Loser Mentality, or Why You Can’t Identify with Winners

Hey Chase,

I want to thank your encouragement and help, I've starting to pick up on social cues and undertones much more naturally now. Can't wait to improve more.

For example, when someone responds now, a thought automatically goes in my mind:
He's deflecting
He's dismissing
etc

More or less falls under "positive, more open" or "negative, more closed" response.
Also, I now know what you mean by "open-ended" whereas before I get it, but can't picture it.

And now, I've managed to smoothly thread cut (thanks to my new job profession as somewhat sales related), it's casually in a way they don't know you're selling! It just flows in.. you know ;)

Anyway (bad transition! whoops!) , I want to ask you about difference in deflecting and dismissing and disqualifying. Some examples would be great for me to picture them better.

Thanks,
Lawliet

Additionally, I've been aiming for consistency in fundamentals. Always trying to make it a habit to look girls out of the corner of my eyes now.

Some get weird, some get turned on and actually keep staring back and forth to make sure if she picked up the signal right. "Wait.. did he...omg he did..ok...what should I do now" It's hilarious!
Some just keep holding eye contact like a staring contest. "Look! It's a bird over there!"

But I have to switch back and forth, so with guys or friends, it's a fun energetic, and warm look. Once I master this so it's naturally done, but it's taking longer due to my constant efforts in switching.

Afterwards, will focus more on touch. ^_^
Which is pretty fun too, swinging strangers in a circle haha!

Re: Testosterone
I think I'm sort of rediirecting my horniness to push myself into experiencing more?
Thanks to your article on transmutation your horniness to success.

I wasn't that horny before, but through this site, I have become really horny every single day.
Lowering standards is one. Make up, no problem! Fat... just a little sure, but flaps? A rolling donut? ok maybe not
The other is sense of opportunity.

Every single girl is opportunity, and it's possible. I can smell it!
I do still miss opportunities, and still feel anxiety at times before I warm up.
But I can feel it within reach, immense! it ain't that hard...

Jokes aside, does horniess mean I have more testosterone going on?

Lawliet

Hey Chase,

the article made me think about something related. Have you ever thought about what might be the indiviual evolutionary benefits of Testosterone down regulation? In my experience before trying to change a seemingly negative yet very common aspect it`s vital to understand what it`s benefits are in the first place.
This way you feel less stupid about your past actions, because you understand their point now. And you can make change happen in a way that you feel confident you will win more then you lose with the new behavior.

Personally I associate Testosterone in myself with hapyness, health, endurance, but also general drive/motivation and narcissistic behaviour. Sometimes a lot of these is perfect, but other times less is more. Especially drive and narcissistic behavior. Really depends on the circumstances.

Finally men tend to live about 10 years shorter then women on average. Of course it´s hard to make any logical correlations, but going the high testosterone Manager-route where you push it to the limit and then die at 58 while your wife lives a healthy life till 88, is not too appealing to me. (damn bitches! ;-) )

I think "out of reality" sum it all. The wining itself might no be the reason why people can't relate to winners, It can be whatever paradigm one has about how seduction works. Taking the example of the video with the guy being chased by 2 girls, someone who's got a deep held belief that you need to be tall to attract girls might find it unrelatable if the guy in the video is tall

I think there is another point about winning which makes people fall quickly into despair is trying to win impossible games. One might have a conscious or unconscious (emotional) objective to make any girl he meet attracted to him or trying to outpass everybody he knows in terms of partner counts!!

Rather the problem is that people dig confidence and fake confidence is easy to spot. Most guys (even nerds) can tell when a guy has real confidence in a thorny situation because he knows and practices a real-world fighting style and proven himself in bouts but also people can tell the guy who's assuming he can handle himself because he reckon he can copy the moves he's seen in action films and/or assumes anger equals fighting ability.

After all, real confidence comes after success. Namely you succeeded before so you can succeed again. Fake confidence is assuming you can succeed.

Good article. I think a reference to watching porn or browsing facebook is at Place here. To me these are the ultimate triggers of loser mentality.

