How to Treat a Woman: Like a Queen, or Like a Whore?

One common stumbling block for men who are rusty or inexperienced is deciding how to treat a woman. Should you treat her unfailingly well... or should you treat her in some other way?

In fact - particularly if you're new, or around women you consider "out of your league" - you may find yourself walking on eggshells around women you like, afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing and causing such a girl to lose her temper with you and storm off in disgust.

So how do you treat her?

You may have heard this pithy remark before:

“You treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen.”

And today we're going to examine how that applies to the women you meet in day-to-day life.

I see some fellas out there nodding in agreement with this statement; "Aye, that's the way to do it!" they're saying to themselves.

I also see some guys out there shrinking back in terror; "You can't possibly expect me to treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen, can you?" they ask, all the color running out of their faces. "They'll hate me! I want them to love me!"

As it were, there's a lot of knowledge packed into this brief phrase - but to a point.

In this article, we're going to break this mentality down, dig into the queen/whore dichotomy, and see exactly why treating one like the other can provide you a boost most men won't ever experience.

There's another saying like the one about whores and queens, and it goes like this:

“Tell a beautiful girl she's smart, and a smart girl she's beautiful.”

Just like the whores and queens quote, it's interesting, catchy, and memorable because it seems to be opposite of what you'd expect or think you SHOULD be doing.

Of course you'd treat a queen like a queen, a whore like a whore, a beautiful girl like a beautiful girl, and a smart girl like a smart girl, right? Call a pear a pear.

Except, there's a very good reason for NOT doing things that way, and it has to do with that being the same way that EVERYBODY does them.

Being Attractive is About Not Blending In

Most of my life I sought to stand out and be different, as much as I could, in a cool, appealing way. And I had women take note of me, flirt with me, and try to catch my eye.

I went through a phase once where I said, "Let me try out this whole 'blending in' thing that it seems like everyone else is so interested in. What happens if I try to be like everybody else?" As soon as I succeeded at blending in, girls showed interest in me far, far less.

Women like men who stand out.

Whether that's due to preselection, social proof, conspicuous consumption, remarkably good looks or an impressive male body or great fashion / peacocking, noticeably powerful body language and walk, or anything else, women like men who stand out head and shoulders above the rest in a good way.

Why do women like men who stand out?

Each of the traits listed above communicates something strong, good, and exciting about a man to a woman. They're all worthwhile traits to have, and attractive qualities in a potential mate.

However, there's something else that standing out does, too: it breaks women out of autopilot.

And when you treat a woman differently than what she's accustomed to, this breaks her out of autopilot too.

The more ways you have of shattering a woman's autopilot, the more easily and consistently you can pull this off... and the further out of autopilot she is, the more intrigued she is by you, the more she can't easily figure you out or write you off, and the more time, effort, and energy she needs to expend to wrap her mind around you and find a box to put you in.

When you treat her differently than she's used to being treated, you startle her out of apathy and force her to assess you as an individual - as the man you are, rather than the stereotype she'd otherwise slot you as being.

Greener Grass

The grass is always greener on the other side, right?

Imagine you're a queen: a beautiful, amazing girl who's had life handed to her on a silver platter. Imagine how most of the men around you treat you: like the most wonderful, special, perfect creature on Earth.

In fact, it seems like the men compete to see who can treat you more special: each man seems to assume that because every other man is treating you so well, HE must treat you even BETTER than those men.

You get guys:

• Licking your boots
• Kissing your behind
• Showering you with gifts
• Praising the very ground you walk on
• Thinking you're far, far better than they are
  

It's nice, you suppose... in fact, it's expected. This is how men should treat you... after all, you're a queen!

Next, imagine you're a whore: still beautiful, but somewhat run ragged by life, bought and used and paid for by men, finding yourself with man after man you aren't really all that attractive for, but they'll suffice, wondering when you're going to meet that great guy who treats you like a great girl but figuring you probably never will.

The men you meet treat you like garbage, much of the time: they're dismissive, rude, or completely inconsiderate of your feelings. To them, you're just a service provider. Some of the men treat you okay, but usually more in a "just business" type way than anything else. A few men treat you well, but these guys are rarely the kinds of men you'd be all that interested in having something more with.

Men:

• Talk down to you
• Have zero consideration for you
• Never go out of their way to do nice things for you
• Judge you and moralize against you
• Think they're far, far better than you are

That just goes with the territory, you know. That's what it's like to be a whore... the price of this lifestyle is the treatment you receive at the hands of men.

Now imagine you switched these two.

Suddenly, you're treating the queen as if you think you're better than she does. You're teasing her, laughing at her... having a chuckle at her expense. You order her around, expecting her to do as you ask. You tell her what to do.

And just as suddenly, you're treating the whore as if you think she's a goddess. You're complimenting her, warmly interested in her and her story and what she has to say, and building a profound emotional connection with her. You tell her to sit and wait while you take care of things, and go out of your way to make her comfortable and feel good.

Aren't both women's minds completely blown?

I can already hear your objections - "But the queen's going to be insulted and want nothing to do with you!" "Isn't the whore just going to take advantage of you and use you for money or gifts?"

Here's where we need to stop and examine the subtleties.

So you have this queen, used to being doted on hand and foot, who both expects top treatment from men and takes it for granted, secretly wishing she could meet a bad boy who'd treat her like she sees the bad boys treat men in the movies. Why does everyone have to handle her with kid gloves?

And you have this whore, used to being treated like mud by the men in her life, wishing she could meet a man who'd treat her like a princess - she knows it's just a movie, but she wishes with all her heart that Pretty Woman - where a charming, wealthy man ends up falling in love with a whore and sweeping her up off the streets into a life of love and luxury - was real life, instead of fiction.

