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Dating

How to Use Your Phone to Set Up Dates and Avoid Flakes

Alek Rolstad's picture

phone calls set up dates
Calling girls on the phone is no longer the norm. But if you prime her for a call, it can save time, be more personal, and reduce the odds she’ll flake on your date.

Today I have a beginner-friendly article about something I rarely talk about – how I take phone numbers.

Dealing with flakes is a common topic we discuss in our 1-on-1 sessions. It is one of the most frequently discussed subjects on our forums and elsewhere on the web.

And for good reason.

I have been studying this subject for over ten years and consider myself pretty successful with women. Yet the issue of dealing with flakes was never fully resolved.

Many beginners think that the perfect text, with the coolest message, with the coolest frame, sent at the right time will help them solve the issue. I am sorry to tell you that this is not how things work.

So let's talk about how they do work and shed some light on getting numbers and avoiding flakes.

How a Woman’s Age Affects Her Dating Strategy

Varoon Rajah's picture

By: Varoon Rajah

women's priorities age and dating
Women’s priorities change as they get older, in life and dating. This guide will help you understand these shifts and how to tailor your seduction strategy with them.

With so many women to choose from in the world, it helps to understand what kind of girl a guy should go for – especially when it comes to her age. A girl’s age has big implications on the dating experience: who she’s looking for, where she is in life, and what you can expect from her in regards to dating and sex.

Men and women mature quite differently when it comes to their character and human role. Men “age” and grow more attractive as they grow older, provided that they take very good care of themselves.

Guys should always aim to have their life handled as they grow older; the social perception of older men stems from guys who “resign” by not keeping fit, having healthy goals, and continuing to be dominant and masculine.

But the guy who takes good care of himself, has his finances handled, maintains a good focus and career, is dominant, and gains experience with women through his life can indeed become very deadly as he ages.

On the other hand, women tend to have a different cycle: maturing faster and earlier than men, but also moving through several phases of life quickly depending on their biological and reproductive “needs.”

The mating and reproductive instincts are big, as is a woman’s desire for having lovers, providers, and friends in her life. As such, her needs change throughout life depending on her hormonal and reproductive drive as well as lifetime goals – anything from sowing her wild oats, to getting married, to having children.

Now, keep in mind that these descriptions are general (accurate for most, with exceptions) but also based on my observations and those of others around me. We can see trends in how age influences where a woman is biologically and mentally; therefore, as men, we can build our game around the kinds of women we want in our lives.

What Caused the Trust Collapse Between Women and Men?

Chase Amante's picture

men women trustA recent article on loneliness exploded to the top of Hacker News (the Reddit-like programming and entrepreneurship newsboard). The article clearly struck a chord. The thrust of the article was that the decline of the family has led to an epidemic of lonely people.

In the comment section below the article, a reader had this to say:

After numerous attempts to find a reasonable/semi-normal female "life-companion" I gave up at 50. I tried to overlook the hostility and conceit they had towards men in general at first, until neurosis and personality disorders would reveal themselves later - if the relationship got that far. I felt like I was in a competition and she was determined to "win".

It's many things, but the enmity and distrust that feminism has caused between men and women is by far the most significant contributor. Men are the "enemy" that must be defeated. Why are the majority of homeless white men? They surrendered.

It's a sentiment that seems to be bursting out of the stitches among more and more people. Women express similar sentiments as often as men -- this isn't a purely male issue.

At the core of it, the real center of the issue, is the cultural phenomenon of 'trust collapse'.

The great tragedy of our time is this breakdown in trust between the people... and, particular to this website's mission, the breakdown in trust between the sexes. When the sexes trust each other, anything is possible. When they do not, society comes undone at the seams.

The sexes have battled throughout history; a little tension is nothing new. Yet rarely does the fight grow as embittered as it's today become.

Today more and more women are distrustful toward men. They worry there are rapists behind every tree. They opine that women are paid less than men (and thus, implicitly undervalued). They jump when a stranger approaches, or chide men not to walk up to them in the first place. At the same time, they wonder where the good men have gone, and instruct men that now that they are ready to marry, it's time for those men to be ready too.

Just as women's trust in men has crumbled, so too has men's in women. Many men fear false accusations of harassment (described as "sometimes just a different perspective" in this article), false accusations of sexual assault, or false accusations of rape. Men with good careers walk on eggshells around female colleagues, wary not to become easy prey for unscrupulous corporate climbers (all a woman has to do is say a man did something to her, the same way the football player feigns injury to penalize his opponent and benefit his own team). Many men fear the power women wield in marriage courts, and the loss of their children and assets and lives in the event of a divorce. Some swear off marriage under current Western law; others swear off dating entirely. In a recent 'sexual harassment backlash' survey by the very feminist Lean In organization, 60% of male managers report now being uncomfortable mentoring, working alone with, or socializing outside of work with female employees.

While not everyone has caught it as bad as the more sensitive (and paranoid) among us, everyone has felt it to some extent. And plenty have felt it to large extent... between 2008 and 2018, a mere 10 year gap, the number of 18-29 year old men not having sex in America rocketed up from 10% of them to a whopping 28%.

