(2) Intermediate

Guys often want a woman who will nurture them. How does a man come to desire this – and is it really the healthiest relationship setup?

There is this dream many men have. In it, a man opens up and tell all his pains, fears, and weaknesses to a woman. In turn, the woman takes it all in, consoles the man, nurtures him, and loves him even more for his sensitivity and innocence.

Often men with this dream try to pull this off with this girl or that. Yet, they are disappointed. The girls they try it with do not respond with the warmth and acceptance they wish for. Instead, the girls they open up to are critical, rather than nurturing. These women often lose respect for them, rather than gain it.

Sometimes this reaction will cause a man to adapt: women are for companionship, homemaking, and sex; they are not for emotional support. Other times, it can cause a man to become bitter: there are no good women out there. No woman will accept me and love me for who I truly am.

Today’s article is about this idea of a nurturing woman you can tell anything you want to to, who will love you regardless how much weakness and vulnerability you share with her, and who will never leave you, no matter what. Are there women out there like this? And is there any role you must play in this – other than to simply offload your emotions to her, and have this girl carry your burdens for you, and bandage your wounds?

Before you walk up to a girl, you’re going to make guesses about who she is and how to approach. What signals should you pay attention to, vs. which should you not?

Welcome to the final installment in my Calibration series. If you haven’t caught up on the previous posts, here they are:

• Part 1: What Is Calibration?

• Part 2: Calibrating to Social Context

• Part 3: Calibrate Your Timing

• Part 4: Should You Calibrate to Her Personality?

Previously, I shared my skepticism regarding different female personalities, types, and archetypes, and their usefulness in pickup and seduction. Many readers assume that calibration is all about analyzing what type of girl you’re dealing with, then proceeding with a certain “method” that fits that exact girl. Well, it isn’t that easy – sorry.

In Part 4, I shared the reasons why I believe such a model is fallible:

• Recognizing what kind of person she is requires you to spend time with her. This is not possible with cold approach.

• Recognizing her type and personality is very difficult even if you’ve spent some time with her (through work, school, and other social settings). You don’t really know who she truly is, because you’ve only seen her and interacted with her in one or two settings. I remember back in the day how a particular “Miss Introvert” from class would go nuts when she’s in a club. That was a learning moment for me. I’ve had many similar experiences since.

• In different settings, you will notice how many sides there are to women. Even if you knew her before, women don’t just experience different emotions more often, they act upon them more than men. In other words, who she is is kind of a fluid concept, especially in a settings that stimulate her a lot (clubs) or social settings that force her to put on a social mask (classrooms).

• Honestly, when you are in-field trying to seduce, you have higher priorities than trying to perform psychoanalysis and trying to find out who she is. Instead, you have to hook her in, connect, and seduce her. You have limited time, and she has a limited attention span. Pick your tools carefully.

• Also, this may not be the case for you, but many of us operate in highly-chaotic environments like clubs. As mentioned earlier, such places affect her emotionally, which will have an impact on her presence, but the chaos makes it very difficult for us to judge and discern who she is. And we ourselves will be more stressed, and the chaos will cloud our perceptions.

That said, without contradicting the points above (and the points of my previous posts), I will make a little argument for how using personality types can be a bit useful. However, there are lots of caveats, and the way I personally use them will differ a bit from how others would expect.

After presenting my framework, I will share with you the categories I use. But let’s first lay out the framework of how I would use personality types in calibration.

Not every transsexual wants you to know all the details. To not get catfished, you need to know how to spot a transsexual – and steer clear of traps.

I just saw the David Cronenberg movie M. Butterfly, about a dude who seduces another dude who doesn’t know he’s a dude, and carries on an affair with him for 20 years and even convinces him they had a child together. All based on a true story (you can read about it on Wikipedia). What a weird movie that was (I’ve always loved both main actors, too – Jeremy Irons and John Lone. Terrific talents. Though this sure was a strange flick). Anyway, got me thinking about this topic.

A while back, I was out with a group of people in a new city. Our group consisted of five guys and four girls. Three of the girls were friends, but one was a little separate from the rest of the group. And this one... something about her triggered my “there’s something weird here” radar.

She was dressed in a sexy teal dress, and went around flirting with all the boys. She had an eye for me in particular. But to me, she looked like the women I’d seen in a cougar club in Del Mar; skin too-tight on the face (obvious sign of a face lift), lips full in an unnatural way (Botox?), dressed too flashy for an average girl. “She must be an older woman hunting for younger guys,” I thought.

At one point though, the guy I knew there leaned in and told me “She used to be a guy.”

Light bulbs went off. Ah... that’s what I was picking up on.

“Her last boyfriend didn’t find out until they’d been sleeping together for a month,” he said.

“Interesting,” I said. “How’d he react to that?”

“He was pretty upset,” my friend said.

This article is about how to not end up like that duped boyfriend, or some of the other men I’ve had transsexuals tell me about from their romantic histories (one, showing me a picture of a boyfriend, about said boyfriend: “He got used to it”). It’s about how to spot a transsexual – because not every transsexual wants you to know the truth.

How should you calibrate your approach to a girl’s personality? Or, more importantly, should you even bother with this at all?

Welcome back, gents!

In this vast series on calibration, we have so far covered 3 key subjects:

Once you’re in a relationship, the domestication process begins. Why do women do this – and how do you not become totally broken and domestic?

The difference between a serious long-term relationship and a short-term relationship, from the girl’s point of view, is complex in many ways.

She expects more investment from you, emotionally and logistically. You will have to spend more time with her than you would if she was a simple hookup. You will also have to do more than simply shag her then kick her out. You will meet her friends, her parents, and go with her to events and on dates. How much you should do this is up to the precedent you want to set and how often you WANT to see her. If you LIKE doing those things, then do them.

The emotional side of things is a bit more complicated. How much emotion you should show depends on the girl. The harder she is emotionally, that much harder you should be (i.e., the less emotional you should be with her). She should be the one most in love, the most lovey-dovey, and the most cuddly. This is not up to debate. However, if you show no emotion, you can cause her to become too insecure and cause a lot of drama so that you end up proving your love in a small burst (an emotional down payment into the “I won’t suddenly leave you” fund), or she’ll seek that emotional fulfillment elsewhere, in another man (and this might turn into sexual fulfillment, too).

She also expects some level of commitment. Sexual faithfulness is far less important to women than emotional faithfulness. A hookup or having some low-key side chicks doesn’t bother women too much, so long as they know they are your queen. Obviously don’t rub this in her face if you choose to have side chicks. Be discreet and low-key.

All of this, when viewed from the complete freedom of singledom, cannot be described any other way than domestication.

When it comes to dating and seduction, most guys understand value. Be as valuable as you can. Become smooth, cool, learn game, get cool clothes, a nice haircut, and get in shape. But what most guys miss is that attainability loses you a lot more girls than you think.

In this video, I go over the three types of attainability problems that lose you girls, how to recognize them, and how to fix them.