In my experience, the power to command the attention of all eyes in a room is more a learnable skill than a natural talent.
And in reality, you can effectively internalize any skill and turn it into a “natural” habit. So the argument that “either you’ve got it, or you don’t” is simply inaccurate.
Just to be clear: if you don’t have it (yet), you can still get it (soon).
However, commanding the attention of everyone in the room is outside the scope of this article, and although that skill would indeed be helpful, in this situation we will focus on how to gain the attention of one person in particular: that beautiful woman who has enamored you, and, for whatever reason, is not returning your gaze.
To deal with this situation of how we look at women and get them to look back, we break it down into two parts:
- Pre-Interaction Communication
- (During the) Interaction Communication
Let’s start by taking a closer look at what we can do before this situation even occurs.
Looking at Women: Pre-Interaction Communication
What you do before you have an interaction with a woman can be broken down into two parts as well:
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What you do when opportunity exists (What you do immediately before you begin an interaction)
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What you do to create opportunities (What you do the rest of the time; your lifestyle when no one is around)
I’ll explain.
What You Do When Opportunity Exists
When opportunity is present (and some may argue that it is always present, so understand that we are simply referring to any situation where you and a girl have the potential to interact with each other), there are a few tips and tactics that can influence a woman to look at you before you even look at her.
Back in the day, Chase and I spoke at great length about this to our clients, and in fact, Chase has some in-depth articles on eye contact, in particular, the importance of securing a woman’s eye contact before you look at her, as well as other “Pre-Opening” tips and tactics.
Since I feel this is covered extremely well and in depth in those articles already, I won’t focus on those strategies for the sake of avoiding redundancy. Besides, the question we’re attempting to answer today is how to secure a woman’s gaze after you’ve already looked at her.
The reason I bring all this up is to stress the importance of how an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. In other words, when you’ve already internalized the fundamentals of getting girls to look at you before you look at them, you’re just that much closer to making something happen
What You Do to Create Opportunities
Remember, we can view “game” as a form of “communication”, and in turn, “communication” as a form of “behavior”. The behavior we are referring to here is your actual day-to-day behavior; you living your life minus those moments of you communicating with attractive girls.
Which leads us to ask: what are you doing with your life?
Do you sit at home all weekend long and surf the net with the TV on and music blasting as you peruse endless social media feeds?
Do you play video games for hours on end while snacking on junk food?
Or do you eat healthy and exercise, attempting to discover and push past your physical limitations?
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Why does any of this matter?
Because every action we take has a consequence. Every single thing we do, no matter how small, has an effect, regardless of how (in)significant, on our future reality.
Yeah, working out and eating healthy for just one day may not amount to much of a noticeable difference in our social life, but the effects of diet and exercise compounded over months does have the potential to have a significantly positive effect on our social life.
Besides, if all you did every weekend was eat junk food and surf the net, this anti-social behavior would severely limit your potential to attract someone through your physique (obviously a poor diet and no exercise is as unhealthy as it is unattractive) as well as limit your chances of meeting someone out in the ‘real world’! In other words, it’s kinda hard to play the game if you don’t ever show up to play in the first place!
I’m not saying that you have to workout to get girls to notice you, I’m merely making the observation that it helps – in more ways than one!
It’s like having neon green hair.
Having something as noticeable and out of the ordinary as neon green hair doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to attract a person. Just like any other attribute, it’s going to draw the curiosity of some while repelling others.
A girl may think, “Wow, what a rebel! He must lead an exciting life. I wonder what he does?”, while another girl may think, “Why does that guy have green hair. Weird.”
Without going on a tangent, the key to take away from all this is to understand that there are lifestyle behaviors that you can implement which will add to the “ounce of prevention” theme we touched upon earlier.
Maintaining a healthy diet and regularly exercising may not necessarily change your body overnight into one that attracts a woman’s attention; however, in the long run (in addition to the obvious health benefits) it will help you get noticed by those girls who DO value that trait in a man (once again, adding to our theme of implementing an “ounce of prevention” in order to avoid a situation where a woman doesn’t even know we exist, especially when our sexy ass is looking right at them!).
The reason I focused so much on diet and exercise is because this is a part of our lifestyle that we have total control, which, in turn, has the potential to have a tremendously positive effect on so many other areas of our lives. I could have just as easily written about the importance of having an active social life, and how having other people (especially attractive women) already around you can cause a girl to look at you (perhaps even more easily than if you were by yourself). But then again, this would all still fall under “prevention”, so let’s move on.
Looking at Women: (During the) Interaction Communication
We can break down getting women to look back at us while communicating with her in an interaction into two parts:
- Initial Interaction
- (During the) Interaction
First, let’s tackle how to handle the situation of a woman not looking at you when you look at her immediately before you have an interaction with her.
