Tactics Tuesdays: How and When to Change Venues on a Date or Pickup

If you need to move things along on a date or in a pickup but it’s too soon to take her home, often the next best option is to change venues.

At times you’ll have things going well with a girl, but not well enough yet you’re ready to take her home. Even still, you reach one of those moments in the courtship where, like it or not, you’ve got to move her.

Moving her around in the same venue won’t work at this point. It works terrific early on, but you’re too far along for it now and it’ll feel like you’re treading water... or even going backwards.

You need movement, but you can’t stay there. And you can’t take her home. So what can you do?

You change venues. One venue to another venue.

The venue change is a handy tool in both dates and pickups. It’s a vital element of instant dates, structured dates, and often many guys’ one-night stand processes. But it’s also a tactic rife with potential to drop the ball.

Take her to the wrong place, and you kill the vibe.

Fail to handle the transition well, and you kill the vibe.

Misread her desires and change venues when she really wanted you to just take her home, and you risk missing the escalation window, and kill the vibe.

So let’s arm you with a few tools to let you read her right, take her to the right spot, and make your venue change as likely to lead to a pull home at the end of your date or pickup as anything else.

When You Need a Venue Change

You’ll need a venue change in any of four (4) situations:

1. She’s restless in the present venue
2. She’s getting extremely into you
   
3. Your and her energy levels don’t match the present venue
4. The competition for her is rising in the present venue
   

Here’s how each of those breaks down.

#1: Restless in the Present Venue

Why do people get restless?

Because they want something to happen but it isn’t happening.

You’ll notice she gets restless when you see signs like these:

• The spell breaks / you can’t hold her attention
• She begins to look around a lot more
• She starts to shift her body language around
• Her answers grow shorter
• She asks you less about yourself
  

When you see these or other similar signs, they’re often a sign you’re in the process of missing an escalation window and she’s begun to re-scan the environment for a man who can pick up where you left off. If you don’t want to lose her, you need to get her out of there double time.

#2: Extremely into You

In contrast to the restlessness of the prior scenario’s missed escalation window, this one’s about when that window’s still wide open. When she’s captivated by you and only wants to spend more time with you, that’s prime time to steal away with her someplace.

The signs she’s enchanted by you include:

• Leaning in toward you
• Dilated pupils / rapt attention
• Body language fully open to you
• Body positioned completely toward you
• Speaking less, but paying attention more
• Signs of anticipation: lip-biting, expectant grins, etc.
  

Much of the time when you see these, you’ll want to simply invite her home. However, if you can’t, for whatever reason (logistical constraints; or she’s into you, but not that into you... yet), a venue change is your next-best option.

#3: Energy Levels Out of Sync

Maybe you take her on a date to a coffee shop, and you and her both become intensely excited in one another’s presences. And then you look around and notice everyone else there (and the general vibe of the place) is at a much lower energy level.

Or perhaps you meet her in a nightclub, and settle into a deep, intimate conversation. And then at one point you look around and everyone is in wild party mood, and here you two misfits are just wanting to get to know each other more.

As soon as you notice this couple-venue sync problem, leave the venue. People want to be in venues that match their moods. When they find themselves not, they have two ways to solve mood disconnects like this:

1. Go somewhere else that better matches their energy, or
2. Bring their energy inline with the venue
   

That makes this out-of-sync couple-venue vibe issue a major plus for men who make moves and change venues, and a major minus for men who don’t. For these two reasons:

1. She’s a lot more likely to say “yes” to your venue change invite if she feels out-of-sync with the present venue’s vibe; however,

2. If you don’t give her the opportunity to head somewhere better suited to her current mood, she’s liable to either a.) leave on her own, or b.) work to get back in-sync with the present venue... Either of which means ditching you for the sake of the venue
   

So long as you take action when you notice the disconnect, this will usually only ever be a plus for you, and not a minus.

#4: Competition on the Upswing

The final occasion for a venue change is when competition is on a swift upswing. You’ll see this mostly in bars, parties, and nightclubs, toward the end of the night, once the girls start leaving and the guys get drunk and aggressive.

Usually it won’t actually be this bad. Although if it is, you’ve got your work cut out.

Even if she’s not extremely into you yet and there isn’t too much of a mood disconnect between her and the venue, if girls start to vanish and competition starts to rise, you will notice she becomes much more open to changing venues with you.

That’s in part for the same reason all the other girls leave at that time of night (i.e.: it’s not so fun to hang around with a bunch of scary, sloppy drunk guys who make aggressive, fumbling approaches), as well as in part from the affect the contrast all these other men highlight between you and them (i.e., you suddenly look pretty darn good next to all the other guys and their clumsy passes).

When NOT to Change Venues

Obviously, there are a million occasions not to venue change, like immediately after you’ve first approached her (usually) or after you’ve just slipped up on a test she bounced your way.

