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If you jerk off too much, what happens to your sex drive and
motivation? Nothing good – but the problem is not masturbation; it’s
masturbation to excess.
On an article of mine from earlier this month, a reader asked about masturbation:
“Hi Chase,
Do you think masturbating destroys your drive for taking control of your life and motivation, even if you don’t watch porn?
Growing up I used to do it a lot and I was very timid, low self beleif, and hated sports, I’m wondering if that’s why? I use to do it like 3 times a day.
I do it now, but it’s more here and there. Sometimes I have days where I do it 3x, but I was wondering if I did it once a week or every other week, would that be good for my motivation and for me to start doing better in life and to be more aggressive?”
A later comment on the same topic:
“Chase, i watched porn and masturbated very compulsively throughout all my teenage years, as an escape from life. I was very depressed back then: there was a period that i would watch porn literally all day (i’m a high school dropout)! I’m 24 now and nowadays, the best i can go without fapping to porn is 10-11 days... and that requires A LOT of effort – i get crazy cravings, mood swings, even insomnia...and i don’t feel lust for women in real life at all, even if i find them hotter than the ones i’m seeing on my computer.
This affects not only my love life, but also my potential professional life, because my memory and concentration are terrible when i’m watching porn frequently. There was this time that i went a little over a month without fapping/watching porn and i was literally another person – no more acne, strong attraction for real women, much more sociable, fat loss, muscle gains, etc.
After that, i tried to reintroduce masturbation to porn once a week, i thought – “eh, i can manage that...”
Hah, i couldn’t! After a couple of weeks i started increasing the frequency, and after a while i was back where i was before. It has been about 2 years since then, and i didn’t manage to go over ~20 days without porn/fapping since then.
I find it very difficult to let go of porn, mainly for one thing – fetishes. I have a couple of fetishes (not porn-induced) that without porn would be very hard to fulfill. I could easily leave behind vanilla porn and any other subgenre (i rarely watch them).
I respect you and would love to hear your thoughts, even if you don’t have any advices. Cheers :)”
So let’s talk about jerking your own chain. Can you do it? How much can you do it?
And what happens if you do it a little... an ordinary amount... or a lot?
Comments
Oh yeah...
Almost missed a perfect chance to post some Sexual Lobster:
Awesome dude!
Thanks so much Chase, wasn't expecting an article on the subject at all! Great article, it was very insightful to me! Very funny too, you write really well haha.
You're right, porn must be left behind... 'digital heroin' sounds about right. Let me tell you that it affects even my senses! I can't smell shit when watching porn frequently... when i give a ~ 2 weeks break i start feeling the smell of things (my taste buds get better as well) and it's a delightful experience. I start recalling things that i didn't remember for years as well, crazy! I start being able to feel empathy and experience emotions (porn addiction makes you feel like a zombie as you said), women suddenly can't stop looking at me... i really don't think i'll miss fapping per se, so might as well cut it out of my life just to make sure i don't go back into this addiction.
Been' struggling with this for far too much time (~ 4 years), i realized that i have to stop being a little bitch and persevere through the pain of abstinence, no excuses. It's always a choice to return to this addiction.
Cheers, you're awesome :)
Always a Choice
Awesome realizations, Waldo! Yes, no matter what the addiction is, or how bad it is, it is a choice.
You never really lose the ability to choose until you're dead or in jail.
Break a leg (or bust a nut... or maybe don't bust a nut) on that abstinence. You'll get to be a free man again.
Chase
You talked about using pics
You talked about using pics to jerk off real quick instead of long drawn out videos.
The issue with that is you train yourself for quick jerk offs, and then you unintentionally train yourself for when you're actually banging a girl you will finish a lot sooner than otherwise.
The literature on "how to last longer" always talks about the reason many men finish fast is because they trained themselves to finish fast via quick jerk off. And they say a way to fight that is long drawn out jerking off.
Quick vs. Long Jerk Off Sessions
CMBC-
Yeah, I could possibly see that. I haven't seen studies on masturbation duration vis-a-vis coitus duration, but seems like it might be reasonable to assume a link.
This article is not about sex duration, though. It's about getting guys off masturbation addiction. i.e., it's for men with bigger problems than how long they can last in the sack.
If a guy starts getting laid and finds he's cumming too quick, he could possibly try introducing longer masturbation sessions (this isn't a recommendation; I don't have data on this and don't actually know if that works or not).
