How to Become a Passionate Man | Girls Chase

How to Become a Passionate Man

Chase Amante

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how to become passionateCommenting on my article about 12 common unsexy nice guy traits, a reader named Colin writes:

Your article stings and hurts [f]or one reason...which is #8 on this list [don't have any interests or passions]. That's me. That's the reason I'm a mid-30s virgin and am too scared to try any relationships with women. I have a well paying job, own my house, have good relationships with my parents, and behave the way in my "nice guy" mind an attractive guy should be. But I have no passion. I hate and avoid competitive things, because I feel so bad about myself when I fail. I never played sports as a kid for that reason. I'm sort of a wuss, really. #8 is KILLING me. Girls I like have passions. Guys they are with have passions. Why should they like a wuss like me who avoids passionate things? At least it makes sense to me. I even have a girls number and I'm too afraid to call her for fear of exposing my wuss, passionless self. That and the fact that I don't socialize with any friends...don't really have any at that. I realized long ago I had no hobbies other than masturbating, and so I started taking up guitar. But even that's wuss because that's not competitive. At least not the way I play. I'm lost and I don't know how to get around this, no matter what I read. I need specific help.

We've had a lot of guys ask the "How to be passionate?" question over the years. Most of the advice out there is ephemeral - you've got to search for what you're passionate about! they tell you. Makes for a nice sound bite, and while it is true, it is also pretty useless, as far as advice goes.

We're going to nail it down for you today, and give you some practical tips you can use to immediately get the 'passion' area of your life handled.

Because, well, everything's better with passion. Until you reach the point where everything's better with Zen... however, that's a discussion for another day.

Today, let's put the magnifying glass on passion, and see how to add it into your life even when it seems like it isn't there.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Gil's picture

I counter with: Passion = Aptitude + Challenge.

In other words, if it's hard to do it's not worth doing. There has to be some sense of potential ability in the short term lest you waste your time and effort in the long term.

Chase Amante's picture


Yep, that's another good name for it. You're using 'aptitude' the way I used 'skill' in the article (gotta have at least a baseline level of skill/aptitude to get into something). Either word fits perfectly.


Rob78's picture

Somehow i doubt that you can craft passion from nothing hence the guy who finds no interest in sex will have interest in talking with girls or attending bars. Real passion is always linked with ones character and cannot be forced.

Chase Amante's picture


Yes, there needs to be at least that initial sliver of desire to get you going.

A man who's asexual (or whose sex drive is just low or suppressed) won't have much motivation to talk to women. Or he might if he's an asexual who's interested in romance. But it won't be nearly as strong as the man who wants romance and sex, sex generally being a far more powerful motivator.

If there's that initial bit of desire, that's usually enough to work with to get one's skill level up to a baseline. If it isn't there at all though, you should probably be putting your energy into something else you are more driven to do.


Wh173c0c0's picture

I know this post is almost two years old, but I have to agree completely. I am an asexual (technically, antisexual/sex-opposed) male and I could not care any less about "getting with" a woman ever. More accurately, I want never to do it.

That being said, I am not certain on whether or not I would be interested in a romance with a girl at some point. I am nearly thirty and have never had a girlfriend, a date, a kiss, or the slightest amount of romantic/physical contact with a girl in my life. I think that a big part of the lies in a complete lack of passion, just like you said. Without any initial interest, there really isn't a great motivator for me to bother looking for someone.
I suppose that it doesn't help that I also fall into the "awkward nice guy" stereotype to top things off. Still, without having interest in something, you won't find much success. In truth, this applies to almost all aspects of life, so there's a bit of added wisdom in these words.

It doesn't seem to be the norm here, but I wonder what your thoughts/advice on "generally disinterested" guys looking for a potential romance would be. I am not sure how much I care, but I know that my friend (yes, a real friend, not me asking for myself secretly) is in the same boat as me, more or less.

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