Instead, I’ll just highlight a few times in this section when you may be tempted to do a venue change... but should not. They are:

• When you can take her home

• When her friends are keeping close tabs on her

• When she’s with one inseparable friend and you can’t handle both

Reasons you may not be able to take her home yet include she isn’t ready, you lack logistics, and/or she lacks logistics. I’d encourage you to err on the side of moving faster, of course; if you think maybe there’s a chance she accepts your invite home, then invite her home. If she declines, you can always chat for a minute or two and then invite her to a venue change then.

The reason you won’t want to change venues when her friends are keeping close tabs on her still is because her obsessing over what they’re thinking + them blowing up her cell phone the moment she vanishes with you will sidetrack all but the most sold-on-you girls you’ll meet. Better to win the friends over or wait until they’ve paired up with their own men most times, lest you deal with intractable cockblocking. There are always exceptions, of course (e.g., if she is that super-into you girl who’s going to ignore her friends if they go nuts to try to stop her hooking up with you); but usually you’ll want to wait either for the friends’ approval or the friends’ distraction.

Our final reason – where she’s with an inseparable friend – depends on your relationship with the friend and what you’re going for with the girls. If you’re going for a cold approach threesome, obviously don’t be shy about venue-changing both girls. Or if the friend likes you and you’ve done okay managing both girls in-venue, you should be fine to handle both in another venue. If the friend is cool, you stand a good chance she opts to go home on her own at some point, leaving you and your girl alone to do as you please.

How to Change Venues

This is as simple as it sounds.

You just ask her to change the venue with you. Easy, right?

Here’s the catch: you want to include something she can use as justification for why she said “yes”. This might be a downside of your current venue (too loud; too boring) or an upside of the venue you’re changing to (great beer; awesome wall art).

So for instance:

You: Tell you what, this place is dead. Let’s head somewhere a little more lively.

Her: Okay!

Obviously a simple “yes” or “okay” is the best answer you can hope for here (well, aside from, “Actually how about we just go to your place”). But you won’t always get that. Sometimes you’ll get this:

You: Tell you what, this place is dead. Let’s head somewhere a little more lively.

Her: What’d you have in mind?

When you get this response, it isn’t necessarily a brush off. It’s not necessarily a test. She may be asking for clarification just to give herself an extra second or two to consider, or she may have an analytical Social Style and prefers to have all the details.

There are two ways to get around this:

1. Deal with it when it crops up, or
2. Use invites that answer this question in advance

Dealing with it when it crops up looks like this:

You: Tell you what, this place is dead. Let’s head somewhere a little more lively.

Her: What’d you have in mind?

You: There’s this really neat little speakeasy down on 4th you can only get into if you know the secret phrase. They’ve got the best mixed drinks in town and this really chill jazz band that plays there each night. I never even liked jazz until I started going to this place and they just completely changed my mind.

At that point, if she likes you, she’s probably going to agree to go with you.

If she doesn’t, that’s a fairly strong sign it isn’t going anywhere, and you ought to move on to other prospects.

That’s assuming you gave her a sufficiently cool / interesting excuse to go with you, of course. If you just told her something boring, like, “Oh, there’s this cool bar with good drinks nearby I thought we could go to,” even if she likes you she should probably say “no” to that purely on principle. You’re not even trying to make it easy for her to say “yes.”

My preference is to not have to deal with probes or tests on why you want to change venues or where you want to take her, though, because you risk qualifying yourself when you do. So instead, I prefer Option #2: deal with all these objections up front, in your invite, by overselling the venue change.

Like so:

You: Tell you what, this place is dead. Let’s head somewhere a little more lively. There’s this really neat little speakeasy down on 4th you can only get into if you know the secret phrase. They’ve got the best mixed drinks in town and this really chill jazz band that plays there each night. I never even liked jazz until I started going to this place and they just completely changed my mind.

You just take what you would’ve said if pressed for details and throw it all up front. Gets around you ever having to seem like you’re qualifying yourself; instead, all you do is oversell the venue.

When you do get pushback, it’s usually just a formality, like her saying, “Is it far?” or, “Okay, but I have to head home in about an hour.”

Regardless whether you choose to keep your expanded answer in reserve in case of questioning, or you choose to use it right up front to sidestep any questions before you get them, there’s one key to keep in mind: oversell the venue.

“First, we finish these beers. Then, we go to the greatest fudge shop in a quarter mile radius.”

Talk about its most unique, intriguing, interesting aspects. Make her want to go to this place. Make it sound appealing.

This only makes it easier for her to agree. It adds plausible deniability for her (“Well, I just went because the place sounded cool”), and can just make the venue change more of a fun adventure.