But if he's a 'chronic masturbator' and it's getting in the way of his ability to actually ever reach the point where he sticks his penis into a vagina (let alone accomplish other things), he should not be worrying about shortening his masturbation sessions having a negative impact on his staying power in bed. Instead, he needs to find ways to get his dick out of his hand (and hopefully into some vagina).
Chase
Longer Masturbation Session
I can verify that you can learn to last longer in bed by masturbating without cumming, just focusing on the sensations and withholding from cumming. As a result I can last as long as I want during sex. But it may not be very healthy in extremes, I've been masturbating without cumming for 2 days and now my testicles hurts lol
Masturbation has made my life hard!
Hello Chase, great article!
I can say, nothing feels worse than realizing something made your life so hard until you are a lot older.
I have a little story to share and some questions. I hope you can read it all.
Pretty much my life has been very difficult because of masturbation, I have no doubt it did. Not just porn either. Growing up I was so lazy, I never played sports, I never lifted weights, I didn't get girls, I didn't do anything exciting, I had no confidence in myself, it was extremely hard for me to stand up for myself, etc.
What really bothers me is that I wasted all that sperm instead of fucking all the girls who wanted me in school, I'm extremely depressed about that.
I had a few questions I wanted to ask about the topic.
1. How do I get over all of my missed opportunities I had with women in school that I lost to masturbation ? I just realized this today and I feel so bad, like I can never get that back and I did it so much that it went on for so many years for me to notice. I didn't even think about it like that until now, so many girls wanted me, I wanted to fuck them, but I felt like they didn't want me, so I would think about them and beat off. How do I get over this and make my life like that again?
2. I've tried no fap, I think it's bad for me because I remember times where I couldn't get hard for girls and it felt like I couldn't get hard at all. How do those guys do no fap without feeling like shit?
3. I'm addicted to fast food. I've tried two strategies in this article. I tried cold turkey, then I binged, I tired one cheat meal a week, binge. I can't lose weight and have been trying to lose fat for years. Do you know what I can do? I also read your weight loss article and I still have this food addiction.
4. Do you masturbate all day for that one day? Or just one time that day?
5. Do you think if you masturbate about women you want to sleep with, doesn't that make you make her the girl you can't stop thinking about ?
Actually that's what happened to me in school. I actually did think about all the girls I wanted, but I never asked them out and now feel lame for thinking about them.
6. I mostly watched porn because of fetish. I watch lesbians and I like feet. I see you have a post on threesomes, but how do I deal with my fetish ? I don't engage in it because people look at it as weird and they make fun of people who do it, the girls who get it done and people in general.
If I could, I would do it with every single girl I can sleep with, I would love to, but I'm too embarrassed about how they would react to it, and if they would tell other people to embarrass me, but I like it a lot. What do you recommend me do in this situation ?
I know I asked a lot, but this was a big topic.
The Past, Fast Food, and Foot Fetishes
Anon-
Not sure if that was a pun in your comment's title, but when I read masturbation has made your life hard, all I could think was "That's not all it's made hard..."
Yeah man, let the past go. It's gone. Dwelling on the past is purely a symptom of too much free time. I don't know anyone who's busy (building stuff for the future, or doing stuff he enjoys) who devotes much time to reminisces about the past or mulling over regrets. Start doing something reasonably productive with your time and get your life moving in a forward direction and the past fades away.
Re: no fap, well, different strokes for different folks (actually didn't intend that as a pun it all. It just came out that way. Didn't realize until I was halfway through writing it).
Re: fast food, I was eating McDonald's a few days a week (and Wendy's and Chick-fil-A the other days) in 2008 when I decided to drop my extra weight. But there was no way I was going to stop eating all that delicious fast food. So I cut my portions instead. Five piece nugget instead of 10. Bottled water instead of a Coke. Etc. Track all your calories in a spreadsheet religiously, and keep them under a certain number. Continue to eat the food you like, just eat less of it. Much easier to reduce portion sizes than to eliminate foods you love. Once you trim the weight off, your gut biome changes and you crave the worst food less... gets a lot easier to give up bad stuff then (I haven't had a French fry since early 2015. Used to have 'em every day. Tastiest food in the world, French fries. Absolutely terrible for you, but really tasty).
Just do it once. Your goal is to remove masturbation as a center point of your life. If you're masturbating all day one day a week, that still seems pretty central to me.
