What to Do When Women Titillate You

When I was young, I always attempted not to react when women tried to titillate me. I knew they were trying to get a reaction out of me, and didn't want to give them the satisfaction of having got one over on me. I'd watched them do it to so many other guys: showing a little skin around a guy and having him flip out... grinding on his crotch on the dance floor and having him go nuts... mentioning something sexual around him and watching him chase.

But I also discovered that, past early high school or so, you also couldn't just ignore a girl's attempts to titillate you and hope for her to drop that and just openly pursue you, either. Instead, if you didn't respond at all to her titillation, she'd assume you weren't interested and move on.

Once I realized this, I had to figure out: how do you respond to a woman's titillation enough that she knows you're interested, but not so much she thinks she 'has' you and loses all interest?

 

Girls Who Titillate

Not every girl titillates a lot. But most girls will try at least small titillations at some point in a courtship to see how you react. And a minority of them will try a lot of or heavy titillation.

Here are a few examples of some kinds of titillation you'll see:

• A girl cozies up to you at an inappropriate moment (like too soon into the courtship) while giving you a seductive smile and eye contact

• A girl, while talking to you, looks at you seductively, smiles, and flutters her eyelids, in an exaggerated 'no one does that in real life' way

• A girl walks her fingers up your arm while staring at you seductively

• A girl makes a proclamation like "Oh! No one wants to date me!" to you

• A girl grinds her butt into your crotch on the dance floor

• A girl goes into a 'too much information' discussion about her sexual history or preferences with little or no prompting

• A girl makes sex jokes at you with sexually suggestive expressions or voice tone

• A girl wears extra revealing clothing, like a very low-cut dress

• A girl deliberately exposes more skin to you, such as raising her dress to cross her legs, or taking her shirt off to 'get changed' in front of you

Sure, there may be / are times women will do things like this unintentionally. Maybe she sees herself as 'one of the guys' and thinks it's harmless to talk about sex or change her clothes in front of you.

But especially if there's a flirtatious or sexually suggestive facial expression, body language, or voice tone to what she's doing, and/or especially if it is in-your-face or you experience more than one of these things, she wants to titillate you.

Women will also do things to titillate you, then deny they were done to titillate you. "I didn't mean it like that at all! Guys are such perverts!" Most of the time, in my experience, they know exactly what they're doing, and titillating you is at least a part of why they did the thing -- if not the primary reason.

Why do women do this stuff?

Well, for one, it's fun. Everyone likes to feel powerful, and one of the primary ways women feel powerful is by causing men to desire them.

For another, it's a test. Your response to a woman's titillation tells her a lot about you. Did you:

1. Drool all over her? You're a thirsty guy who's hard up for women and she's probably out of your league. Continuing to titillate you might be good for a bit of a laugh, but you've already shown her you aren't at her level.

2. Not react at all? You may not be interested in sex, might be gay, or are just oblivious. In any event, no-reaction guys aren't interesting to her unless she's in middle school, so she'll quickly lose interest and direct her energies toward some other guy.

3. Flirt with her in a measured way? You're a very interesting guy... you aren't drooling over her, but you aren't unreactive. You're interested, but flirtatious, and she isn't exactly sure what you want. She's intrigued.

Our Letter C guy's reaction above is the one you want to achieve.

You don't want to drool over her. But you don't want to ignore her either.

How do you be that Letter C guy?

By flirting back just enough to show you like women, and acknowledge her action, without giving her a dramatic reaction or chasing.

 

What to Do When She Titillates You

Just like Goldilocks, there is a 'too little' and a 'too much' reaction to women's attempts to titillate.

• Too little: you don't react at all, try to act completely unimpressed, or act like you didn't even notice what she did.

• Too much: you go nuts complimenting her, pursuing her, grabbing at her, making sexual suggestions to her, all because she showed you a little something or said something moderately raunchy.

You don't want too little a reaction or too much of one.

You want to give her the reaction that is just right.