Where to Change Venues To

There are two (2) major kinds of venue change locations you can switch to:

1. Public venues
2. Intimate venues
   

Public venues are the venues you take her where you’ll be among other people.

Intimate venues are the spots you take her where you and her will be alone. These won’t necessarily be seduction locations, though often they can become seduction locations... Particularly if you are creative with your logistics.

Public venues you can venue change to include:

• Cafés / coffee shops
• Ice cream parlors
• Diners
• Bars / clubs / lounges
  
• Parties
• Malls / stores
• Events / street festivals
  

Keep in mind that in most cases, just like you want to avoid party dates, you want to avoid party locations for venue changes. The key here is it’s okay to take her from one higher energy party location to another lower energy party location (e.g., meet her at a dance club, then venue change her to a quiet bar), but you don’t want to do it the other way (e.g., meet her at a quiet bar, then take her to a dance club).

That’s for the obvious reasons – the higher energy venue takes her away from a sensual, sexual mindset and into a party time mindset; because of this, you move the courtship backwards, and she can tell this (you look either disinterested or weak); and you bring her to a venue where there will be more competition for her, which makes you look less attractive and forces you to work harder to keep her (this also makes you seem foolish, which further hurts your attractiveness; the savvy guy gets his girl away from other male competitors, he doesn’t parade her around in front of them, especially when he hasn’t slept with her yet and she isn’t actually his girl yet).

The value of public venues is they’re plentiful, they’re easy to venue change to, and you don’t need as strong a connection with her for her to agree to them.

Intimate venues you can change venues to include:

• A private room in a house party
• A secluded park or beach
• A (private) rental hot tub
• A tucked-away corner in a quiet bar, lounge, or club
• A walk along an empty street
  

Intimate venues require a greater degree of trust between you and her. Generally you’ll only use these when she’s made clear her interest in a big way (that “extremely into you” situation we discussed earlier). Normally if you use this one it’s because you think you might be able to pull her, but you’re not 100% sure and you want to change to a less full-on venue first, escalate a bit (or even all the way), then get her to a sex location after.

For instance, she might seem super into you, but your place is far away. However, you know a quiet, empty street you can take her down, so you do. At some point along the way, you push her up against a wall to kiss her... And perhaps you even go all the way with her right there on that abandoned street (depends how safe the street is). Or perhaps you stop at a kiss, and then from the street you move her back to your place (or hers).

Regardless, the intimate venue serves as a nice stepping stone for girls you’re pretty sure are there or almost there with regard to sex, but you want to add a little step in between first. For scenarios like this, an intimate venue works much better than a public one, where the other people present only get in the way of what you both want to have happen and dampen the vibe.

Changing Venues: Recap

Let’s recap.

A venue change serves as a way for you to keep things moving with a girl in scenarios where moving around inside the same venue is too little progress, yet heading home with her is too much.

The occasions you’ll need a venue change are:

1. She’s restless in the present venue
2. She’s getting extremely into you
   
3. Your and her energy levels don’t match the present venue
4. The competition for her is rising in the present venue

... While the times you will not want to change venues include:

• When you can take her home
• When her friends are keeping close tabs on her
• When she’s with one inseparable friend and you can’t handle both

You change venues by telling her you want to change venues (of course!). However, you help your chances along by overselling the venue you want to change to... Either up front or if she raises an objection.

The venues you can change to diverge into two categories:

1. Public venues
2. Intimate venues

Public venues work best when trust levels are lower and you need a bigger stepping stone between where you’re coming from and where you’d like to end up. Some typical public venues to change to include:

• Cafés / coffee shops
• Ice cream parlors
• Diners
• Bars / clubs / lounges
  
• Parties
• Malls / stores
• Events / street festivals

Intimate venues work best when there’s more trust between you and her, and she’s close to ready to go home with you. Intimate venues give you the chance to escalate things with her in relative private prior to the pull back to your place... Or you may sometimes even sleep with her then and there. Examples of intimate venues to change to are:

• A private room in a house party
• A secluded park or beach
• A (private) rental hot tub
• A tucked-away corner in a quiet bar, lounge, or club
• A walk along an empty street

The venue change is a handy little tool that lets you make your dates and pickups run more smoothly. With venue changes, instead of jump from one place she’s no longer comfortable in to another place she’s not yet ready for, you can move in smaller steps and gently transition her along the path.

Do keep in mind you can make more than two venue changes (e.g., initial venue change, then pull back to your/her place), too. You can use as many as you like, so long as they advance the courtship and are pleasurable to her. If you’re new to venue changes, start with just the two: the first venue you change to from the date or pickup location, and the second venue you change to that is to be your sex location (e.g., your place, her place... the back seat of your car... etc.).

Use the venue change right, and you’ve got a comfortable stepping stone between where you meet and between-the-sheets.

Chase

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