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Dating

How a Woman’s Self-Esteem Issues Can Make Her Bail Out of a Courtship

Varoon Rajah's picture

woman's self esteem in dating
You could have a woman seduced and ready to have sex. You two could even be naked in bed. But certain self-esteem issues can still make her bail if you’re not careful.

A woman’s self-esteem is one of her greatest assets – and it’s perhaps THE most important emotional state to keep in mind when pursuing a woman. It is self-esteem that is the root cause behind the notion of auto-rejection, the notion of reputation management, and even the role of backward-rationalization in the dating process.

“Do you really find me attractive?”

“What if the sex is bad?”

Quite simply, self-esteem plays in to how much a girl likes you based on how much validation you provide when you’re with her. And since almost no woman wants to feel bad about herself, the better you can make a woman feel, the more she’ll start to see you as a guy who makes her feel good about herself.

My purpose in this article series is to make you aware of different ways your seductions can go wrong – at any stage – if you’re not careful to manage a woman’s self-esteem. How a woman feels about herself with you determines how she feels about being with you and having sex with you.

And just to note before we get started, this is different from teasing and playful banter, which can be good to spark attraction and create sexual tension. What we’re talking about in this article series is how some things you do or say can make her bail on a date (or even from your bed) because she doesn’t want to risk damage to her self-esteem.

What to Expect on a Date with an Older Woman

James Anderson's picture

date with an older woman
This one’s for the MILF lovers! They’re fun, experienced, and know what they want. But a date with an older woman can be a bit different. Here’s what you can expect.

Age gaps in dating can make for an interesting and exciting dynamic for both you and her. If you’ve never done it before, you may not know what to expect on a date with an older woman.

That’s what we’ll be covering in today’s article. We’ll get into this in detail soon, but in a nutshell, older women tend to be a little more demanding and upfront. As the younger guy, that means you can benefit from some preparation.

The better prepared you can be for this experience, the more likely she’ll see you as a datable and shaggable guy.

Just so we know who we’re talking about in this article, we generally think of an “older woman” as being 35-50 years of age, as the mid-to-late 30s is when most women experience a priority shift and take on the traits discussed in this article.

Here’s what you need to know before you go on a date with an older woman!

Why It’s Not Too Late to Learn Seduction and Reap the Benefits

Pierre Navarro's picture

learn and benefit from seduction as an older man
If you think it’s too late to benefit from learning seduction, think again. Whether for bedding higher-quality girls or improving your relationship, these skills are key.

Dating and seduction do not have to be the exclusive privilege of younger men. Older men can do extremely well, too, because we have many good things going for us! But why should we even begin learning seduction as an older man? Isn’t accumulating conquest after conquest a little bit immature and even pointless? Aren’t we past the age for that? Isn’t a meaningful long-term relationship with a woman you like the ultimate goal?

If you are an older gentleman facing these questions, well, let me tell you this: there are several benefits you would gain from learning seduction, especially if your goal is to find a good woman to settle down with. If you are a younger guy reading this, read on, because you’ll be an older man much sooner than you think!

Always Go for the Girl Who Wants You

Varoon Rajah's picture

go for the girl who wants you
Sometimes we let good lays slip by because we’re too focused on the wrong girl. These real-life examples show why you should always keep your head on a swivel.

Sometimes we run into dating situations which fall a bit outside the box. You’ll be going for one girl – the one you want – but another girl in the vicinity will show more interest in you.

I’ve often seen guys trip up on this situation, myself included, and today we’re going to talk about how to identify this and how to deal with it so you still get laid.

The lesson of this article is to be flexible. If you are after one girl, and a better opportunity opens up that might result in getting a different girl – it’s almost always better to go after the new girl IF the original girl is giving you murky signs of interest, or if she’s passing you on to her friend as a set-up.

There tend to be two kinds of situations where this happens, and from my own experience they are mostly in social circle situations:

  1. A girl you like doesn’t share the same enthusiasm for you but sets you up with her attractive friend instead

  2. You wind up somewhere with a girl, perhaps a place where she invited you, but a new window opens with a different girl in that circle

Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that these opportunities tend to trip up guys who are not well-versed in social circle game or are not naturals. From the point of view of most girls, most guys are either naturals or pursue the social circle approach to meet women, which is generally true (although in this decade we can also add Tinder into this mix). So girls use the most natural means for them to set up their friends, or their friends themselves will pursue – but often the guys will trip and falter... and end up dry.

