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(4) Advanced

Advanced practitioners have impressive social and seductive skills. Near the very top of the field

As Mating Complexity Increases, Do Reproductive Returns Diminish?

Chase Amante's picture

mating complexity
Mating gets more complex as our societies become more complex. But as complexity rises, does the law of diminishing (reproductive) returns set in? (image source: Darwin Leo)

Bit of an abstract/sociological article here.

A little more academic than usual, too.

If you'd prefer tactics on dealing with an increasingly complex mating market, see my Game Imbalance Theory series. Otherwise, if you're down for a little academic sociology, let's proceed...

I'm reading through John Tainter's brilliant The Collapse of Complex Societies. Tainter's premise is civilization (or society, as he prefers to call it) is a problem-solving entity. As a society encounters new problems (like a food shortage or a militaristic neighbor) it adds new layers to itself, to address the problem (more intensive farming, or the training of a better military). These new layers make the society more complex.

As the society becomes more complex (to deal with more problems), it requires more resources. For a while it gets these through conquest or opening up new resource channels. Later it must get them by raising taxes on the population and by controlling more and more of its populace's lives. The further along this process it goes, the greater the demands on the society's support population become, and the smaller the returns on its increasing complexity get. It must demand more and more, to support greater and greater complexity, for less and less return.

As I've read Tainter, it's gotten me thinking about romantic relationships. There are some fascinating trends in dating, mating, and reproduction... trends like:

Anecdotally, the Battle of the Sexes seems to have reached fevered pitch, with many jilted women asking "where all the good men have gone" and many jilted men complaining they didn't go anywhere but were overlooked while these women were too busy "riding the cock carousel" (and now no longer want these "post-wall" women). This is something it's harder to quantify, but I've gone through a fair few newspaper advice columns from the 1880s through the 1950s and don't recall coming across anything close to this level of back-and-forthing between the sexes.

Divorce rates have skyrocketed, even as the availability of sex partners seemingly has too (I can't find much data on historical lifetime sex partners, unfortunately, but I find it hard to believe the average number of lifetime sex partners was "seven" in the 18th and 19th Centuries, as it is now -- though here's an interesting article on changing views on sexuality across the times).

As I looked at all this, I had to wonder: is the ever-increasing complexity of modern dating to blame for dating's shabbier and shabbier results overall for men and women alike?

How to Get Anything from Anyone: The Law of Social Exchange

Chase Amante's picture

get anything from anyone
You can get anyone to give you whatever you want. But to do it, you must obey the Law of Social Exchange (and all its small wrinkles).

We have a small group of guys on the Girls Chase forums whose deepest wish is to live the ‘cool guy life’ they see in the movies. You know... the fly guy with the babes hanging off his arm, who’s always on the invite list to all the hottest parties, forever in-demand.

Sometimes other forum members criticize this wish. And those critical members do have a point. Who cares how popular you are if you can go out and get top quality girls and top quality friends? Who needs the superficial trappings of being The Guy? It’s like chasing money for the sake of being rich. Not because you actually need that money to accomplish anything. You just want the image and the feeling of wealth.

I agree with the critical members this ‘popularity for the sake of popularity’ is not a worthy end goal. But I think it’s also worth recognizing that if you’ve never had this – if you’ve always been the outsider, rejected, never really a part of things – it can be a monkey on your back until you get it and achieve it. Some guys just need to experience the spotlight first before they can move on to worthier things.

So, if you find yourself wishing and wondering and hoping for more... to be more included, to have more babes on your arm, to go to more cool parties... to be The Guy everyone knows, talks about, and admires... this article is the one you’ve waited all your life for.

In it, I’m going to introduce you to a new social law, like the Law of Least Effort. But rather than the appearance of social power, this law governs the construction and maintenance of social ties. This law I call the Law of Social Exchange.

How to Avoid and Deal with False Rape Accusations

Chase Amante's picture

false rape accusationsSo you met a girl at a party. Both of you had been drinking, but not so much that either of you was stumbling around, slurring your speech, or anything. The attraction between the two of you was palpable; sparks flew through the air like electric currents, and one thing very quickly led to another.

After a night of passionate fun, she left with a smile on her face, bidding you farewell. You proceeded on with your life, a little happier for the encounter.

Then, a few weeks later, a pair of uniformed police officers showed up at your door. They were investigating the rape of an acquaintance of yours – the girl you’d slept with a few weeks back. You, they said, were the alleged perpetrator.

She said you’d raped her, they told you. They needed to ask you some questions and wondered if you might come downtown with them for a chat.

Immediately, your world was turned upside down. You had no choice but to hire an attorney at $200 an hour for a lot of hours if you didn’t want a one-way ticket to the soul-destroying prison-rape gulag of the penitentiary system. Friends distanced themselves from you; you feared work finding out, and firing you on the spot because “it’s not good for the company image to have someone accused of what you’ve been accused of on the books.” And forget about finding a girlfriend; now every girl you see looks like a potential accuser to you of a crime you did not commit.

