Beginner daters, socializers, and seducers start here
In this podcast – the first of a two-parter – Varoon and I talk
relationships: starting them, setting expectations properly, converting
girls from new lays to regular partners, and the different relationship
structures you can set up with women.
A selection of topics Varoon and I discuss:
Note from Chase: this post from Alek got lost in our editing department (it was a case of a vanishing email, apparently), and was supposed to precede Alek’s prior piece. So this was actually Part 1 of the series.
Hi there. I hope you are doing well. It is now time for me to write a post for you beginners, as I have spent a lot of time writing more advanced posts lately. I hope this post will be useful, as it is all about how one can get good fast in an era where there is an overload of great seduction material out there.
In a PM, a poster named Gifted wrote the following:
“I know this is probably a big topic. I hope you’ll cover it in a forum post or on Girls Chase. Honestly, I’d love to read a post on how you would learn game yourself if you were put in a total beginner’s shoes tomorrow. I go out very regularly with the intention to improve. It’s been slow going though because I think I’m just not doing the right things to get good quickly.”
So the idea is to write about how I would actually learn pick up, considering I had no seduction skills right now. This is a very hypothetical scenario and it is hard for me to really put myself in a beginner’s shoes, but I will try to do my best. Let us consider that some evil magic took place, putting me back at square one – a beginner in the art of seduction. Here is how I would do things.
This is our very first Girls Chase video, with my long-awaited commentary on a thread from one of our forum posters on how to go about kissing girls alone in your place. Here’s the video:
“What are you WAITING for!?”
The question runs through almost all the advice I mete out on seduction. Big part of the advice I see other guys give, too.
A student from a coaching session stands around, hesitating to approach.
“What are you waiting for!?”
A lover complains about how she’s unable to live her dream of being a professional dancer.
“What are you waiting for!?”
A friend is hung up on a single girl, and unwilling to move on with his life.
“What are you waiting for!?”
People sure spend a lot of time waiting.
You could grow old waiting for most people to finish waiting. Or you could even meet a girl, sleep with her, and have an entire wonderful relationship with her during the same time other men spend looking for the “right moment” to chat with that girl from work or class or wherever she’s from.But, you know – “What are you waiting for!?” – if you can internalize this utterly electric anti-procrastination attitude, you will be 90% of the way to becoming the man you know you really can be.
If only you stopped putting everything off till tomorrow though, or got up on time, or got that job... then you’d be ready to buckle down and really get to work... right?
Wrong.
It’s frustrating as all get-out when things are going swell with a gal, only for her to suddenly pull out a trick you haven’t seen before and BLAM! You’re blindsided, floundering, and she’s lost interest.
These are commonly referred to as ‘tests’, but, as mentioned in my latest newsletter (which you’ve either received already, or will soon, if you’re signed up for the Girls Chase newsletter), all tests really are is a woman inviting you to flirt.
Flirt well, and her comfort with you goes up. She relaxes... “Ah, okay. This guy really is as cute as I hoped he was.”
The ability to flirt successfully is THE most important part of attraction and seduction... men who can do it succeed regularly with women well above their looks, smarts, and income brackets. Men who can’t struggle to get women with a fraction of their paper credentials.
One component of flirting is the knowledge of how to respond to various themes and patterns you see again and again with girls. That largely comes from experience – you meet enough girls, flirt with enough of them, and you start to see and hear the same objections again and again, and gradually begin to build up a repertoire of responses you’ve cooked up to dismantle these objections.
Before we dive into this one, I recommend reading or rereading these articles, because the base understanding of what is going on is more important for your progress than a handful of memorized responses:
Also, these four, crucial for being able to respond to ‘tests’ in attractive ways:
That done, let’s arm you with some go-to responses for some of the most frequent objections you’re likely to encounter.
IMPORTANT NOTE: when we look
at responses below, keep in mind that the type of response depends upon how
the objection is delivered. The same words can be used in wholly
different ways. For instance, if a woman tells you, “I will never sleep with you,” and she says
it in a sexy voice while leaning in and grinning at you, that’s a
categorically different kind of objection than if she leans back with a
look of disgust on her face, crosses her arms, looks off into the
distance, and then says, “I will never
sleep with you.”
How do you make cold approach – going up and
meeting women you don’t yet know – a regular thing?
I was already planning to write about this, then I saw the comment of a reader who was asking how to keep getting better at seduction while taking care of his day to day life. Here’s the comment:
“It’s the part of “managing girls” and having to keep approaching to keep our skill honed that’s so true!
I’m still an intermediate (approaching is no longer as fearful, and it just happens); I only have a few new good leads every month but already have issue setting up dates in a week.
Combining that with school, I can easily forget about other work I have and get sucked into approaching and socializing at networking events.
Since, like everything else, seduction also needs consistent practice to keep top ability, do you have any tips on juggling everything and not losing focus on one or the other?”
The answer is deceptively simple: discipline. I’m not here to tell anyone what to do, but I certainly know what I do and what works for me. This stuff about fitting cold approach into my daily life is a bit tricky and, in fact, I consider it the most determining and important aspect of this game. My results have a lot more to do with how much time I spend infield, rather than what I say when I am in set.
The other day, one of the advanced members of our Girls Chase forums asked me about how you root out scarcity in all its forms, and how to resist the sometimes overpowering urge to give into it.
