Dating | Page 12 | Girls Chase

Dating

How Moving Too Slow Can Make a Girl Auto-Reject

Varoon Rajah's picture

moving too slow auto-rejection
I had such a great date, but now she won’t meet up again! WTF? Sometimes if you move too slowly, it’ll negatively affect her self-esteem and cause her to auto-reject.

Welcome back to our study on women, sex, and self-esteem! In Part 1, I gave two examples of encounters with girls I liked, and who liked me back. We both wanted sex to happen, but both dates fell apart because the girl’s self-esteem dropped because of something I did – or didn't do.

A girl’s feeling of self-esteem with a guy has a huge effect on how the encounter transpires. Self-esteem drops can kill courtships long before they’ve “rightfully” concluded. The metric most influenced by self-esteem is your attainability with a girl.

To start off, let’s recap this excellent story from Tomas in one of my articles. It’s a great example of self-esteem on the date.

“I met a woman. She was not very attractive but still decent looking and nice. I had only one hour of time for her. We were walking in the park, sitting, talking, etc. She felt embarrassed to look into my eyes but the talk was good.

Actually, I wasn’t turned on, but I still liked her. I took her hand and kissed her. She reciprocated passionately and almost threw herself into my arms. We talked and kissed more. Then, the hour was over. She extended an offer to visit her at her place next time and explained to me where she lived.

She texted me first, some two hours after the date, very kindly.

The next morning, she apologized in a text that she hadn’t felt the right spark with me and preferred not to meet again.

Varoon – I am an advanced seducer, and stories like this do happen. What’s the common reason for this incongruent behavior? Was there really no spark for her? Or there was, but perhaps she felt she made herself too easy for me? Or was she afraid I‘d leave her after sex? What do you think?”

Tomas’ story is one of the classic cases that I often see here – a girl who’s very interested in a guy at the meet and when going on a date but then automatically ejects herself.

Can you guess the fault? It’s simple, really – Tomas moved too slow, which caused the girl to eject because she didn’t feel she was good enough for him. As in my story of Violet from Part 1, the moment I stopped matching her attraction for me and speed for courtship, it fell apart because it left her feeling that I was unattainable and didn’t want her enough.

Every single girl wants to experience good feelings and avoid bad feelings. Unless she’s a girl who enjoys pain (which is usually a result of her history with emotional or mental abuse), no girl wants to feel bad or raw about dating a guy. That can take many different forms, as we’ll see. It’s possible to hurt her self-esteem by being unattractive, needy, and insecure, as much as it is to be too good for her and to move too slowly toward a passionate embrace.

Tactics Tuesdays: Getting Free of Local Dating Norms

Chase Amante's picture
dating norms
Every group or society has norms it expects members to follow. These norms extend to dating and romance as well. But what if you aren't from the same norm group?

I've done quite a bit of travel and lived in a variety of places, all very different from each other, with people who were all quite different too. Everywhere I have gone, I have encountered many men who told me the women in whatever city or country I was in were 'traditional' and 'hard to get anywhere with'. Often I would have men telling me this after I had already quickly slept with several normal, local women, with normal dating histories (not wild party girls, sluts, or 'exceptions to the rule'). I never want to rub it in a guy's face, so usually I will just say "Well, the girls here seem pretty normal and not too uptight to me."

I am not the only guy this happens to. Everywhere I've lived or traveled for any good amount of time, for every 10 guys I meet who tell me the women there are 'difficult' or 'traditional', I'll meet at least one man who tells me the women there are unbelievably easy. Often these guys sleep with multiple new women a week, oblivious to the guys who spend months or years without girlfriends or lays.

I could spend 10 posts unpacking the differences between the 'girls here are hard to get' guys and the 'girls here are so easy' guys... and in many ways, this website is devoted to just this mission.

Today though, I want to talk about one specific wrinkle of the successful guys' success: playing dumb on dating norms.

Meeting Women as a Younger Guy out of College

Varoon Rajah's picture

meeting women
Some guys in their early 20s who are out of college find it harder to meet girls, so they hit a sexual limbo and get frustrated. But fear not, you have many options!