The terrifying reality is that false rape accusations are as common or nearly as common as genuine rape reports to the police, according to the most reliable of the research studies out therebut nobody talks about it.

What causes it, why it happens, what to look for, how to avoid it, and how to deal with it. It’s taboo; it doesn’t fit the “agenda”, and you’re not allowed to mention it. Talking about the plight of the legions of men preyed upon by vicious women risks distracting from the discussion of the plight of the legions of women preyed upon by vicious men, and this festering boil is left undiscussed, and young men uninformed and unprepared.

Being slapped with a false rape accusation can be one of the most terrifying, isolating, and emasculating events that can befall a man, because another individual decides to leverage the power of “the system” to try to destroy his life, often for reasons he does not know or cannot comprehend. When it happens, there’s frequently no one you can talk to, because everyone just presumes you did it... after all, why would some girl go to the trouble of filing a police report accusing you of such a crime otherwise?

So let’s talk about it, because it needs to be talked about. Let’s discuss why this happens... how to steer far clear of the women who do it... and what to do if you get stuck in some Jezebel’s fly trap.

Killer Reputation Management for Your Social Circle

Peter Fontes's picture

content="Reputation management is absolutely crucial to running a great social circle that helps you meet loads of beautiful new women. Here’s how to pull it all off and look like a stud.">

reputation managementRep - yuh - tey - shuh n.

It's a four syllable word that you'll live and die by in social circle. Have a good one and all I talked about in my 'How to Escalate in Social Circle' article becomes a whooole lot easier. Have a bad one and you ain't goin' nowhere.

What is reputation?

Your reputation is simply what other people think of you insofar that it's reached some level of general consensus.

It can involve the recognition of a particular characteristic or ability. e.g. 'John is clever,' 'Samuel is socially awkward,' or, 'James is good with girls.'

While it's important not to fret over having everybody like you (as Chase just talked about in 'Why It’s Bad to Want to Be Liked Too Much'), knowing how to project a certain image and influence your own reputation is helpful in all kinds of endeavours, particularly in social circle approaching.

See the Room

Chase Amante's picture

Last night as I walked back from a social event, dressed in a well-tailored gray suit jacket and a dark red silk button-down shirt and jeans, I passed by a new nightclub that had been open for a couple of months but that I hadn't yet visited. I'd heard from most people that it was big, and nice, but was only "good" for the first month or so. But I figured I'd check it out anyway.

I paid the entrance fee, walked around the ground floor, and saw some stairs leading up into a roped-off VIP section that encircled the downstairs from above. I liked to survey a new environment the first time I walk in, so I know all the nooks and crannies from the very beginning and have the lay of the land down before I settle in. I walked authoritatively up to the bouncers standing guard, smiled slightly at them and nodded, and they gestured for me to go up, so I did. Upstairs I found that the VIP section was effectively closed - no one had rented anything out up here, or maybe up here was not open for renting on a weeknight.

see the room

Most of the staff cleaning up up there ignored me, but I spotted one of them locked onto me with his eyes, clearly realizing I was not supposed to be there, so I ducked into one of the bathrooms to use the facilities. When I came back out, I went to do down a flight of stairs to head back, only to find a large metal sliding door shut in the way at the bottom of them. I went back upstairs and ran into a tall, stern-looking bouncer, and he gestured in another direction. I made a graceful thank you gesture, and headed down the stairs he pointed to, back to the main floor.

Downstairs, I found a spot at the back end of a bar, in a prominent position overlooking the crowded dance floor, but not crowded itself. I took that as my spot, and leaned against the bar, ordered a drink, and looked out over the crowd.

Secrets to Getting Girls: The Art of the Deep Dive

Chase Amante's picture
deep dive in conversationOne of the pillars of Chase Amante's approach toward women, deep diving is the foundation for creating deep, meaningful connections with women quickly into meeting them.

Building rapport – and building a connection – is one of those things I consider myself pretty talented as a conversationalist at these days. People remark that they often feel like we’re old friends upon first meeting me; men very often assume that women I’ve met minutes before have known me for years; and I find it incredibly easy to have people open up to me about all manner of personal details – so easy that they typically offer those details unasked.

Kind of funny, in retrospect, considering I spent most of my life as a man apart, without any close connections of any sort.

So someone you’ve just met thinks of you as an old friend, or the girl you’ve been getting to know for twenty minutes has told you her life story and now feels that you know her better than all but two other people in her life. Sounds fun, and empowering, right? But what’s the advantage of this? Well, as you can probably surmise, the advantages to deep diving with rapport come in spades, actually. Here are a few: