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A few days ago, Peter had an article up on deprogramming
yourself from Madonna/whore complex, a form of
black and white thinking
in which there are good girls - Madonnas - who aren't all that
interested in sex, and there are bad girls - whores - who love nothing
more than a good pounding by just about anyone.
As his focus was more on the deprogramming side of things - so that you might optimize your sex life and dealings with women in a Western, post Madonna/whore type world - Peter only scraped the surface on where this mental model of female sexuality originates in his article, and I'd like to expand greatly upon both the background of Madonna/whore and the purpose that it serves here.
This is going to be a ride through some of the stranger and less-discussed aspects of human sexual history and civilization, so... I hope you're prepared for a lengthier piece.
Comments
Countries to build within
Chase,
you got the b's to put all those religious quotations. Mad respect. Afterall, that is needed. :)
So for Sexual Conservatism, Everyone is advised to go India, China, Saudi Arabia, Probably Korea, Indonesia.
For Sexual liberation, Everyone is advised to go United States, Netherlands, Canada, perhaps everywhere.
It's pretty scary there's so many diverse opinions in this world today. I can also tell you that even religion today is used as personal gain. Everyone is a dog(sex) but no one wants to admit their selfish biasness and work around it.
The world will be a better place.
LEarn something new everyday from you, :)
Zac
Conservative / Liberal Areas
Zac-
Generally speaking, changing countries is the most efficient (in the long-term) option for building the kinds of relationships you most want, yes. There are very frequently more and less conservative and liberal areas within countries themselves, though; e.g., compare rural Canada to, say, Vancouver - very different cultural setups and sexual mores.
Actually, if you want the smoothest, no-strings sex, it's better to head to regions further along on the matriarchal scale, like Northern Europe, than countries that are still going dealing with a bumpy transition, like most of North America is right now. And countries that are firmly patriarchal and seem unlikely to change anytime soon are more or less superior for everlasting relationships.
And yeah - most people aren't aware of their own selfish motivations, or are only partly aware. This is actually an identity-level issue - many people have formed identities around "not being selfish." People's actions are always self-serving - but sometimes they do things in ways that are beneficial to others too, because they believe in nurturing longer term relationships, or sometimes they have hit-and-run morality but simply won't allow themselves to admit to it so they can keep thinking of themselves as "good people."
Chase
100 years are you kidding?
More than 70% of the French expect that France will be forced under submission to Islam
More than 8,000,000 Muslims live in France, most of whom are French citizens, and the Muslim population in France continues to grow. France is now the main Muslim country in Europe. Successive French governments can decide to expel a Muslim preacher or a recruiter of jihadist fighters; they can deny visas, but they seem unable to do more.
Although the French government denies it, it seems clear that substantial ransoms were paid to Islamist groups for the release of French hostages: $28,000,000 to al Qaeda in Niger in October 2013 and $18,000,000 to Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant in Syria, on April 19.
Entire neighborhoods are controlled by Islamist preachers and Bernard Cazeneuve knows it: officially, administrative authorities call these neighborhoods “Sensitive Urban Zones,” presumably because at any time they can explode. Unofficially, the police call them “Sharia Zones”, and have been ordered by the Department of the Interior to keep out.
Political leaders of all parties know that most elections cannot be won if the Muslim vote is neglected, and the leaders of the National Front are no exception: Marine Le Pen has long ceased to incriminate Islam and now attacks “crime” and “immigration” without providing details. Sometimes she may denounce “calls to jihad” and “fundamentalism”, but takes care not to go beyond that. Although she criticizes Qatar or Saudi Arabia, she says that France should become an “ally” of the Islamic Republic of Iran, and asks her “fellow Muslims” to join her fight against “American globalism and its Islamist allies“.
A “Collective Against Islamophobia in France” is gaining ground: it handles complaints against any critical remarks about Islam, and it can rely on the courts to punish offenders. A “League of Judicial Defense of Muslims” was also created in 2013 by Karim Achoui, a lawyer disbarred because of his links with organized crime. No anti-racist organization dares denounce Muslim anti-Semitism, and none of them criticizes speeches such as the one given by Hani Ramadan in Le Bourget.
Unconditional love
Hi Chase, could you explain what unconditional love really is and how commonly it occurs in a relationship. I understand in general that relationships and people don't really work the way most people believe but is it EVER possible to fall in love with a girl and for the two of you to really want to be together forever, simply because the two of you have experienced so much, and shared so much that you just feel incomplete without each other. Even though that honeymoon period will die off after a few months or so, it it possible for a different kind of love to exist and for the two of you to just simply enjoy each others company and personalitys so much that you and her have no real desire to part?
Obviously that kind of love is very rare, but do you believe it does exist?
I guess it would be closely related to the kind of love you have for your family. For me I've always loved my family very deeply and would do anything for them. And they play an important part in my life and myself and always will, excusing certain over the top family dramas and what not I don't believe that kind of love dies.
Love is a funny topic what are you thoughts Chase, thanks
Re: Unconditional love
Anon-
You can certainly, absolutely have deep love - I assume that's what you actually mean. Deep love - something I usually call "old people love" or just "old love" - is the kind of care and affection you have for someone when you genuinely care about her well-being, even more than you care about what you can "get" from her (which is what infatuation is - it's an obsession about always having as much time as possible with someone to mate / reproduce as reliably as possible and monopolize her reproductive resources).
With old love, you're fine with someone leaving, if it's what she wants. Her happiness is much more important to you than her meeting your needs, so if she needs to leave and be single or be with someone else, you understand, support her, and still care for her. You'll generally still have your limits - if she wants to stay together, but in an open relationship, and you don't really want that, obviously you've got to end the relationship. But you'll still care for her and want happiness for her.
"Unconditional love", on the other hand, is something I think you only see in some immediate relatives. To get a handle on "unconditional love" - love without any condition - imagine the worst things a person could possibly do to you, and whether you'd continue to love her afterward. You may have this with your parents and siblings - even if they disfigured you, or killed someone you loved, you would be horrified, but still continue to love them regardless. That's unconditional love. It's possible to have something close to this with long-term romantic partners - I've seen people crying because their spouses were cheating and treating them horribly and they still loved the person anyway - but there's always SOME condition that, if not met, can flip the switch and blow up the relationship. For instance, the girl who still pines away for you despite your philandering and mistreatment may suddenly come to disgust you and no longer love you anymore if you begin acting weak and needy around her.
But you can and should aspire to "old love" - for my money, it's the healthiest kind of bond you can have with a non-relative: love someone with selfless love, where you want her to be happy, whether that is with you or with someone else. That kind of love you can certainly find.
Chase
Few Questions
"Pick the region or society with the values you want - sexual liberation, or sexual conservatism - and build your life within it."
