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Dating

Selection Bias in the Women You Date

Chase Amante's picture
selection bias in datingEach man forms his opinions on women from the women he meets. Yet not every man meets the same sorts of women — so selection bias shapes his opinions.

I've talked about this a bit here and there. But today I'd like to highlight it specifically (and clearly).

You (yes you, the reader) are suffering from selection bias in the women you date.

Your opinions about women form from a subsection of all women that is almost certainly not comprehensive.

Further, even if you've experienced a broad cross section of women over time, if your seductions of late have been limited to a smaller cross section of women (and any chunk of your seductions across any discrete chunk of time will likely have been), selection bias has crept in whether you realize it or not.

Selection bias is subtle but sometimes insidious. It can lead men to sweeping, inaccurate beliefs about women they don't realize are inaccurate at a broad scale.

Right now, I'd like to highlight how selection bias in dating works, to help you be aware, and allow you to shield yourself from the downsides of this mental glitch we all possess.

Joint Date Planning Before You Ask Her Out

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

joint date planPlan a date together, before you leave her side, to raise the odds she shows up for it later. Use a few date-maximizing tricks to stack things in your favor.

Usually when we talk about how to ask a girl out, I tell you to keep it as simple as possible:

  1. Ask her out
  2. Then take her contact info

The reason is because in general I think the simpler your processes are, while still being effective, they easier they are to learn, the easier they are to remember, and the easier they are to stick to when there's a lot of other stuff going on.

However, what if you're a more intermediate guy, or advanced?

What if you want another way to reduce flakes and up the odds girls show up on dates with you?

Enter joint date planning, a surefire method to slash your flakes and up your date turnout.

Best of all, it's not something you need to fumble your thumbs with doing over messages -- you'll do it right there in person with the girl when you meet her, before you ever leave her side.

Influence Half-Life: While Away, You're Losing Influence

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

influence half-lifeInfluence has a half-life... and every moment you're not with someone, your influence over that person decays.

Riddle me this: why is it that some women, while with you, can be utterly captivated by you... then they leave your side and you never hear from them again?

Why is it that some women can be in a relationship and totally compliant with you, yet you send them off for a few days into the hands of their workmates or their wild party friends, and by the time they get back to you you're dealing with full-on rebellion?

Why is it that a girl will agree with you completely and tell you you are right about something, yet after a few days away she comes back and says "Actually you're wrong" and you have to have the same argument all over again?

It's because influence has a half-life, and every time you're away from her, your interest decays.

Your ability to influence another person is in direct proportion to that person's level of sustained exposure to you.

The less sustained that exposure is, the less strong the influence, and the more quickly it falls apart.

Tactics Tuesdays: 3% Frames (Push Her Off the Fence)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

3% framesDo you keep running into the same objections? Construct frames that circumvent these (and increase your odds by 3-5%).

I know a guy who always struggles with chemistry with women.

He doesn't do things exactly quite right. He uses all the right tactics and techniques with women, but he uses them in this way that is just a little bit 'off'.

When you try to point it out to him, he insists that in fact he is doing everything correctly. Then he says it must be a problem with the technique or that the technique doesn't work for him.

Regardless the reason, he constantly runs into issues where he has what he thinks is a great date, followed by the woman telling him at the end of it (or texting him later on) that she "just isn't feeling it."

"There's no chemistry," she says. Or "I didn't feel a spark."

I can't get him to fix the vibe/calibration issues. He doesn't see these as a real problem, probably because he's unable to pick up on this issue himself, even when women point it out or coaches point it out.

However, I wanted to help him, so gave him a tool I knew he could use: a 3% frame to help push things his way in those edge cases where it could go either way, but "I'm not feeling a spark" is the deciding factor.

Should You Date Girls Who DON'T Excite You?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

girls who don't excite youDating girls who only mildly excite you can help you get out of a dry spell with a short-term fling.

Hey guys. I hope you’re all doing great despite the circumstances.

Today I want to answer the question: Should you date girls you don’t feel too excited about?

FunkMaster69 raised this point:

I've found myself meeting women that I just think are meh. I usually pass on them because I wanna date someone that I like and who excites me. But I've noticed that, as I've been getting older, there have been less and less women around me. Many of them are getting cuffed, and, of the ones left, the quality seems to be getting lower and lower...a lot of single moms too.

The thing is that I think my standards are too high...looking back now, I could have banged or married like 100 different ladies. Seriously, I could have gotten married back in high school to one of the ladies in my honor classes if I wasn't so obsessed with cheerleaders who didn’t think I was their type (skinny little virgin). There aren’t that many women who impress me or blow me away...especially nowadays that I'm not in college anymore. The last one that I met stopped talking to me.

The one in college never even began talking to me. And the one in high school broke up with me. So should I keep waiting until I meet another one, which could take a long time and whom I might not land considering history, or just say screw it and date an average woman who would be delighted to have me? I've always wanted to be with someone that I'm excited to date and brag about...but the thought of dating one of these women who are very excited to date me sounds nice. I figure the relationship would be easy, and it would be a lot easier to get the date in the first place. But deep down, I would know for sure that I settled...idk, both choices seem wrong for some reason.