I’m often asked by some of the younger folks who’ve met me and who have coached with me – how do you meet women when you are a younger guy after college?

It’s a great question that’s especially relevant if you’re in the lower 20s age range. This is an odd time for many men as it’s right after the conclusion of college and right at the start of independent adulthood.

Unlike women, whose sex appeal and sexual market value peak at around age 21-23 (then decline steadily afterward), mens’ options with women tend to increase with age and skill. And since women tend to look to date men who are older than them , more successful, and more sexually capable, this leaves some less-experienced men at this age feeling lost when it comes to having options.

Some guys may think they’re out of options after they’ve left college and that social scene. They even lament not being cool enough then or not being able to learn how to be cool later.

These are all incorrect ways of thinking. It’s never too early nor too late to learn game, and there’s no right age to game, date, and have sex with attractive women.

The truth is that the guys who start young and get good can stay good, grow more, and get even better as they get older. And guys who think they missed their opportunity to learn game and have success with women for the remainder of their lives – well, they just have it wrong, and their mentality is the only thing standing in their way.

How to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend (Video)

Hector Castillo's picture

One of the most important questions you’ll ask in your life: “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

But, should you ask it like that?

Eh.

If not, how should you ask? At some point, you have to ask her, right?

Well, kinda.

I’m about to flip this notion of asking a girl to be your girlfriend on its head.

This is the best way to get a girlfriend.

And it’s so simple.

All you need is a little bit of patience, and some balls.

How to Get Dates with Girls from Groups and Events

Chase Amante's picture
get dates from groups and events
How do you meet a girl and get a date from a group or event... without standing around not knowing whom to talk to or what to do?

While I will always recommend you put cold approach (walking up to girls you don't know) first, you can excellently supplement the women you meet this way with girls you meet via groups and events.

If you are active enough socially, it can even be possible to make groups and events your primary channel to meet new women.

There are several benefits to getting your dates via events and group activities. The biggest is that women you meet this way are both more open to socializing, and less guarded. This typically means:

The interactions are also slower paced and less pressured, which means they aren't as 'do or die' as higher pressure street, bar, grocery, etc. approaches (or even class, office, or library approaches).

You have more time to make things happen in group and event situations; you don't need to move quite as fast, and the escalation windows don't close so quick. Attraction sticks around longer before expiring, too.

Below, we'll cover some tips and tactics to make getting dates from groups and events a breeze, and have a lot more fun at these places, too.

How to Get a Girl to Kiss You First (Video)

Hector Castillo's picture

How to get a girl to kiss you first?

Sounds like a dream.

A lot of guys out there are going to teach you gimmicks. Tricks and tips.

Some of them can work under the right circumstances, but if you really want a girl to kiss you first, you need to create an environment for her where she will WANT to do it.

That’s the secret to getting a girl to kissing you first.

Make her WANT to do it and make it EASY for her.

You’ll see. Watch the video.

5 Ways Guys Blow the First Kiss (Plus How Not To)

Chase Amante's picture

first kiss mistakesToday we're going to talk about how guys get the first kiss wrong.

We've had a slew of articles on Girls Chase about how to get the first kiss right.

It's a fairly long list:

  1. How to Kiss Her: kiss basics

  2. Manhandle Kisses: an aggressive, dominant kiss

  3. Can't-Miss Tips for Getting the First Kiss with a Girl: tips for the first kiss

  4. How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before: step-by-step kiss guide

  5. How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great: kissing girls in public

  6. How to Be a Good Kisser: 5 Steps to Confident Kissing: mindsets, techniques, and tactics for great kisses

  7. Tactics Tuesdays: How to Make Her Kiss You Back: getting her to kiss you back when you kiss

  8. The Kiss and Other Mouth Moves in Physical Escalation: using kisses to move the courtship forward

  9. Tactics Tuesdays: The 5-Second Kiss: kiss a girl five seconds after you first meet

  10. Tactics Tuesdays: Kisses for Good Behavior: reward her with a kiss

  11. 3 Legendary Movie Manhandle Kisses to Model Your Kisses After: examples of manhandle kisses in action, so you can see exactly what these look like

One subject we haven't delved into on kisses much though, is things to avoid doing with the kiss.