It can. In general, you should usually stick to masturbating to girls you aren't actively gaming and don't have much intention to. Girls you are actively taking out on dates and trying to bed you should not think too much about, and not masturbate to either (until you're good enough where you can rub one out to the thought of a girl, then go on a date with her unflustered and bang her after. Pretty cool when you do that, though).
I don't have any firsthand experience there.
But if it was me, I think I'd wait until I'd already shown her a good time in bed and finished in her once already, then rub my dick on her foot. Or I'd use that to get aroused and move to full sex after. Should be fine to use it as foreplay; then it's just one of many things you're doing.
Chase
Hentai
This may sound weird, but what about hentai? Not talking about the videos, but just pictures of anime tiddies or the pronographic mangas.
Re: Hentai
Kevin-
I'd stay away from it if I was you.
It's an idealized version of reality where you're looking at a featureless (relatively speaking) cartoon character without the flaws and uniqueness of a real human face / look / body / personality. If you're getting off to that to much, you're training yourself the same way guys who jack off to video pornography train themselves to be voyeurs.
If you need any further points, check out the forums on asexuality.org. They love hentai over there. Aren't sexually interested in real humans, but hentai sure does it for a lot of them.
My suggestion is any time you think of masturbating to hentai, you go read a bit on asexuality.org first. Will put you off it right quick :)
Chase
Masturbation
Hey chase
I highly guess you’re too realistic about it, nearly nobody is that capable to not watch porn after or a few times of jerking off too idealistic
And tell you what, based on experiences the guys had with previous gfs, while thinking about them it triggers any unwelcomed memory too so that may not be favorable to recall.
And I personally think you are just a little less stricked about your website, I really think the pictures you use here need to be less intimidating as accurate to the content it is.
Respectfully yours, Sadeqh
Porn Addiction, Past GF Trauma
Sadeqh-
Depends where you're at. Pornography changes associations in the brain and essentially rewires the brain for addiction. If you have watched pornography for a long time and gotten deep into it, and reached the point where you can't go very long without consuming it, I certainly sympathize. That's not a good place to be.
I talked about getting off a porn addiction in this article you may want to check out if you haven't yet:
Sure, if there's trauma there, don't think about her. Use a prior lay you don't have traumatic memories associated with; or if you don't have any you can draw from, try using a little imagination instead. Imagination's a muscle... the more you use it, the better it gets.
Chase
Masturbation is..
hell and I doubt any guy can quit even if they are getting laid.
As for me, I am quite different as it seems.
1. started masturbating when I was around 5! years old, no joke.
2. I only masturbated to women over 30+
3. I couldn't masturbate to girl my age when I was like 13 or 14 because back in the 90s girls didn't look so mature as they do now. I almost felt like a pedo thinking about it. I also could never masturbate and think about girls I had a crush on, still really can't.
4. However I watched my 1st porn when I was like 16 or 17, so my fantasy is way stronger than any porn
5. I didn't get internet access until around 2010, so I was addicted to masturbation way before internet porn became a thing
6. The problem with masturbation is, it didn't make me cum quick when having sex, it actually slows down your erection and you can last like an hour, which is even worse than cumming quick. I have never had an orgasm within 30 minutes when having sex, which can be quite depressing for me and the girl I am sleeping with
7. No fap, from my experience, is even worse, because sooner or later, once you start again even after weeks,, you lose control and are so hooked again that you end up doing it like 3 times a day for the next few days. It's like being an alcoholic, you just can't drink once every two weeks or so, you either quit for good or will always be hooked. Masturbation is no different I guess
Masturbation Addiction and Delayed Ejaculation
BMontana-
Interesting. Thanks for sharing your experiences. No Internet until 2010! That's quite the delay (I built my first website in 2002).
It sounds like you've tried it and "fallen off the wagon", but if you've got a girl or two you're seeing now, or the next time you do have one, see if you can kick the masturbation habit for a month. And every time you're horny, just have sex with the girl instead.
It might suck the first week or two because a pussy is not as tight as a fist. But once you're over that hump, and you start to adjust to cumming from sex, your performance in bed and your feeling toward masturbation will generally start to change.
Chase
Congrats on One Date!!!
Hey Chase,
Congrats for your One Date finalization!
All that hard work finally came through and now ripe and ready to go!
Hope the sales skyrocket!
I notice you took off Mastery program from the front splash page, are they still available?
Also I read in your email that the product can only be bought at a specific time.
Is that true?
