How to Become a Passionate Man | Girls Chase

How to Become a Passionate Man

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

how to become passionateCommenting on my article about 12 common unsexy nice guy traits, a reader named Colin writes:

Your article stings and hurts [f]or one reason...which is #8 on this list [don't have any interests or passions]. That's me. That's the reason I'm a mid-30s virgin and am too scared to try any relationships with women. I have a well paying job, own my house, have good relationships with my parents, and behave the way in my "nice guy" mind an attractive guy should be. But I have no passion. I hate and avoid competitive things, because I feel so bad about myself when I fail. I never played sports as a kid for that reason. I'm sort of a wuss, really. #8 is KILLING me. Girls I like have passions. Guys they are with have passions. Why should they like a wuss like me who avoids passionate things? At least it makes sense to me. I even have a girls number and I'm too afraid to call her for fear of exposing my wuss, passionless self. That and the fact that I don't socialize with any friends...don't really have any at that. I realized long ago I had no hobbies other than masturbating, and so I started taking up guitar. But even that's wuss because that's not competitive. At least not the way I play. I'm lost and I don't know how to get around this, no matter what I read. I need specific help.

We've had a lot of guys ask the "How to be passionate?" question over the years. Most of the advice out there is ephemeral - you've got to search for what you're passionate about! they tell you. Makes for a nice sound bite, and while it is true, it is also pretty useless, as far as advice goes.

We're going to nail it down for you today, and give you some practical tips you can use to immediately get the 'passion' area of your life handled.

Because, well, everything's better with passion. Until you reach the point where everything's better with Zen... however, that's a discussion for another day.

Today, let's put the magnifying glass on passion, and see how to add it into your life even when it seems like it isn't there.

Comments

Gil's picture

I counter with: Passion = Aptitude + Challenge.

In other words, if it's hard to do it's not worth doing. There has to be some sense of potential ability in the short term lest you waste your time and effort in the long term.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Gil-

Yep, that's another good name for it. You're using 'aptitude' the way I used 'skill' in the article (gotta have at least a baseline level of skill/aptitude to get into something). Either word fits perfectly.

Chase

Rob78's picture

Somehow i doubt that you can craft passion from nothing hence the guy who finds no interest in sex will have interest in talking with girls or attending bars. Real passion is always linked with ones character and cannot be forced.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Rob-

Yes, there needs to be at least that initial sliver of desire to get you going.

A man who's asexual (or whose sex drive is just low or suppressed) won't have much motivation to talk to women. Or he might if he's an asexual who's interested in romance. But it won't be nearly as strong as the man who wants romance and sex, sex generally being a far more powerful motivator.

If there's that initial bit of desire, that's usually enough to work with to get one's skill level up to a baseline. If it isn't there at all though, you should probably be putting your energy into something else you are more driven to do.

Chase

Wh173c0c0's picture

I know this post is almost two years old, but I have to agree completely. I am an asexual (technically, antisexual/sex-opposed) male and I could not care any less about "getting with" a woman ever. More accurately, I want never to do it.

That being said, I am not certain on whether or not I would be interested in a romance with a girl at some point. I am nearly thirty and have never had a girlfriend, a date, a kiss, or the slightest amount of romantic/physical contact with a girl in my life. I think that a big part of the lies in a complete lack of passion, just like you said. Without any initial interest, there really isn't a great motivator for me to bother looking for someone.
I suppose that it doesn't help that I also fall into the "awkward nice guy" stereotype to top things off. Still, without having interest in something, you won't find much success. In truth, this applies to almost all aspects of life, so there's a bit of added wisdom in these words.

It doesn't seem to be the norm here, but I wonder what your thoughts/advice on "generally disinterested" guys looking for a potential romance would be. I am not sure how much I care, but I know that my friend (yes, a real friend, not me asking for myself secretly) is in the same boat as me, more or less.

Vincent Berggren 's picture

I must start with saying I became aware of your blog in year 2012 when I was 17 years old. And practiced a bit early on.

I still remember crucial parts about your early articles, like fundamental concepts like a normal open body language with an average muscular body type.

And authentic friendliness regarding how you should be confident in your daily life and work on your social skills. Even when you aren’t meeting women focused on constant partying in club settings.

In any regular life routine. I am 27 now, my early life story to me resemble specifically yours and Dan Bacon’s.
The interesting thing for me is that you and Dan Bacon I perceive as very rare exceptions in the occidental world. Like archetypical characters with no fake personalities anymore.

Who throughout years of hard work and also hard rejection lessons. Learnt unique lessons which your brain power were capable of dissecting.
And even theoretically in my mind, somehow inadvertently benefit less positive males in the western world. Who nail the women only sexually and financially, but not intellectually because they don’t see the underlying meaning in your online teachings and not real time conferences.

Almost like an intimidation “ Alpha male “ autopilot bodily behaviour. That I honestly haven’t broken through by achieving what you once saw as success, in the sense as sleeping with a lot of women sexually fast and having such memories and a reputation of like being a “ one night stand “ type.

But however I have already had some early girlfriend experiences like hugging and even kissing females. Which was felt innocent and lovely in that manner. Which I think both you and Dan Bacon also had to a certain degree in your youth. Also I had female friend experiences simply by enjoying being around women in school, and having older women as friends in the past.
That what I am saying is that.
I like women but never had a girlfriend in adulthood, but thank god I know that before 30 an introverted intuitive type like myself. Still got more opportunities compared to all males who constantly play computer games and are ADDICTED to pornographic material.

That this Dan Bacon playfully arrogant humour, and arrogance I see as low quality compared to your year 2022 passion mentality assessment. That what else is there to say, grit and authentic courage.

Not being an imposter against others. Being capable of independence and even standing out among crowds by being capable of going out alone to club scenes.

Instead of risking having a fake backstabbing wing man, who as an extrovert with another perspective on his life story compared to yours and Dan Bacon. Could intervene and snag the one you sensed were meant for especially just you when the opportunity arose.

Jeff Foster and Barry Long two spiritual western males.
I think that knowledge combined with if necessary a meisner technique “ bad boy “ in the beginning to attach that kind of woman to you. as the correct authentic long term life partner solution, ( and not a certain sexual swinging impermanent impersonal persona ).

And let’s not forget, certain women are spiritual unique small town beings, not interested so much in mind games ( searching for the eternal new fantasy soul mate ), and having their own interest in literature and the liberal arts.

Best Regards / Vincent Berggren Flink

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