(3) Journeyman

Some feel genuinely unfulfilled by reserving their love for just one partner. Is polyamory better understood as a sexual orientation rather than a lifestyle?

As the title says, I recently had a date with two women at the same time. Now, I know what you might be thinking: “Did he forget that he already had a date that night? Did he accidentally double-book? Did he screw up? Was there a fight? Were there tears?”

Well, the answer to all those questions is a resounding “no”.

This was my first ever “triad date” with two partners that I’m regularly seeing. We all agreed to it and planned it out carefully. For about a year now, I’ve been (fairly successfully, I think) following a polyamorous lifestyle, and I’d like to tell you all about it because I feel like some of the readers here might be interested in expanding their horizons and exploring this lifestyle.

Those of you following Adam Lyons might already know about polyamory, but for those of you not in-the-know, allow me to explain.

Every girl has baggage. But should you date one with a lot of baggage... And how do you deal with baggage a girlfriend brings into your relationships?

Commenting on my article about starting a relationship with a new girlfriend, a reader named Arik writes:

“Hi Chase,

I’ve been gaming for a while and defintively gotten amazing things from it in all areas of my life. I met a girl that I really like and would like to move foward with her. She has had a bad experience with getting cheated on and feels scared of going through that again.I met her through cold approach. She is scared of me doing this all the time. If she were to find out that I do and flirt with girls boldy like that daily, it will definitively hurt her bad. I dont want stuff like that in my conciense I already talked to her about my intentions with her and pretty much following your points. Nothing official yet but clearly the ‘we can see other people until then’ wont fly well. At the same time, I know that if I stop approaching and doing game, just like with he gym, my gains will be gone and that will drive her away. I’ve seen it so many times happen to others. I am not sure how to handle this, since this is the first girl I want to push things with from game. All this time I’ve been focused on getting good and refusing to settle with girls I met. You talked briefly on ideas of how to handle this, but If you could elaborate further, I would greatly appreciate it .

Thanks!”

First, a few notes directly to Arik’s situation. If a girl is adamant that you don’t approach other women, and you assure her you won’t, you’ve made a choice. You could lie and do it anyway... whether you are comfortable with that or want to deal with the fallout from it is a personal decision. That said, you can still flirt with women in your day-to-day life, sans cold approach... that will maintain some degree of abundance (albeit not to the level that taking things farther along with women will).

That said, what we’ll focus on in this article is not the question of Arik’s comment but rather one that occurs to me based on the situation he details. It’s that of ‘women with baggage’ – for example, this girl who’s been cheated on... and fears a repeat. Should you date a girl with baggage... and how do you manage it if you do?

Hooking girls in is just part of the great seduction algorithm, yet it contains millions of lines of code (‘cause, you know, girls). Let’s debug some common issues.

Hey, guys!

So, this is my final post in this series. It will cover the troubleshooting aspect – i.e., what to do if you fail to hook – before I provide you with a hooking “cheat-sheet” to help you pull it all together.

If you have made it through this long series, then I congratulate you! You now have the knowledge to approach girls and immerse them in a conversation with you, so that you can allow yourself to convey attractive traits and push the whole process forward – hopefully, all the way from first meeting to sexy time.

But sometimes, things will not go as planned. This is what we will discuss first.

Hooking: Troubleshooting

You approach a group of girls in the hopes of hooking them in so that you can seduce them fully. You have the confidence to walk up to them. A few scenarios can happen, which we will list below, followed by a few troubleshooting steps for when things go wrong.

How do you change a girlfriend’s beliefs, and bring them inline with yours? By shifting her personal Overton window – to alter her ideological environment.

Commenting under a prior Tactics Tuesdays article on dismissing ideological fights you want no part of, Kaelos asked:

“How about in a long-term relationship with a woman, where you share similar beliefs/views but there are some mild to moderate differences on topics like feminism, frugality vs spending, child-rearing practices, small differences in religious beliefs, etc.

Is there a strategy to implement so that her beliefs/views more closely match your own well-researched beliefs/views over the long term?”

We’ve talked about behavior modification on Girls Chase plenty.

What about belief modification?

Well, yes. You can absolutely change someone’s beliefs... to an extent.

To do that, first, we’re going to focus on shifting a woman’s own personal Overton window.

Few things can boost a man’s game like having a girlfriend. Women show more interest, and talking to them becomes easier. Ever wonder why this is?

During my previous monogamous relationships, I noticed that my ability to talk to women dramatically increased, as did their attraction. I would also get a lot more approach invitations and even get approached on occasion, mostly because of social circle game – we’ll talk about that later.

I had to ask myself, “Why am I suddenly better with women while I have a girlfriend?”

The answer: “You just are.”

But like you, I wanted more details. What specifically is it about being in a relationship that made me magnetic? Obviously, I was harder to get, and this unattainability stirs female lust. But after looking deeper, I've discovered some more key factors of having a girlfriend that can affect your game for the better.

Here they are.

Women often reference third parties to covertly obtain info about you and what you want. Understanding this clandestine woman-speak can be very useful!

Women are masterful at communication. The ability for women to convey and decipher information is so sophisticated that most men completely miss the point and wind up wondering... “What the hell are these girls talking about?”

As men, we’re very direct and straightforward, saying things in ways that usually don’t have subconscious meanings. Women, on the other hand, can be circuitous and sneaky, conveying information in two layers. The first layer of communication is what’s obvious, but as we all know, the real meaning behind what women say is hidden in the next layer.

This layering of communication allows women to acquire information in a multitude of ways that aren’t apparent at first glance.

Women sub-communicate their intentions to get what they want from others. One of the best examples of this is the “scapegoat framing” tactic, which I will share with you today. It’s a means for a woman to acquire information about guys for her own purposes, while simultaneously using it as a form of influence by creating a condition around a mysterious third party.

In the last couple of months, I’ve experienced this frame on two separate occasions. In the first case, with a girl called Tanya, the frame was used to persuade and influence. In the second case, with Sarah, the frame was used to acquire information – the opposite of Tanya.

Once you’ve made yourself an attractive man women want, the battle is half won. The next step: finding ways to lower your cost, to make it easy for women who want you.

Most of what men focus on when they think about doing better with women is what they have to offer women. They think about how they can sell themselves to women; what women have to gain from them. Their value. Being impressive, taking women on fun dates, getting muscular, showing off their successes, having cool stories to tell – all these are ways to better display what you have to offer to a woman.

Much of what we focus on on the attraction side for men at Girls Chase focuses on bolstering what you have to offer, too. With better fundamentals you become a man women are more and more interested in. And with better game you make it easier and easier to showcase your attractive sides and find ways to get girls to go come with you.

Yet there’s another side of the equation to any value offering. It is not just how valuable something is, but also what its costs are.

That’s ‘costs’ plural, because there are always multiple costs to anything you acquire or add to your life. Costs like:

• Time: how much time does it take to get this thing?

• Money: do you need to spend money to get it? If so, how much?

• Image: are there costs to your image if you acquire this thing?

• Motivation: do you have to exert willpower or fight inertia to get this thing?
  

• Opportunity: by choosing this option, do you give up something else?

... and more.

When it comes to dating and seduction, every woman you meet faces these and other costs when she considers you.