Can Casual Sex Emotionally Satisfy You?

Hey guys!

Here is another reflection of mine. Lately I have discussed with other well-experienced seducers about “meaningfulness” in seduction – a topic that has really caught my attention lately.

What is the meaning of all this?

Many men tend to look at this in a very black and white fashion – as in either sleeping with lots of different women or settling down with one particular girl.

Truth is, it doesn’t have to be that black and white. This post will briefly discuss the pros and cons before covering an alternative to those forms of lifestyle – a lifestyle I and a few other seducers are discussing or even endorsing.

Casual Sexual Relationships

Men tend to have polarized interests. On the one side you have those who just want a girlfriend and on the other extreme you have those who just want to play around and have a lot of insignificant sex – insignificant as in lacking an emotional connection.

Both have their pros and cons and it all comes down to preferences in the end. There is nothing wrong with settling down if that is your choice, just as it is totally fine to sleep around.

That being said, as mentioned, most guys tend to go for the extreme and usually overlook the grey zone – namely something in between sleeping around and connecting with a girl in a more emotionally significant relationship. Very commonly guys who play around with seduction material tend to go out a lot and lay many different women – new ones weekly, and then out of the blue switching over to the other extreme. That being said, some discover this material while in a relationship and go from having a strong connection to becoming the local sex toy.

As mentioned, this all comes down to personal choices. What I do not get is why so many tend to go from one extreme to the other. The differences between both lifestyles are dramatic, and most people rarely change their life so radically in other fields in their life. However, when it comes to sex and relationships, extreme change seems to be the norm. Here are some of those radical changes:

• Going from huge amounts of stimuli (by going out and meeting many women) to getting very little stimuli (boyfriend lifestyle tends to offer less stimuli)

• Many different sex partners to having only one

• A lifestyle of going out a lot into a more passive lifestyle

• Going from being a totally free wildcat into becoming more passive. You are also most likely giving away some of your freedom as well

• Going from having a lot of insignificant sex (again with “insignificant sex” I am referring to casual sex with very little or no emotional connection at all) into having very emotionally significant sex

There are probably many other things that change when one enters a relationship that I haven’t mentioned here. But anyway, the bottom line is the same – the changes in one’s life are radical, especially when one enters a monogamous relationship, which also tends to be the norm.

As mentioned earlier, both lifestyles have their pros and cons. Let us briefly cover these before I allow myself to share an alternative to those extremes that might sound appealing to some of you (and if it doesn’t I still hope this post will be an interesting read to you).

Casual Sex

Casual sex offers many great things and oftentimes seems a great way to develop fundamental seduction skills (that can also be VERY useful in long term relationships) and the source of a lot of excitement. Casual sex is a lot of fun and actually has a lot to offer:

• The ability to explore the world (of vagina)

• The excitement of meeting lots of people and experience many exciting, twisted, and weird experience

• You will develop a lot of field experience, sharpening your seduction skills

• Many men, myself included, get a hell of a kick from meeting a stranger and within a short time be able to have sex with her

• A strong feeling of total freedom

There is obviously a lot of fun and a high level of stimuli involved in having lots of casual sex on a regular basis. On the other hand, this lifestyle does not offer:

• Emotional connection

• You barely get to know the girl in most situations

• Lacks female affection (which is something many men need!)

• Better potential for reproduction

Let us now briefly look at the pros and cons of long term commitment.

Long Term Relationships

Many of us have experience with these kind of relationships and I am sure many of you readers have your own experiences with this lifestyle. That is why I will briefly share my experiences, that I am sure is representative for most men out there. Long term relationships offer:

• A high degree of emotional connection

• A lot of female affection

• A feeling of “security”

• Exclusiveness (you only sleep with her in return for her only sleeping with you – this goes for monogamous relationships)

• Potential future and possibilities for reproduction

• The ability to REALLY experiment sexually (I discussed this point in my article about developing sexual experience)

However, there are some downsides as well:

• Far less stimuli than having a lot of casual sex with different sex partners

• Many men become less social when in relationships

• Fewer adventures

• Not be able to experience different women

• Your seduction skills will become rather rusty

So now that we have covered the pros and cons of both lifestyles, let us discuss a third option. The option might seem obvious to many of you, yet very few men live or even consider this alternative. As mentioned, there is good and bad in everything and it all comes down to your choices and preferences, but I would advise you to at least consider what I am about to share.