Isn't this black and white thinking? Isn't there a happy medium?
Are you saying it's folly to believe a man can find, attract, and keep a woman interested, intrigued, respectful, and not bored in American Society indefinitely? For me, the more women I meet and the more understanding I gain in social dynamics, the more stimulating a woman must be for me to not stray... and even then..
Are there are a lot of attached women with secret desires to have fast relations with sexy bad boys... if only he'd approach, persist long enough and be discreet enough?
Do women have crystal clear and conscious thoughts about their wishes when they first see a new man that they like? I mean do women say to themselves in secret "mmm, I want that man to seduce me, and if he does a good job...imagine the possibilities?" I don't always say this about a girl I like, I might say ooh she's cute, but I don't yet know what I want if anything from her because maybe when I saw her my mind was a million miles away. Only certain girls inspire the immediate sexual thoughts. So my mental model around this one may be flawed because I don't know what girls are thinking. I still operate with a "getting lucky" mentality even if I use a process to overcome any stupid fear that sexualizing will drive a woman away... I still feel "lucky and surprised" if a woman goes along with me. Part of the problem is that all women that I've ever asked about when they first felt any sexual attraction to me usually deny any kind of "attraction at first sight" and claim it was only when I brought them to the point of surrender, was when they started having sexual thoughts of me. I think this is bullshit but I cannot prove otherwise because girls don't admit to it. I know women tend to be on a continuum [attracted, neutral, not attracted]. And perhaps you are right with the whole Maddona/Whore complex...maybe they think I'd somehow lose respect for them if I found out they wanted to bang me from the first time they saw me? But whatever. If this is how some women really think, I think having this thought in mind will embolden me to say to myself "yeah look at her body language, clearly she wants sex..." and then just escalate from there. I think I need a missing step/belief to embolden me prior to moving FAST and to sexualize more often than not. Once I get that surge of being emboldened, I don't care about the outcome any more. Sometimes alcohol helps, but I won't always be able to rely on alcohol so I need some help here. I want to get rid of that belief of "she won't go for it." Slowly I'm doing so with experience. Nowadays I sexualize more often (I am finally getting rid of the coworker complex..in which I interact with women as if I can not get sexual with them due to fear of sexual harassment claims). But I want to get to the point where I don't care...where my default state of operation is "of course she will go for it, so let's go give her good feelings fast." Beliefs are really the operating system driving your actions. I want to be more free-wheeling and debonair. It's kinda funny how it works. Once I know a woman won't curse me out and will go for it, then I can go in to overdrive, but prior to her showing me that she won't curse me out, I'm at times tentative... and we know that [tentativeness/lack of displayed confidence] and women don't get along all that well.
And one last question, kinda tied to the above one, why do some women tend to laugh when you begin to sexualize the convo for the first time...? What is going on in their heads Do they know consciously what they want from me (dick) and when I begin to sexualize they laugh because they're saying to themselves...yes, he picks up on my signals?!
Re: Few Questions
Anon-
Not at all - you certainly can! A little less than half of American marriages do NOT end in divorce - that means around 48% or 49% of people in the U.S. find people they hang onto indefinitely. What's more difficult in a society swinging matriarchal is that people's desires for a relationship begin to shift - in a patriarchal society, women remain in long-term monogamous relationships because they want and need support and to save face socially; in a matriarchal society, women want and need excitement, stimulation, and newness, and these inevitably fade and disappear over the course of longer term relationships.
Women in search of pleasure and joy need rapidly rotating serial monogamy (or not monogamy); conversely, women who need support, stability, and to save face socially require long-term monogamy. You see fewer divorces in the upper and upper middle classes in America because there is still some social stigma and shame against divorce here, and because most of the women in these classes are not able to live the lifestyles they live without their husbands' earning power - in this way, you're seeing a bit of cultural divergence in the States, where wealthier classes remain more patriarchal, while middle classes and poorer classes trend matriarchal.
What you're seeing with increasing difficulty not straying from women as you gain more experience is the norm; it is this way for most men and women. As you stack up experience, the pool of people able to tie you down shrinks smaller and smaller, and the amount of time they can tie you down for becomes less and less.
As far as attached women with desires for bad boys… oh, yes. Probably EVERY woman has these at some point or other (and the longer they're in relationships, the more frequently and intensely these thoughts appear). However, women's willingness to ACT on these impulses varies tremendously from woman to woman; some women will stay far away from anywhere that they might meet men like this, and will be very resistant to his charms if they DO meet a man like this by chance (it's still possible to bed women like this occasionally, but luck really has to be on the man's side), while other attached women will actively seek out places to meet men they find sexually attractive and will even take on the role of pursuer and aggressor.
Women's thoughts on first seeing a man are usually similar to what yours are. There's a range, like anything - everything from men women see and immediately have clear thoughts on: "WOW, I would let him stain my carpets ANY day," or, "Are you looking over here? Not in a MILLION years, bub"; but most of the time these thoughts are more hazy feelings, like what you feel when you smell a good pizza but you aren't super hungry, or when you see that movie is playing in the cinema that you maybe wanted to see but aren't completely sold on it yet. I've had women admit to wanting me the moment they saw me, and other women pinpoint the moment that they "knew" they wanted to go to bed with me to a specific moment that I probably would've named myself as the moment when that most likely happened. Most of the time, the "decision" comes at some pivotal point in the interaction where you thoroughly dominate in a sexual and appealing way, and the woman just decides, "Okay, yes. Him." Sometimes there is never a decision (especially with inexperienced women), and it's only feelings of excitement, nervousness, trepidation, uncertainty, hope, etc., right up until you're bedding them.
On women laughing when you sexualize things - this happens with more confident and experienced women, generally, who are laughing as they get a feeling of, "Okay, NOW I know which box this guy goes into - he's the sexy lover type." That comes when they're uncertain from your vibe / demeanor / etc. which category to put you in, and the sex talk settles it for them.
Chase
Comparison
Incredible article as always Chase. Give me lots of food for thoughts about how such basic concepts play a significant role in history and social dynamics.
Could you please give a piece of thought about how things are with the patriarchal societies in the East (asia) since you're working in China as far as I know. I mean is pickup/ dating different in the more conservative countries? If it's, how so? And what should an asian man (who doesn't have that exotic vibe of an expat) add to his game to adapt better to the environment?
An article about this will be great but I'm cool enough with a respond.
Thanks a lot, your work here is unparalleled man ;)
self improvement
hey Chase!
This website is extrodinare. It's really helping me out man!