All those first kiss mistakes you can (and many guys do) make.

We've talked about some things to avoid here and there. But we haven't covered them all. And not all in the same place.

For this piece, I've compiled the top five ways guys blow the first kiss. They're all here in one place, for your easy perusal.

Note that I am going to leave out the most common way guys blow the first kiss, which is to not actually make the first kiss at all. Whether that is because they wait too long for the right moment, or they even feel the right moment but can't summon the courage to kiss, this is the most common way to blow it. However, we've addressed this mistake extensively in the other kiss articles (above). In this article I want to focus on things guys do wrong when they make the actual kiss (rather than wilt out of hesitation).

After we talk about each way to botch the kiss, of course, we'll talk about how to not blow these aspects of the kiss, too.

Here's the list of the top five biggest ways guys blow that first kiss (and how not to).

How a Woman’s Self-Esteem Issues Can Make Her Bail Out of a Courtship

Varoon Rajah's picture

woman's self esteem in dating
You could have a woman seduced and ready to have sex. You two could even be naked in bed. But certain self-esteem issues can still make her bail if you’re not careful.

A woman’s self-esteem is one of her greatest assets – and it’s perhaps THE most important emotional state to keep in mind when pursuing a woman. It is self-esteem that is the root cause behind the notion of auto-rejection, the notion of reputation management, and even the role of backward-rationalization in the dating process.

“Do you really find me attractive?”

“What if the sex is bad?”

Quite simply, self-esteem plays in to how much a girl likes you based on how much validation you provide when you’re with her. And since almost no woman wants to feel bad about herself, the better you can make a woman feel, the more she’ll start to see you as a guy who makes her feel good about herself.

My purpose in this article series is to make you aware of different ways your seductions can go wrong – at any stage – if you’re not careful to manage a woman’s self-esteem. How a woman feels about herself with you determines how she feels about being with you and having sex with you.

And just to note before we get started, this is different from teasing and playful banter, which can be good to spark attraction and create sexual tension. What we’re talking about in this article series is how some things you do or say can make her bail on a date (or even from your bed) because she doesn’t want to risk damage to her self-esteem.

What to Expect on a Date with an Older Woman

James Anderson's picture

date with an older woman
This one’s for the MILF lovers! They’re fun, experienced, and know what they want. But a date with an older woman can be a bit different. Here’s what you can expect.

Age gaps in dating can make for an interesting and exciting dynamic for both you and her. If you’ve never done it before, you may not know what to expect on a date with an older woman.

That’s what we’ll be covering in today’s article. We’ll get into this in detail soon, but in a nutshell, older women tend to be a little more demanding and upfront. As the younger guy, that means you can benefit from some preparation.

The better prepared you can be for this experience, the more likely she’ll see you as a datable and shaggable guy.

Just so we know who we’re talking about in this article, we generally think of an “older woman” as being 35-50 years of age, as the mid-to-late 30s is when most women experience a priority shift and take on the traits discussed in this article.

Here’s what you need to know before you go on a date with an older woman!

Why It’s Not Too Late to Learn Seduction and Reap the Benefits

Pierre Navarro's picture

learn and benefit from seduction as an older man
If you think it’s too late to benefit from learning seduction, think again. Whether for bedding higher-quality girls or improving your relationship, these skills are key.

Dating and seduction do not have to be the exclusive privilege of younger men. Older men can do extremely well, too, because we have many good things going for us! But why should we even begin learning seduction as an older man? Isn’t accumulating conquest after conquest a little bit immature and even pointless? Aren’t we past the age for that? Isn’t a meaningful long-term relationship with a woman you like the ultimate goal?

If you are an older gentleman facing these questions, well, let me tell you this: there are several benefits you would gain from learning seduction, especially if your goal is to find a good woman to settle down with. If you are a younger guy reading this, read on, because you’ll be an older man much sooner than you think!