Investment | Page 12 | Girls Chase

Investment

The art of involving a woman more deeply in a conversation, an interaction, a date, a seduction, a relationship.

The Wrapping and the Present

wrapping vs. presentsOver the past month, 340Breeze, one of our members and commenters here, has made a couple of insightful comments and asked a few thoughtful questions about a subject that can be fairly boiled down to "the wrapping and the present".

His first comment was in the article on specialness (comment here).

And his second was in the piece on reversing poor precedent (comment here).

The first comment discussed his experiences meeting women who seemed outwardly impressive at first, but lacking in substance after he got to know them; in the second comment, he asked whether it was better for a woman interested in capturing a good man to focus more on playing coy and drawing things out with men (what I'd term "game" and "fundamentals", or style), or on becoming such all-around awesome people that they were simply naturally already in very high demand (who you really are as a person, friend, and mate - your substance).

In fact, this dichotomy - of fundamentals and game vs. who you are, style vs. substance, or the wrapping vs. the present - is one that underlies all of social dynamics, whether mating and dating, or choosing whom you want to be friends with, or hiring employees, bringing on consultants, or selecting the company you want to go work for.

The key here, and what everyone's trying to do, is to avoid being suckered by nice wrapping that isn't backed up by an equally impressive present underneath... but also not miss the great presents hiding under crummy wrapping paper.

Yet, that isn't so easy to do.

Should You Buy Gifts for a Girlfriend?

gifts for girlfriendWe're in the midst of the gift-giving season, and one of the big questions that comes up this time of year is both whether you ought to buy gifts for a girlfriend - and, if so, what kinds of gifts... and how many?

My phys ed teacher in high school, a guy named Mr. Myers, was known for dumping his girlfriends a few weeks before Christmas because he didn't want to buy them presents - all the boys thought this was hilarious and badass, and the girls thought it was despicable (but still flirted with him anyway). He was one of those assholes who wasn't completely magnetic, but he had this half-sleazy, half-charming way of grinning that told you he probably did all right with the fairer sex regardless.

When I was younger, and a bit more white knight-y, I thought this was just poor behavior of his; "If I had a girlfriend, I'd sure buy her Christmas presents!" I thought to myself.

But when I got a little bit older, and picked up a bit more actual life experience with women, I began to reconsider that position: was it possible that Mr. Myers had a point?

Might it be better to be Scrooge than Santa during the season of holiday cheer and good will toward men?

Reversing Poor Past Precedent with Girls You Like

reversing bad precedentAlex writes in with a question about a follow-up article to the one on precedent: “Dating and Relationship Precedent: Why It’s So Very Important.” Here's his email:

Hi Chase and friends at girlschase.com

Your articles are amazing! I found Chase's article on precedent to be thought-provoking:

http://www.girlschase.com/
content/dating-and-relationship-precedent-why-it’s-so-very-important

I was wondering if you guys think writing a secondary article on how to recover after precedent has been set poorly would be a good follow-up idea.

For example: Say with this particular girl, I've moved too slowly with her, been overly helpful, white-knighted her, and acted overly insecure. As a result, I ended up losing her. But what if I want a second chance? Do you have any suggestions on bouncing back after setting poor precedent?

I know it would be best to move on, and I wish I knew about setting good precedent back when I was inexperienced, but sometimes I just want a second shot. I think it would be excellent to have an article on bouncing back after poor precedent, if possible.

Let me know if you guys think this would be a good suggestion!

Best,
Alex

 

This is a sticky issue, and it's not one with an easy fix... not even a remotely easy fix. It's also a totally irrational problem to have, in the grand scheme of things, and it's one that's rooted firmly into a scarcity mentality of some sort or another - it may be that you don't feel you can ever meet another girl as amazing as this one (you lack absolute abundance), or it may be that you don't know if you're ever going to find another girl at ALL (just a complete lack of abundance mentality) - or, at the very least, you've just plunged so much time and emotional investment into this girl that your psyche won't let you let go.

The rational option is always, "Go out, forget about the girl you've dug yourself into a deep pit of despair with, get more skilled with women, upgrade your game and your fundamentals, and go date and sleep with 10 more women hotter, cooler, and more interesting than this one."

Yet, it's a question that comes up SO MUCH from guys, that it's probably worth addressing on its own: how do you change a girl's perception of you when it's already pretty low?

It will require you to move mountains and pull off feats that few men ever have, but if you're willing to give it your all, I may as well lay out the tools for you. So, by popular request...

Dating and Relationship Precedent: Why It’s So Very Important

relationship precedentPoorly-set precedent: it's the scourge of relationships across the face of mankind. Every day, the whole of the male sex collectively writhes in agony at its own terribly-set precedent coming back to haunt it - and bit it right in the ass. Bad precedent is the unadulterated cause of:

  • Ending up the platonic, sexless orbiter trapped in a girl's friend zone

  • Becoming viewed as a promising boyfriend candidate instead of a lover

  • Finding yourself in a relationship where you're doing all of the work

  • Being endlessly browbeaten by an overly dramatic girlfriend

  • Losing a woman's respect and attraction in any kind of relationship

Some time back, I posted the article about operant conditioning here, and how this kind of relationship training and management is used for guiding and directing your relationships in the directions you want them to go.

We also discussed briefly in that article how incorrect use of operant conditioning actually reinforces and encourages bad behavior that is destructive to the relationship and harmful to both the man's and the woman’s levels of happiness and contentedness within it.

An understanding of operant conditioning - basically, that how you respond to good, bad, and neutral behavior from someone who's a part of your life influences how likely you are to see that behavior again, and how often, and how much it escalates - is necessary for an understanding of precedent: that what came before influences what is to come again.

