In the dating world, neediness is poison. By giving her escape routes and keeping an open-door policy, she’ll discover you’re no ordinary sap… and start chasing.
Every day, I kiss the gods’ feet for allowing me to escape The Land of Incels. Did you know that 7% of men sleep with nearly all the world’s most beautiful women? I didn’t make that stat up. It’s hard science, like Newtonian Gravity. Indisputable.
Most men live in extreme romantic scarcity, an arid wasteland, devoid of connection with women – with themselves, even. They wander through existential deserts, seeking that Disney-esque moment when they’ll be introduced to some random, half-cut unicorn at the staff Christmas party. And that’s how it is for 93% of us.
Of course, this kind of introduction rarely, if ever, happens – well, not to me anyway. If they finally attract a hot girl, those ancient fears arise: losing her attention, sensing her attraction dipping. At her slightest withdrawal, they’ll claw desperately for it, like a puppy at a milk-loaded teat.
They don’t want her to abandon them, and the harder they grasp for reassurance of commitment, the weaker the strings of intimacy become. Until one day, they finally crumble, like bone dust through their heavily moisturized fingers.
In dating and seduction, neediness is poison, and abundance is honey. It’s contrary to everything we’ve been taught in the West: that the man who provides the most, who is the sweetest, most caring, doting, and available, will win the fair maiden’s heart for all eternity. This is fake news. It’s a load of rubbish and doesn’t work for the average guy.
Women are repulsed by neediness. They want a man who challenges them to be their best selves. They should feel as if they have just enough of your attention, and if they were to slip up, you could fall for another girl. She needs to chase you.
It’s natural to want someone if you find them attractive. But keeping a girl cornered, psychologically or physically, is not only poor game but relationship blackmail. It will always have the opposite, paradoxical effect. Approach game requires some push-pull, some abundance mentality – as do longer relationships.
In the A-to-Z of seduction, the girl must feel she’s in a relationship out of choice – that she’s better off with you than without you. Whether it’s one night or for life, she’s invested, not coerced or manipulated. The more she invests, the bigger the loss if the prospect were to collapse.
I was dating this babelicious girl for a few months. It was casual and didn’t involve much more than Netflix and boom-boom. It worked for both of us, our time together being a pleasant escape from routine through sexual intimacy. But she started misbehaving, showing up late, acting grumpy, whiny, and entitled.
Being the physically weaker sex, most women are conflict-averse. When they feel unsatisfied with a relationship, instead of confronting it directly, they’ll act out in childish, selfish, and often cruel ways. They’ll withdraw sex, whine, nag, and distance themselves emotionally. If the man doesn’t respond, she comes to resent him.
When in the desert, it’s suicidal to throw away your only glass of water. So, if needy men are disrespected, rather than pointing to the exit sign, they aim to please higher. They’ll offer their last tears to appease their torturers rather than give them what they really want: truth.
They try to remedy the situation by buying expensive gifts, trips abroad, and fancy dinners. They drown her with emotional bribes, back rubs, and compliments, all to show how much they care. She knows he can’t get another girl like her. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be so desperate to please.
This reinforces bad behavior and anchors it, like petting a vicious dog and whispering, “Oh, Poofy. Good girl, good girl. Shhh, it’s okay, Poofy.” Confused, it goes insane. The crazier I act, the more he’ll reward me? Alright, then. Watch me chew this house to bits. First, I’m going to bark at the refrigerator, then I’ll piss on the bed.
So I let the first grumpy date night slide. She returned the next day, left my door open, walked across my carpet with her shoes on, let out a deep sigh, and flopped on my couch. “What’s up?” I asked. She just pouted… “Nothing.”
Popcorn goes great with Netflix and chill... whine, not so much.
A good lay will often turn things around, but I’d tried that last time and it didn’t work. So I gave her my Open-Door Policy. I stood up, went to my front door and said, “I can see you’re in a bad mood. I want to enjoy our time together. So, why not go home, get some sleep, sort your mood out, and come back when you’re happy?”
She looked shocked. “You’re kicking me out?”
“No. I’m asking you to come back when you’re in a good mood.”
“Well, I can’t control my mood all the time. You could be more supportive.”
“I’m sorry, but you’re not my girlfriend. You’re my friend. I’m not here to counsel you, and even if I wanted to, you’re not telling me what’s up. So, I can only assume it’s something about us. I’m not forcing you to see me or spend time here. I only want to relax, hang out, and have a great time. You haven’t been having a great time, so you should go home and come back when you can. And if you don’t want to, I understand.”
