Why Not to Talk About Game with Women

content="Lots of guys talk about game with girls. But how does this affect your relationships with them? And is it worthwhile to do?">

Lots of guys talk about game with girls. But how does this affect your relationships with them? And is it worthwhile to do?

I’ve noticed a difference over the years between my natural friends and my pick up artist friends. Well, more than one difference, but this one is the topic of this article.

The difference I want to talk about today is that my natural friends never talk about game with girls. My friends who’ve intensively studied dating often do.

This one little difference echoes through their relationships with women. It affects what they talk about with girls on dates. It affects what they talk about in their relationships. And it affects (or is a product of) their thoughts.

I’m going to tell you it’s not good to talk about game with girls in this piece. You might not like that. Maybe you want to be completely open with girlfriends. You’ll see why I recommend this as we go through the article though.

And I think by the end of it, you’ll agree.

 

Naturals and PUAs Don’t Think Alike

Men who are ‘naturals’ don’t think about women the same way most men who’ve learnt game through study do. There’s a more egalitarian bent among the dating advice students. Most naturals are far more ‘law of the jungle’. You might even call your average natural ‘predatory’. I use predatory here in a fun way, of course: he only takes down willing prey. He finds women who want to submit to him. But the predator-prey dynamic is there nonetheless.

He may still be a good guy, of course. He just doesn’t think about game in the whole kum-bah-yah way the dating advice guys do. To him, game is power, but not overwhelming power. He wants to keep a lid on it... It’s better if you don’t know he has it. He is a student of Sun Tzu and Machiavelli.

The natural’s discovered that half the time, if you talk game with girls, they get upset. It doesn’t matter they’ve been studying it themselves since youth. They don’t want you to study it. If you study it, you must be a manipulator.

The other half of the time, he’s found, game-talk with girls kills the interest. She hears you’ve been busting your butt to get dates, and you go from King to Jester, just like that. If you were ‘sexy’ before, now you’re ‘aww, so cute’.

Women want a man with unconscious knowing. They want to feel like you didn’t have to study this... You just ARE this.

Contrast that with the man who studies dating. More so than with the natural, to him, this is a hobby. It’s a passion. A fixation. And he wants to share his fascination with her.

Girls seem like natural conversation partners about this. Most guys know little about game beyond the basics. In girls, though, the student of game has found his counterpart: she, too, studies and knows. He’s just excited to have someone to talk about this to.

Men who study dating advice often don’t use much strategy beyond the initial approach. They learn enough to get the girl, but then they want the game to end. They want to snuggle up with her and just be completely honest and real.

The natural? He never wants the game to end. He loves the game. It’s what keeps him interested. When women are a dime a dozen, you need more than a pretty face and nice conversation to keep you engaged.

To my mind, then, these are the three (3) biggest differences between these two men (at least in this department):

1. The natural is a predator who stalks the jungle of dating. The student is a romantic who wants to bond and connect.

2. The natural doesn’t want you to know about his fascination with this. The student cannot wait to tell you about his.

3. The natural is a strategist who loves the game. The student is a pragmatist who uses the game for an end.

Now, you can for sure be a romantic and a natural. Yet a predatory nature tinges even the romantic naturals. And you can be a student and predator. Yet once he’s achieved sexual release, most students revert to bonding, not stalking.

If you want more on the differences between naturals and PUAs, I suggest you read these articles:

1. The 5 Big Differences Between Naturals and “PUA”s

2. The Natural Mindset: Taking More Pleasure from Hook Ups

3. How Naturals Meet Girls and Get Laid

 

The Effects of Talking About Game with Girls

What causes this gulf between the natural and the student of dating? Is it inborn, or is it something else? In my experience, it often comes down to expertise.

The expert dater doesn’t have much interest in discussing game with girls. He knows this puts most girls on their heels. As soon as he talks about it, she begins to scheme:

• How much should I let him know I know?

• How much does he know?

• Should I watch myself around him?

• What else does he use this stuff for?

It shakes her out of apathy. She now knows she must be on guard... And that he watches and evaluates her.

It’s stopped being a fun, freewheeling relationship – now it’s strategy.

If she doesn’t get upset, she’s at least forced to pretend: to act all smiley and fuzzy about it; to see what he knows.

In addition, there’s no desire for the natural to talk shop with women. He knows more than she knows. She might have good unconscious game, but most girls don’t know what they’re doing consciously. They’re a grab bag of contradictory thoughts and actions.

She tells you she wants one thing. She actually goes for something else.

Another big risk the natural sees is how this will impact the power balance in the relationship. Before he opens his mouth, she doesn’t know how much he knows. Any time she asks him, he can shrug and keep it ambiguous. But if he starts to talk shop with her, that goes out the window.

There are three (3) possible power balance outcomes if you talk game with her:

1. She realizes she knows more than you. Now not only does she feel more powerful, but you’ve outed yourself as a greenhorn.

2. She realizes you know about the same. So you are not superior to her. Thus, no attainability threat. Yet, women want men who are dominant to them... And in showing her this, at least in this area, you’ve shown you are not dominant.

3. She realizes you know more than her. And because you know more than her, in this specific field, she must be on guard to prevent manipulation. She knows how the game works... If you know it more than she does, you might lead her to want something that by rights she shouldn’t even want. The relationship becomes combative.

