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Welcome back to the journey! Hope you enjoyed the loving in the last article.
So far, we’ve covered:
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In Part 1: how to become arrogant and eradicate fear
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In Part 2: the myth of the heartless player and the risks of arrogance
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In Part 3: how to cultivate humility and temper arrogance
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In Part 4: how to love people, learn from them, and take responsibility for others’ feelings
Before we start to develop a healthy love for women, we’re going to
identify the venomous thoughts we have about them... because all these things are deep,
entrenched obstacles to happy relationships, a stable psyche, and true,
breakout, to-the-rooftops-good success.
Comments
Thanks Man
So far I should say I'm loving this, even though I'm really young, (16) I've been trough most of this and overcame it.
And this website has made me so much a better man (or should I say kiddo? :P)
Anyway what I'm really having trouble with in this serie's objective is the arrogance part. I've always been a nice guy but not in the way of mr. nice guy or white knight,
I don't feel confortable being rude towards people as I've always been a guy of building "alliances" and get as much friends I can get, but is it really important to be arrogant towards people as a learning process?
Or can I skip it since I feel like I'm fine with part 3 4 and 5 of this series?
Keep up the good work,
Pedro Canteiro
building alliances more powerful than being a dick?
I can bring an example for that of a guy who brought "making alliances" to the extreme.
One of my best friends is a guy with a rather low IQ , if you measure it with math problems and logic.
He dropped out of uni, never managed to finish it.
Had a string of very low paying jobs, including drug dealing -though that wasn't really that low paying :)-.
He is now the co-founder and owner of 1/3 of a company valued at 3 millions EUR by the first round of investment (for now still paper value, but that's how you start).
He did by 1. having a drive I've never seen in anyone and, equally important, by 2, being constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY dominating the social arena by making friends with anyone and building alliances and doing favour and always pledging his help. Sometimes in what one might think was the most self-deprecating way. But it made people feel good and cherished. And made people love him.
You could put it this way: take the goal of "being the main asshole in the room" and turn it into "being the guys with most friends in the room".
Making friends every time made him a high value star salesman first and a (on paper, for now) millionaire now.
Quite impressive, really.
One of the best reads I have encountered on GirlsChase
I picked up the Kabala a year after my "D". It really is a matter of mentally telling yourself to be HAPPY no matter what and that you really have control only over your own beliefs, fears, hopes, dreams, and nobody else's, but you do have an effect on those around you. What do you want to exude? Like you said...You Mad, Bro(sef)?
One thing to apply this to women, harder to apply it to SOCIETY.
I like the fact that you advocate overcoming victim mentalities and bitterness. I firmly believe that doing so is an integral part of becoming a warmer and more confident person, which in turn allows a man to have better presence with women and provide more value. All men must do this.
It's one thing to apply this mindset (of rejecting hate/bitterness) to women because in the end, we aren't entitled to women - they either choose or reject us for the qualities that we present to them and the feelings that we make them feel. So if they don't want a part of what we have to offer, who cares, we can upgrade and go meet more women around the corner. Even if we choose to invest time in a woman, she always has the prerogative to change her mind at any time. In seduction we win some and we lose even more. To me, it's not so hard to remain calm with women and not get annoyed by their unpredictable ways...it's just how it goes. All men face this.
However, I want to apply this mindset (of rejecting hate and bitterness) to the feedback that I get from society, a kind of feedback that I don't think all men equally face. My concern may be beyond the scope of a website on seduction, but I thought I'd ask my question anyway. So the question is, how to apply this mindset (of rejecting hate and bitterness) to racism/prejudice?
For some of us living in or just visiting America, simply walking down the street is an exercise in witnessing "who fears me most." Some cities are worse than others, but the fear is always there, and sometimes it's TOO much fear. For some of us, it's a never-ending barrage on our egos... having to witness the fearful and distrustful behavior of some whites/asians in America.
I'm not here to cast judgement on anyone, or to start a flame war, but I legitimately want to have a conversation with men who rid themselves of anger, resentment, and victim mentalities, so that I may do so in my life too.
As you alluded to in your article, body language speak much much louder than words when you said that girls "pick up on bitterness and it slowly repels them." Well some of us pick up on other people's fears/suspicions and not only does it repel us, it is also interpreted as an attack on the ego which in turn causes anger and hate. It's easy to become bitter and hateful toward those who attack your ego (whether it's women who reject you, or those people on the street or in other venues who automatically, without any evidence, think you're there to rob them or worse).