There is one thing that plagued me for a long time though. it was small penis syndrome and i know that is a problem affecting lots of mens confidence in the bedroom. The stories are everywhere and make fun of men with not well endowed penises due mostly to the PORN INDUSTRY. Oh, nice article on overcoming porn addiction. I have friends who would refuse sex with lustful women who wanted them or kill themselves only because of their under size. It once stopped me from fear when my previous girlfriend then asked me if its in. She could not feel my member.
I have overcome this now by using penis exercises and gained more confidence by getting down a process just like getting girls. I got laughed at many times by girls which caused me to lose countless girls by moving slow due to fear. anyway this is very long now. What im saying Chase is that if a man is under full size potential then he should go with his gut and do something permanent like exercise it. This would make a great topic for men on a few articles here! Helping people is a blessing so thanks much for your inspiration on many mens lives.~ your Dedicated Reader Adrian
Re: self improvement
Troy-
I'll put that one down on the article queue, although we'd need someone a little more knowledgeable than me to avoid having it be hearsay or speculation. We had a thread on the boards that might be useful in the meantime:
Does size matter?
I remember seeing a bit of research sometime ago that found that men's lifetime sex partner count was directly correlated to penis size - although I can't say whether this is caused by higher testosterone levels causing both the longer member and larger sex drive, or if it's caused to higher confidence levels with larger members... perhaps some mix of the two.
Chase
physical attractiveness improvement
Ok Thanks Chase. When i had this insecurity i searched the web and came up on the site by the name of "pe gym". It's a free penis enlargement site with exercises and other insights. I've been using them for 3 1/2 months now and gained 1/2 inch in length. The girth is a little bigger too. I tend to procrastinate and miss workouts so maybe if i was more consistent then the results would be more. My next step is to stop procrastinating. I started at 5"2 and now im at 5"7. To me thats a lot and my work paid off. Thats the only free site i know so maybe you could find it useful for research and reference. I would agree with you that being able to pickup girls is the best thing to do because a large penis and no "game" still wont get a guy laid. So that's my main focus. However, from research i've seen on 'pegym.com' and experience, that a well endowed penis does help boost physical attractiveness and females do stare at the bigger dicks instead of the smaller ones. This could be another form of Preselection in the bedroom for the girl as long as its not a horse size dick that causes pain. You said youll put it on your article list so you can check out the site and let me know what you think. Thanks for your time and williness to help. From Troy!
Re: Comparison
NQ-
I always hear from guys that pickup is harder in XYZ Asian country, or pickup is easier in ABC Asian country (sometimes about the SAME country). The only general consensus is that Japan is easy and Korea is hard. China's generally thought of as easy, though some guys claim it's hard. Thailand is another one like this. The Philippines are easy; Malaysia's easy; Taiwan's easy. Hong Kong I haven't visited, as I hear mixed things about it, and also that it's similar to Singapore, which I found a little too vanilla-flavored for my tastes, both culturally and women-wise.
My general thoughts from my first real tour of China I have here: "Dating in China." I'd say overall pickup is easier in many Asian countries, primarily because the women are significantly less experienced with sexually aggressive men than Western women are, and find this both exciting and difficult to resist. Women in the West, by comparison, are accustomed to being hit on by men who want to get in their pants, and have elaborate defenses that often must be overcome, or require a high degree of solid fundamentals and game skills to not have to worry about finessing these defenses. If you're good in the West, you'll usually have an easy time abroad. If you're not so good in the West, you may find it easier or you may find it harder in other countries, mostly depending on your fundamentals and how aggressive (or not) you are at moving things forward.
Personally, I don't really think pickup is all that different anywhere I've been, including some places where I'd hear repeatedly that "this country is really hard" or "this country is really easy." Of course, I also don't get culture shock in new places - sometimes I think I'm just oblivious to all the differences that other people are freaking out over. Not sure what it is. When I go most places, my initial thought is, "Oh, feels like home, except for [this different thing] and [that different thing]. Not so different."
As far as what Asian men can do to be more successful - the local men I've met in Asia who were very good at taking girls to bed were men with relatively intense, but charismatic, vibes, and who were unafraid of aggressively pushing things forward, in playful but sexual ways. More or less the same as what I do. They'll all say, "I still can't do as well as a Westerner," but generally they're comparing themselves to the most skilled and attractive Westerners, rather than the average Western guy who comes to their countries, whom they still trounce handily. You'll always not quite stack up when going against a GOOD foreigner - if I'm head-to-head with a sexy Italian guy with good game in America, I lose 9 times out of 10 for reasons I really can't control (unless I start talking British to the girl).
If you want to do good with the local women, the same rules apply in Asia as anywhere else - tight fundamentals, keep things moving fast, and stay out of boyfriend contention, and you can bed new women routinely and consistently, and land high caliber women as girlfriends.
Chase
Article Ideas
Hey Chase, first of all a great site you have running so please keep it going. I would love to see a post on "going out even when you dont want to" from what you mentioned in your article on overcoming approach anxiety. thanks man i'll be looking for that one WHEN YOU CAN PUT IT UP. Just an article idea to your list. your dedicated reader Troy
Re: Article Ideas
Troy-
Thanks for the reminder; I'd forgotten that one, and that was back before I kept an active list of articles to whip up.
I'll see what I can do...
Chase
Male Elites
Chase:
Fascinating article! I don't necessarily know yet whether I agree with every argument you make, but the premise is intensely thought-provoking.
Here's a question for you:
Are the "elite" men who benefit immensely from a matriarchal society, in terms of freedom, hypothetically the same "elite" men who if in a patriarchal society would amass riches and capital?
My guess that they are not. There may be some overlap, and what you call the "sniveling wretches" and "nancy boys" at the bottom end of each society may roughly correspond, but it seems that the respective elites in each society may not share the same qualities. I'd be thrilled to hear your view.
It always amazes me how, for example, there are emotionally uncontrolled and socially unskilled men who (albeit a minority) nonetheless rise to positions of high authority in the corporate world.
-Marty
Re: Male Elites
Marty-
That's a really good question. I don't have anything other than anecdotal data here, so I can only give you a best guess answer, but… the winners in matriarchal societies appear to often be the bigger, tougher, brawnier men, who have stronger physical sex appeal and who are able to win physical and popularity battles in the immediate (short) term, while the winners in patriarchal societies seem to be more cerebral men who are able to build things, manage large groups of people in armies or companies, and outwit the competition over long periods of time.
Assuming my observations are accurate for these societies as a whole - and they may not be - there would, yes, be some overlap - a smart enough guy with good social intuition may be able to turn himself into either a master of popularity and social influence OR a master inventor or business builder, depending on which of these his society offers the greater quality and number of incentives for - but most people have certain directions they're pulled in that make them better fits for different societies.