Initial Interaction
As a reminder, understand that you will find yourself less frequently in situations where a woman doesn’t look back at you after you have internalized the fundamentals of a lifestyle that, through the effects of the consequences of your actions, naturally attracts women (for example, either directly through your social circle as she becomes curious about this man surrounded by cool people, or indirectly by working out regularly and gaining her attention when you wear your favorite T-shirt and she checks out the goods while you’re reaching for an item on the top shelf of aisle seven in the grocery store!).
However, on the rare occasions that it does occur, let’s talk about some of the reasons why she would behave this way, as well as some of the ways you can deal with it.
First of all, as was discussed in “The 4 Types of Girls”, the reason may not be that surprising when you apply those 3 filters to the situation, specifically the eligibility and attraction filters. To remind you what those are:
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A woman who is already in a healthy and committed relationship may not be as aware of her surroundings as a girl who is open (and perhaps even actively looking) to meet someone new. Now would be a good time to scan for a ring if possible, but even then, I know some very beautiful women who wear rings as “flyswatters” to discourage men from approaching them, although they may not actually be in a relationship, so this just goes to show how important screening for eligibility is!
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She’s attracted to you.
“But she’s not even looking at me!” you think to yourself. In all honesty, you really don’t know. She very easily could’ve spotted you long before you saw her, and positioned herself in a way to encourage you to approach. It’s very natural for a girl to feel both shy and excited to meet a guy to whom she is attracted, so understand that, all those butterflies you have in your stomach as you look at her, she very well could be experiencing the same feeling about you!
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She’s not attracted to you (right now).
And just to play devil’s advocate, maybe she isn’t that into you… at least right now.
Does she know you?
No.
Does this mean she will never be attracted to you?
Of course not!
Is she even eligible bro?
Perhaps, perhaps not.
All of this merely guides us towards our #1 plan of action…
Approach Her!
(and find out the answers to those questions!)
You’re not always going to get a clear cut, green light means go, trumpets blaring, bat-signal from a girl. Sometimes you just gotta play the cards you’re dealt. One caveat though:
When you approach her, position yourself sideways in front of her, giving her the proverbial “cold shoulder”, so that she’s fully facing you except not looking at you (yet!) while you stand perpendicular to her.
While facing this direction, begin to deliver your conversation starter loud enough for her to look at you (prompting her to wonder if you actually are talking to her or someone else. She also very well may truly be completely immersed in whatever she’s doing at that particular moment, whether it’s texting or daydreaming).
Be sure to wait until after you deliver the first few words of your conversation starter and then turn your head and look at her. Remember, we still want to create the situation (well actually I guess now it would be considered more of an “illusion” ;-)) that she looked at you before she noticed you looking at her (once again, check out Chase’s articles on why this is critical (here’s that link to the one on pre-opening in case you missed it the first time) when it comes to how you are looking at women)!
(During the) Interaction
Finally, I will wrap this up by touching upon what to do if and when a woman is not looking at you while you are actually in an interaction with her. Because there are almost an infinite number of causes of this, it would be impractical for me to analyze “one-off” situations. So instead I will direct you to the in-depth articles that cover how to maintain and secure a woman’s eye contact while providing you with a few thoughts gained from my own experience.
Basic rule of thumb: when a woman looks away, that’s your cue to start looking away too.
You don’t always have to, especially if she’s the one talking at that particular moment, but sometimes a man’s gaze can be quite intense for a woman and she needs to look away or break eye contact before she can become more comfortable with you looking at her like that.
It’s not a bad thing, and, to be quite honest, it usually means she likes you, so don’t take it personally or in a negative way.
On the other hand, perhaps she is being obnoxious and has chosen to be rude and flat out ignore you. Once again, don’t allow her behavior to negatively affect you. You can choose to move on to someone else who is more deserving of your time, or stick in there and build up reference points by practicing your game.
There have been occasions where I was able to flip the script on a girl and, although she may have started off hating me, she didn’t stay feeling that way for long. Understand that when approaching a girl, (normally) any reaction from her is better than none, and although a girl not looking at you is worse than her engaging with you, it’s still better than her walking away.
Stick in there, don’t take things personally, and make it a game by seeing if you can get her to re-engage in the interaction. Just be sure to be super focused on your fundamentals (not giving her all of your positive body language, being aware of your voice, tonality, etc.) as you will have little room for error. No worries though, live and learn baby!).
To get a woman to look back at you requires strong fundamentals, and internalizing effective behaviors will prevent this situation from occurring in the first place. However, if and when those seemingly awkward moments do arise, use your voice and your body language to your advantage by attempting to prompt her attention via her other senses, because, after all, maybe she’s just lost deep in thought, daydreaming about when the man of her dreams will appear and walk right into her life…
Until next time,
Keep Kickin Ass Brother,
Mateo Navarrete
READ NEXT: “How to Check Out a Girl Openly and Turn Her On.”
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