Emotionally Significant Casual Sex

I guess the title says it all. The idea here is that you connect deeper with each of your sex partners – basically mixing some elements of long term relationships with aspects from having casual sex.

Many seducers that I know of – who go out a lot and meet lots of women and regularly have sex with different partners – tell me they do enjoy their lifestyle, yet they feel that something is lacking. What they feel is lacking is usually female affection and emotional connection.

So the idea here is to keep having a lot of sex with different women – i.e., keep going out and meeting and banging the women you meet, however also trying to connect with these women. That sounds easier said than done. Allow me to explain.

The Big Catch

There is a catch here, namely that too much “connection” or too much “rapport” can actually decrease your chances of bedding the woman you have just approached – especially in a stimulus-loaded environment like a nightclub – but this also goes for day game and online game.

Women really like the idea of having sex with someone new – “the mysterious stranger”. I have discussed many times the distinction between the “lover” and the “provider” – which is a cool and useful theory (and just a theory, not a rule set in stone). The theory in a nutshell says that some men women perceive as providers – men who are well fit to become boyfriends, whereas others, namely the lovers, are just pure sex toys to women. Women will treat these men differently. For instance she will with more ease have sex on the first night with a guy she perceives as a lover, and more likely to put up a lot of resistance with the provider.

When it comes down to casual sex, it is all about being perceived as a lover – whereas in a long-term relationships you can allow yourself to be a mix of both. You can easily go from being a “lover” to her, to add in more element of the “provider”. Mind you that going the other way around is way more difficult.

How to Connect

Connecting a lot prior to having sex with her will at best make you come across as a provider, and many times can put you straight into the friend zone. So how do you connect with a girl if you plan on having regular sex with girls you have just met?

There are a few options that I have discovered so far:

• Sexual Connection: Connect with her purely on a sexual level. Some people say “it is not all about sex”, and they are right, but sex is the pillar of emotional connection within a sexual relationship. So focusing on that will allow you to connect with her on a very deep level. Never underestimate the power of sex. This form of emotional connection is according to my experience one of the strongest.

  The way I manage to connect on this level is by using sex talk to create a form of sexual rapport – sexual compatibility. Being similar in terms of sexuality, similar views on sex, having more or less the same kinks, similar experiences. The way you do this is obviously by talking about sex, telling her what you like – what you enjoy doing in bed, sharing your knowledge, sharing your stories. It is obviously also key that you make her open up by taking care of things like anti-slut defense and motivate her to share her own experiences, her own perspectives, her own desires, her own stories. Now this has to be done the right way – I have written quite a few posts on the topic that you should check out if this interests you:

• How to Use Sex Talk to Set a Sexual Tone and Mood
• How to Use Sex Talk, Part II: Case Study
• How to Tell a Sex Story, Part I
• How to Tell a Sex Story, Part II
• Being the Sexually Liberated Guy
  

• Connecting with her AFTER having had sex with her. So you basically go for the regular “talk shit and get laid” strategy, and once you have had sex with her, you start building a lot of rapport. This works because you will not whatsoever end up in the friend zone because you have after all already been into her. When I pull a one-night stand for instance I usually try to have sex with her as fast as possible in order to “get it over with”. The idea here is that I want to crack that barrier as fast as possible. Have you noticed that the first time you bang a girl, it is a bit awkward, she isn’t really comfortable, and the sex is not as good as it should be, however the second time you bang her on the same night it tends to be so much better? This is what I opt for – crack the barrier and get her comfortable having sex with me so that the second round she can TRULY release herself.

