If she eludes your dates, it can feel tempting to ping her regularly to make sure she doesn’t forget you. Yet there are better follow-up strategies than this.
A reader writes in:
First off, I really value your dating advice; it’s rooted in logic and psychology and that’s how I operate. It resonates in a big way with me.
So my scenario/question...
There is this one girl.
I’ve known her for about 2 years, but we never hooked up because one of us has always been in a relationship. I own an organic juice bar and she actually came into the store the other day. Attraction was definitely strong and she extended her number to me.
We went on a date a few days later; local, food, drinks and just established rapport and comfort. Of course my end game was to get intimate with her, but it didn’t happen. I was sort of bummed. No good night kiss? I can’t remember the last time that happened. After the date we texted and I asked if I could call her and I did. We basically stayed on the phone for almost 2 hours, sort of continuing the date convo.
I asked her on the phone, “Why no kiss?”. She mentioned that she is shy, that she is attracted to me, the fact that I was on antibiotics for strep throat (day 6) bothered her a bit. We also talked about how she is a bit messed up from an ex and that recently, she was actually falling for someone hard and chased him but it didn’t work out because he doesn’t want a girlfriend.
I’ve been trying to set up date 2 but it hasn’t happened yet. I’m just keeping the texts short, direct, nonchalant, non predictable non needy, etc.
I really think she is just hung up on this guy (the one she was recently intimate with and doesn’t want a girlfriend) and after some time I’ll be able to meet her again and put the moves on her. I’m confident once we’re intimate she will be chasing me.
However, I am by no means not seeing other girls. I always keep about 3-4 in the rotation so I’m not lonely on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night.
MY QUESTION – Texting is such low effort as is Instagram and DM and things of that nature. Is it ok to use these methods once in awhile to keep a “girl in the loop”? I feel that timing is everything sometimes and this may be a method to grab her attention at the most opportune time. What are your thoughts on this? I’m not sitting home pining over her. I just feel like the end goal is so close within reach and don’t want to completely give up. If this is a viable method for achieving my end goal what would you recommend? Frequency, context, things of that nature?
Thanks you for you time!”
This is a great question. You get some progress with a girl, it feels like it’s close, but then it doesn’t happen. She doesn’t come out on dates, but she still responds to your messages.
So the question is: do you ping her from time to time to see if she’s available and changed her mind? Or do you not? And if you do, how often?