(3) Journeyman

Your silence speaks volumes. But you don’t just need to use it to be serious; you can use it to increase sexual tension, for better communication, for humor, and more.

It’s where everything started and it is where everything will return to.

Silence is the sweetest sound in the universe. It is the language of God in purest form.

And you aren’t using it properly.

In the past, we’ve covered how to avoid saying something stupid by talking less. We’ve also covered how to use the pregnant pause. I also intend to write some pieces on concision and replacing words with non-verbals whenever possible; but for now, I simply want to talk about how and when to be quiet, and why it is so powerful.

A woman’s rules are never absolute. Often they aren’t even guidelines. Once a man understands this, his entire way of interacting with women changes.

Ever have a girl tell you about some rule of hers?

Maybe she says she never has sex on the first date. Or perhaps a man needs to pay for meals with her to have any chance with her. Or she might tell you she never ever cheats on a boyfriend and will under no circumstances date one man until she’s broken up with the other.

If you’re new to dating, there’s a high chance you hear things like this from women and just accept it. “Okay, that’s her rule. I guess I can’t date this girl. Or I need to work within her rules.” You might give up on girls who offer you incompatible rules. Or you may slow way down on them because of this (“Guess I’d better take her on 20 dates first”).

But I’ll tell you a secret: once you’ve been around girls for a bit, you cease to pay much attention to women’s rules.

Then once you’ve been women for a while, you often start to get excited when women tell you their rules. A woman’s rules are an excellent chance to make her do the opposite of whatever it is she said she won’t do, and love every second of it.

Is this immoral though? Won’t it cause a crisis of self in the girl, if you make her bend or break her own rules? Shouldn’t you respect women’s rules?

No, and for one reason: women aren’t men. And what constitutes a ‘rule’ for her is very different from what constitutes a ‘rule’ for you.

You can’t always be talking non-stop with her. So when it’s your turn to listen to a girl, how do you do so in a seductive way?

After sharing 8 long, detailed articles on sexual tension and closing it all off with an illustrative report, I originally planned to move on to another topic. But apparently – and this was kind of expected – some of you guys brought up some good questions that need answering.

I also stated in my last post on sexual tension that, even though I kind of closed off the project, I would share more insights if something popped up. Well, your good questions have made those “insights” pop up, so thanks again to all of you reading and leaving questions. Your contributions not only make my task as a writer easier, they also ensure my posts actually fit the audience’s desires. Win-win indeed. So thank you again, guys.

A commentator named Mike asked the following question:

“Hey there Alek, really great article. This kind of reports help tremendously much to show sometimes a bit abstract sounding ideas and techniques in an actual motion.

I got a question: could you elaborate a little more on the topic of seductive listening? I'm not sure I understand that concept correctly. You state that just sitting and nodding isn’t sexy at all. But from the next paragraph where you actually describe your seductive listening thing, it basically sounds the same as just listening and nodding to me, just in a lesser frequency. What’s the difference between those two? How do you execute this without coming out as not really giving shit about what she has to say? Thanks!”

In my report, I did use the technique called “seductive listening.” I haven’t written any posts specifically about this subject, as I thought the report would be enough, but I can now see that I was wrong, so I will dedicate this post to this subject by clarifying what it means to be a seductive listener.

Before I begin, I want to give all credit to 60 Years of Challenge, the pioneer of this technique.

While women present themselves as reserved angels, the truth is they’re naughty little sexual imps – more so than most men.

Hey team, I know it’s been a little while. I hope you all have been doing well in my absence.

I have been having a lot of conversations lately about sexuality. And today I want to talk about something that very often surprises men who don’t have very much experience with women – and it still surprises some men who do!

It’s the fact that women are far dirtier, hornier, and more sexual than you could ever believe.

I’ve had the pleasure of being surrounded by a lot of women in my time, some of whom I’ve been romantically involved with and many of whom I haven’t. Some have been absolute bombshells, and some haven’t (though still attractive for the most part).

But the incredible gift and advantage of my situation has been that I’ve been able to glean a lot of perspectives on life, sex, and romance straight from the horse’s mouth.

It’s funny how honest a girl will be with you if you create an environment in which she knows you aren’t going to judge her. And if you have a few women in your life with whom you don’t have any sexual interest or chemistry, then she will feel comfortable being that much more honest.

So I want to share with you five statements that I’ve heard from countless women at different points in time about their kind – some of which have even surprised me.

I have found most of these statements to be applicable to nearly all of the women I’ve talked to at one point or another. However, there is a very important caveat to these statements that I will talk about after I share them with you.

And you *must* remember the caveat in order to get anything useful from this article.

Here we go.

If you let a woman run slipshod over you, she will. But how do you keep control without being controlling?

