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How to Seed Dates and Pulls Back Home

Chase Amante

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seed a date
It's easier to get a girl to agree to a date or to go to your place if what you suggest feels familiar to her. But how do you trigger that feeling of familiarity? By seeding your suggestion first.

Recently I spoke with a friend who's back in the field after some time off, trying to shake off the rust. He's gone on a lot of dates but had trouble closing the deal with girls. And he mentioned his usual process for getting alone with a woman right now.

What he's doing, typically, is taking girls on a date, then later going for a walk with them, only to 'just happen' to end up right outside his building. He'll then invite them up.

Except most of the time they balk. Other times they'll go up with him, but resist kissing, and leave soon after he kisses them or tries to. He started to wonder if he might not be asking women to make too big a decision ("Go into this guy's place and get intimate, yes or no?") on the spot.

So I reminded him about seeding.

Seeding is a tool you can use to make it easier to get women onto dates and back to your place (or you to theirs).

It works by making women feel 'familiar' with the thing you want to propose, by introducing it earlier, before the decision point. Seeding a request or invite before you make it removes the 'on the spot' feeling when you do propose something, so a woman does not feel as if she suddenly must decide whether or not to do something then and there.

If you know how to seed dates and pulls with women, and you seed often, you'll discover let-downs like my friend has, where you bring a woman by your place and invite her up, only to run into a 'no', largely evaporate. Instead you get girls to agree before you even start on your way, and find they're bought-in by the time you arrive.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Russell's picture

Hello chase , hope you are doing well. You have said in one of your articles that you are a master at copywriting. Can you tell how did you do your business in copywriting and how you learn about copywriting in general. Please provide every information which you can - content which you read, books, any well known author, courses, mentor or whatever. Thanks very much.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Russell-

Sure. I'll first clarify I said I "effectively mastered" -- in the case of copywriting, I would say I am a skilled enough copywriter that I can crank out some very decent and usually pretty darn effective copy, so effectively mastered, but I still get bi-monthly coaching from a very, very talented copywriter with a couple decades of copy experience on me who routinely rips my copy to shreds. So there is still some space between "effectively mastered" and "top 0.001% mastery" ;)

As far as learning it however:

  • I have read a lot throughout my life. You must be well-read to write well, copywriting not excepted
     
  • I had five years of in-person sales experience before I ever wrote any copy. Personally, I think this is crucial if you want your copy to be very good, because it gives you an instinct that it's hard to get if all you're doing is writing
     
  • Learning seduction doesn't hurt either, particularly as you are learning various psychological persuasion techniques you'll then apply to copy. Go through a copy course and you'll see a lot of the same techniques you've read about on Girls Chase -- not by accident, either
     
  • When I first started writing actual copy, I began by basically rewriting copy from other folks. There's a good bank of copy you can leaf through here
     
  • Next, I went through an old Gary Halbert letter that lays out an excellent process for getting very good at copy (very quickly, if you work on it each day). You can see that online here
     
  • I purchased Jon Benson's 3XVSL program (called something different today I think), went through all the instructional videos there, and did a couple by-the-book video sales letters, doing it by-the-book to make sure I got the steps right and learned the method before I started getting more creative with it
     
  • Then I signed up for John Carlton's Simple Writing System program with the coaching component. I think there's one that's just an information course, but the one I signed up for had you share your copy in a student forum and get feedback from an expert coach. "Hundreds of millions of dollars sold"-level expert. I went in thinking my copy was pretty good (everyone I knew kept telling me it was), only to have it torn to shreds and get a crash course in writing better copy from my coach
     
  • After that, I signed up for monthly coaching calls with the coach I met via SWS, who was both very expensive, and very good.

That was my particular process.

If you're starting out, I'd suggest:

  1. Read a lot
  2. Write a lot
  3. Go through the Gary Halbert letter I linked above and do everything in it
  4. Use the swipe copy from the link I linked before Gary Halbert to write your copy

If you get to the point you're making some solid money as a copywriter, start looking into paid programs like Benson's and Carlton's.

Then once you reach the point where you're not learning anything more from those, if you're still in the game, it's time for a coach.

There's another route you can go too, which is to find a job writing for Agora, Inc. Though my understanding is the training they provide is not that great... but, you will be getting paid to write copy, so something to consider.

