(3) Journeyman

Women and lying go together like ice cream and sprinkles. But do women chronically lie? Can they not tell the truth – or do they do so strategically?

“I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” – Doesn’t come back.

“I’ll let you know when I’m free.” – Never texts you.

“I will love you forever.” – Dumps you a week later.

“I hate liars.” – Lies.

When a man faces these blatant contradictions hundreds, if not thousands, of times in his life, he will inevitably ask himself a question.

“Are all women liars?”

You would really hate if I gave a response of “Yes and no,” wouldn’t you?

Don’t worry. I won’t. Here’s the bottom line.

Yes, women lie. A lot. The majority of the time. Except only when viewed from a male perspective of truth.

See what I did there? I lied. I said I wouldn’t give you a “yes and no” answer, and I did. But it had value to it. I used it as a literary technique. I think it’s funny (maybe you don’t). But there was a purpose behind it.

Same with women. They lie with a purpose. They also lie by omission. These are their two fundamental modes of truth manipulation.

First, however, let’s go into how women view truth itself.

Everything in a woman’s life wields some degree of control over her. The big question is, do you control your woman – or yield control to others?

College tells her feminism
Is what she must embrace.
Her boss says that it is “career”
What wins in the workplace.
Nightlife tells her status
While friends tell her “fun” too.
So who controls your woman
The environment, or you?

At some point, you will find yourself with a girl you like, and decide you want to hang onto her a while. You may not want to keep her forever. You might want a short relationship. Or perhaps you do want her forever.

The man sets the pace and trajectory of the relationship. The woman agrees with his direction and submits to it, or she will disagrees and rebels. If she rebels, she does so to force change to the pace and trajectory of the relationship, not to destroy the relationship or take control herself.

You won’t have women tell you, “We’re doing it my way now.” Well, not usually. Instead, she acts up, pressures you, whines, pouts, complains, and does everything she can to get you to change. She does not want to lead. She wants to influence the leader. Influencing, rather than directly leading, is how women control.

We talk about control in this article. Not control in the sense of unwilling control. Nothing here we’ll discuss will be anything against anyone’s will. The kind of control we will discuss here is leadership, influence, attraction, seduction, security, comfort, and power. It is about who wields the greater control over the mind of an individual. Will it be you, her partner? Or will it be the many other forces in the environment that wish her to do as they will – and not as you do?

If you’re not willing to date certain girls, does that mean you’re insecure? Well, perhaps… But only if “insecure” doesn’t mean what your accuser means it means.

There’s a common refrain you’ll hear from women. Not just women, but men sometimes too. The refrain goes like this:

“You don’t want to date her because you’re insecure.”

There are some women this is obviously pure self-serving commentary from. Morbidly obese women, for instance. If a morbidly obese woman tells you you’re insecure if you don’t want to date her, well, you know that’s a tub of baloney (and maybe a tub of lard, too).

This article isn’t about those women. Not the obviously undesirable girls who’d claim your rejection of them stems from insecurity.

Instead, this article is about the fuzzy cases: girls with high notch counts, girls who’ve dated far wealthier or handsomer men than you, girls who’ve dated criminals. Heck, girls who’ve dated men of ‘badder’ races than you are (a white guy if you’re Asian, or a black guy if you’re white, for instance), or girls who used to be guys (transsexuals), or girls who tell you they’ve been rape victims or abuse victims.

Are you, in fact, insecure if you don’t want to date one of these people?

You have a girlfriend, and she’s great. But she still is not enough. What do you when the relationship is comfortable but unsatisfactory?

Over the years, I’ve discussed with you the danger of ‘falling into relationships’. That is, you’re not ready for a relationship, you don’t want a relationship... yet you settle into one with her anyway.

It could be this girl you date is less than your ideal. Or it might’ve been you weren’t ready for something settled with anyone yet. You needed to explore more; to get laid more, date more, and build up that inner book of mate comparisons people use before they decide to satisfice with a mate.

If your mate is not quality at all, the matter is straightforward: just break up with her. Go be single again. Get your freedom back. And next time, make a wiser choice.

But what do you do if your mate is okay, the relationship is comfortable, and you aren’t sure how able you’ll be to find replacement mates once single... or even whether you’ll be able to find anyone as good as your current gal is?

Then you, my friend, are in a pickle.

Some parts of ourselves, both mental and physical, are immutable. Exactly how much of ourselves (and what parts) can we actually change?

I was recently asked a very interesting question regarding human behavior and “nature versus nurture.” I myself ponder issues like this quite often, as I'm sure many Girls Chase readers do.

How much of who I am today was determined at birth? To what extent did culture, locale, parenting, etc. influence who I turned out to be? What aspects of my current “self” are the result of free will? Can attempting to change certain things about myself put me at odds with my nature and actually be detrimental to my well-being?

These are interesting questions that I love to explore for both men and for women. Most notably, are we truly ourselves, and can we change ourselves?

The truth of this matter is a rather convoluted mix of YES and NO. We are simultaneously human beings with immense control over our destiny – but also little to no control over our destiny.

Let’s explore!