If it was a rare occurrence to see people afraid of me, I'd be like LOL look at this fearful person, smh. But the reality is that the fear of tall muscular males with melanin is deep and broad and pervasive in America, and no matter what American city I go to, I witness it. One might say, who cares what other people think - but it's one thing if you go up to a girl and she's not interested in conversation, it's another thing altogether if you go to a venue or coffee shop or park, and as soon as some people see you, you see the immediate dread on their faces as they start heading for the exits.
Overly focusing on prejudice and feeling victimized by it takes away from focusing on the opportunities in the environment. I've emotionally overcome the rejection from women problem...it comes with the territory no matter where you try to seduce women - in America or elsewhere. I'm trying to get over the prejudice issue too, but some people's fear of me never goes away, and in fact since the Treyvon debate I think it's gotten more pronounced, and more overt. But I can't say for certain because I wasn't paying all that close attention to other people's reactions to me back in 2012-13, so who knows?
So do you or anyone at Girlschase have a way at looking at the situation that might help me with not feeling so annoyed by prejudice (aka the fearful and suspicious body language of other people) that occurs daily, weekly, monthly, yearly? I just want to not care about it anymore, back like when I was oblivious to it.
So If you have any thoughts, I'd like to hear them.
Good Last Question
Am I mad? No.
Disillusioned? Yes.
Apathetic? Definitely.
Cynical? Absolutely.
Believe women are friendly & approachable? HELL FREAKIN' NO!!!
Value Imbalances
Mickey-
I’ve seen your comments on here from time to time, and they’re ALWAYS bitter, disillusioned, and cynical. I’m not sure why you come here; you don’t actually soak up the core message from anything I or other writers have written.
Some core approaches to social value I’ve noticed you do not grasp at all:
I’ll be honest with you, if I was a girl I’d give you the coldest snub I could muster to make sure you kept your distance from me; I wouldn’t need the drain on my value, status, self-esteem, and emotional well-being that I have no doubt oozes from you like radioactive effluvium with your mindset as it is right now.
Personally, as you are right now, I wouldn’t be friends with you in real life, either. I’m certain I’d come away feeling like I’d been sucked of my vital essence every time we interacted. And women are way more attuned to this stuff than I or any guy is.
That’s not to say we couldn’t BE friends! And that isn’t to say women couldn’t go CRAZY for you!
However, you need to do some SERIOUS core work before women will want you, or people of any merit will want to ally with you.
Will you do it? You seem patently disinterested in changing yourself on iota to conform with what anyone other than you wants.
Problem with that is you won’t get anyone other than yourself interested in keeping company with you, which is fine if you’d like to live as a hermit tucked away on a mountaintop somewhere, but if you want people to actually like you and spend time with you and participate in your life, you’re going to have to learn to treat them like PEOPLE and not OBJECTS FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT.
That’s the only way it works. Period. No matter how superior you may think you are, nobody else cares. You want ‘em? Give ‘em what THEY want - not what you think they ought to want. No other way around it.
If you decide you WANT improvement, read this article (whether you consider yourself depressed or not), and focus on doing what’s prescribed in it HARDCORE for the next 3-4 months. This is your #1 priority, because nothing in your life will work until you fix the tangle you have upstairs.
The only other way I can see you getting women at this point is becoming a decamillionaire who conspicuously consumes and throws wads of cash around, and you’ll still be bitter because normal, happy women will still avoid you and you’ll only attract the gold-diggers and the loonies who are willing to tolerate your misanthropy long enough to extract some resources from you.
If that doesn’t sound like what you want, then get your head right. Not fun, I realize, and I’m sure you would much rather the world adjusted to you instead of you adjusting to it, but… even Alexander the Great adopted the dress, titles, and customs of the peoples he conquered because he knew the only way you get people on board with you is to be what THEY need and join them in THEIR world. Be enough of what others want for them to join you, or be alone - those are the two great choices life presents us.
Chase
My last point
Chase:
Let me make sure I've got this right:
1) Bitch shields & s**t tests are a dime a dozen;
2) Most women will shred a guy if he approaches or mock that same guy if he doesn't (a sure win-win)
3) The pervading feminazi notion that guys can't do anything right...
Yet, I'm the one who's "bitter" for calling it out and not drinking the PUA Kool-Aid.
We all have a frame of reference, don't we? Oh well...
Point Missed
Again, you’ve understood nothing and totally ignored the content of what was posted, choosing instead to list a bunch of utterly irrelevant bullets about how victimized you are.
