If You’re a Male Virgin, Should You Tell Her or Not?

Greetings, I'm a White male that's Hispanic looking from Chicago. The largest Hispanic gang in Chicago is Latin Kings, and I happened to have lived in a Latin King neighborhood for 1 year.

At the end, I hand out pamphlets against the Latin Kings gang, now predominantly to Latin Queens. Near the middle end of the pamphlet, I state I've never had a girlfriend before and am a virgin.

The 1st half of the pamphlet talks about some of the crimes you see them do on the local news. Then the 2nd half of the pamphlet summarizes my 1 year living with them and the 2 times I was beat up by them. The 2nd time I was beat up by them, they thought I was a boy child molester and gay pedophile, from now you know why.

Also mentioned in the pamphlet was a much older Latin King, age 60, but was from a different neighborhood and different faction. At the end, he sided with me. Near the end of the pamphlet, I was at his deathbed, when he was about to die.

I call it a cute story, as well as a thriller.

Me personally, I'm never ashamed to state I'm a virgin and never had a girlfriend before. Women are capable of appreciating it when you have balls to admit it. ;) Not all men have that kind of confidence.

Thanks for this. What bothers me is not that i'm a virgin, i really don't care about cultural validation. The problem to me is that i'm getting older and older and as you mentioned in the article, it gets harder to get a partner, if you're inexperienced. When i read the part concerning this subject, fear consumed me.

The first girl I ever kissed was the sister of a friend's girlfriend, at a party. I was 18.
I kinda just talked with her a lot about personal stuff, at first I didn't thought she was interested in me first but she was cute and she opened up to me quite quickly. I had no clue that what I did was deep diving or knew anything about game, I was really clueless. I also touched her quite a bit, which seemed natural to me, but one of my friends that was close even made a point about it, which made me feel a bit shy. All of sudden she went to the bathroom and my friend said she wanted to kiss me, I was like, I have no idea of what to do, I didn't said anything and just chilled against a wall with the most badass pose I could think of. She walked in my direction and I knew what was going to happen. I told her: "Really?", like, I should be the one doing this, and she said "Really". We started kissing and somebody put my hand of her ass, it was really crazy drunk shit. After a while she got kinda weird and she said she was not feeling ok. She started vomiting and everything, I tried to help her, but I was scared but I wasn't used to even drink myself.
After that I discovered GirlsChase and game and all that but I'm still a virgin more then a year trying to improve with girls. Truth is, I was always quite shy, I fought against it all my life but still it bugs me a bit. I can do really well at night with girls with some liquid confidence but I can't take them home since I live with my parents and my home is far away from any cool place anyway. Also I get a lot of approach invitations at day from girls on bus and at uni but day game scares the crap out of me. A girl came talk to me in the bus and I managed to screw things up because I was just so nervous and stuff (I was trying to hide it but in the end I interrupted her quite a few times and acted a bit like an asshole, I tried to get her number but she just said: "Well, I don't think we're ever going out..."). I felt really bad for being rejected on bus, even though I totally deserved it, but then I noticed nobody gave a fuck, even people who could have listened to the whole thing showed any interest. Still I feel paralised and can't approach at all.
There's also the thing that many cute girls in bus seem to be really young, I know that some of them are still schoolgirls and I don't wanna hit on a 14 year old ever again (I almost kissed one at my sister's prom, she and her friends were almost 18 and I was 19 at the time, the girl was in their group, I figured she would have that age too). I also wanna lose my virginity and I think it will be really hard to get it with young inexperienced girls when I don't even have good logistics myself...
I really need to learn how to be proactive and make shit happen. The last time I went out with my friends the cutest chick gave me some intense eyefucking, she looked at me, stared and looked down like 3 times in a row, she came near and stood there waiting, and I knew what to do, how to do it but still I couldn't fucking get out of my head to do it. She obviously dissappeared and I never saw her again, again, I'm flipping out.

I need some serious help.

Chase, I feel like I'm not good enough to get women. Even if I find out they like me I dont do anything because I feel like I'm boring and have nothing to offer, and that if I were to get with a woman, she will get bored with me and I'll feel even worse. As a result of this, I just stay home most of the time and not approach, and when I do go out, i try to avoid looking at women because I see no point.

Hello Chase, I read your advice on learning a monetizable skill, and have started studying computer programming. There are a few questions I have:
(1) Do you need to learn Ruby before doing Ruby on Rails? I've been doing Ruby for about 2 months now but idk if I should just skip to Rails to save time.
(2) Is it really possible to live off freelance programming, or is it basically like a part-time job?
(3) I'm about to graduate college with a Psychology degree and I sort of regret going into it because a bachelor's is pretty useless...is it possible to land a good paying programming job without a degree? And do you know about how long it will take for me to land such a job?

Thank you for your time.