How do you know a girl is crazy, and best avoided when you meet her at the bar? Look for these 21 signs... and keep your distance!

Talking about my article “8 Red Flags She’s a Crazy Girl You Should Stay Away From”, reader SZ comments:

“I read the how to tell if a chicks crazy article, but it looks like if you kind of know her already, so if it’s a same night lay or a fast lay, no way to tell.

How can you tell a chick will be a problem from the first interaction, so you know she’s crazy right off the bat? How do you tell upfront ?”

Good question. How do you know right away... when you meet her on the street, in a party, or at a bar? How do you know if she’s a potential danger to you? How can you identify the psychos – so you can weed them out?

As fun and liberating as hookup culture may be, there are plenty of folks who are off their rockers – and if you go out enough, you will meet them. Psycho men you need to avoid to stay out of fights. Psycho women you need to avoid for that reason... and for many more reasons. Psycho women may:

• Manipulate you into fighting another man – psycho chicks often like to see men battle each other for their hands

• Stalk you and harass you after sex – if you’ve never had a female stalker, you might think, “Eh, how bad can that be?” If you have had a female stalker though, you know it’s both kinda scary (you don’t have to be a big, burly man to sneak up on someone and plunge a knife in their throat; petite women can do this too), and it cramps your style in a major way (try keeping a high quality girlfriend while some psycho chick hounds you everywhere and contacts any woman she sees interacting with you to tell her made-up things to try and scare her off)

• Slap you with a false rape accusation – between 45% and 55% of men accused of rape are falsely accused by women; it’s an enormous problem in the West, and nobody talks about it (or is allowed to). While the odds are good her story will fall apart under police interrogation, and you will win the case, that won’t stop you from losing $10,000 to $100,000 on attorney and court fees, getting suspended or expelled from school, getting suspended or fired from work, and losing some or most of your friends. You don’t even need to have penetrative sex to get hit with an FRA; men who’ve no more than fingered a girl get hit with these, and sometimes a guy who’s never even touched a girl will get FRA’d

• Just generally be an un-fun time – even if she’s not psycho enough to sick some meathead on you, follow you around and scare off other girls you date, or file a false police report claiming you raped her, psycho chicks are a lot of drama and can lead to some really draining nights out. Random crying fits, accusations followed by apologies, jealousy plotlines where she makes out with other men in front of you then gets angry if you try to leave, pulling you along somewhere you don’t want to go and then ditching you when you get there... these are just a few of the things I’ve seen psycho women do in nightlife
  

Caveat for the people who take things completely literally at all times: I’m using the term ‘psycho’ here in the colloquial sense of the word. I’m not focused on the clinical definition of psychosis. Though you’ll encounter some of that among women who exhibit these signs too. Instead, we are talking about crazy, nutty, outré behavior from broken people.

There is no reason to tolerate psychotic behavior from a woman. Unless you’re wildly desperate. Then I guess you may not be able to help yourself. But I hope if you’re someone who’s read this site for a little while, you are not wildly desperate.

Otherwise, there are so many normal women out there, who are just as hot (usually hotter) than the psycho chicks, and will not ruin or seriously monkey up your life. You want to find these girls (the normal ones), and screen out the crazies.

To help you do so, I’ve prepared a list of 21 signs to keep your eyes peeled for when you hit the bar, the lounge, the nightclub, the party, or the street at night, to make sure you don’t end up with a girl who’ll sour you on dating.

Are you such a success you now find yourself hesitant to approach? If you want to meet more women, you’ll have to shed that ‘Big Deal’ image.

Something happens to a lot of men once they reach a certain point with girls.

They realize they are, without question, pretty good.

When you hit this point, you look back and notice you’ve shagged a lot of girls. You’ve picked up girls in crazy situations and somehow pulled it off. You’ve had beautiful girlfriends who worshipped the earth you stood on. Maybe you cultivated a bit of notoriety on forums or just among your circle of friends as a guy skilled with babes.

And then you start to go out thinking you’re a big deal. “I’m a big deal,” you say. “Women are supposed to like me.”

You start to get self-conscious about approaching. You get a new flavor of approach anxiety. But it’s weird; it’s different from that earlier flavor. Whereas your old approach anxiety was a fear women might destroy your self-esteem by rejecting you, now it’s something else. Now you fear a woman may shatter your identity.

If you approach her, and she rejects you, can you really consider yourself Earth’s Biggest Ladies Man? Probably not, right?

So better not to approach.

In a way, this anxiety is worse than the earlier one. At least with the earlier one, you didn’t have much to lose. You sucked with girls, and you had to fix it, doggone it. With this new one though, you feel a need to preserve all those memories of success you have. This identity of being great. And when you don’t approach, you can just flood yourself with memories: “I’m not going to talk to that girl. It’s not worth the risk. Hey, remember that time I banged a girl who looked just like her? And how awesome that was? That was great...”

Plenty of guys get stuck here. Most never fully make it back.

Because once you’re a ‘Big Deal’ in your own head – a legend in your own mind – it gets harder and harder to do anything that might disabuse you of that notion.