Honestly, we don’t have a whole lot of time for the kind of selfish, unempathetic bickering extreme feminists and their extremist MRA foes engage in – both of you are two sides of the same coin:
Both think the other side should do everything for them
Both think life is so unfair for not giving them stuff on silver platters
Both think the answer is – no, not improvement! Shame on you for even SUGGESTING this! – but rather to bitch and moan until the world realizes how tragic your situation is and just GIVES you stuff
I don’t care if you’re a feminist or an MRA, this kind of selfish Asperger-y narcissism is truly off-putting. It’s the reason why radical feminists have such empty love lives, and the same reason why radical MRAs do too.
I doubt there’s much use in me responding to your points, but:
These stop mattering REAL fast as soon as you begin to handle your game and fundamentals – in fact, most of them disappear (and the rest you could not care less about, because women rejecting you become irrelevant)
Depends what you mean by “shredded” – if you mean cut you down in a rude, heartless way, I’ve had maybe 5 to 12 women do this to me out of, I don’t know, 5000(?) approaches lifetime… somewhere about there? I suspect what you actually mean by “shredded” is “girl didn’t jump all over my cock the moment I looked in her direction”, in which case… if you’re buried that far down in entitlement and narcissism, there’s no helping you (plus I already addressed this one in my comment to you above, which you apparently did not get anything of substance out of)
Of course we’re telling you to man up and change – this is a site for people who want RESULTS. Has anyone ever gotten the things he wanted by tucking his tail between his legs and whimpering? Do you think if you bitch loudly enough on here someone’s going to fly out to your house with a supermodel and let you have your way with her? As for feminism, no – I don’t care about your cause or their cause. Both are irrelevant, and have been the hundred thousand years or so that they’ve gone back and forth ad infinitum. See here: “Why I Don’t Tell Women to “Step It Up””; the entire article is about your third point.
Yes, you’re bitter. No, you’re not being realistic, because everything you’re saying here is an extremist view based on conjecutre and speculation instead of walking out of your house and trying things empirically.
No, you haven’t called anything out here, just made yourself look extra dense and uninquisitive.
And if going out to get the things (and women) you want in your life is drinking the Kool-Aid, then get me a pitcher of that stuff and call the Kool-Aid Man over, because he’s welcome in my house any time.
Chase
Well said
I can't tell if Mickey is a troll or honestly that dense.
troll
No way that's a real person. It's a troll
Dude
When are you going to post again? You made this site, and i tried spreading the word as much as i could, appreciating what you guys did. Anyway, man, i want you to write another post like purpose and getting out of depression, those were deep and good luck. Peace
Hi Chase. I appreciate your
Hi Chase.
I appreciate your comments for your other readers interested in real change and self-improvement, even if Mickey is too bitter and too caught up in his own mad, sad little world to change.
Sadly, he will have to fall hard and go through hell before he finally sees the light. It may have to come to severe depression with suicidal thoughts. And even then, he can see the light only if he chooses to. Some people never do. My father is a classic example. He has had the victim mentality for the past 70+ years, for as long as he is still alive. I grew up interacting with people the only way I knew how, always complaining and looking at the dark side of a situation. It is a learned habit from him.
I fell down hard, with no one to help me back up. But it was only because I fell down hard that I could see the flip side of things. It's the Law of Polarity. You cannot have light without darkness, love without hate, prosperity without poverty, and enlightment without ignorance.
For all the other readers on this site, I hope that our words will provide the impetus and motivation for the change that you seek. Remember that you cannot escape from a prison if you don't know you are in one.
It's all about perspective
Chase:
Say what you will. I submit that one man's realism will always be another man's "bitterness."
It's all relative.
wtf
Do you even understand what you're saying??!! That makes little sense.. are you European? I don't think you're American
"Its all about
"Its all about perspective"
You going to ride that same train Ritu Ghatourey rode about "Happiness is all about perspective" bullshit. If your stuck living in the past and are happy about it, good for you. I live in the present.
I just realized that I can tell you that what you've just said doesn't really matter unless you has the facts to prove it. So go ahead big Mickey, I love a good story. :)
I didn't get that last part. What's "It's all relative" mean?
It's all about perspective
The correct English expression is "all things are relative"
It's all about perspective
"Say what you will........."
"It's all relative......"
Hmmm........ German????? :-)
yes
Beautiful. Well written truth. I laughed and almost cried. Every man should take the same road as the writer. Only then you can understand...don't be bitter. It's just how it goes.. Emotions are quite the thing. and they are a gift.
Love
Hector, this is the first article I read from you, all I can say is, I will follow your work from now on!
Much respect to your mom, wonderful woman!