Scarcity can spring naturally from the situations you find yourself
in, but it may also be engineered:
individuals (and organizations) who understand the value of scarcity can also use it to make
themselves more in-demand and attract higher value friends, mates, and
associates. It’s all around us, pervades what we do, and we use it on
each other, intentionally or inadvertently, non-stop. As you become an
increasingly valuable individual socially, there will be more and more
people who feel scarcity interacting with you (or trying to), and
usually there will still always be someone
or something you yourself
continue to feel it with or for.
Scarcity takes many forms:
You meet a girl who’s super hot and perfect for you and you can’t help feeling nervous around her and acting different around her
You reach a point in a relationship where you find yourself
going back and forth over whether staying with this girl is what you really want, but feeling unsure
whether you’re ready to give her up
You reach a point in a relationship where your girlfriend is
clearly going back and forth over whether staying with you is clearly
what she really wants, and it makes you feel helpless
You find yourself working a job that’s pretty good, but not perfect, and while some part of you wants to leave, another part isn’t sure if other jobs are necessarily better... and you may be safer just staying right where you are
You find yourself talking with a salesman who seems to be
offering something you might be interested in, but he’s pushing you for
a decision now and you’re not sure whether to take the plunge or beg
off
In any of these scenarios and a whole lot more, scarcity, in one of its many forms, snakes its way into your heart and tightens its grip around your psyche.
Possibly on its own; possibly due to the machinations of those
around you.
Sometimes you may fight free from scarcity, yet some of the time it gets
you. And sometimes the end
result is okay and you get the thing you felt needy toward and the
thing turns out to be worthwhile, while other times you realize sooner
or later you
settled for something less than what you could’ve had... had you been a
little braver. Or you tripped over your own two feet in your attempt to
secure it, and chucked yourself out of the running in the process.
How do you combat the creeping feeling of neediness you get whenever you wind up in a truly scarce position, and instead remain calm, measured, and effective?
In Girls Chase Podcast Interview #10, host Varoon Raja talks to
Girls Chase author Alek Rolstad about sex talk, sexual prizing, and
Alek’s strategies for framing himself as the lover with women.
Alek and Varoon discuss topics including:
In a comment
on my article “In
Seduction, “You” Don’t Matter (But Her Emotions Do)”, a commenter
who dubs himself ‘Enlightened’ left the following remark:
“This article seems to suggest that women care more about what you can do for them and how those actions make them feel vs what they can do for you. It’s very much important about what they deduce they can get if they stick around with you. Is this correct? If so, how does this sentiment vary by country and across the world? If this is correct, then why should men pursue women at all when ultimately all he is to a woman is a talking dildo?”
Now, in case you haven’t read this article or skimmed over the part Enlightened is referring to, my point was twofold – that:
When people meet someone new, they evaluate him on value and attainability – essentially, how
valuable does this new person appear to be, and how accessible
is that value of his?
Once someone has spent a longer period of time with another
individual (say, perhaps, 80 to 100 hours?), he begins to form a real
attachment to this person, and begins to want the best for him, care
for him, and deeply understand and empathize with him – however, this
connection is only formed
with time; it is not instantaneous
Enlightened may have missed that latter part and only zeroed in on the part that raised his ire, so he may not necessarily be guilty of the following mindset. However, I have noticed there is a distinct minority of men who stumble onto this site (supposedly stumbling in here from places like Reddit, or some manner of MGTOW websites and forums) who think point #1 is totally unreasonable in all circumstances – at least, for other people.
They still judge others by the value they present to their lives, and how attainable those others are. However, they believe they themselves should be exempted from this.
That they are special, and entitled to special breaks from
the rules they expect of others.
Mindsets like this are a product
of a world replete with advertising and feel-good messages
designed to make you feel like you deserve honor, respect, and everything your heart
desires, merely for breathing. I rarely if ever encounter this
mentality outside the West. However, it’s ubiquitous among the more
radical elements of Western feminists, men’s rights advocates, and ‘men
going their own way’.
In this post, I challenge you to break free from slavery to the mindset TV commercials, magazine ads, and now even much (most?) of the Western education system do their darnedest to instill in you, and to instead adopt the manliest, most liberating, most self-reliant mindset there is on Planet Earth:
Nobody owes you nothin’.
Recently, a commenter asked a question about my article “12 Traits All Boring, Unsexy Nice Guys Have
in Common” – he wanted to know, specifically, why these traits, beliefs, and
behaviors are so boring to
women:
“Chase, I read your article about the 12 traits all boring, unsexy nice guys have. How do these traits in and of itself make a person boring? How does things like believing in karma or watching pundits make you boring? Is it possible that you could write about things men do that make them seem boring to women during conversation or in their actions? I don’t think you have that sort of list on this site.”
In case it’s been a while since you read that article, here’s a quick recap of boring nice guy traits:
Here’s a thought though; read that list. Imagine a man with those 12 traits. Would you like to have a friend like that? Or would you better prefer a friend who is the opposite of that?:
Man, that’s a couple of totally different human beings right there, isn’t it? Do you know which guy you want to be friends with? I know which guy I want to be friends with. It ain’t the nice guy.
Why do those ‘nice guy’ traits make a man so unappealing though?