Matriarchal societies tend to produce more delicate, sensitive men, and hardier, more independent women - something of a convergence of the sexes. Meanwhile, patriarchal societies have more clearly defined gender roles. There's research out there showing that manlier men prefer more feminine women, and feminine women prefer manlier men, so it would seem safe to presume that in a matriarchal society, where the women are more masculinized, they're going to select more for men with more feminine traits, while women from patriarchal societies go wild over masculine men.
There'd probably be some overlap, yeah - if you're a smart enough dude, you can change and bend your personality and identity toward whatever is the most socially incentivized in your culture - but certain people are always going to have certain inclinations, and you see more caring, empathetic, and kinder men rising to the top in matriarchal societies, while stricter, firmer, more utilitarian men frequently take the lead in patriarchal ones.
Chase
Fetish Guy Story
Hey Chase, just a quick reminder on your article on Keeping your Cool: Dont Chase Women", that you would put up the story about "Fetish Guy". Im looking for that up soon on here and
thanks for the site man.This site is going to help me get the girl of my dreams and im going to get out there and work at it till i get there. Thanks much! From Troy!
Re: Fetish Guy Story
Troy-
Noted - thanks for the reminder here.
Chase
Moving TOO fast
I don't know if you talk about it on here, but one thing about women I've noticed is that some tend to look for any red flag as a reason to excuse a man from the runnings. No matter whether or not the conclusion is true or not, if they get that red flag emotion, they seem to tend to listen to that emotion and run with it. I guess it's the "creepy" vibe. There may be a way to turn it around but then that would require chasing...yuck.
What has happened to me that I didn't realize until it happened one too many times is the things that I say via txt before the first date. I occasionally have this urge to try and dazzle via txt. But no matter where I meet a girl, whether on the street or online or wherever, I find that if I am overly sexual with them prior to the first date, then it usually never materializes. Even if I try to keep it lightly sexual, it appears to activate a red-flag mechanism in some women. So clearly there's a limit to moving FAST! And the problem is that these girls know nothing about me, and seem to not have enough curiosity to continue to find anything out once I make these mistakes.
It's rather frustrating because we know that if we aren't sexy enough with a girl then the friend zone closes in on us. But yet if we're too sexy too soon (via txt prior to the date) most times you don't even get into the friend zone, instead you get the no-man's-land zone. And this is frustrating because we know girls like sex... yet so many of them act as if they don't when you get too sexy too soon!! But yet not all girls disappear, some seem to like the sexiness. So then the question becomes, from an optimum standpoint, when to dial up the sexy? Should we kill all sexiness prior to the first date and let anticipation build (what will he do? how will he make his move)? Or should we use sexiness via txt as an effective screening tool?
Although I sometimes get an urge to continue to try to pique her interest via txt game, I wonder if it's the case that I already piqued her interest and therefore I need not do anything more at all other than to just get her to meet me. Effortlessness. And only then, once in person, run my process. One benefit of doing things this way would be not activating the red flag mechanism. An additional benefit may be that if she has positive emotions around me in person, and I refuse to do any witty/sexy things via txt, then the only way she can get those positive emotions is if we meet up, and the idea of meeting me reminds her of the good feelings... I haven't tested any of this stuff out yet but this is my postulation.
Have you seen similar things with women... knowing women want sex, but yet they pretend like they don't if you get too sexy too soon? Clearly I want a woman who I like who wants sex too, and I'm not afraid of scaring some off by being sexy. But at the same time I don't want a timing issue linked to flawed process/mental model causing me more failure than success either.
I think you get the point, but essentially my question is, is it the case that sexiness prior to the first date is recommended because it effectively screens out the girls who were just looking for a free meal? Or is it not recommended because girls that may have gone for me (had they had more information on how I present myself) feel an emotion that leads them to put me into the bucket of "roving-penis on the hunt."
So if you have any thoughts on this one, I'm sure a few guys out there would appreciate it man.
Sexual Tension vs. Sexy Talk
Breeze-
Yes, of course - there are always limitations, based on a variety of factors. Usually, the biggest limiting factor will be you - have you made yourself into the kind of man she's willing to move at XYZ speed with, or have you not? At any given stage in your progression with game and fundamentals, there are going to be men who couldn't possibly bed a girl as fast as you can, and other men who can bed the same girl it takes you however long to bed in half the time… all dependent on where you and those guys are at in the things that matter to that girl in assessing her potential movement speeds with you / them.
For instance, I'm frequently very sexual with women the instant I meet them, and they respond to it very well, are very excited by it, and if we find out we like each other we will sleep together soon thereafter. Even women who are sexually repressed usually find this exciting in a naughty and forbidden way. However, had I tried the same things I do now 4 or 5 years ago, before I had a very sexual vibe, the response I'd get from girls would be to laugh it off, act like I was a silly boy, and start shifting me into a longer-term competition to be their boyfriends, sexy talk or no sexy talk. Had I done it 6 or 7 years ago, I'd get women behaving awkwardly around me, or perhaps acting like I was being "weird". Much of this has to do with vibe, presence, and other fundamentals.
When women aren't responding to you when you're being sexual, it's almost always a calibration issue. Very occasionally, you will meet women who are awkward about sex no matter how sexually appealing the man - it might be 1% of the time, which roughly corresponds to the percentage of the population who have no sex drives (asexuals). Generally though, if you're acting sexy and women are treating you NOT sexy, it's vibe, not words, that are the problem you're running into.
As far as being sexy over text - that's one I'd skip. Text is a very "neutral" medium, and trying to insert "sexual" into "neutral" makes it come off oddly most of the time. It can seem forced, as though you're consciously trying to be sexual. Even if a woman is sexual with you over text, it's usually better to give her a winking emoticon and save the sexual stuff for when you're in person and can create the right atmosphere.
If you're not quite there yet on building a sexual vibe, I'd recommend saving the sex talk for only when you want to push your boundaries and learn, but not with girls you're especially interested in. Stuff that works inconsistently for you is better saved for women it isn't do-or-die with.
Also, try this: instead of talking sexy, see if you can BE sexy, and turn women on without saying a single sexual thing. You'll know you have these down when you can look at a woman and say, "I love snowboarding," or, "I'm a ham-and-cheese kind of guy," and you can see her face flushing and eyes broadening as you do.
Recommended articles for this, if you haven't read them yet:
Chase
Girl who rejects you messages me?
Hi Chase,
What would you normally so if a girl you made a mistake with ends up texting you "feel good", classic friendzone texts?
There is a girl I made a mistake with, ie, I made out with her without giving her sex. Afterwards, she basically told me via text shed like to be friends since she just got out of a relationship. I am leaving her area for my business school so I probably won't even be in the area for months. My plan is therefore to reduce all contact for the future and move on and just to keep her around as a friend for meeting more of her friends. However, today she sent me a text saying,
"I just got out of my first day of class today and I was really afraid to talk to people, what should I do?"