I’ve noticed my friends who talk game with girls all date the same way: they date girls who know more than them. They tend to date more experienced women who are better at game than they are. Their relationships are usually egalitarian (i.e., not male-run). I’ve noticed when they try to date less experienced girls, things end in flames and distrust. And whenever we do a relationship post mortem, I find I ask the same question: why did you talk game with her?

On the other hand, my natural friends tend to date girls with less or equal experience to them. And then just don’t talk about game. And the relationship works out fine, without the trust issues.

It’s a big pattern I’ve seen with my friends. Talk about game = trust issues later in the relationship. Don’t talk about game = far fewer trust issues later. And the thing about trust issues is girls use them to extract concessions. She doesn’t trust you, so you must work harder and prove your trustworthiness.

All we’ve talked about so far are the effects, though.

How do you switch from talking about game to not talking about it?

How do you learn to LOVE the game... Instead of longing to get past the game so you can start cuddling up?

 

The Use-Game/Love-Game Divide

Several times I’ve seen my natural friends lose their love for game. Their usual chipper, irascible natures fade, and they start to long for a tender girl. A girl they can just bond with.

And among my most talented friends who are students of dating advice, they almost all switch to love of game. They stop wanting to drop game and be raw as soon as they’ve got a girl... And instead they take pleasure in continuing to flirt with her, tease her, and excite her forever.

What causes this gulf between the men who have to use game, and the men who love to use game?

The gulf, I have found, comes down to this:

• Is your aim to delight her, or

• Do you want her to delight you?

And the split is not how you might think:

• The use game men want women to give them what they want. They feel needy toward women, and use game to get what they want from girls.

• The love game men want to give women fun, flirtation, and good emotions. They know they can get what they want from women, and take pleasure in giving pleasure. Often it’s because this makes them feel powerful. By giving her pleasure, they control her emotions, and get a testosterone boost (winner effect).

If you’re a ‘use game’ guy, you might say, “But wait! I want to make women happy too!” My question to you would be: is this a completely selfless interest? My guess is ‘no’. In my experience, the use-game guys want to make her happy only because they think they have to do this to get her to stay.

“I want to make her happy so she doesn’t leave” is wholly different from “I want to make her happy because I love this.”

My natural friends going through tough times slip into wanting a woman to come make them happy. And so, they revert to ‘use game’ and just wish the game could end. Nobody likes doing something he has to do.

My friends who’ve learned dating and are great at it now have everything they need from women already. And so, they slip into taking pleasure in using their skill set to create fun emotions in girls. Everybody likes doing something he loves to do.

That’s all it is. It’s just a measure of if you want to do for her, or if you want her to do for you. The whole ‘predatory’ aspect of a natural is a fun aspect for women.

Women want you to hunt them. They want you to tease them and toy with them. They want to be your play things.

If you don’t believe that, go pick up a copy of 50 Shades of Grey. Then wonder how it became the best-selling book in British history.

There are many reasons why. But one of them is because the man in the book doesn’t need the heroine. But he sure liked to make her feel. And this is something women long for, yet rarely experience with men. Most men need women as much or more than women need them.

 

How Do You Adopt the ‘Love Game’ Mentality?

Even once she’s yours, you can continue to tease her and flirt.

There are a few components to ‘love game’, I find:

1. Abundance mentality. Lack of need is central to the use-game/love-game gulf. The more you live in a land of plenty (women), the less you want to ‘use game and finish with it’. You want the game to end when you fear a game misstep that leaves you all alone. Let’s get this done and have a perfect, happy, safe relationship, you say. But you never want the game to end if a little alone time is not something you’d mind. Why would you want the fun to end when no matter what happens, it’ll be good?

2. Good skills with women. As your skill set improves, you learn how to create the emotions you want in girls. The better you get at this, the more fun it is. When you know you can press a button and excite her... Or even make her tear her hair out in frustration (then relieve her)... Well, it’s a pleasure to do.

3. A life mission you believe in. I know I harp on this one a lot. That’s because it’s key. Even if you achieve absolute abundance, if you take time off from the game you may still slip. And you may not want to make ‘good with girls’ enough of a priority in your life that you reach that level. A mission you commit to and believe in will offset some part of an abundance lack. When girls are the core of your existence, it’s hard not to feel at least a little needy. When something else is, though, girls are peripheral to it, and you’re free to enjoy them with less need.

Once you feel like girls are abundant enough... And you know how to tease them, flirt with them, and make them feel... And you have something you believe in beyond them... You no longer long for the day when you can ‘stop gaming her’.

You don’t want to tell her about it and kill the fun. You don’t need to talk shop with women and open all up about it.

That’s because it stops being a hobby or an act. You just do what you like to do with women, and take pleasure at the effects. And if some girl doesn’t like it, oh well.

That last bit is a harmful attitude for the beginner to take. He needs to analyze why he didn’t succeed with any given girl. If he dismisses his failures as, “Too bad for her,” he won’t learn or improve.

Once you reach a level of satisfaction with your skills though, that’ll change. You set aside the ‘learning’ and take up the ‘being’.

That’s the thing with good game: at some point, it stops being game.

It just becomes how you interact with girls.

And at that point, it’s more fun to continue to tease and excite her than it is to talk shop or cuddle up and tell her all your secrets.

Because at that point, you’re able to be real with her, while keeping it fun.

You won’t want to talk about game with girls. Because it isn’t a game. It’s just you. Flirty, teasey, predatory you... The man who stalks through the jungle, finds his prey, and pounces.

And, well, she just loves it.

Chase