Great column and perspective Chase. Just wanted to chip in here to say that a lot of the Loser Mentality comes from the environment a person grew up in. I suffered from it for many years, and still get a touch of LM from time to time. Its tough to completely weed out, but I am determined to do so though positive experiences, reinforcement of these events, recognizing my talents and abilities and though meditative means such as PsychoCybernetics.

I have a truly asshole older brother, who is huge and got huge at an early age through lifting weights. He used to taunt me and beat the shit out of me, nearly every day from about age 7 to age 15 when my parents divorced and I was able to move out with one of my mom. I had to share a bedroom with him during those 8 years of hell and they took a huge toll on my psyche growing up and beyond. He tried several times to bully me over the years until about age 29 when my dad died and he called me up after the funeral and asked "so what are you going to do with the inheritance money". I told him to fuck off and that threw him in to a rage where he threatened to kill me. It was not until my mid 30s, when a lot of the angst that had grown inside of me began to dissipate as I realized what the cause of my Loser Mentality was, and how to deal with it. Eventually, I phoned him up and told him that if he ever threatened or even came near me again...that I would bash his head in...and I meant it. My mom then came down on me for doing that, and its one of the last times that I have ever spoken to her.

We need to stand up and cut these toxic people out of our lives before they take more of our lives away from us. No more being a victim.

The Loser Mentality manifested it many times over the years and one of the big things was with women. I have a lot of things going for me from the outside, young looking, always physically very fit etc. and women tend to like me, at least in the beginning. When they got too close over the years, I would tend to push them away. When sex came easy and fast, which was often, I would often reject it because a part of me thought that I was not good enough to deserve that type of fast success. This, by the way has also happened to me in my career as well... I walked away from a job that paid me in the top 2% with stock options etc. because something about it was not comfortable to me. I rejected success because I did not view myself as a successful person.

To this day, these elements persist however Im getting older...in my 40s now and older than most guys here...Im determined to finally conquer these demons which were created in my mind though interactions with truly negative and horrible people at my most formulative age.

So there is that... my story is not that uncommon. Id bet that most people how have had LM in their lives can trace it back to some negative childhood experiences and negative reinforcement back then, which became engrained in our psyche. Fortunately, our brains can be reshaped and are neuro-plastive. But it takes work, persistence and commitment to re-programming these thought patterns.

This is the article Chase, about being setup.

http://www.aol.com/article/2016/08/23/florida-man-lured-to-his-death-thr...

What can we men do to protect ourselves against this?

Hey Chase,

just responding to your comment, and you're right... I am in my head... all of the time.

you're 100% right. I think about the past all of the time, I think about the future all of the time, I think what ifs all of the time. I am always in my head, I don't know why. all I think about is regrets, I think about not having anything to regret in the future, but most importantly I see myself as being the man I always wanted to be, no matter what.

I didn't mean to confuse you with my comments about not approaching and everything, but I do approach and have practiced stuff from your site.

what I mean about not approaching is mostly day time and night street game.

I just haven't gone up to girls during the day time and approached them or tried to pick them up.

I do mostly grind on girls at the club, and I talk to them as well, but the grinding part is mostly my approach, I sometimes go into convo and get numbers.

I have used techniques from this site, and have gotten lays from it.

it's just hard for me to put myself out there to potentially get rejected and wasting my time. I always have felt like think that since I was young.

that is how I feel, but I know I can't feel like that.

I have been here for years and I should be better than where I am at, I have gotten numbers, deep dived, but i haven't gotten many dates even though I've been here for years.

maybe you see something I don't.

I didn't realize I have been on my head so much until you pointed it out.

I do approach, but I don't really count them because it's not like day game approach, I feel like that is really cold approaching.

I will try hard to not keep commenting about the same things.

1.I would just like help on what's wrong with me.

I've read your article about victim mentality and never thought about it that way before. You have a way of seeing things.

Why do you think I'm like this? What kind of mentality is this and how do I stop?

Maybe like the way you found out how people have victim mentality, you can help me find out what's wrong with me, and help me beat this.

I don't want to take all of your time, I just want direction.

2. You said live my life, do you mean it by saying fuck what everyone thinks and do what you want, is there more?

I appreciate everything.