She is a shy Chinese girl studying in the US who probably only had sex less than a couple times. I've NEVER had girls send me this kind of text and have no idea how to respond as I KNOW she probably had some other intentions behind that I don't know....
How would you respond to not seem like a pushover but at the same time keeping her as a pseudo friend/ maybe future potential lay?
Thanks chase!
Girl Who Needs Help
Jason-
On that one, I'd just call her, talk for a few minutes, then tell her to meet up with me.
If you're interested in building a friendship with her, she's just given you an excellent way to do this - so, do it.
You can even meet up with her and say, "I'll teach you how to make new friends, if you'll introduce me to your cute girlfriends - deal?"
If she thinks you're a cool guy, and really is only platonically interested in you (and not secretly hoping to have you for herself), you'll get a "yes."
Chase
Hi Chase, Thanks a lot, will
Hi Chase,
Thanks a lot, will definitely give that try. In the future, if I meet a girl who basically "wants to be friends" and keeps sending me texts about how she needs help, how do you respond? I know you have mostly advocated dropping her and moving on but what happens if she INITIATES and keeps texting you and is the one seeking you out?
For example, would you actually reply to her: "Hey just ask lots of questions, thats the key to meeting more people"?
Hold On A Minute! Contradictions!?
Chase, I'm not angry about this, I'm just confused with the take a girl home article by Cody.Basically he's straight up saying do the opposite of what you preach. 1. Moving fast 2. Staying out of boyfriend material, in his article he says to not make it all about sex and to pretty much not make a move on the girl until you want to, then he says cuddle up with her and that sure sounds like boyfriend zone to me.
He told us to move slow and cuddle, you are against moving slow and doing things that put you in the boyfriend zone. I don't have a problem with how he does things, but I don't understand how you have someone pretty much disagreeing on what you keep telling us to do over and over again, which is to make a move in 5-10 min, then you have cody saying don't make it all about sex, move slow and cuddle.
I really don't think it's good to have different view points from what you preach because that just confuses us, and if his way of sleeping with girls works, how come you tell us to do the exact opposite?
My feelings are pretty much, if I took cody's approach I wouldn't have lost the girl that I was told to move fast with by chase or I wouldn't have lost that girl if I moved fast like chase told me to do instead of not making moves like cody told me. There has to be one way Chase, move fast or slow, because if there's not, people will always think they took the wrong advice.
Thank you
Slow Closing vs. Fast Closing
Wolf-
You're right - we should've included a note in there clarifying why we were recommending something that conflicted with other advice on the site.
I've posted a clarifying comment on the differences in these methods, and who's going to use them when and why, here:
"Moving Slow on the Close"
Chase
How to Stop.....
Okay, I read the don't jerk off to porn article, but how do I stop jerking off entirely? My sex drive is so high I constantly have to do it because im so damn horny and all I think about is sex. I don't have a girl right now so using one for release is out of the question. What can I do?
Thanks
Re: How to Stop.....
Well, you may not be able to entirely stop without withdraw (getting agitated; getting shaky like you would after pounding too much coffee or RedBull), but you can reduce how often you're doing it.
I'd recommend being conscious of when you're going out to meet girls, and not masturbating the day of at all... maybe not the day before, either. Depending on your sex drive, if you're not getting sex you probably want SOME level of masturbation to take some of the edge off and to prevent you from going into sexual dormancy (if you don't have sex or masturbate at all for a long time, your sex drive will eventually plummet down into oblivion), but find the right balance between just enough to not be jittery / needy, but not so much that you lose all motivation to approach women.
Chase
Is it possible to pick up girls from the streets?
Hi chase,
I recently came across this site and i would like to thank you for your time you put into this =).
Anyways, im an 18 year old with a incredibly high sex drive of late. I was wondering if its possible to pick up someone older than me on the streets who's just walking by and go somewhere discreet to have sex. Do you have any articles on this ? Ones i read so far mainly addressed picking up girls in bars . If no , can you provide some tips or write an article about this ?
Also is it illegal to ask people for sex in the streets? Im afraid i will get slapped or get handed to the police lol.
Please reply soon. Thanks :D
Street Pickup
Petey-
It's absolutely possible (and not illegal unless you're soliciting - that is, offering to pay for sex - or you're following a woman who's made it clear she doesn't want to talk to you... which, unless you're crazy, is never going to happen!).
These articles should help:
On street:
Others applicable to daytime:
Sexual escalation in unconventional places:
Chase
How do you text back girls who just want emotional support?
Hey there Chase, this is a real nice article.
Got a fast question for you I got reminded of when I saw a poster's question here regarding girls who want to just be friends. I've recently been doing everything to ramp up my game and meeting girls wherever I go. Inevitably, I've run into girls who just aren't interested in me or who want to just be more like friends who send me needy texts or calls.
For girls who aren't interested, I've ALWAYS tried to just break all initiation of contact and tried to move on. However, I recently realized that completely ignoring a girl's texts for emotional support might be bad etiquette.
I am ABSOLUTELY curious how you would text back a girl who is:
1) Not interested in you for the moment or not "available".
2) Sending me texts wanting help or complaining about her life in general.
If she sends me some text saying,
"Life sucks here and there, I need your advice here, blah blah, etc"
how would you reply? Would you reply nicely or curtly? Or would you actually offer advice and string along so that you could, like the poster said, meet friends of her friends?
Really appreciate any advice you have! Thanks :D
Emotional Support Girls
Robbie-
Yeah, those are annoying.
When I was younger, I used to spend WAY too much time helping people who were perpetually mired in problems of their own devising. I finally had a couple of people point out to me in quick succession with a business I was working on that I was really going out of my way to offer time and advice and support to a couple of people on our staff who were just hopeless, and I wasn't putting anywhere near as much time into the all-stars on our staff who were going to be the ones who really made the business work.
I realized my priorities were out of order, and I was wasting my time "helping those in need" who never really let themselves be helped (they say "thank you SO much!" but then it's another drama all over again the very next week, and the next week after that, and the one after that...) instead of helping those who were already awesome to be even MORE awesome.
So I switched. I adopted an attitude that "lost causes" get MINIMUM investment from me, and only get more if they prove they can fix themselves and follow my advice and execute it... which they never can, because they don't want to.
They don't want to get better. They just want to use you emotionally.
When you get some girl whiney-texting you, it's usually becuase you've already given her an inch and let her think she can get a mile, so you have to kind of reverse that trend and really make her feel like she's wasting your time with her nonsense (which she is):
After that, just be a lot shorter with her. She'll give up on trying to psychic vampire you up and go find someone else to play host.