Chase

Makii's picture

Chase, a few qs
1. In his chess course, Gary Kasparov says that playing against an actual human leads to faster learning than playing a computer. Also you told Subzero a while back that faster learning comes from handwritten rewrites and not typed rewrites. Why does the analog approach seem to lead to greater gains in Chess as well as writing?

2. In your article on porn addiction you advise readers to drop anything that is porn related. I've the 2 girls teach sex video tutorials and also Gabriel Moore's Naked u series. Each of these programs aim to teach individuals various sex techniques and how to give it to a girl in the bedroom through live demonstrations. Would these also products also pass off as porn?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Makii-

I suspect the learning advantages from analog chess and analog handwriting are due to different factors.

With writing by hand, you go slower, and incorporate a lot more motor control into putting the thought down onto paper, which if I recall correctly supposedly creates a lot more brain activity, leading to stronger memory formation.

With learning chess, and I say this while saying most of my chess knowledge comes from playing a computer, learning its strategy, then using its strategy against it in the next game and seeing how it beat it, then doing that again and again until I could beat it consistently at a given difficulty level, then raising the difficulty level, what Kasparov may have been talking about was that chess players learn by committing moves and strategies to memory. When they study highly skilled chess players, they find the biggest difference between them and novices is that they have many, many more games, strategies, and sequences committed to long-term memory. It may be that human players use a greater variety of strategies, and people learn faster that way. Or it might be you're more engaged in a match with a human, so learn faster since you're paying more attention. Certainly is easy to zone out with the computer. Those'd be my guesses, but I can't say for sure.

As for the instructional videos... I'm not sure how titillating they are or how educational they are, as I haven't seen either. But, if you have them, maybe watch them straight through, with your dick in your pants the whole time ;) , take notes on the worthwhile parts, and forget about them after that.

Chase

ChristianJacob's picture

Hi Chase,

This was a great read, the subtlety of seeding and the difference it makes seems tremendous. This got me thinking about a related dilemma I am not quite sure how to approach, and how to seed things there. I've had to ball-in-court text girls before where they were either losing interest or where I made enough effort but things just weren't going anywhere. A lot of these girls would respond back later (most in 1-2 months), but it was always the "hey hows it going" or "hi :)" type of responses.

My way of responding was to not respond back, because I thought that since these girls didn't offer a time or place to meet, they must just be playing games. However, I recently was wondering if it was the case they were too shy to directly ask to meet or if not answering the text (which had nothing about meeting up) drove them away?

For example, recently I had to ball in court a girl at school after she turned down 3-4 attempts to meet and ignored messages. After my ball in court message, my goal was to go completely silent until she responded saying she wanted to meet. However, about an hour after my ball in court message, she texted around 7 messages saying random things about her day and positive things like,

"thanks :) I haven't been sleeping a lot, things have been insanely busy"

"one of these wednesdays, if youre around, I would be really down to get tacos at this place I like!"

and

"Will reach out when things do get so busy anymore, best of luck with your things :)"

I ignored these. However, she messaged me the day after, saying "hey i think i saw you giving a presentation in room 211 earlier haha".

At this point, there are 5-6 unanswered messages from her, which seem to maybe put the ball back in my court/autoreject her. Do you feel a response to non-ask-out text from her after the ball in court text is warranted? Or do you just disappear until she says she's free to meet again? The main concern I have is that by not responding to her, she might feel too rejected/ego protecting to get back to me when she is free. Would love to hear your general thoughts on these!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Christian-

An easy response to "hey hows it going" is "can't complain". An easy response to "hi :)" is "hi back :)".

Just send something very simple, that lets her know you're listening, but doesn't ask for anything yourself or give her anything more than, in effect, my ear's open, what did you want to tell me?

Taco girl I would've just responded to and said "Sounds scrumptious. Yeah, most Wednesdays are good for me after 4 o'clock. Just let me know!" and then quieted down on her until she wanted to nail down a date/time.

When she continues chasing, just do the same as the earlier examples, respond with something that doesn't give her much aside from to tell her your ear's open and you're listening:

HER: hey i think i saw you giving a presentation in room 211 earlier haha

YOU: Must've been my evil twin ;)

If she's chasing, give her a little and let her keep chasing. She can tell you what she wants when she's ready.