A 'just right' reaction will usually consist of something like the following:

• She titillates you a bit in a nonverbal way, and you shrug your eyebrows at her and give her a small, knowing smile. Then continue with what you were doing

• She titillates you in a verbal way, and you give her a seductive look and use a chase frame or other innuendo, or some other slight sexual comment. Then continue with what you were doing.

Thus, the rule is:

Stay nonverbal if her titillation's nonverbal. If it's verbal, go verbal (but use a little nonverbal facial expression as well to drive home the point. Sexual suggestiveness is ultimately a nonverbal experience; it's not the same with only words. And of course, use your sexy voice tone).

 

Example Responses to Female Titillation

I'll give you a few examples of how to respond when women titillate you.

 

Titillation via Messaging

We'll start with a chat, via some form of messaging or on a dating app. Let's say she tries to imply something about sex:

HER: Well, it's time for me to go take a shower now so I have to hop off.

YOU: Cool, have fun getting wet

Nice ambiguous response to her ambiguous (suggestive?) remark.

You don't want to drool over her ("Take a picture for me LOL")... that might work with the right voice tone in-person (especially if you've come prepared with a 'just kidding!') but over text it's hard to tell the difference between a flirty guy and a thirsty one, so you want to avoid anything too easily misconstrued. You also don't want to not reaction ("Cool, have a good shower") as it comes across like you're oblivious or uninterested.

Instead, you tell her to "have fun getting wet", which has some vaguely sexual overtones to it... but she can't really be sure. Just like you aren't really sure if she means anything or not by telling you about her shower.

You are keeping the flirtation dynamic right where it should be, and giving her just enough -- neither too little nor too much. Perfect.

(one other detail to this text: she unilaterally ended the text conversation with you; you responded back acknowledging in a friendly way and ending things with a shorter message. Might seem small but it's an important little detail, especially considering this is the last communication she'll have with you for a while and it's the one that'll stick in her head)

 

Verbal Titillation at a Bar

Next let's say you've just met a girl at a bar. You've only talked a minute or two, when she breaks out her first big test for you. She slides up next to you, looks you in the eyes, and the following transpires:

HER: So, did you come out here tonight to meet girls?

YOU: I just came out for drinks, it's not my fault chicks are all over me.

Here, it's a reframe, where you don't completely shoot down the sexual/romantic element, but you do reframe it to a situation where you are the prize and women chase you.

A much worse response would've been "Nah, I'm just out here for drinks" (too little interest). An equally terrible response would be "Well, that's not the only reason" (too much interest).

Note that one alternate way you can get away with here is a response like "Maybe I did", which ups the ante. It doesn't confirm you came out for that, but suggests that maybe you did... so what's she going to do about it? Escalate her flirtation, or back off?

Note that with this and any other in-person flirtation you have, the delivery is crucial. You should be giving her flirtatious eye contact, a sexy smile, and using a sexual voice tone. A sexy delivery is the difference between a bland line and a line loaded with sexual import -- don't forget your delivery.

 

Nonverbal Titillation in a Café

Now let's say you're 15 minutes into a conversation with a girl you've met at a café. Things suddenly veer sexual, and you mention women getting 'all over you' in some party you went to... then this happens:

HER: [slides up right next to you, leans into you, and looks up at you with seductive eye contact]

YOU: [look at her with a sexy-eyed rendition of the bored look -- basically, bored look with drooped eyelids]

She'll laugh, then draw herself back into whatever position she was in beforehand.

The incorrect responses? Look at her in an unmoving way (too little), or grab her ass (too much... at least for now).

Instead, give her sexy eyes, but also a bored look, and let her laugh and go back to normal.

Note: if after she laughs she stays leaned up against you, then it's clear this is more than just a test, and you can put your arm around her and keep her there. It isn't always a test; sometimes she really is just very interested, and using the opportunity to get close to you.

 

Verbal Titillation on a Date

Finally, you're on a date. It's an hour in, and things have gone well. She suddenly takes things sexual, and it feels as if she's raised the stakes. You were both a little turned on, but you aren't really sure she's ready for it to be this sexual yet... and you're a little afraid she's trying to bait you to then say "Ah, that's all he's after. I have him pinned", at which point the date'll end. Instead, you keep your response measured, like so:

HER: [leans in, seductive eye contact] So where do you see this date going tonight?