-Rhyme
Love
This highly resonates with th e teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz. I learned such wisdom even before coming across Girlschase. I highly reccomend people give his books a read if you're dealing with bitterness and in general. It seems you got his teachings down, Hector. :)
Seer
I love your mom! That comment
I love your mom! That comment put a smile on my face especially because that is what I needed to hear today.
First, I like this article.
First, I like this article. Having said that, I want you guys to be non judgemental with me. I'm trying my best to not hate women. And I do have many feelings of resentment towards women that I constantly struggle with every day.
I have been assaulted by two women, both drunk and on separate occasions. Harassed by a boss- inappropriate hugging. But I try to not let those experiences consume me.
I just watched a video on domestic violence- a social experiment. First, it showed the male actor get aggressive towards his girl. People were running to the rescue and threatened to call the cops. Then, it reversed the scenario to have the female be the aggressor. It showed many women, and men, in the street laughing, smiling at a guy being assaulted by his girlfriend. And that impacted me profoundly and negatively. A reality slap. I think there's a lot of hate towards men. I do wish women supported their men more in general. I wish they were there for us more. You know? I have never heard a woman say anything empowering to her man in public... let alone to me and I have been in numerous relationships. When do you hear a lady say to her man, "You're a beautiful person and I love who you are, and I'd never seek to change or fix you." It's not a thing. Women don't compliment us, empower us, and so we develop thick skin as men. Ever notice the word beautiful- you can call just about anything beautiful- women, the sky, the outdoors, your kill death ratio in call of duty(hah), but there is some taboo in calling men beautiful. It's not a thing. Women don't call us that. It goes to show hatred towards men is ingrained in the English language amd in our culture. Indeed, more violent crime happens against men, than against women. Women hate men. Men hate men. And that's sad.
Men, when is the last time that you received a compliment? From a stranger or from a loved one. Pause for a minute and really think: When is the last time that someone appreciated something about us. A positive encounter where a stranger compliments a shirt, shoes, a smile, our appearance- anything. No? What if I told you, you aren't alone. As men, we almost all have to go through negative feedback regardless of our appearances, strengths, virtues, social skills, or standing with women.
Now, women ask yourselves the same question- when's the last time you have received a compliment. You are going to have a much easier time than the men in your lives. Than your loved ones, than your boyfriend, than your husband, than your own father. When's the last time you have told you father you love him? Or complimented him?
I will be jogging in the park or on a hike. Wave hi to all passerbys. Half the women don't respond but look at me like I'm rude! All I am asking is for a community where you can innocently compliment strangers and your loved ones, be able to say hi to joggers in the park or on the hike without the negative feedback we get from women, and be mindful of the positive male role models in your life. All of that has to start with positive, empowering women. Just don't be egregious. I want to start a pro-community revolution. I wish neighbors can bake us cookies and stuff. Why does America lack this type of community? I just baked some lemon bars for my neighbor. Maybe it'll catch on. Plant the seed.
Valentine's Day was just a while ago. Ladies, how hard is it to say "Honey, Did you know that you are wonderful? You're beautiful. You're appreciated. I hope you feel I add value to your life. You add value to my life. You are my sunshine." That's never happened to me. The stuff we do on Valentine's Day for ladies- the reservations, the flowers, the gifts, the thoughtful considerations; some of us will create music, poetry... What do we get? Maybe a Valentines Day card. Maybe. Usually no. Maybe we get laid? Is that really a gift that should be percieved as "given" to men? No way. How shallow. At least write a card and say a few somethings to acknowledge we're playing a positive role in your lives. I'd seldom get a card from my dates. You can get that at dollar tree. Make it out of popsicle sticks!
One time a woman said I was a beautiful person as she was headed home to make her husband steak after her 11pm shift. I got very emotional, and I find the smallest platonic compliments to impact me so profoundly since women don't typically do that. She does that for her husband at such late an hour after a hard day's work, because he's a great guy she says. That kind of person is rare- like finding a unicorn. I think men are starving for positive interaction with women. Women don't tend to give us that basic love, or acknowledgement that we are human beings that need words of affirmation sometimes.
I'm waiting for, but not actively seeking, a woman who can share with me an exchange of words of affirmation, shower me with compliments right when I meet her, little thoughtful gifts, physical intimacy soon because I'm not getting any younger, empower me without it costing me an arm and a leg to build the foundation of a relationship. I understand that's not going to happen to me. So I'm slowly coming to terms with the single life- I travel to different countries, learned a few languages to connect with people from different communities, treat myself to expensive dinners (lobster, steak, pf changs, etc) and spas, but none of that actually makes me love women more. It makes me love life more, but does nothing to stop any resentment towards women I have.