Pickup and Seduction Styles: Which Will Work Best for You?

Varoon Rajah's picture

pickup and seduction styles
New to the dating, pickup, seduction world? Are you overwhelmed by the volume of information? This article will help economize your efforts in reaching your woman goals!

In my last article, we discussed how following conventional methods creates conventional results, whereas following an extraordinary method creates extraordinary results.

Too many follow conventional ideas yet expect out-of-the-ordinary results. Often this behavior creates disappointment and frustration.

A bigger issue is fear. People want to try new things but are afraid of taking the right risks to experience success that results from a tried-and-true system.

There are many different methods and systems men can use to meet and have sex with women. In this article, I’ll lay out all of them for you.

There’s been much debate in the seduction and pickup community about what makes for “great game.” Hardcore night gamers and people into one-night stands find the folks that go after online dating and consistent sex with low effort to be repulsive; meanwhile, the latter folks find cold approaching to be inefficient and inconsistent, putting in too many hours or effort for little reward. Then there are guys who commit to social circles and meet women through friends and their groups. And of course there are those who meet women and have sex by paying for it.

But which path is right for you?

Your Best Chance Is on the First Date

Pierre Navarro's picture

your best chance is on the first date
Whether you want a serious or casual relationship with a woman, you need to get her in bed before attraction windows close. Pro tip: your best bet is the first date.

Editor's Note: Pierre has been a long-time member on our boards, and this is his first article on Girls Chase. He'll be 50 this year, divorced in 2012 after 15 years of marriage. Now, after several years back in the game, we’re stoked to add his perspective on women and dating to our blog. Here he starts things off with a very educational story! – BT


By August 2015, I had hit the one-year mark in my seduction education. I had a few successes, but there was still much to learn.

In particular, I was missing a key element in my dating mindset, and it took a monumental failure to finally beat it into my skull. Lucky for me and you, failure is a powerful learning tool, and the story I’m about to relate is what taught me the most important dating lesson I’ve learned so far, namely:

Your best chance to make it happen is to push for sex on the first date.

And that goes for whatever you want to “make happen” – whether that’s just having sex with a girl or making her your girlfriend.

For a lot of guys, this mindset can seem counterintuitive, but I promise you it’s not. In this article, I’ll share the epiphanies that finally convinced me just how crucial – and effective – it is.

Storytime!

As Mating Complexity Increases, Do Reproductive Returns Diminish?

Chase Amante's picture

mating complexity
Mating gets more complex as our societies become more complex. But as complexity rises, does the law of diminishing (reproductive) returns set in? (image source: Darwin Leo)

Bit of an abstract/sociological article here.

A little more academic than usual, too.

If you'd prefer tactics on dealing with an increasingly complex mating market, see my Game Imbalance Theory series. Otherwise, if you're down for a little academic sociology, let's proceed...

I'm reading through John Tainter's brilliant The Collapse of Complex Societies. Tainter's premise is civilization (or society, as he prefers to call it) is a problem-solving entity. As a society encounters new problems (like a food shortage or a militaristic neighbor) it adds new layers to itself, to address the problem (more intensive farming, or the training of a better military). These new layers make the society more complex.

As the society becomes more complex (to deal with more problems), it requires more resources. For a while it gets these through conquest or opening up new resource channels. Later it must get them by raising taxes on the population and by controlling more and more of its populace's lives. The further along this process it goes, the greater the demands on the society's support population become, and the smaller the returns on its increasing complexity get. It must demand more and more, to support greater and greater complexity, for less and less return.

As I've read Tainter, it's gotten me thinking about romantic relationships. There are some fascinating trends in dating, mating, and reproduction... trends like:

Anecdotally, the Battle of the Sexes seems to have reached fevered pitch, with many jilted women asking "where all the good men have gone" and many jilted men complaining they didn't go anywhere but were overlooked while these women were too busy "riding the cock carousel" (and now no longer want these "post-wall" women). This is something it's harder to quantify, but I've gone through a fair few newspaper advice columns from the 1880s through the 1950s and don't recall coming across anything close to this level of back-and-forthing between the sexes.