YOU: [lean in too, also seductive eye contact] It's hard to say... I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

This is a great and measured response to her titillation, where you provide her only the exact amount of titillation back that she just gave to you:

• She leaned in and gave you sexy eye contact; you leaned in and gave her sexy eye contact

• She made a suggestive remark about where the date is headed; you made a suggestive remark about where the date is headed

• She left it unclear where she sees it headed and wants it to head (by asking you, and not stating her own preferences); you left it unclear about where you see it headed and want it to head (by telling her it's "hard to say" and that you guess you'll "just have to wait and see what happens")

This is a far superior response to, say, remaining in your seat and with neutral nonverbals and voice tone telling her "I don't know, I have no expectations" (too little). It's also far superior to something like telling her "I see us falling into bed, to your complete and utter delight" (too much). Could you make these alternatives work? Perhaps! But they're a lot harder to pull off and require much more finesse. Leaning in and telling her in your best sexy voice that the two of you will "just have to wait and see what happens" is the more foolproof option by far.

Or, if you're more in a playful mood (or she is), and you want to go with 'flirty and playful' instead of 'intriguing and suggestive', you could respond with something playful like this:

HER: [leans in, seductive eye contact] So where do you see this date going tonight?

YOU: [lean in too, also seductive eye contact] Well, after this delicious meal, I'm going to throw you over my shoulder, drag you to a darkened corner, and tickle you until you can barely breathe from the laughter.

You're nonverbally suggestive, and imply something borderline sexual (you'll throw her over your shoulder, drag her off, and... tickle her, which isn't overtly sexual, but given the context is somewhat is). You don't avoid anything suggestive, but you also don't come out and say "I'm putting my penis in you later" (which would be a bit too much, given the context of her trying to titillate and prompt a reaction).

Instead, you joke; she laughs; she doesn't know how much you mean it... and now you even have some callback humor you can return to later: "Let's get out of here, I've got a dark corner to drag you to." "Come on, I haven't tickled you yet."

 

Conclusion

Women will often do things like act a little extra sultry, say something suggestive, or bear a little more skin to deliberately titillate you. They do so because it's fun to titillate, because they want to get a rise out of you, and/or because they want to see what you'll do.

If you react too strongly to women's titillation, however, you will make a girl feel like she's 'got you', at which point she's wont to lose interest.

React too lightly to her titillation, however, and she's just as likely to lose interest, this time feeling like you are too non-reactive.

A woman doesn't want a guy who'll start doing backflips and drool all over the carpet the moment she shows a little leg, but she doesn't want one who's inert, either.

The way to approach women's titillation is to respond in a measured way, that shows a measured amount of interest, appropriate for the context, and no more or less. One easy way to determine how much interest you'll show is with the nonverbal//verbal rule we discussed:

1. If her titillation's nonverbal, stay nonverbal in your response.

2. If her titillation's verbal, then combine both verbal and nonverbal in how you respond.

When you respond to her titillation, remember that you're reflecting back the spirit of her titillation to her.

If she gave you sexy body language, give her sexy body language.

If she suggested something but didn't say it outright, suggest something to her but don't suggest it outright.

You don't have to do or say exactly to her the mirror of what she said to you... for instance, if she suggests you came out to meet girls, you don't have to directly accuse her of coming out to meet guys. But when you say you just came out for drinks and it isn't your fault girls are all over you, it's kind of implied she's one of the girls who's all over you, so the mirroring effect ultimately still holds.

Above all, remember: if a girl likes titillating you, it means she likes to be titillated.

Women who don't like to be titillated much don't titillate much themselves.

So if she's doing it, she's telling you what works with her. So... use it on her.

Keep your response like Goldilocks's: not too much, not too little, just right (for the amount of titillation she's sent your way).

You'll discover you no longer have to worry about losing interest from women following their titillation attempts, because you're neither drooling over them nor ignoring them.

Instead, all you do is respond to their attempts to suck you in, by sucking them right back in yourself.

Always,
Chase Amante