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If you keep asking yourself why you suck so bad with women while all these other dudes are getting laid, there are probably some things you aren’t taking into account.
Contents
1. Bad Momentum and Self-Perception
2. Are Other Men Really Doing That Well?
Lately, I’ve been writing a lot of posts to debunk common ideas that I believe are wrong. I decided to follow up with a problem I see a lot of men suffering from – and that I also struggled with.
That is when you start comparing yourself to other men’s success. You see them with girls and feel inferior. This happens especially when you don’t find yourself in female company. You start seeing these other men – either willingly or unwillingly – as superior to you.
It isn’t a good feeling, and it doesn’t result in any kind of productive mindset when it comes to meeting women – quite the contrary. You usually start experiencing this feeling when you have a crappy night. You’re already in a bad place, so feeling inferior creates a vicious circle.
This post is designed to debunk some common misconceptions, but it’s more of a fact check that will help you avoid harmful biases about your own and others’ success.
First things first – we shouldn’t care about whether other people succeed or not unless it has an impact on our own interactions. However, many of us do care.
Comments
Brilliant Article
I think this is my favorite non-technical article from you, of all time (but nothing beats your technical articles. Those are next-level stuff not found anywhere but here at home on GC).
The observation that most guys who are being studly with girls at the club are fuckbuddies with them already - genius. Or, sometimes I see, she already knows him and he's a social circle flirt. But guys who can cold approach and get a girl that into them or even MORE SO, within 10 minutes? As you said, that's the game.
I recently had a realization about not comparing yourself to other men. For a long time I knew the concept, of course. But really FEELING it, that's a different thing. It has to become cellular. That's what began to happen (the transformation isn't complete yet). I was FEELING the truth of this concept :D
That process begins a lot quicker with articles like this. Truly a gem of an article.
100% agree
I can relate to your comment and this article, because I had moments when I felt inferior to other men only to find out later that my feelings were misleading.
I bookmarked the article (maybe somebody talks to Chase so we can bookmark our favorite articles from within our accounts ;) )
Zanardi
To Zanardi:
Happy to hear that this article was useful. I will be making more debunk articles in the future so stay tuned.
Make sure you also read Chase's article on limiting beliefs. That could help out a lot. If you do clubbing, my article on bottles is also a good read.
Best,
Alek
Zanardi
Feel free to send suggestions regarding technicalities of the site to the customers service so that Chase or whoever is in charge of this can look at it. It will be greatly appreciated.
Best,
Alek
Hector
To Hector:
Thanks buddy!
I am happy you enjoyed this article. I had to write about something else than just technical stuff. Life and even pick up and seduction is as we both know more than just technicalities.
I agree with you that most guys with girls at the clubs who flirt with girls tend to be from their social circle. Nothing wrong with that as there are pros and cons. Rapport and flirting in social circle is however the easy part. the hard part (I know you know all this, but for people reading) is to meet new girls, deal with resistance, handle the social wildcards and handling logistics. This is hard in social circle... and most social circle guys do not know that. That is way all they get is some flirting here and there.
-Alek
Comparisson
I think most men don't get jealous seeing stranger men with stranger women, they get jealous over male friends either picking up women they like as well or at least getting their phone numbers first. It's an ego thing. It doesn't mean it has to lead to sex with those girls to get to think you are less worthy of yourself, it's more about who gets the girls attention the most (through numbers, make out,s sex).
As for strangers, I only get jealous when I see a 6'2-6'3 type of male model being with a hot woman, because I know I can't compare with him.
BMontana
Hey there.
In clubs, bars and parties many do in fact envy guys who have lots of women flirting with them, or making out with them, especially so if they have a bad night or bad game (i.e. they get little female attention compared to the rest). It is an ego thing as you say, but I think it is hard for a man to see when a girl gives him her phone number - you rarely can see the event actually happening. Additionally, a number means jack shit, especially these days. Women give away their number left and right - sometimes even to get rid of guys.
Regarding your comment on looks, well looks can be one of many advantages, but is surely not the most scary one to compete with in my book. I will type some posts about this. Thanks for the idea, and stay tuned.
Best,
Alek
Never for me
You talk about having a 'bad streak with women' is a temporary thing. I have never had an even slightly positive streak with them. I'm 38 and I've never had sex with a woman or kissed one. I have never been attractive to any woman - this much is obvious - I see other guys having luck sometimes with women - and I wish I could just kiss one woman once. My experience tells me that this will never happen because clearly I don't have what it takes to attract any woman even for one night. I stopped going out at all about 2 years ago and have no inclination to try again because with zero positive experience, I see no point in going out and watching other guys talk easily to and end up making out / leaving with women I find very attractive but never approach because nothing ever happens for me.
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