I treat women well.

I give them phenomenal connection, great conversation, and scream-out-loud sex. I have a good sense of humor, possess a knack for solving pretty much any problem, no matter how intractable, and I look good and present well to women’s friends and family (when it comes time for that).

I also give a woman I’m with a fair amount of autonomy – within reason. But I do require women to be good partners, and to hold to the things I hold women in relationships to.

Once I had a girlfriend who liked to probe and test ask me if I wanted to try an open relationship. “You mean, you date other people, and I date other people, and also still date each other?” I asked. She said yes. “So you mean like I could go get a really hot and loyal girlfriend, and you’d be shagging a bunch of other dudes or whatever, and we could both do that.” She said yes again. “Okay, cool. But wait, why would I continue to date you then?” I asked. She explained well this way we could still see each other but we could also see other people. “Why wouldn’t I just date other women just as pretty, fun, and awesome as you whom I do not have to share with other men?” I asked.

You might wonder what happened next. Was she forced to repress a desire she had for an open relationship? Did she secretly engage in an open relationship behind my back? Did she accept my position, submit, and become a devoted girlfriend? In this article, we’re going to talk about how women react when you put your foot down on things; when you deny requests they claim they want.

There’s nothing wrong with open relationships if that’s your thing, of course. I’m not against them for other people. I just use this as an example of a girl testing to see how far she could expand her liberties with me before I put my foot down.

Every woman will do this with you. It’s not a matter of respect or disrespect. Nor is it a matter of how free she is in the relationship – even if you give her unprecedented freedom in the relationship, she will still test you to see if she can get more freedom (or to get you to do more free stuff for her).

This is an important concept to understand with women.

The way you use sexual tension differs depending on the time of day you meet her. If by day, one way; if by night, another.

Hey, guys!

During my daily skimming of the comment section of my posts, I stumbled upon this interesting question by a reader named Kevin:

“I just re-read your superb series on sexual tension, and it left me wondering on its uses in a day game setting. I mostly do day game myself, and don't yet fully understand how one can use sexual tension there.

As someone who is good at both day and night game, would you have any pointers on the use of sexual tension in day game and how it is different from night game, and maybe even share your day game strategies?

Thanks again, Kevin”

I also believe that this question needs to be answered, as I haven’t really covered how sexual tension should be used in different social contexts (generally speaking: day game vs. night game). From reading my posts on sexual tension, many might believe that those posts were dedicated to night game. They would be wrong.

However, I do see why people would believe this, since I not only shared a report from a night game scenario in which sexual tension was amplified, but many of the examples in the report seem to be taken from night game. Additionally, after my last two podcasts with Varoon, it has become clear that I am a night gamer.

The truth is, I have experience in both day game and night game. That said, I have lately been focusing more on night game, simply because I find it more exciting and I tend to take days off during the weekend. I will say I am pretty clueless when it comes to online game and social circle related stuff, as those areas have never caught my interest. I am a 100% cold approacher.

Now, the concepts covered in my sexual tension series and everything else related to displaying sexual intent that I have posted in the past, such as physical escalation, sex talk, and other sexual gambits, can be applied both to day game and night game – with some adjustments. Those adjustments are the subject of this post.

Let us get to it.

If she starts trying to convince herself to go with you or sleep with you, should you correct her if she says things about you that aren’t true?

The inspiration for this post came from the exchange Davi shares of a scenario where he was just about to sleep with a girl he’d brought back home... Until he talked her out of it:

Girl: Look, I’ve got to go to work quite early in the morning...

Davi: Well, I’ll take care of it, don’t worry!

Girl: Oh yeah, you can take me with your car when you go to your regular work, right? Then, yeah I can stay.

Davi: I can call you an Uber. But no, I don’t own a car, and it’s just a student job, haha.

Girl: Really? Hmm... oh... mmm... then I think I should go home now.

At which point she left.

I’ve been here. I remember at one point a girl had asked me to swing by her friends’ place so she could pick up her cell phone. Finally, both of us in my car, she agreed to go back to my place with me, and was talking about how she’d get home in the morning. Then I said, kind of thinking out loud, “Oh wait, we still need to get your phone from your friends,” and she said oh yeah, I have to get that.

So, we drove to her friends’ house, there was an after party going on there, she ended up wandering off and making out with some other guy she knew there for a while, while I stood around awkwardly having drinks and trying to act natural and talk with her friends, until at last the girl I’d come with passed out on a couch, and I gave up and went home alone.

Shouldn’t have reminded her about the phone and just had her pick it up in the morning. Whoops.

All I had to do in that scenario – and all Davi had to do here – was keep my mouth shut.

I just couldn’t help myself though. I had to talk her out of sleeping with me.