Divorce rates have skyrocketed, even as the availability of sex partners seemingly has too (I can't find much data on historical lifetime sex partners, unfortunately, but I find it hard to believe the average number of lifetime sex partners was "seven" in the 18th and 19th Centuries, as it is now -- though here's an interesting article on changing views on sexuality across the times).

As I looked at all this, I had to wonder: is the ever-increasing complexity of modern dating to blame for dating's shabbier and shabbier results overall for men and women alike?

Keep Girls Interested in Casual Relationships with the Silent Method

Pablo Garcia's picture

keep girls interested in casual relationships
Casual relationships tend to fizzle out quickly, but sometimes we don’t want them to! Here’s a method to boost her attraction for you and keep her interested.

I have a bunch of good friends in the pickup industry, and we often have interesting chats about different topics in the niche. During a recent back-and-forth, we came across the subject of keeping girls interested longer-term in casual relationships.

Casual relationships don’t usually last very long, but sometimes we’d like them to!

Over the years, I have developed a killer method for keeping girls in my rotation, and this also applies to how I deal with them in texts; most other pickup artists are using other methods. My friends found my ideas interesting, and when applied, they got excellent results!

So they asked me to write this article to enlighten our readers about this important topic. I always was and am still interested in ways to keep a hot and intelligent girl in my rotation long-term, so I have developed a special way of handling girls and so that you keep them invested and chasing you.

Tactics Tuesdays: Recovering from Botched Escalations to Sex

Chase Amante's picture

failed escalation to sex
When you try to have sex with a girl, but fail, often that's it: you won't get another shot with her. Yet all is not lost with her – you still have options.

Failing in your escalation to sex is, often, a kiss of death.

You were inches away from intimacy with a girl... and then you didn't reach sex.

Perhaps you started to kiss her alone at your place, but she broke things off and left. Or you got her clothes partly off and had your hands on her body, only for her to get up, dress, and depart.

What's more maddening still is the power dynamic shift that occurs after a failed attempt at mating like this. She cools off to you dramatically... while you go crazy trying to get her back!

It's nuts. And it drives you nuts.

How can she be so cool toward you when the two of you were so close to intimacy?

In today's article we'll talk about a few tactics to attempt to turn things around in these sorts of situations. We'll also talk about why, from a strategic point of view, unless the girl is an absolute keeper, it's often better to take at best a few more shots, yet be ready to walk away.

14 “Anytime” Compliments to Use on Her Today

Hector Castillo's picture

how to compliment a girl
A good compliment goes a long way with women. But to give a good compliment and have it be effective can take a bit of know-how. Here’s everything you need.

I love to give a good compliment. It makes me happy to compliment girls, because if I’m not being brazenly honest with someone, I’m uncomfortable. I have to be like that.

Plus, it’s so beautifully polarizing to compliment women. It’s the epitome of strength, in my opinion.

All of that “oh, never compliment a girl, because you’ll make her think you’re just another loser who’s chasing her” nonsense is exactly that – nonsense.

Are there times when you shouldn’t compliment a girl? SURE.

If she’s being a snotty ho with her nose in the air? Don’t compliment her. She doesn’t deserve it.

But if you just met her and you’re having a conversation, and she’s been nothing but nice and warm?

GIVE HER A COMPLIMENT.

I find the “don’t give her a compliment” camp quite funny because they’re so afraid of coming off like they’re “beta” that they inevitably come off as beta. They’re afraid of some girl thinking, “Oh, he likes me.” Sounds pretty lame to me.

Complimenting a girl makes it a man-to-woman interaction. She knows you’re attracted, have a sexual and romantic interest in her, and are going for it.

Girls respect that purposefulness.

Okay, so why is the title of this article “14 Anytime Compliments to Use on Her Today”?

Because you can use these compliments anywhere and anytime.

The sun is up? Compliment.

The sun is down? Compliment.

The world is ending in an inferno of chaos? Compliment.

You can use it at any point in the conversation.

The first thing you say (the “open”)? COMPLIMENT.

Five minutes into conversation? Compliment.

As you’re fishing for the edge of her uterus with your dick? CUMPLIMENT.

K. Cool. Compliments are cool.

So, how do you give a good compliment?