I'm still in the process of saving up before I make the buy, so I might not make it in time :(
Will it come back later?
Re: Books to read on business
I'm still exploring at the moment.
Any blogs or sites (Business version of GC?)
Or maybe books for building businesses and knowing my options.
Cuz I want to be able to travel around and also maintain my business without having to be stuck in one place.
True businesses should be self-sufficient without needing me to be there everyday.
Re: When you put your name in her phone
Just curious, When you swap contacts with a girl, do you put Chase Amante under your number or what would you put?
Re: Your point about age after young twenties
Yeah, that's pretty true about age.
As we get older, we aren't surrounded by beautiful women as we are at school.
I had this thought before and it depressed the heck out of me.
Anyway around this issue?
Re: Graduation
What did you end up doing after graduation?
What is your story? :)
Re: "Rubbingly yours"
Touche but cringed a little ;)
But that cracked me up and made my night.
Oh boy...
Squirting regards,
Lawliet ;)
Giving Girls Your Last Name; How to Have Women Around as You Age
Lawliet-
Thank you... although I will wait until One Date is done and out before accepting congratulations. Until then, still a lot of long hours, and probably random bugs / fires to put out / things to fix, etc. Gonna be nice when the madness is over (and I can get some sleep)!
Mastery's still here. We won't pull it down until we make One Date permanently available. For now, it'll just be available February 22-26, and then we'll put Mastery back on the front page and take the One Date stuff down. It'll be back later though! (can't say exactly when, however... gonna be 3-4 months most likely)
For business blogs, check out Neil Patel, Charles Ngo, and Dan Kennedy. Those guys should have you covered.
I don't give a girl my last name anymore unless she asks. I will, however, usually ask a girl for her last name. Which sets up a sutble power dynamic... when you have her last name but she doesn't have yours, you're more of an authority figure. Most people aren't comfortable asking for last names, so when you ask for hers or have her type it in, she usually won't ask for yours. Or if she does she will ask in a somewhat nervous way.
Also, I suggest you don't do the typing / number entering. Let the girl do that for you. Just have her plug herself into your phone, then you call her or message her, and she can save your number.
Sure. Cold approach!
Failing that, there are plenty of ways to bring more women into your orbit outside of school. Did you receive my newsletter (email) a month or so back on hobbies and other activities that put more women around you?
There's also what I talked about in these two threads:
I landed a job at a major consulting firm and worked a 9-to-5 for a number of years based out of a few major U.S. cities. Not so interesting!
Chase
hey
I masturbate to porn after I fuck my girl.
Is that bad? What's that mean? Is that OK to do?
Re: hey
Anon-
I want to say I know what that means, but I honestly have no idea.
I guess if you're not ejaculating during sex, could be you're too porn addicted and need to lay off the digital crack pipe ;)
If you are ejaculating during sex, and then ejaculating to porn, may just be you have a voracious sexual appetite. Or built a "habit" around masturbating and now do it after sex habitually.
I'm just speculating; I don't have the information to really be able to say.
Chase
Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover?
Read this study here: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/men-does-frequent-ejaculation-cause-hang...
It shows that frequent ejaculation on rats causes:
reduced androgen receptors
higher estrogen receptors
increases in opioids that dampen libido.
"Bottom line: ejaculation led to a decline in reward circuit dopamine, and a numbed pleasure response, which lasted at least 7 days, and probably longer."
The whole thing is a pretty interesting read that I think you'd enjoy.
Cacc
Ejaculation Reducing Androgen Receptors
Cacc-
Oh, that's fascinating. Thanks for the share!
I have a big section in Module 10 of my new course where I talk about a whole range of activities that reduce testosterone and sex drive. And was looking exclusively for things I could find empirical support for. Only one I couldn't was masturbation - no links between masturbation and reduced testosterone. Which I thought was weird, since it so noticeably reduces your drive, but... nada.
But then there was the study on males that ejaculated having less of a killer instinct. And here they're saying reduced androgen receptors (so, they testosterone is still flowing... it just doesn't affect you as much).
Great stuff, really interesting.
Chase
Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm (NEOs)
Do some reasearch on this Chase. When I do masturbate I keep my "life juice" and I can masturbate for hours, but it's boring. I like going for hours on end with my girlfriend instead.
My question is: How does NEOs differentiate from regular masturbation with ejaculation? Because this type of masturbation is just the orgasm without ejaculating because believe or not they are diffirent things.
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