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Everybody likes attention. Yet with women, attention is more than
a means to an end – getting your attention is very often the end itself.
Women will tell you they want a lot of things.
But there’s one thing women want from you above and beyond all else: your attention.
They can want this attention to take various forms.
Some women want you to be smitten with them.
Some women want you to chase after them.
Some women want you to feel like you could never have them (yet pine after them regardless).
Some women want you to court them, seduce them, and make love to them.
Some women just want you to think they’re amazing.
But the one thing all women have in common is they want you to notice them, look at them, and pay them attention.
As a man, this is important for you to understand. All the women around you fight for your attention. They do it in different ways. Some tempt you; some shame you; some scold you; some befriend you; some agree with you. All seek to have you notice them, listen to them, and invest your time and energy into them.
You must understand you can control which women receive your attention... and what they must give you in exchange for it.
But just because you can control this, doesn’t mean you will. Many women are far better at extracting attention from men without giving things men value in return for it than men are at getting what they want in return.
Comments
October man Technique
Chase, I really love ur mind! Thnx for the great content as always. Btw I'm wondering if u have any insights on the October man technique. All the various posts online claim it is a seduction tool that can yield results in as little as 15 minutes. Is this really fact or myth? And was this what u partly used in ur 15 minute lay report at the end of HTMGC?
Re: October man Technique
Edgy-
I suppose you could run October Man fast, but it's really best suited to a place inside a bit more of a drawn-out conversation.
I did not use October Man with the girls in either of the reports at the end of HTMGC; it's not something I generally use, just because I don't need it and it fosters a level of amazement/devotion/emotionality I don't want and would rather not deal with.
Chase
Attention seeking or serious bussiness?
Hi Chase,
thanks for an interesting article. I have two points:
1) You wrote "This is a subject that is more or less verboten in the 21st Century West. You are not allowed to say that the things women say and do are done for attention! You are supposed to take all these thoughts and deeds seriously, as serious, literal, rational business!... Women do what they do to get attention – that’s the observed reality. "
Do you really believe that woman do things only for attention and do not take things as serious bussiness? I agree there are attention seekers etc., but I believe that in many cases they take things seriously (which is not necessarily exclusive with intention to get some attention). However, I am not sure how to make clear distinction and how to recognize those who do things purely for attention and others.
2) In some article in the past you wrote some about how is it important to make a woman feel allowed to be with you, continue with seduction, flirt, get laid etc., because sometimes women have internal inhibitions to do things like this. Then you offered some advice what to do about it. Do you have some advice for men who have this issue as well? If you are inexperienced and also more a rules-based rather than spontaneous guy, than it may happen you do not feel allowed to approach a girl, ask her out, make a move, touch her, have sex etc., even if you see people around you doing it (not mentioning other social situations where approaching and seducing women is not common). Like it is not the right thing to do.
Thanky you.
Anonym
Serious Business vs. Seeking Attention
Anonym-
A woman fighting to protect or take care of her children is doing something for a serious reason. A woman who is competing with another woman for the affections of a man is doing something for serious business. I am definitely not saying women never have 'serious business'... just that most/all the likely interactions you are to have with women will be a result of female attention-seeking (unless you are her children's teacher).
Women will do serious things on their own, too. For instance, a woman in school may work hard on a project she's assigned. If you interact with her though, it will invariably be in an attention-seeking way... she asks for your help with the assignment, not because you are the smartest guy in class, but because she wants and thinks she can get your attention (and also benefit from it).
There are serious things women will do. The most serious things revolve around their children, or mate competitions. They will also do serious things at times for school, career, political positions, but it's important to note at the meta level all these things are aimed at getting more attention. She wants to be seen supporting her political cause, she wants to get noticed in school, she wants attention at work. If these things lead to her getting ignored, she will change her strategy and do something else.
Nothing wrong with it... it's just important to understand as a man that while women will present themselves as Serious Business, much of your interactions with a woman will really be about attention - trying to get your attention, or trying to use you to get attention from others.
Chase
A conclusion that I drew from
A conclusion that I drew from this and other similar articles on GC is that you can gave good fundamentals and good game and still don't get the girl, but not because of you, but because of her. If I meet an investment thief, for example, I can be the next James Bond and it's all in vain.
Not Getting the Girl Because of Her
Zanardi-
Yes, most definitely.
It's most worthwhile to focus on what you could improve or do different to have better odds with various women you meet. Especially while learning - it makes a lot of sense to reflect on dates, conversations, etc., that didn't go anywhere and ask yourself "What could I have done differently?"
But ultimately success with women is as much dependent on the woman's preferences and what is going on in her life as it is on how attractive you've made yourself and how good you are at interacting with women.
The result is getting girls is a game of asymmetric returns... and your best bet, in general, is to talk to lots of girls.
Chase
Respect/Power/Admiration for Men
Great insights. Really appreciate your endless endeavor in picking up the female mind and having zero qualm sharing such taboo yet valuable topic with the general public.