Chase
Hey chase I was just
Hey chase
I was just wondering whats a good way to avoid burnout and stay productive. I figure since you were churning out a quantity of quality articles that you'd be a pro on this topic. Basically how do you consistently maintain a high standard of work consistently without going crazy
Productivity Sans Burnout
Boyo-
Best way I've found is to work almost exclusively on things you at least somewhat enjoy doing, take liberal breaks, and have a lot of choice in what you do.
e.g., I churn out a lot of content on here, but I'm pulling from a list of 200+ topics I can write for. So, I sit down to write, and if there's something at the top of my head I want to write about, I write it. If I can't think of anything, I scan through the list and find something that pops out at me and makes me say, "Ooh! I want to write about THAT!"
You need a fair amount of control over your work. So, sometimes we'll get people in the comments section here begging me to get some specific article up RIGHT NOW, and the answer's always, "No, sorry; I write about what I want to write about." The more commitments you have to the more people you have them to, the faster you get locked into doing what other people want you to do instead of what YOU want to do, and the more quickly and severely you burn out.
If you ask me, burnout is really just ego depletion from too much time spent doing things you really don't want to do.
So, avoid doing things you want to do, and only do things you WANT to do, and you'll never have to worry about burnout become too much of an issue. If you're a business owner, this can mean hiring people to take over tasks you don't like doing; e.g., I used to spend hours a day on email for this business and it almost killed me, so we hired Genaro to take over email and life's been a lot easier. I used to try and figure out tech stuff around the site, and that was often frustrating and draining; nowadays, I have tech guys who take care of most of that stuff, which frees me from having to worry about it.
Identify the things that drain you in your work, and ask yourself, "How can I not do these things?" or, if you can't avoid doing them, find ways to minimize their impact on your productivity: either do them at a low point later in the day after most of your production is already done, or cordone them off to be worked on only several days out of the week, and spend the rest of the week working on what you like working on.
Chase
Highschool
Hey Chase, great article! It would be useless to make an article on highschool pickup considering a majority of your readers are adults but any tips for highschool pickup? Could you reply to my comment or shoot me an email?
Thanks,
Royce
Re: Highschool
Royce-
We actually get periodic requests for a post on this, and I have a note on our list of upcoming articles that there's interest in a piece on high school. I don't think we have anyone on the staff whose had experience picking up in high school, however, and until I come across someone who can write something on the subject competently I wouldn't want to put up anything speculative (and potentially misleading).
That said, we do have a handful of guys on the discussion boards who are in high school and meeting lots of girls - Zphix just started college, and I think AsianPersuasion is still there, and both those guys are pretty active in meeting girls (albeit in shopping malls and department stores - not in their schools, so far as I know).
You might check their stuff out - there are several posts on the boards about high school game, too.
Chase
Pickup girls in Church
Dear Chase,
Thank you very much for your response on how to cure depression...thank you very very much! I just have one last question on this article regarding on how to pickup girls in church. Can I use direct openers similar to your article on "pickup girls at grocery store"?
For ex):
You: Use a situational relevant opener or something that is obviously a joke.
Her: Response or laugh
You: I'm joking, I thought you had a great look about you and I wanted to come say hi. I am Danny.
Her: She tells me her name.
You: You are really cute, I think you are the true love that god gave me <-- (Say this with a smirking & flirting expression).
Relax, I want to know more about u first, I am not that shallow. You also need to buy me expensive dinner first, I am not that easy, so stop checking me out. ;)
<--(This is Chase frame)
*And then try to build connections and rapport, just like your articles on "deep dive" and "conversationalist" etc
ALSO, would the priest and other church staffs cock-block?
Thank you Chase !
Re: Pickup girls in Church
Danny-
Not having experience here, I would *think* that style of opener would work just fine, and so long as the girl is clearly comfortable and enjoying herself - and you don't have a reputation as a nefarious playboy - I'd imagine church staff would actually be quite pleased to see young love budding beneath the eaves of the church.
Trying this out will tell you for sure - talk to some girls at church, and see how it goes!
Chase
Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines - feminist backlash
Hi Chase,
I've noticed recently a lot of feminist backlash towards the Robin Thicke song Blurred Lines. With lyrics such as 'I know you want it but you're a good girl' it obviously touches on the Madonna/Whore complex. I was wondering if you could possibly write an article drawing on the actual Blurred Lines video and the feminist parody which talks about 'emasculating' and 'castrating' men to help me understand how to deal with feminist with such extreme views, views which idealise the madonna and bash the whore http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tC1XtnLRLPM Cheers
what's the men/women nature has to do in all this
i noticed that the analysis you did take into account a lot of parameters, but more at a sociological level. I see nowhere how the very intrinsic nature of being a man/woman contribute or hinder the formation of patriarchal or matriarchal society. Through GC i see that the explained principles and tenets are essentially based on the very individual nature of genders such as :
*a man is by nature competitive and a leader who normally should be in control of his emotions
*a woman need to be taken care of, has a propension to let go of her emotions, wants to be loved, likes to be led by a man
if these are intrinsic traits, independent from social and cultural influences, wouldn't it influence the destiny of a society(patriarchal of matriarchal). Wouldn't be the patriarchal structure in most cases an inevitable outcome since men are always competitive, and want always to lead, and on the other hand women wants to be led and taken care of.?
I honestly think that the few matriarchal society that we know for sure they are or were matriarchal, are in an unstable equilibrium(like in physics) and the least stimuli will bring about a huge change in their structure. Or more we can compare it as a minority societies which are deemed to remain in small number, and i evoke here, for the sake of analogy, the homosexuals, they are minority compared to heteros, and normally deemed to remain a minority due to natural reasons.
I will tend more to consider the present condition in the western word as new a form of patriarchal structure where women has achieved more liberation(liberation that should have been achieved since ages), yet always in concordance with their core nature
A little insight
I'd just like to add a litlle to the article.
In the part "Survival of the Fittest... Civilization"
"Madonna/whore is a natural product of this. Men don't want to work for the "whore" - which is, in fact, a truer representation of women's unrepressed sexual nature. Why work to get something that everybody else has had a piece of too, and whom you're unlikely to be able to control the sexual resources of? Not so hot a deal."
I would just like to add that when it comes to working and trying to create something for your "Madonna" that the importance of her virginity comes to be not because otherwise she'd be something everybody else has had a piece of too, but rather because it's important that IF you're going to create something is is for YOUR cildren not someone else's which would be the case if her sexuality WASN'T suppressed.