You guys, I hate that I hate women. I feel alone in this. And I don't know what to do, and how to change my mindset.
Hormones and Thoughts/Concerns
Quico-
I'll be gentle.
Reading your comment feels, to me, like any conversation I've had with a woman.
She tells you a bunch of things she thinks are unfair, that she wants to be complimented, approved of, doted on. She wants special privileges. She wants to feel empowered. She wants to be romanced and be swept off her feet.
A man at normal hormonal levels doesn't have time for these things. He's too busy building or getting what he wants to worry about if anyone is trying to 'empower' him or not. He's too busy fucking pussies to worry about if some gal wants to compliment him on his hair or how friendly he is today or whatnot. He doesn't really care about being romanced - in fact, it'd be a waste of his time.
This is not an attack on you. I'm trying to point out a problem to you. It's one a lot of Western males share - the problem is low testosterone levels that make you think/feel/act like a woman. Yet you are not a woman, and society is not going to treat you like one. Even if you feel like you have more in common with women than with all those brutish manly men, so long as you look like a man externally society is going to lump you into the 'man' bin and regard you as one of us.
Read these three articles:
How to Be a Dominant Man: What You Didn't Know About the 'Winner Effect'
Improve Every Aspect of Your Game Through Testosterone Optimization
Men are Penetrators. Women are Receivers
You may find them jarring. Especially the first and third. Please read them anyway.
The way forward, for you, is going to be repositioning your life to rebuild testosterone to a normal, healthy range for an adult male.
As you get there, these things that feel like problems to you will melt from your concerns.
And your new concerns will become healthy, high-T male concerns: "How do I fuck / how do I dominate / how do I win / how do I build allegiances with other men / how do I train myself up?" The old ones will start to seem downright silly to you once you get there. But you've got to rebalance your hormones first, and move to a more masculine hormonal balance.
Thoughts and concerns follow hormones - until yours are fixed, these more womanly thoughts that have hold of your mind right now are going to stay there. They're not 'you' though - they're a symptom of out-of-whack hormones. And they can be fixed.
Chase
Oh, so get more dominant, get
Oh, so get more dominant, get more testerone, and in return more pussy....Is that all you're saying women have to offer us? Is that all we should expect- pussy? Is that the purpose of this article? I thought it was to get rid of resentment towards women. That just sounds horrible, brother. While that seems like it sounds great on face value- more sex, right?- it does seem like it promotes hate towards women. Dominance, aggression, testerone guided decision making sounds like a great way to hate women. No matter how much sex I have I don't know if that'd stop resentment towards women. I'm coming from a background where I used to just treat women like sexual objects. Now I'm trying my best to look at them like they're human beings. But it is difficult since there are so few good people. But I will take a look at those links you sent. Much appreciated.
hi guys. whatsapp, i read
hi guys. whatsapp, i read your eassay and i caught an interesting part of it, it is down
this part is describing me 100% i went through the same event, i thought the same, said to myself the same words, felt the same way, people say i'm callous, girls complained about that in past,
do u have any articals discuss this personality, and what the root, what effect, what right and wrong about it, and what the solution.
here the part.
Or consider this case: our man is seeing a girl for a few months and he starts letting some more romantic feelings for her slide out in conversation; he may even admit that he’s falling for her and wants a relationship.
Then, a week later, she tells him that she’s not really looking for anything serious, but wants to stay friends. He discovers later that she was hooking up with another guy while with him; he knows they weren’t exclusive, so he doesn’t consider it cheating, but damn it, he was staying pretty faithful to her! He never got too needy, well, except for when he saw that picture she posted of another guy on Facebook, that made him kind of upset, but besides that he was a pretty badass lover!
He spends days in his dim-lit room regretting every mistake he made and then, looking upon the last few days of the relationship, realizes it all came crashing down when she posted that picture of the guy. “Fuck her and fuck him!” he thinks to himself. “She’s obviously still sleeping with him... it’s probably because he’s a heartless player! Yeah, she just wants to sleep around and doesn’t want a relationship with a strong but sensitive guy like me. I shouldn’t have been so emotional! I need to go back to being a careless douche. What happened to me?!”
This viscous thought cycle turns him into a callous asshole and he slowly scares away friends and frightens off potential lovers with his anger and bitterness. Seeing this, he thinks the problem is still the same – he needs to care less about other people. The problem worsens and soon he finds himself thinking all women just want a careless guy who will shag them raw then forget about them the next day.
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