want her to become your lover, and because of that assumption, you probably start off approaching girls you think are going to be easier to handle if rejected, or girls you feel are less likely to reject you.

Approaching women is a unique difficulty that usually only men have to face. It is a startling requirement that tips off women so dramatically of your interest in them that it can cause you to feel helpless and very vulnerable.

So how can you start approaching a woman with confidence like the kind of man she would like to be approached by and want to attract? How can you stop overcompensating because of your fear of rejection?

Here are some ideas.

How a Woman’s Self-Esteem Issues Can Make Her Bail Out of a Courtship

woman's self esteem in dating
You could have a woman seduced and ready to have sex. You two could even be naked in bed. But certain self-esteem issues can still make her bail if you’re not careful.

A woman’s self-esteem is one of her greatest assets – and it’s perhaps THE most important emotional state to keep in mind when pursuing a woman. It is self-esteem that is the root cause behind the notion of auto-rejection, the notion of reputation management, and even the role of backward-rationalization in the dating process.

“Do you really find me attractive?”

“What if the sex is bad?”

Quite simply, self-esteem plays in to how much a girl likes you based on how much validation you provide when you’re with her. And since almost no woman wants to feel bad about herself, the better you can make a woman feel, the more she’ll start to see you as a guy who makes her feel good about herself.

My purpose in this article series is to make you aware of different ways your seductions can go wrong – at any stage – if you’re not careful to manage a woman’s self-esteem. How a woman feels about herself with you determines how she feels about being with you and having sex with you.

And just to note before we get started, this is different from teasing and playful banter, which can be good to spark attraction and create sexual tension. What we’re talking about in this article series is how some things you do or say can make her bail on a date (or even from your bed) because she doesn’t want to risk damage to her self-esteem.

When Your Girlfriend Asks for an Open Relationship (and You Don't Want That)

girlfriend wants open relationship
hat do you do if a lover, girlfriend, or wife asks you for an open relationship… and you don't want one? How do you say no yet not look weak or cause reactance?

We've had a good deal of articles on Girls Chase that discuss entry into an open relationship. Either getting into one with an existing girlfriend, or how to find one open to it.

Today's article is on the other side of things. What do you do when your girl asks you to 'open up' the relationship... so she can have sex with other guys?

This can be tricky to deal with. Because when she hits you with it, you may not know:

  • Does she mean it? Or is it a test?
  • How do I say 'no' without looking jealous or weak?
  • If I say 'no', will she do it anyway behind my back?

Much rides on your response. Get it wrong, and you may hurt her respect for you, or encourage her to sneak around behind you.

As you'll see in this article though, you can absolutely turn these requests down, and come out looking stronger for it. How it goes is all in how you frame things.

If you're instead looking for advice on how to get into an open relationship, check out this series on building non-monogamous relationships, or this article on what to look for in prospective polyamorous partners.

However, if what you'd like is to knock down any talk of your girl taking penis from other men, then read on, and let's handle that issue.

How Reality Pace Openers Help You Connect to and Intrigue Women

reality pace openers
Showing a girl that you get her and are not just another douche makes her see you as a refreshing and attractive guy. Reality pace openers get this done within seconds.

In today’s article, we’re going to discuss another powerful, versatile frame control technique. This technique will allow you to set good frames in your seductions – right from the start.

Even though techniques like this are more suited for intermediate and advanced seducers, this type of frame control is simple and easy enough to pull off so seducers at any level can use this technique and reap the benefits.

You’ll want to use this at the beginning of your interactions with women; it’s one of my favorite ways to approach. Not only does this technique enable you to start your interactions with great frames that are tailored specifically to help your seductions proceed smoothly, but it is also a very low key and innocuous way to approach women, just like situationally relevant openers.

Simply put, this is a powerful and risk-averse way to open.

Before we proceed, it’s important to note that while I’ll be sharing specific examples of how you can use this technique to approach women, it’s crucial that you understand the underlying principles first. Feel free to use the example openers word for word – they've been tested in the field with great success.

But make sure also to take in the principles and understand the concepts that make up this technique. Because once you’ve grasped them, you’ll truly see the power of this technique and you’ll be able to create more examples to use in a variety of situations.

The Moment That Propelled Me Relentlessly Forward as a Man

experience changes a man
Throughout life, we have opportunities to gain experiences that free our minds and build our character, leaving us forever changed. This is the moment that freed me.

Some moments in life change everything. In those moments, you draw back a curtain that reveals more than you ever bargained for, and it changes you forever.

This is my story of that moment, after which my journey to seduction mastery went ahead full speed.

I have understood this story in my own way for many years, but I have never before been able to truly do it justice until now.

I was discussing this with someone casually today, and for some reason, I found the right words to describe how I felt inside. I figured, why not share it with you guys?