However, I do notice that men, under lots of circumstances, also act in ways that seek attention for the sake of feeling powerful/influential/admired, much like some of the females behaviors described in the article. Examples:
- gucci up with fake gold gadgets or limited air jordans feel trendy
- throw up jokes or lines to feel "cool"
- initiate fights in front of crowds (especially girls) just to show what a badass they are
- show off the brilliance of their brain power in classroom discussion
- up their voices to let others know who is in charge
- etc.
It's a very natural human trait to seek certain feelings (which I think could be classified as an end) through the behaviors/actions (means) of attention-seeking, regardless of sexes.
It's hard to distill the "how bad do you want it" into genetics or environment. Some men are just very driven to power because they like to feel the status boost, not because they want to use the power to do something else. I can't really speak for girls, since I am not as experienced as you in this. But for men, I guess there is certainly a background element involved. From my observation, these guys usually had very a busy, inattentive father figure in their life (me included), or just straight up broken childhood. People crave more feelings for what they feel like they missed in life.
Attention-Seeking Males?
True. There's some of that for men. The #1 motive for these school shootings is infamy. Every FBI report on mass murders and high-profile crimes cites yearning for notoriety as one of the motives of the man who committed them, after they go through their writings and all - emerging as a badass, being the talk of the town, movies made about you, groupies, etc.
But see, all of these things you mentioned, men do them to increase their status, influence, desirability, respect, etc. Attention is still not the endgame here, it's still a means to an end, the end being looking more powerful and intimidating and all.
So I'd say it's still different from the females who want attention in and of itself.
Suggestion
From reading this art Of chase and others that he wrote I say he’s really good at giving people perspectives and
He has some seriously working standards that is generally applicable when it comes to women, he as well does very well at cutting edge techniques that saves worthy amounts of time but I guess he sometimes becomes too intellectual on details and is a little bit hard to understand(why?)
Tnx regardless
"Abused Females"
Nice essay, Chase. Though it did get a little too technical at times.
On that "abused girl seeking white knights" part, I've always been of the opinion and suspicion that the main driver behind false rape and abuse claims is attention. It must be really thrilling getting all that attention from the entire village, and men willing to defend you and punish your alleged abusers, getting all that turmoil just for you, when just two seconds nobody paid attention to you.
Re: "Abused Females"
Jimbo-
Yes, it's a big attention ploy.
We're seeing a lot of it now because of the Internet, and it makes it all a lot more obvious. But false claims of victimhood (as well as exaggerated claims of victimhood) go hand-in-hand with having women in a society. Claiming a male victimized you is a hugely effective way to marshal the force of society against him... to exact revenge, to exact confessions from him (think of all the women who call the police to report domestic violence, then rescind the allegation and refuse to testify later once the guy's made his concessions to the gal), and also to get attention from people in general and rescuer males in particular.
Chase
Drake
The dude hugging the woman looks like Drake
Adversity
Chase! Hope ur doing great. I'm wondering if u might have a few pointers on how to comfort a friend in adversity. A few years back a close friend of mine lost his dad and I just didn't know what to do...whether to call him since at the time I was on business at a far away location and in case I did call him, what wud I say. Nonetheless it was a deer in the headlights scenario for me. Given that this is a social dynamics site, I think the GC community wud appreciate an article on a matter such as this that is bound to rear up its ugly head once in a while.
Comforting Someone in Adversity
Edgy-
My general recommendation is express some brief condolences ("That's absolutely terrible man") - don't say "I'm sorry" or "I know what that's like" or "I can't imagine what that's like" - basically anything that starts with "I" is out.
Then tell him you've got his back, and anything he needs you're there for him.
And let him know you'll give him his space for as long as he needs. But if he wants to grab food and talk or wants to get beers or hit on girls or whatever will make him feel better, to just give you a shout and you're there.
After that, don't be pushy. Just let him know you're there if/when he needs you, and give him his space to mourn.
Chase
Missing articles
Howdy Chase! Thnx 4 all the amazing content. Such a treasure trove! Whew, BTW Chase I just noticed that there are 2 articles I can't trace at the moment. The first is an article u wrote during GC's infancy days on how to pick up waitresses and bartenders. The 2nd is "meet women more easily; lifestyle" which is a companion piece to "meet women more easily; location". And finally " why you can't let her go" which was a guest post by you on post masculine.
Re: Missing Articles
Bruhaha-
Thorough! Well, we've had a few articles we took down over the years. Not many, just a small assortment. Not for any very exciting reasons, just removed them from the site. The bartender one was one of those.
The "meet women more easily: lifestyle" article I said I'd write in the 2011 piece on location but never got around to writing. So it isn't missing, so much as never gotten around to.
The one on Mark Manson's site... yeah, that's weird. I guess he took it down? It was up for years, but Mark's gone full mainstream/social justice-y, and harder get girls stuff doesn't really fit so much with that. That'd be my guess.
Chase
I appreciate for this great
I appreciate for this great writing, aligned with my own value and fundamentals which make sense. Thank you for such a work, I feel grateful to come across this article.
Women want attention from
Women want attention from guys they find attractive - not guys like me. Just to clarify…
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