By the way, it's good to tell a girl you're a virgin. It's to test them. Women constantly test men, and so no problem doing it the other way around. Amirite? ;)

What does a girl think when you make eye contact and get nervous (e.g. look at away quickly). Sometimes I look at girls and this happens and she laughs. Is she thinking, "Aww, what a pathetic little chode...?"

Chase, after reading your comment reply on the "when does no mean no" article, about that one guys who's life is ruined by that drunk girl has me paranoid as shit.

Reading that shit makes me not want to even do this anymore, it's like one wrong move and you life is over. Shit is crazy.

And I'm black, so that makes it 100x worse.

I know you'll say it is rare, but shit is very worrisome, I read your article on never having false accusations, but reading that comment made me worry a lot.

1. Do I have to do anything differently since I'm black? do I have to be nicer at letting girls down?

2. How do so many people sleep with a lot of women and stay free from it?

3. If we sleep with multiple girls back to back, and we're trying to get as many lays as we can, how do we cut them off right after and not deal with the craziness ?

I remember something you said about that you should stop sleeping with a girl after 2 times? maybe you said you so, I don't remember, but how many times should we sleep with girls and how should we let them off without dealing with the craziness?

Thanks

Honestly it is a sign of weakness. If your already engaging in talking with her and do this she is going to see your nervous which is a turn off for them. Looking away every now and then is needed or it becomes weird. Its hard to remember when your caught up in the moment but if you can you should centre yourself take a concious breath raise your chin and imagine your eyes are sexual magnets that are drawing her into your world through your magical desire. This should help.

Hi Chase,

an interesting article. I have some questions and suggestions:

1) Can you write an article focused on dealing with difficulties of being a late-bloomer (if you are 20+, 30+ or older virgin)?

2) I noticed one interesting thing that you do not pay much attention to what is starting position of men trying to learn how to pick up girls. Like with any other activity, everyone can learn a lot, but everyone has different starting position. And everyone start in a little different environment. Everyone has at the beginning certain set of advantages and disadvantages with respect to any goal he wants to achieve. It works for dating girls, education, or learning any skill. Often it is somehow balanced, but some people have much more advantages and others much more disadvantages (none of this is the choice or fault of the former or the latter).
Even a few disadvantages like combination of high level of sexual shame, low testosterone level (low sex drive and aggressivity), fearful-avoidant attachment style (difficulty in creating and maintaining intimate relationships) and strong introversion (low drive to socialize, less energy, less opportunities to meet new people and develop social skills...) can cause significant disadvantage i comparison with those who do not have this traits, because it creates huge contradiction between this person and what is necessary to be successful in picking up women. And while it is possible to improve those things during a time at least in some extent (though not everything fully), it is obviously not this persons choice or fault that he has to deal with this obstacles, which are not really the easy ones (especially combined together).

I believe that you do not write much about it because you want to motivate people and because people sometimes make excuses about real or imaginary disadvantages which are mostly possible to overcome. But still it is obvious that people have very different starting position in dating as well as in other activities and that some people really have much more difficult position than others (though it is not always case of those who say it).

3) A lot of men are clueless and do not really understand women and their struggles in dating life. In your experience, can you say that women understand men better, that women realize what are male troubles in dating? Or in what extent?
F.e. That a lot of men are really clueless? Or how much approach anxiety men have? That men suffer from sexual shame as well as women? That for most men it is really difficult to understand female subcommunication and signals of attraction? That men often find female behavior really confusing and it does not make any sense to them?

I know that it depends on level of experience, but since women are generally more socially attuned and have more empathy than men I believe they probably understand men better than vice versa.

4) I am from Czech republic. Have you ever been there? Do you have some experiences with Czech women? Do you have some advice related to picking up and dating Czech women?

Thank you very much.

Anonym

I am a virgin still at 24(about to turn 25). The biggest hindrances to me successfully escalating to sex are logistics(I still live at home with my parents; no further explanation needed), and that I have very little knowledge of any good day-game venues to try in my area. But other than that, I'm pretty consistent at maintaining a fun and challenging attitude in my conversations with women, and I maintain a good physical appearance with my physique(I'm an former college wrestler, regularly lifting weights, with a well-maintained full beard). However, when I am able to get some interactions with women, I make sure to give off a way about myself that says I am a man who gets laid regularly. At the call center where I work at, I walk and talk and flirt with the girls that I work with in a way that implies I'm an experienced lover. And I have noticed that there and at venues and instances where I am talking to girls and maintain an aura of a sexually experienced man, women are much warmer in talking to me and give me a lot more looks of sexual interest than in moments where I had an aura of a rejected virgin. So, yes, I can personally attest to the premise that acting as though you are already a long-time Casanova (even when it might not be the case yet) helps you out more when it comes to interactions with women than acting as though no woman has ever wanted to be with you to make the psalm of the bedstead. To quote Roissy of the Heartiste blog, "You are a ladies’ man. Start acting like it, and you will in fact become the ladies’ man ladies love." Of course, I would be happy to hear any insights about implying sexual experience and preselection(when it's not yet the case) that Chase and anyone else may have.