The important distinction when it comes to mating with men and women is that a woman KNOWS that she's the mother, while a man DOESN'T KNOW. So if you don't know that what you create is for your children, you don't have a lot of inspiration to do it. That's why in a matriarchal society (in which women are in charge) where women know that the child is theirs, and so does their family (which cares for their genes i. e. children in the Mosou society) there isn't a problem with female sexuality, while in a patriarchal society in which the male doesn't know if he's the father there is a problem with female promiscuity.
But now that we compare this two, is seems that in both cases there seem to be someone with interests to inovate, and yet the patriarchal society prevailed. Well I believe that there are two reasons for this:
1) In the patriarchal society there seems to have evolved the idea of private property which goes hand in hand with the idea of having a faithful wife, while in the matriarchal society there seems to have evolved the idea of sharing with family, and when you compare the two the smaller grupation of the patriarchal society and the idea of private property seems to motivate people more.
2)The effect of suppressed sexuality on the mating system. The Mating system workes something this, Men have an apporach mechanism in which they show their qualities which make them a good partner, Women have a filter mechanism in which they only let the most attractive men get to them. In the Matriarchal society the filter of women is based solely on social values and gene values (physical appearance), while in the Patriarchal society the capabilities to create, inovate, invent and get wealthy have a bigger role, what in turn creates more men which seek to create.
And now to top this off, I'll just hint a comparison worth thinking about:
capitalism vs. communism and patriarchal vs. matriarchal society.
and how it connects with the economical aspects of both.
Hopefully you enjoyed this comment and the thoughts,
Cheers!
Is monogamy just an illusion?
Hey Chase,
I've been reading you material for several month now and as always, very thought through, insightful information.
Considering this article, first, i want to emphasize what "Anony" wrote above, i think he has some very valid points there.
Another thing, that i think you didn't take into consideration when you talk about how it is all a cycle and the west will face the same fate as the roman empire some day, is the exponential growth of information technology. The human brain is wired to perceive things in a linear way, computer technology on the other hand, evolves exponentially, which is counterintuitive, so you really have to look at the data in order to believe it. I recommend you watch a TED Talk with Ray Kurzweil about this, if you want to learn more about this topic. What this exponential growth in information technology means, is that in the next 30-50 years, the west will have so extremely high evolved technology, that i think it will impossible for other, less developed countries to catch up with us. So i don't think the west will go down, i think that humanity at some point might, as it could be surpassed by more intelligent, artificial intelligence that we might create in the near future, but this is just speculation on my side.
Finally, one more thing you mentioned about corporations, that start to care about how their employees feel: You're saying it makes them less competitive, but it think creating a mood in which an employee feels comfortable working, is very beneficial to the company, because an employee who likes his company, will be more likely to bring in new ideas and deliver higher quality work.
Now back to girls.
As stated above, i started reading your blog earlier this year, i was amazed about how analytical you break down social dynamics and all the advice you're giving on how to interact with girls and how to improve yourself. Now i've read far over 100 blog posts and i think i got the fundamentals down and I'm actually getting A LOT of attraction, so much attraction, that sometimes i don't even want to go out on the street, because as strange as it might sound, the attention i get from girls stresses me out a bit (I'm actually somewhat of an introvert).
Changing yourself can be a hurtful process, you adjust your mental models, your behaviour, your appearance, but you know what you do it for and I'm usually not a person who ever gives up. Now i read this article and to be honest it crushed me big time. Of course, i wanna get laid, but eventually i'd like to find a girl i really like and keep her. But if in the west there is, at best, serial monogamy and when all girls want deep down is to just fuck and will inevitably cheat on you sooner or later and no one can be trusted in the long term, what is all this good for? Sex is important yes, but it can't be everything, at least not for me. It's so confusing for me, because usually girls are the ones who want relationships more than men, but as i understand, in the end they will get bored and fantasize about or actually have sex with other men. We all know that people cheat, not only girls. From my own experience i know that girls cheat (with me on others), i read an article from Alek, where he tells the story of how he fucked a girl in the ass in the bathroom on a party and it later turned out her boyfriend was at this party, who was totally convinced that his girlfriend would never do such a thing. I know from friends (women and men) who cheat on their partners, everyone seems to be cheating all the time, it seems to be a common thing and this is mainly why i think what you're writing in this article is right, a long term monogamous relationship in the west seems to be nearly impossible. The data seems to match the theory. But if all you want is a girl that is happy to be with you and be loyal and honest with you, it's soul crushing.
I'm at the point where i don't even want to go out anymore, not even on the street to go shopping, because there WILL BE girls checking me out, giving me AIs and as i said, sometimes i feel uncomfortable, as i'm more of an introvert, but now i even start to dislike them, because in the end all they want is fuck, even if they're not aware of it. It drives me crazy, they might think they want a relationship, they read in their girls magazines how to keep their men, but as things seem to be on the biological side, it will inevitably die out after 2 years if you don't make her pregnant and if she gets pregnant you have 7-10 more years, which in my opinion is a really shitty deal. I know nothing anymore, seems like a stupid game to play for me.
Also i remember you (or maybe Ricardus) wrote somewhere about how to keep a girl as long as you like, but this seems to be impossible considering what is discussed in this article here.
I'd be happy if you could at least help get me out of that confusion, i'm working hard on improving myself and when it comes to girls, i don't even know what for anymore, is long-term monogamy really just an illusion?
Why can't two people just be a match and be happy together?
I have much respect for you and your work, so I'd really like to know how you go about relationships nowadays, you seem to be sure they are unlikely to last in the west, but from reading this site, i know you have been at least in one longer one. Are you ever going to commit again, or is the risk of it going down hill and you or the girl ending up hurt just too high?
I hear you
The same thoughts came to my mind too, but it's not all that dim,
Chase has posted something relevant about it on the forum, so here:
Monogamy(2014):
http://www.girlschase.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=4786
So just keep up the good work, everything we'll be fine ^^
Cheers!
Thanks a lot mate
...this really saved my day!
@ Chase: If you find the time you should add this link to the end of this article, it helped me a lot and will probably save some people the troubles and confusion i went through.
Cheers!
Another reason behind M/W
Hey Chase,
Great blog. Following up on an old post here, but I thought it would be worth mentioning that a major reason for the prizing of virgins and M/W culture in general is: the desire of men to be sure of the paternity of their children.
In cultures like the Mosuo, where child raising is done communally, men don't need to concern themselves with true paternity.
In cultures based on property rights and responsibilities, where the man is expected to "own" his children and provide 100% for their care & upbringing: he wants to know that the kid his wife brings into the world is his.
Even today, I would have to say the majority of guys in our white, North American culture have a horror of being tricked into spending 21 years paying for a child who was not "his," not fathered by him.
It also explains the fascination with, and horror of, that meme of shame: the cuckold!
Of course, societal controls and mate guarding men have never been able to stop women from fucking men they were passionate for. But it was the best thing anybody could think of in the days before DNA testing.
