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As we continue on with our relationship series, there
are a couple
of ground rules you might set for your relationship if you want to
ASSURE smooth sailing, avoid relationship
jealousy, and generally have a happy and productive romance. The
best way to lay these rules is, as usually, not by explicitly stating
them… you don’t want to give her a list.
“These are the rules, woman.”
Not so smooth…
Instead, use the power of frame control to convey what you value and expect from a partner. For example, you can bring it up in conversation, or you can inoculate against an undesirable behavior by telling her about another girl who behaved that way… and how that did nothing to further her relationship with you.
As I said, I believe the most important rule in any functioning relationship is that both partners be always honest with each other. At the same time, however, I recommend that you trust each other implicitly until there is a reason not to. It won’t improve your relationship if you’re constantly suspicious of her… and it won’t help your relationship jealousy any. Trust is one of the four pillars of a great relationship (more about that later on in our series).
And knowing how to maintain that level of trust – and avoid relationship jealousy – is what this article is about.
Comments
My guy friends
So, you really think a woman cannot have guy friends? And if a woman thinks otherwise, she's just a little naive, right? :) And you are quite sure you're not exaggerating here, right? :) Well...
I've got this guy friend that I've known since highschool, many many years. My husband, myself and him were all friends back then. He's still a friend of us both, he lives in a different town and he just spent many nights at our place when my husband was away and he had business in our city. We even slept in the same bed. We talked about many things. Now, I do not believe he's chasing me. Why not? Well, he's married and madly in love with his wife! :) Just as are many of my/our other guy friends.
But, you could say, his being married doesn't prove anything. Many men cheat on their wives and he might be seeking to do the same with me. Maybe he's been lusting after me all these years, waiting for his chance, and I just cannot see it, right?
"But, it is a fact – what do you think these guys would do if SHE made a move on them? Do you think they would reject her?"
Well, you know what... I did. I did make a move, years ago when he was not married yet. My husband and I have an open relationship, so it would have been ok, and I thought he was handsome and had a crush on him. Well, what did he do? Yes. He rejected me. HE REJECTED ME, though he was a single man and I was... Well, not exactly hot perhaps, but definitely not ugly either. He just didn't feel that way about me. Wanted to think of me as a friend only. Don't ask me why. Anyway, I think we can safely assume that he wouldn't want me now either, now that he's married to a beautiful woman.
So, what's the conclusion? That a woman can have guy friends if they guys are friends of yours, too? That a woman can have guy friends if she's known them since highschool? Or that I'm simply NOT HOT ENOUGH and that's why he doesn't chase me? After all, you were talking about hot women here. Maybe a woman can have guy friends if she's not that hot? :)
I don't know. I mean, many guy friends do desire me, I can see that and do not wish to deny it. (And I desire some of them. Usually only the single ones though. Maybe I'm smart enough not to fall for taken guys, I don't know.) But not all of them feel that way. They're simply not interested. And even if I wanted, I doubt that there's anything I could do to change this.
I'm not hot enough. That must be it. :) Now I'm going to cry all night because of my assumed un-hotness.
Maybe...
You mentioned that all three of you were friends in high school. Did it maybe occur to you that sleeping with his friend's gf (albeit one in an open relationship) might make him a bit of a dick in the eyes of his friend? Just a thought...
Good question. To be honest,
Good question. To be honest, that didn't occur to me. The reason it didn't is probably that in our lifestyle we do go to bed with each other's friends and consider it normal. :) I mean, not normal, but a thing we just do. So he wouldn't have been the first one.
But still, even if it was clear that my husband wouldn't have held it against him, this wouldn't necessarily have prevented the friend feeling awkward in his own head.
Anyway, whatever the reason, I guess this still proves my point: it IS possible for a woman to have male friends that are not chasing her. If he would've been chasing me, he would have taken me when he had the chance.
new ltr
my new gf is a hb 9. although shy and a virgin. you mention stopping single behavior, I'm wondering if you call going to bars with her girlfriends is considered single behavior? to be fair shes still kinda young, 22yrs old
My girlfriend keeps flirting
My girlfriend keeps flirting with a guy in facebook whom she had known before we two met . I proposed her and she also said she loves me too . But i feel really insecure and jealous when they both start flirting .When I asked her about tha She says it's comman between them but it hurts me a lot . What should I do ? They two exchange kisses in facebook publicly but she don't give a kiss either in a my inbox .
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