  Having really wild and crazy sex on the first night is a REALLY good way to really connect – especially if you have built additional rapport between the first round and the second round. The first round of sex is a “means to and ends”, whereas the second round is the “end in itself”. Before I move on to the next concept, I would warn you that connecting too much can in some cases make her see you as a potential boyfriend and she might start really liking you. This however doesn’t happen as often as one might think and if you don’t put too much emphasis on “meeting again” (i.e., leaving that hypothetical), and if you do see her again, avoid meeting her too often and avoid doing too many boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.

• It is fine to build a lot of rapport and get to know her prior to having sex with her as long as you make sure to sexualize the interaction enough, either by talking about sex (verbal sexual innuendos are also fine) or escalating physically – this is key. It is also key that you don’t create too much rapport with her – don’t overdo it. This is a simple straightforward way to do things and is pretty easy to pull off. Even though this might seem very “cookie cutter”, it is less efficient than any of the other strategies, but works nevertheless.

• Sexual Tension! Our dear Cody Lyans is really the expert on it. When there is a strong sexual tension between you and the girl, you tend to connect with each other on a VERY UNIQUE level that tends to lead to VERY PASSIONATE and WILD sex. Now sexual tension is basically when there is this vibe of mystique and intrigue between you two that forms a strong bubble, where both of you know there is something going on between you two, yet with the element of mystery and intrigue. This bubble is usually formed by strong eye contact, heavy escalation, and cutting the spaces between you two.

  It is key to hold the tension and not break it (by cracking a joke or two) and let it increase naturally (by looking at her with a poker face while touching her passionately). She will try to break it, but if you persist and not fall for her attempts of dissolving it, it will increase to a point of no return. This works best when isolated with the girl. Note that although sexual tension is very strong and powerful, the downside here is that you cannot always control it – sometimes it gets created easily, sometimes you just simply won’t reach that point of no return no matter what you do. Keep in mind that sexual tension is not required to get laid, but once you create the bubble, things tend to go smoothly and the end results tend to be really great.

These are my suggestions. Keep in mind that they do not exclude each other. You can combine these strategies if you see fit. For example, you can always create a lot of sexual tension, pull her home, have sex with her, create some rapport, and have sex with her again. Or maybe you use some heavy sex talk and you connect with her on a sexual level. After pulling her home and having sex with her, you create some additional rapport before having sex with her again. It is all up to you.

Women as Means and Ends

Now keep in mind that you won’t connect with all the women you meet. Very often you will end up doing the good old “talk shit and get laid” thing and having very “insignificant sex”. There is nothing wrong with that, as it is a lot of fun. Even though you might want to connect deeper with the women you sleep with (or plan on sleeping with) there are no guarantees that this will happen – that’s life, get over it.

However, the way I see it, is that the women I don’t really connect with serve as “means to and end”, namely that I want to have sex with many different women with the end goal of meeting those amazing women that I really connect with.

If I meet a girl that I don’t really connect with, that’s fine, she is just part of the process – the process of finding those special women out there. That being said, I can still have fun with her and we can still have a great time. I don’t see anything wrong with “viewing” her as a “means” or a part of a process, since she didn’t connect with me after all and she is probably using me for the same purpose – more or less, for example riding the cock carousel before finding that special boyfriend.

I will go out this weekend and I might hook up a girl I might connect with. She might be a girl that will have a place in my memory and heart for the rest of my life, even if I am only with her for one night… or I might meet a girl who I might not really match with but whom I can have fun with anyway.

Yet I know that sooner or later, I will meet a girl that will give me passion, before the cycle starts again. This is how I live and this lifestyle is just amazing. I love what I am doing.

I am into this in order to have great sex, meet amazing women, and have great adventures with them.

I might not always get there every time I go out, but each night, each woman is a new opportunity, and an opportunity that I cannot wait to grab.

Happy hunting.

Best,

Alek Rolstad