First things first: I wouldn’t commit to anything long-term with a girl who doesn’t excite me. That would be selling myself short and eventually lead to a bad relationship.

However, for:

Why not?

Over the long-term, you want to move toward finding and getting the women who truly excite you. This is the ultimate goal.

I keep in touch with issues men deal with by answering questions raised in our online discussion forum. Having been around for nearly 15 years, I may have distanced myself a bit from regular guys. Forum posts allow me to catch up.

Were it not for this post, I wouldn’t have reflected on this topic.

Heartwarming Nice Guy Friend Zone Success Stories

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

friend zone successGuys share their stories of getting together with their friend zone friends after 10 or more years. You’ll be misty-eyed and your heart will be warmed.

There's a heartwarming thread on Reddit where a bunch of nice guys share their friend zone success stories.

"I finally married the girl I've been friends with for over 10 years!" the lead post exclaims.

The lucky bridegroom shared a photograph of himself and the girl he finally netted after 10 long years (image to the right).

She embraces him in that manly way, cupping his breasts with her hands, as he stands butt-to-crotch with his back arched and his head cast back, gazing at her over his shoulder in a high effort "I'm doing more work to look at you than you are at me" sort of fashion.

Cheered on by this gleeful friend-getter's example, other men swiftly piled in to share their own good fortunes:

It is 100% possible to escape the friendzone.

I am currently in a relationship like that. Years and years invested into our friendship. And things finally worked out. And now we're planning our wedding.

You are a fucking rockstar OP. Absolute legend.

There's nothing quite so legendary as toughing it out in the friend zone for a decade before you finally get some. This is the stuff heroes are forged from.

Another commentator remarks with helpful advice to the previous one, saying:

This simply means you only thought you were in the friend zone. You can tell that you weren't because you aren't.

Wise words, /u/Aspect-of-Death.

When you think you're in the friend zone, then after years you start dating her, it means you were never in the friend zone all along.

So how does one know if one's truly in the friend zone or not?

Only years or decades of patience can tell you for sure.

Here's another Redditor sharing his happy outcome:

Congrats guys! I married an amazing woman that I had known and been friends with for 16 years. One day something just clicked and we couldn't be more in love.

All it took was 16 years and one day something clicked and she realized she wanted him too.

I wonder what clicked?

Social Circle Is the 9-5 + a Mortgage of Dating

Frankie Bismarck's picture
social circle datingSocial circle dating is comfortable and familiar for most men. However, it's also the long road… and more often than not, the road to dissatisfaction and mediocrity.

Depending on socializing (read: building or joining social circles) to enjoy a sex life of abundance is like trying to kill a bird by throwing stones at it.

While it may work to get you SOME sex, it is an unnecessarily longwinded, circuitous route which is filled with annoying obstacles. And ultimately it will rarely, if ever, get you the quality you desire.

Today’s article will focus on this topic.

Tactics Tuesdays: Flake-Proof Date Plans

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

flake-proof date plansTired of girls flaking on dates with you? Then it's time to flake-proof your date plans. That is: make it so flakes no longer affect your life (or dating).

I know what you're thinking: "Is Chase about to tell me how to set up dates women will NEVER flake on?"

Well, no... no I'm not.

Sorry to disappoint.

There's no way to totally avoid flakes. They are a natural part of dating life.

However, I'm going to give you the next best thing:

Ways to flake-proof your date plans, that way when girls flake, they don't bug you or inconvenience you beyond the absolute bare minimum.

Tactics Tuesdays: Text Flake Reversal Framing

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

text flake reversalWhen a girl flakes on you, get her back by reverse flaking on her. You might not think it'd work – but psychology is weird (and it does work).

Over the years I've coached a lot of guys into getting girls out on dates who'd repeatedly flaked on them or ignored their messages.

There's a trick I use with this (credit: BradP) where you flip the frame on a flakey girl, and present yourself as the flaker and her as the flakey.

When I spell it out for you here, you're going to think of course it will never work.

It sounds like something that'd be so obvious no woman would ever fall for it.

Yet, even if she picks up on what you're doing (and not every girl will), it still works.

The effect is still there. She feels the emotions, feels like you flaked on her rather than the reverse, and you feel scarce and in-demand to her.

These emotions make her suddenly much more interested in coming out to meet you.

I've personally typed out messages for friends and students to send using this method that turned girls who were avoiding them into girls willing to come meet up with just a single text.

In this article, I'll tell you how I do that.

What to Do When a Girl Pulls Away (and Seems to Lose Interest)

Chase Amante's picture
girl pulls awayWhen a girl pulls away, your first instinct will be to chase. Yet chasing only digs the hole deeper. Instead, stop her pulling away – then fix it.

Whether she's someone you're dating or just one you're talking to, you can go a little crazy when a girl pulls away.

In this guide I'll show you exactly how to deal with this situation, including:

  • How to understand why she pulls away

  • Ways to troubleshoot the root cause

  • A method to halt her pulling away

  • Steps to keep her around a long, long time

Let's begin.