And you will find that in your relationships, if you are perceptive enough, you can all but tell the future, simply by putting a microscope over the past - your past, your girlfriends' pasts, and the pasts you've shared together.

You can also determine the future, by building the kind of past precedent necessary to have the kind of future relationship you want, all by doing the right things now.

Yet, you'll find most people are not willing to do this, because a little more pain now for a lot more happiness later is a bargain 99% of people are unwilling to make.

Early Frame Announcements: His and Hers

In community-speak, an Early Frame Announcement -- often abbreviated to "EFA" -- is something a person does when faced with a new potential relationship, the terms of which he or she would like to control.

In laymen's terms, this is how you set relationship expectations at the commencement of something new together (even before sex, or before you're officially "an item").

early frame announcement

 

Men do it when faced with new prospects, and women do it when they begin to realize a man is interested in intimacy.

In this article, I am going to cover various EFAs that men and women can make, as well as the best way to respond to certain common female EFAs.

Women Really Do Like Sex

women like sexNumerous times we’ve covered the fact that women love sex. You’ll hear us on Girls Chase frequently tell you that they like sex as much as men, and if you’re experienced with women, you already know this quite well yourself.

Yet for many men (and even for myself back in the day), this concept doesn’t seem to make much sense. After all, we men are chasing women, or at least constantly trying to figure out ways to meet and get women into bed. It sure doesn’t seem like the opposite is true anyway... at least not when you’re a beginner.

We might ask ourselves the following question: if women liked sex as much as men like sex, wouldn’t they be chasing after men the same as men are chasing after women? Wouldn’t women start approaching men and start trying to get those men over to their places for some hanky-panky?

Wouldn’t women just jump you, begging you to pleasure them?

In this post we’ll cover the many reasons why that is not the case, while still continuing to show you that, in fact, women truly love sex.

Some of the perspectives presented below might already be known to many of you, but I am sure that you will find some nuggets in this posts.

Breaking Rapport: You’ve Been Doing It Wrong

In "20 Ways to Talk to Women and Make It AMAZING", Flames requested an article on rapport - specifically, one on making it, and breaking it. Here's that part of his comment:

Oh and if we could have something on rapport, both making and breaking. I've had a few girls break rapport recently and it left me thinking wtf? :)

Regards
Flames

break rapport

Breaking rapport is a classic pickup technique for controlling the flow and direction of conversations. It's used as a sort of a "forced redirect" when things start traveling down a conversational road you don't want them to go down.

However, one of the ways it's traditionally been taught is to be used not purely as a redirect, but as a punishment for women who are being aloof, uncooperative, or trying to move things backwards.

There are more ways to use this, though, that both enhance the fun and energy of your conversations - and quickly get women qualifying themselves to you.

The focus in this article is mainly going to be on breaking rapport yourself - though if you're paying attention, most of the extinction examples we use later are really about dealing with women who break rapport with you, first - so we'll cover both sides of the coin about Flames's question about the subject in this one.

Let's see what they are.

How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great

There's been some confusion on here recently, with readers noting some contrasts between my normal recommendations to guys, and what some of the other writers here report doing in some of their articles.

The biggest one is kissing girls in public - especially, kissing girls in bars, and kissing girls in clubs.

kissing girls in public

I gave somewhat of a blanket denouncement about ever kissing girls in public in "How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before". If we want to be totally 100% technically correct, there are always exceptions, and this rule's one that - provided you meet certain requirements already - you can still get around.

Kissing a girl publicly is a tactic that can be powerful if used appropriately, but is devastating to your odds at getting a girl back somewhere alone with you for intimacy. In my strong opinion, it's much better to avoid this altogether, and simply maintain sexual tension, until you are home alone with a girl, and can quickly move from kissing to sex - the natural progression of things. Kissing is something that increases the randomness of your interactions, and polarizes them - it'll shift some women into overdrive, but will drive many more into auto-rejection or overprovides good feelings.

My general recommendation to guys that are learning is just "don't do this at all, unless you're pushing boundaries and really just want to see if you can do it and test yourself."

However... if you are suitably advanced, confident with women, and know what you are doing (e.g., not kissing for the sake of kissing, but kissing as part of a larger overall strategy)... you can indeed take the exception here, and not only not deflate sexual tension with a kiss, but actually amplify it.

So, to straighten out the signs seemingly pointing down divergent paths, and properly light up the way, let's peer into what the right way to use kissing in public is - and why most men use it all wrong.

Why Do Girls Play Games and Lead You On? And What to Do About It

girls play gamesYou meet a cute girl; you hit it off; you grab her number; and she gives you a warm hug or a kiss with those gleaming eyes that say “I can’t wait to see you again.” And then you don’t see her for weeks… or maybe ever again.

When you text her to schedule a date… she says she’s busy. When she agrees to meet up with you… she bails out at the last second and leaves you feeling stupid. If you run into her in person, she greets you like you’re the last man on Earth… and then continues to play games when you try to meet up with her!

Have you ever been in this situation? It’s so frustrating! Why do girls play these games? Why can’t they just meet up with you when they say they will? Why do they take 12 hours to text you back?

Today I’m going to use science to explain why women act the way they do in terms of playing coy and stringing you along.

And more importantly: I’m going to show you what you can do to stop it. Onward.

How to Be Charming with Women You Meet (10 Steps)

Being charming is a trait most of us are taught to aspire to from a young age. From fiction novels to Disney movies, the ladies always seem to swoon for that man who can charm his way right into their hearts.

how to be charming

But how do you get to be a charming man? And how important is charm in your process of seduction?

Today I’m going to give you a comprehensive look into charm. And it probably won’t be exactly what you expect. Charm is a double-edged sword that can be a great boon in certain situations, but a harmful bane in others.

I’m going to help you figure out when it’s most useful, and how to effectively wield your charms for seductions and relationships.