Chase

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

1. do you remember what place you got most of your lays whenever you had the most partners that year? was it a club or day game? it still seems to me besides the notch count cheat codes that apps are the easiest to getting more women. but I know you're not a fan of apps, so I was curious on where you went where you got your most lays in a year.

2. would you say that black women are different when it comes to first date sex and not paying? I'm speaking as a black guy of course. but it seems they focus more on you paying and being difficult than other race of women. but I wanted to know as a black man, do we treat all girls the same, not pay, and try to get 1st date sex?

3. can you give a scenario of a low cost date and not paying? say if you're going out for coffee or drinks, or ice cream and pizza. what is the scenario of the date and how do you not pay and have things go smooth since the date is so cheap? and do you still recommend we gave arcade dates with app girls or are the regular cheap dates good?

4. when do you get to the point where you don't have to go out 4 times a week anymore? what's the goal that were looking for when we can go out less? because this stuff costs me a lot of money lol. are we going by lays? are we going by months? how many days you recommend to go out after that period of going out all the time? and is it possible to go to their place after and would you even recommend going to a club girls house? it's my only option but I figure I ask.

 

Thanks!!

SZ's picture

1. So I was thinking Chase,

I seen your dating while broke article and the are you too old to learn seduction article.

and it still brings me back to your article about being being an exceptional older man.

so what ages are you mostly talking to when it comes to articles like dating while broke and are you too old for pick up?

it seems like it's universal advice, but then I remember you said you would have to be exceptional by 34 or so.

so is the dating while broke article focused on guys younger than 34 or can it be used by men older than that?

and the article about are you too old, I'm assuming men reading that aren't all exceptional.

so my question is, when you made that article were you only talking about being an exceptional older man for exceptional younger women? not all attractive younger women?

maybe that's why I'm confused because reading the article makes it sound like any older guy without those things can only get older women or not attractive younger women, then that would mean they really couldn't use anything from the site because they can't attractive younger women because they aren't exceptional.

OK I'm done with that question.

2. I read a comment you left for someone saying that it makes no sense to invite a girl on a date if you come off every sexy, it doesn't match who you are, something like that.

could explain more about that? and when to not ask for a date or when you should?

3. and how can you be sure a woman is OK to know where you live and she's OK to invite her into your house? and when should you not?

thanks

SZ's picture

Hey Chase, 

I know I ask a lot of questions, but some of these questions aren't from me and I think sometimes you think it's me.

one dude called himself subzy or something and I think you thought that was me, and there have been other times I've seen the name SZ used as well.

don't know if there's a way to combat this, but reading your comment to subzzy in an article or two ago sounded like you thought that was me.

the comment was about asking for a number fast and you thought that's what I have been doing and I have convos with girls, anyway that wasn't me.

idk how I can let you know in the future, but I'll try to identify myself somehow. 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

All right man, well maybe someone trolling you.

You can sign up for an account at girlschase.com/user.

We had user registration restricted only to guys who bought products or paid for something for years due to spam, but it's open to general registration / non-paying members again now too.

Can always claim a name on there tied to a user account, and then it's always clear it's you.

Chase

Harmon W's picture

Hi Chase,

Recently, I met a girl who was an undergrad online (she's 20), and I am a graduate student. I am nearly 30 myself. We went out on a few dates together, but ultimately I wasnt able to go to bed with her. The problem is, some of her friends and roomates who are younger now know about me. I am worried that I may have to be a teaching assistant for a course and that some of them might think I'm going after younger girls or think its strange/be judgemental. She ended up saying she was too busy to meet, which I took as her not being interested anymore.

Do you have thoughts about what I should do and if this is acceptable? I am a bit worried they might see me and think I was the older guy who got rejected, etc. What would you personally do in my case? Thanks!

 

 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Harmon-

I wouldn't stress it. Just stay cool and don't make it a big deal.

Even if she gossips to her friends that you were (whatever bad thing she decided you were), if you cool and keep yourself attractive and they end up as students you're T.A.'ing for they'll quickly come to their own conclusions ("Wow, I don't know what Jenny was talking about but he does not seem that way at ALL").

Also, when you're in the T.A. position, if you're a decently attractive guy, your female students will be attracted to you. When I T.A.'d back in university, I had girls who ignored me previously start flirting openly with me, and the hottest girl shoved her phone number on me. Women's perspectives on you change when they see you in power.

Chase

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