(3) Journeyman

Compartmentalization lets you keep separate areas of your life separate – and avoid fallout from ideological clashes or failing relationships.

As you become more active socially, some things get hairier. You meet more and different kinds of people. You start to run in some very different circles. And eventually you end up with friends and connections who are completely incompatible with one another. The broader and more diverse the people in your life become, the more you need to take care who you introduce to whom.

Further, the more integrated your various circles and lifestyles are, the easier it is for problems in one to snake their way into others.

To fend off mismatches and problems bleeding from one area into another, you use lifestyle compartmentalization.

The ability to compartmentalize your lifestyle is a handy one to have. It lets you prevent mismatched acquaintances clashing. It lets you avoid friends wanting you to choose themselves or others. It keeps you out of scenarios where your girlfriends judge your buddies and try to get you to stop hanging out with them.

It's easy to compartmentalize your lifestyle, yet it's something not a lot of people do. It feels good to introduce people we like to other people we like. It's lazier too - rather than do one thing and talk about certain topics with your buddy Eric, and do another thing and talk about other topics with your buddy Kevin, and do yet another thing and talk about still more/different topics with Kate, the girl you've been seeing for a couple months, why not invite them all to hang out together and do one thing, and talk about the same things with them all?

Yet failure to compartmentalize your life leads to a more limited life - because when those different people from different walks clash, they tend to decide a.) maybe they didn't know you as well as they thought, if you have this type of friend, and b.) you're going to have to decide who you really want to be with: themselves, or those other folks?

She’s super flirty or grinding you on the dance floor. So you reciprocate... but she quickly loses interest. How in blazes does one take these freaky girls to bed?

Hey, guys. Now that I’m done with my series on hooking, I can finally allow myself to move on to my next project. However, for now, I’ve decided to spend a bit of time responding to some great questions from our readership.

Here is one of those questions, from Lawliet:

When a girl makes a direct statement of interest or sexual flirting, such as:

    Her: “I did something sexy today.”

    You: “What did you do?”

    Her: “I’ll show you.”

    Her: *sits on your face*

Or this happens through role play over text – you get the idea.

When they talk like that in person, or over text, what is your way of approaching this?

Jump on her? But what if it’s over text? Invite her out?

That feels a little too reactive.

[And when you decide to react]:

    You: *jump on her*

    Her: “Hold your horses, sweetheart, and maybe you’ll get some tonight ;)”

Then we’re stuck there, hung out to dry.

Would love to hear some examples from you on girls taking the sexually aggressive role verbally. How do we not kill the tension while keeping the mating dance going? I honestly love this flirting back and forth.

This is a great question because there is a technical element at play here. I know exactly what type of situation Lawliet is talking about, and if you haven’t seen this yourself, let me illustrate with a more extreme and even more frustrating example.

Some feel genuinely unfulfilled by reserving their love for just one partner. Is polyamory better understood as a sexual orientation rather than a lifestyle?

As the title says, I recently had a date with two women at the same time. Now, I know what you might be thinking: “Did he forget that he already had a date that night? Did he accidentally double-book? Did he screw up? Was there a fight? Were there tears?”

Well, the answer to all those questions is a resounding “no”.

This was my first ever “triad date” with two partners that I’m regularly seeing. We all agreed to it and planned it out carefully. For about a year now, I’ve been (fairly successfully, I think) following a polyamorous lifestyle, and I’d like to tell you all about it because I feel like some of the readers here might be interested in expanding their horizons and exploring this lifestyle.

Those of you following Adam Lyons might already know about polyamory, but for those of you not in-the-know, allow me to explain.

Every girl has baggage. But should you date one with a lot of baggage... And how do you deal with baggage a girlfriend brings into your relationships?

Commenting on my article about starting a relationship with a new girlfriend, a reader named Arik writes:

“Hi Chase,

I’ve been gaming for a while and defintively gotten amazing things from it in all areas of my life. I met a girl that I really like and would like to move foward with her. She has had a bad experience with getting cheated on and feels scared of going through that again.I met her through cold approach. She is scared of me doing this all the time. If she were to find out that I do and flirt with girls boldy like that daily, it will definitively hurt her bad. I dont want stuff like that in my conciense I already talked to her about my intentions with her and pretty much following your points. Nothing official yet but clearly the ‘we can see other people until then’ wont fly well. At the same time, I know that if I stop approaching and doing game, just like with he gym, my gains will be gone and that will drive her away. I’ve seen it so many times happen to others. I am not sure how to handle this, since this is the first girl I want to push things with from game. All this time I’ve been focused on getting good and refusing to settle with girls I met. You talked briefly on ideas of how to handle this, but If you could elaborate further, I would greatly appreciate it .

Thanks!”

First, a few notes directly to Arik’s situation. If a girl is adamant that you don’t approach other women, and you assure her you won’t, you’ve made a choice. You could lie and do it anyway... whether you are comfortable with that or want to deal with the fallout from it is a personal decision. That said, you can still flirt with women in your day-to-day life, sans cold approach... that will maintain some degree of abundance (albeit not to the level that taking things farther along with women will).

That said, what we’ll focus on in this article is not the question of Arik’s comment but rather one that occurs to me based on the situation he details. It’s that of ‘women with baggage’ – for example, this girl who’s been cheated on... and fears a repeat. Should you date a girl with baggage... and how do you manage it if you do?

Hooking girls in is just part of the great seduction algorithm, yet it contains millions of lines of code (‘cause, you know, girls). Let’s debug some common issues.

Hey, guys!

So, this is my final post in this series. It will cover the troubleshooting aspect – i.e., what to do if you fail to hook – before I provide you with a hooking “cheat-sheet” to help you pull it all together.

If you have made it through this long series, then I congratulate you! You now have the knowledge to approach girls and immerse them in a conversation with you, so that you can allow yourself to convey attractive traits and push the whole process forward – hopefully, all the way from first meeting to sexy time.

But sometimes, things will not go as planned. This is what we will discuss first.

Hooking: Troubleshooting

You approach a group of girls in the hopes of hooking them in so that you can seduce them fully. You have the confidence to walk up to them. A few scenarios can happen, which we will list below, followed by a few troubleshooting steps for when things go wrong.

How do you change a girlfriend’s beliefs, and bring them inline with yours? By shifting her personal Overton window – to alter her ideological environment.

Commenting under a prior Tactics Tuesdays article on dismissing ideological fights you want no part of, Kaelos asked:

“How about in a long-term relationship with a woman, where you share similar beliefs/views but there are some mild to moderate differences on topics like feminism, frugality vs spending, child-rearing practices, small differences in religious beliefs, etc.

Is there a strategy to implement so that her beliefs/views more closely match your own well-researched beliefs/views over the long term?”

We’ve talked about behavior modification on Girls Chase plenty.

What about belief modification?

Well, yes. You can absolutely change someone’s beliefs... to an extent.

To do that, first, we’re going to focus on shifting a woman’s own personal Overton window.

Few things can boost a man’s game like having a girlfriend. Women show more interest, and talking to them becomes easier. Ever wonder why this is?

During my previous monogamous relationships, I noticed that my ability to talk to women dramatically increased, as did their attraction. I would also get a lot more approach invitations and even get approached on occasion, mostly because of social circle game – we’ll talk about that later.

I had to ask myself, “Why am I suddenly better with women while I have a girlfriend?”

The answer: “You just are.”

But like you, I wanted more details. What specifically is it about being in a relationship that made me magnetic? Obviously, I was harder to get, and this unattainability stirs female lust. But after looking deeper, I've discovered some more key factors of having a girlfriend that can affect your game for the better.

Here they are.