As the relations between the sexes have increasingly frayed, more and more individuals have come out as preferring their own same sex instead. That number increased by 17% in only four years, between 2012 and 2016. Among millennials, in 2012, 5.8% were homosexual; just four years later, in 2016, a full 7.3% were out of the closet (so much for the ol' "only 1-2% of the population is gay" chestnut you used to hear, huh?). And the fertility rate in the U.S. hits new all-time lows pretty much every year.

How do make heads or tails of all this?

What is happening to the mating market in the West?

Is there any sense we can make of this at all, or is it all just a bunch of unfathomable deep civilizational processes, layers beneath layers, impossible to peel back?

Well, we're going to peel the layers back. And we'll see if we can arrive at an understanding of just what's afoot in all these tremors we've felt in the modern mating market.

Fortunately, there are white polished stones that lead the way us to follow. Let's see where those stones lead.

How Moving Too Slow Can Make a Girl Auto-Reject

Varoon Rajah's picture

moving too slow auto-rejection
I had such a great date, but now she won’t meet up again! WTF? Sometimes if you move too slowly, it’ll negatively affect her self-esteem and cause her to auto-reject.

Welcome back to our study on women, sex, and self-esteem! In Part 1, I gave two examples of encounters with girls I liked, and who liked me back. We both wanted sex to happen, but both dates fell apart because the girl’s self-esteem dropped because of something I did – or didn't do.

A girl’s feeling of self-esteem with a guy has a huge effect on how the encounter transpires. Self-esteem drops can kill courtships long before they’ve “rightfully” concluded. The metric most influenced by self-esteem is your attainability with a girl.

To start off, let’s recap this excellent story from Tomas in one of my articles. It’s a great example of self-esteem on the date.

“I met a woman. She was not very attractive but still decent looking and nice. I had only one hour of time for her. We were walking in the park, sitting, talking, etc. She felt embarrassed to look into my eyes but the talk was good.

Actually, I wasn’t turned on, but I still liked her. I took her hand and kissed her. She reciprocated passionately and almost threw herself into my arms. We talked and kissed more. Then, the hour was over. She extended an offer to visit her at her place next time and explained to me where she lived.

She texted me first, some two hours after the date, very kindly.

The next morning, she apologized in a text that she hadn’t felt the right spark with me and preferred not to meet again.

Varoon – I am an advanced seducer, and stories like this do happen. What’s the common reason for this incongruent behavior? Was there really no spark for her? Or there was, but perhaps she felt she made herself too easy for me? Or was she afraid I‘d leave her after sex? What do you think?”

Tomas’ story is one of the classic cases that I often see here – a girl who’s very interested in a guy at the meet and when going on a date but then automatically ejects herself.

Can you guess the fault? It’s simple, really – Tomas moved too slow, which caused the girl to eject because she didn’t feel she was good enough for him. As in my story of Violet from Part 1, the moment I stopped matching her attraction for me and speed for courtship, it fell apart because it left her feeling that I was unattainable and didn’t want her enough.

Every single girl wants to experience good feelings and avoid bad feelings. Unless she’s a girl who enjoys pain (which is usually a result of her history with emotional or mental abuse), no girl wants to feel bad or raw about dating a guy. That can take many different forms, as we’ll see. It’s possible to hurt her self-esteem by being unattractive, needy, and insecure, as much as it is to be too good for her and to move too slowly toward a passionate embrace.

Tactics Tuesdays: Getting Free of Local Dating Norms

Chase Amante's picture
dating norms
Every group or society has norms it expects members to follow. These norms extend to dating and romance as well. But what if you aren't from the same norm group?

I've done quite a bit of travel and lived in a variety of places, all very different from each other, with people who were all quite different too. Everywhere I have gone, I have encountered many men who told me the women in whatever city or country I was in were 'traditional' and 'hard to get anywhere with'. Often I would have men telling me this after I had already quickly slept with several normal, local women, with normal dating histories (not wild party girls, sluts, or 'exceptions to the rule'). I never want to rub it in a guy's face, so usually I will just say "Well, the girls here seem pretty normal and not too uptight to me."

I am not the only guy this happens to. Everywhere I've lived or traveled for any good amount of time, for every 10 guys I meet who tell me the women there are 'difficult' or 'traditional', I'll meet at least one man who tells me the women there are unbelievably easy. Often these guys sleep with multiple new women a week, oblivious to the guys who spend months or years without girlfriends or lays.

I could spend 10 posts unpacking the differences between the 'girls here are hard to get' guys and the 'girls here are so easy' guys... and in many ways, this website is devoted to just this mission.

Today though, I want to talk about one specific wrinkle of the successful guys' success: playing dumb on dating norms.

Meeting Women as a Younger Guy out of College

Varoon Rajah's picture

meeting women
Some guys in their early 20s who are out of college find it harder to meet girls, so they hit a sexual limbo and get frustrated. But fear not, you have many options!

I’m often asked by some of the younger folks who’ve met me and who have coached with me – how do you meet women when you are a younger guy after college?

It’s a great question that’s especially relevant if you’re in the lower 20s age range. This is an odd time for many men as it’s right after the conclusion of college and right at the start of independent adulthood.

Unlike women, whose sex appeal and sexual market value peak at around age 21-23 (then decline steadily afterward), mens’ options with women tend to increase with age and skill. And since women tend to look to date men who are older than them , more successful, and more sexually capable, this leaves some less-experienced men at this age feeling lost when it comes to having options.

Some guys may think they’re out of options after they’ve left college and that social scene. They even lament not being cool enough then or not being able to learn how to be cool later.

These are all incorrect ways of thinking. It’s never too early nor too late to learn game, and there’s no right age to game, date, and have sex with attractive women.

The truth is that the guys who start young and get good can stay good, grow more, and get even better as they get older. And guys who think they missed their opportunity to learn game and have success with women for the remainder of their lives – well, they just have it wrong, and their mentality is the only thing standing in their way.

How to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend (Video)

Hector Castillo's picture

One of the most important questions you’ll ask in your life: “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

But, should you ask it like that?

Eh.

If not, how should you ask? At some point, you have to ask her, right?

Well, kinda.

I’m about to flip this notion of asking a girl to be your girlfriend on its head.

This is the best way to get a girlfriend.

And it’s so simple.

All you need is a little bit of patience, and some balls.

How to Get Dates with Girls from Groups and Events

Chase Amante's picture
get dates from groups and events
How do you meet a girl and get a date from a group or event... without standing around not knowing whom to talk to or what to do?

While I will always recommend you put cold approach (walking up to girls you don't know) first, you can excellently supplement the women you meet this way with girls you meet via groups and events.

If you are active enough socially, it can even be possible to make groups and events your primary channel to meet new women.

There are several benefits to getting your dates via events and group activities. The biggest is that women you meet this way are both more open to socializing, and less guarded. This typically means:

The interactions are also slower paced and less pressured, which means they aren't as 'do or die' as higher pressure street, bar, grocery, etc. approaches (or even class, office, or library approaches).

You have more time to make things happen in group and event situations; you don't need to move quite as fast, and the escalation windows don't close so quick. Attraction sticks around longer before expiring, too.

Below, we'll cover some tips and tactics to make getting dates from groups and events a breeze, and have a lot more fun at these places, too.

How to Get a Girl to Kiss You First (Video)

Hector Castillo's picture

How to get a girl to kiss you first?

Sounds like a dream.

A lot of guys out there are going to teach you gimmicks. Tricks and tips.

Some of them can work under the right circumstances, but if you really want a girl to kiss you first, you need to create an environment for her where she will WANT to do it.

That’s the secret to getting a girl to kissing you first.

Make her WANT to do it and make it EASY for her.

You’ll see. Watch the video.

5 Ways Guys Blow the First Kiss (Plus How Not To)

Chase Amante's picture

first kiss mistakesToday we're going to talk about how guys get the first kiss wrong.

We've had a slew of articles on Girls Chase about how to get the first kiss right.

It's a fairly long list:

  1. How to Kiss Her: kiss basics

  2. Manhandle Kisses: an aggressive, dominant kiss

  3. Can't-Miss Tips for Getting the First Kiss with a Girl: tips for the first kiss

  4. How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before: step-by-step kiss guide

  5. How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great: kissing girls in public

  6. How to Be a Good Kisser: 5 Steps to Confident Kissing: mindsets, techniques, and tactics for great kisses

  7. Tactics Tuesdays: How to Make Her Kiss You Back: getting her to kiss you back when you kiss

  8. The Kiss and Other Mouth Moves in Physical Escalation: using kisses to move the courtship forward

  9. Tactics Tuesdays: The 5-Second Kiss: kiss a girl five seconds after you first meet

  10. Tactics Tuesdays: Kisses for Good Behavior: reward her with a kiss

  11. 3 Legendary Movie Manhandle Kisses to Model Your Kisses After: examples of manhandle kisses in action, so you can see exactly what these look like

One subject we haven't delved into on kisses much though, is things to avoid doing with the kiss.

All those first kiss mistakes you can (and many guys do) make.

We've talked about some things to avoid here and there. But we haven't covered them all. And not all in the same place.

For this piece, I've compiled the top five ways guys blow the first kiss. They're all here in one place, for your easy perusal.

Note that I am going to leave out the most common way guys blow the first kiss, which is to not actually make the first kiss at all. Whether that is because they wait too long for the right moment, or they even feel the right moment but can't summon the courage to kiss, this is the most common way to blow it. However, we've addressed this mistake extensively in the other kiss articles (above). In this article I want to focus on things guys do wrong when they make the actual kiss (rather than wilt out of hesitation).

After we talk about each way to botch the kiss, of course, we'll talk about how to not blow these aspects of the kiss, too.

Here's the list of the top five biggest ways guys blow that first kiss (and how not to).