How do you treat a woman the opposite from what she's accustomed to without sending her flying into auto-rejection or tempting her to try and take advantage of you?

How to Treat a Woman: With Subtlety

First off, a saying is just a saying.

It's helpful to remember as a guideline, but shouldn't be taken 100% literally.

So yes, compliment a girl on her smarts if she's beautiful... but only where relevant and where you can compliment her sincerely. And compliment a girl on her looks if she's smart... but again, only where relevant and sincere.

Likewise, treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen, but do it within reason.

Here're the guidelines for this:

1. If in doubt, mirror. Think of yourself as a mirror, reflecting back at her... herself. A "queen" tends to be aloof and ball-busting - so be aloof, and bust her balls. Keep her on the ropes. A "whore" tends to know how to make a man feel good - so make her feel good.

2. Don't be one dimensional. As we talked about in "How to Be Vulnerable, Enchanting, and Alluring to Women," women are entranced by multi-layered men. So yes, start off being aloof and complicated and hard to get with her if she's a queen, but once she starts digging and trying to get to know you, show some more depth. And yes, start off being a warm person and thoughtful and considerate if she's a whore, but have limits and don't go beyond them if she's the type who's prone to exploiting men who are too nice.

3. Know your limits. This mainly means how far you'll take things busting her stones / giving her a hard time (if she's a queen) and how over-the-top amazing you'll treat her (if she's a whore). Give her too hard a time, and she'll go cold on you and shut down; be too nice to her, and she'll view you as a pushover nice guy and lose all respect for you. A good way to watch yourself here is to sprinkle this treatment in with your normal interaction - sprinkle in giving her a hard time with interacting with her normally if she's a queen, and sprinkle in being extra warm to her with interacting with her normally if she's a whore.

Examples of what each of these look like:

Treating a Queen Like a Whore

Here, you'll be keeping the pressure on, giving her a hard time, ignoring her tests, and getting investment from her:

You: That's a nice coat, but I'd think wearing something that warm in the summer time would make you sweat, doesn't it?

Her: I feel okay in it. So you like my coat?

You: Not really my style; I was just trying to be nice. Hand me that napkin over there?

Her: This one?

You: Yes; thank you.

Her: Where are you from?

You: Where do you think I'm from?

Her: I don't know; that's why I asked.

You: I know you don't know; that's why I asked you to guess.

Her: I don't guess.

You: Pity. Well, where are YOU from?

Notice how this one moves like a dance, with her continually trying to "catch" you and trick you into complimenting her or giving her information without her doing what you want her to do to get it. Women who are "queens" are used to men supplicating and doing what they want. And they're very good at keeping men doing this, too.

They lose attraction for you the moment you slip up and get caught in one of their little traps; the key to maintaining and ramping up attraction here is in dancing this dance, and in treating them not like a princess or a goddess or a queen like most men who meet them do, but like a "whore" (within reason), as above.

Treating a Whore Like a Queen

Opposite the queen is the whore; and with her being accustomed to men (especially attractive men like you) being rude or dismissive or cold, we're going to go the opposite direction we went with the queen, and instead keep the focus on genuine compliments:

You: That's a beautiful coat.

Her: Do you like it?

You: It's gorgeous... goes perfect with your eyes and hair. Your style is very well put together.

Her: Thank you!

You: Where'd you learn your fashion sense from?

Her: I just picked it up from reading magazines!

You: Oh yeah? Which ones?

Her: Elle and Harper's Bazaar are my favorites.

You: Good choices. That explains why you're so fashion savvy then.

Her: Do you like fashion?

You: Only the fashion that you have on.

Her: Thank you!

Note the continued complimenting, and the use of one compliment leading into another. Even the questions are compliments - you're interested in learning more about her good taste. These compliments are not over the top, and are only on things you think are nice and genuinely like - that's important, because if you seem insincere she'll assume you're having a laugh at her expense and will auto-reject to protect her ego.

With each woman, you're making her feel good, except through different ways.

The queen you make feel good because finally, here is a REAL man who isn't captivated by her and trying too hard to please her and is instead putting her through a gauntlet... which feels delightful and fun.

The whore you make feel good because finally, here is a man who isn't treating her like a subhuman being but a real woman, worthy of attention and compliments and genuine affection... which feels delightful and heartening.

Not Black and White: A Spectrum

Of course, you'll rarely interact with real royalty/debutantes/spoiled pretty rich girls, and you'll rarely interact with actual prostitutes and working girls. Most of the time you're just going to be meeting ordinary, run-of-the-mill women of varying degrees of beauty and fashion sense and hotness and self-esteem from a number of different walks of life.

Some of them will be used to males falling all over themselves around them, and be closer to the "queen" part of the spectrum. Some of them will be used to men using them and treating them poorly, and be closer to the "whore" part of the spectrum. Some of them will be somewhere in between.

What's important is that you know that how you treat a woman must directly correspond to how she's accustomed to being treated... and you don't want to treat her like she's accustomed to being treated.

Because then you won't stand out.

She'll stay in autopilot.

Attraction won't grow.

Treat her in a way that contrasts with how she's accustomed to being treated. Don't be so blatantly obvious that she knows what you're doing (otherwise it looks forced or try-hard). And don't JUST treat her different - still continue to interact with her, deep dive with her, chase frame her.

You don't need a completely different approach with the different kinds of woman...

... just shades of the same approach you normally use.

Do that, and you'll quickly find that women rapidly become entranced by and addicted to the way you treat them.

Until next time,
Chase