I personally think the development of DNA paternity testing has been one of the less-acknowledged drivers of the "red pill" revolution. I personally know more guys than I should who have had the M/W bandaged ripped off their eyes by a DNA test.
AMAZING article, but... Is it really all true?
OMG CHASE!
At the risk of sounding like a little teen girl with that capitalized acronym, I can only say my respect level for you has just soared.
BEST article you have ever written, possibly, and I've read many here on GS!
Though what you say is extremely compelling and makes a lot of sense, I'm not yet 100% sold.
As you know and as you've already said yourself, You can relatively easily bend history to suit your argument.
MADONNA WHORE WOULD WORK IN MATRIARCHY
And a Madonna/whore, wouldn't it make sense in a matriarchal society as well?
Every man wants to have sex with as many girls as possible and STILL keep her most serious relationship -and the one with the offsprings he's going to provide for- as close to him as possible.
PATRIARCHICAL SOCIETIES AREN'T MORE ADVANCED
Also, the evidence of matriarchal societies being less advances, is spotty and flimsy at best.
The arab world has been strongly patriarchal for quite some time, and their progress is... Lagging, to put it in a nicely way.
Up to you, of course, but I can really say that I would love reading your reply :).
Crtique on the Italian example for "matriachical underperformanc
Also on the Italian example of a society which has lost the edge when you said "just left forgotten by the wayside" and "never fully regained its splendor".
Well, that's also very relative and, may I say, not fully true.
After the Roman empire Italy never had again a best in the world army, true, part of it is explained by fragmentation as you mentioned and, most of all, a strong military is only one part of the story.
During the long Middle Age Italy was the wealthiest country in Europe (example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maritime_republics ).
And after the Middle Age it was still Italy that, *in spite* of a lack of unity and standing army, brought Europe back on top with the Renaissance, which has left countless artistic achievements.
And still in the last decades till today Italy is still home to many of the most beautiful things the world has to offer, from products such as sportscars and wines, to sexy motorbikes and beautiful clothes to more "ephemeral" ones such as songs and movies (most awarded foreign country for oscars).
So yeah, I'm not really sure if you can really use Italy as an example of "matriarchal underachievement" after Rome.
Also I believe marriages in Italy tend to last longer than US? And especially the south there's quite of a "male chauvinist" culture which doesn't really seem to confirm a matriarchal society?
Again though, just a few more thoughts on an amazing and thought-provoking article.
And the part of crying "mamma mia" had me in stitches :D :D
Matriarchy and dysgenics
A major problem I have with matriarchal societies is its dysgenic nature.
See, while in more patriarchal, socially conservative societies, it's the men who are most innovative, hard-working, and/or socially successful that do most of the breeding, in the liberal, matriarchal ones, it's usually the players and the rascals that will be overrepresented as fathers.
You mentioned today's black America, well, that's basically what's going on in it -- the thugs in them are disproportionately impregnating baby mamas (who often explicitly seek out "hoodmans"). That's been the case ever since the Great Society where black women stopped needing providers and could afford to get it on with the thrilling men they truly desire. And this produces generations that are less and less fit for modern industrial or post-industrial societies, whether through nature (more violent/rebellious predispositions) or nurture (fatherlessness).
I think that's the other reason matriarchal societies tend to be less successful as a whole than patriarchal ones, it's that the men in it not only won't but also can't be as productive over time.
Topic suggestions: big family, type of wife, prenup
"If you do have children, expect freedom-seeking or replacement-seeking behavior somewhere between 7 and 10 years after the birth of your last child, unless she experiences menopause before this time period."
So what you're saying is that, if your relationship game is tight (that is, if you clearly rule the roost + have good sex, etc) and you have, say, one child every five years, chances of her wanting to stray or divorce would be, like, 1 percent?
I say this because I'm planning on having 7 to 11 children during my marriage, mainly for ideological reasons. And now that you say this makes a marriage more likely to last, that's just good news.
So, related to what I just mentioned, there are a few subjects I would like you to consider writing on, if you have a decent background knowledge on them that is:
Is Canada better than the U.S. if you want to have a truckload of kids? I mean, I could have them here and support them, but for that to happen here, I'd have to not only keep working full time, but also get a promotion some time down the line, which is highly likely to happen, except that I can't help but think there's a country just next door where I wouldn't have to fork out as much because the government there takes really good care of the breeders.
What kind of girl and where to find it? Now what I want is a girl who isn't too keen on working or a career, because: 1) I don't see myself changing diapers or nurturing babies and little children except on rare necessary occasions, 2) if she's gonna do all that with seven or more kids, keep the house tidy, and put food on the table, she obviously has to not work. Basically I’d just do the providing and the steering of the ship, and she’d take care of the nurturing and keeping the ship tidy.
But besides wanting the girl to be markedly younger than I am and be somewhat malleable and a follower (at least to me), I still don’t have a clear picture for what kind of girl to look for for that role. Do I cradle-rob one from high school? Or take a high school dropout because I’ll be sure she won’t want a career? But at the same time, isn’t it better to have a mother with some academic literacy to keep up with the kids’ education? Your thoughts on this one would be much appreciated.
The prenup. Obviously one’s gotta protect their assets or else marriage is out of the question. My understanding is that you have to inquire about the reasons on which prenups can be broken in courts (examples: because she wasn’t there at the signing, because you only told her you wanted it right before the wedding, etc.) and avoid making them.
So my questions are, how likely is a prenup to protect your assets following a divorce? And can you ever get a truly solid prenup?
Thanks in advance.
I'd like to add this
I'm not really that much into women, be it my wife or other. And no, I'm not gay or asexual... This may sound weird since I've been reading seduction material and constructing myself a tight game in the last couple of years, but the sole reason I have done this was more to prove to myself that "I can do this" (i.e. I can hook up with relative ease and give good sex) rather than to get laid or get into a relationship. I don't care that much about any of that stuff, or rather I can do without it, even though I do get pleasure getting laid.
Now how this relates to my previous post, it's that the primary reason I'm marrying is to have the kids, because I believe they'd be best off growing up in a stable two-parent home. But that's it. What this will mean it's that I won't care that much if, along the way, the passion evaporates, I might very well have sex with other women on occasions and will have no qualms about it, and I wouldn't mind her doing the same either as long as she keeps carrying her rearing and homekeeping duties well. And the relation will be most likely that of friends or roommates. Nevertheless, I still want the marriage to last indefinitely or at least until the kids leave home.
Yeah, so I just wanted this to be taken into account in case you responded on what type of women I should go for to help me carry my progeny and rear them.
One of the best article written on this site
Thank you Chase, this is super eye opening. This article is jaw-droppingly good.
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