She walked out of my apartment, but not before turning to me and saying, “I still want to see you though!” This girl was incredibly attractive and probably wasn’t expecting a weird dude like me to shove her out his door instead of kissing her lily-white ass. She came back a week later, chipper as a crack dealer on welfare day.
All relationships are transactional. How much so depends on your culture, your economic or social status, and overall value as a lover. But when you give up your time, knowledge, energy, and resources, she should expect to repay you with great sex and positive energy. If she continues to misbehave, and you don’t give her an escape route, she’ll just come to resent you.
Women are called “cats” and “birds” for a reason. Corner a cat and it slips deftly between your legs. Trap a bird and it flies away. Men are more like dogs or apes. We love the hunt and work for food. If we’re cornered, we face the threat head-on, with logic or violence.
Men can be very intimidating to women. We’re not cave apes anymore, but all beautiful women have experienced a broken-hearted stalker at some point. They’ve developed an amazing ability to manipulate men – or at the very least, control them – so as not to pair with monsters.
Even when it makes them angry, frustrated, or sad, they still respect a guy who doesn’t worship at their feet while being disrespected. From first approach to long-term relationship, I have a simple law: The Open-Door Policy. It states, “You’re free to come and go as you please.”
She’s never trapped. There’s an open door, an escape route. If she’s not happy, she’s free to leave. No worries. No matter how much I care for her or am attracted to her beauty, I know I can find another girl and she can find another guy. I choose now to be with her, as long as she remains positive, supportive, and loyal. In return, I’ll be the best man to her that I can.
My last girlfriend and I once planned a date, and she showed up thirty minutes late. I told her this had upset me because I’d cooked us dinner and now it was cold. She should have at least texted me to let me know she would be late. The next week, she showed up at my apartment, on time but out of breath. I asked her why.
“Because you don’t like it when I’m late!”
This is an escape route. If she wants me out of her life, all she must do is continue being late. If she doesn’t have the ability to communicate her feelings, she can just break the rules. She’ll feel more secure knowing what’s expected of her, rather than just guessing.
When your door is open, she’ll see more clearly what is on each side.
A man with options is so different from every other guy she could walk all over and command to suck her toes.
My escape routes are essentially disqualification. By saying things that are self-deprecating or could possibly blow the seduction, I give the girl an escape route. These are basically the “push” in “push-pull.” Here are some examples.
Note that these are meant to be said with a tone of sarcasm, so be careful if you find that no one seems to get your sense of humor.
“My micro-penis is too small to please women.”
“They (points at strangers) told me I’m not handsome enough to find a girl in this city.”
“You’re so tall. I only date girls under four feet.”
“You have daddy issues. This won’t work.”
“You’re old enough to be my grandmother.” (Best when she’s mid- to late-twenties.)
“You’re too fat for me.” (Only if she’s very fit.)
“I don’t like sex with human girls. I prefer my sex-bot.”
“If you date me, we can play Call of Duty together.”
“I’d totally bang you in the alley if I wasn’t on probation.”
“You shouldn’t give me your number. I tend to stalk.”
“I fart a lot in my sleep.”
Funny statements like these will screen out girls who aren’t that interested and possibly convert “maybe” girls to “yes” girls. It sub-communicates that you aren’t the needy, thirsty guy who’s going to lose his mind when she doesn’t text him back.
If you approach a girl and her back is to the wall, simply gesture for her to move towards you, then lean back against the wall where she previously was. Now, she’s free to leave if she wants to. It doesn’t matter if it’s in a bar or on the street. Just make sure she can walk away. If she chooses to stay, then she’s invested, rather than coerced or cornered.
Always be conscious of the environment.
Always have rules, boundaries, and limitations (I stole that from Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer).
Be on time for dates
Be happy during our time together. If we can’t sort out the source of your frustration, go home and come back when you’re happier.
Good, enthusiastic sex (guys, you have a great responsibility here, too)
No extreme jealousy
Personal space is our right. It doesn’t mean we don’t like/love each other if we don’t feel like hanging out today.
We don’t need to text every day
No extreme or recurring drama
One of my friends, who is naturally amazing with women, has an interesting rule for girls he’s dating: they must bring food. If they don’t have food, he makes them go to the store and bring some groceries back. He doesn’t do this as a strategy, he just intuitively wants them to work for his time. And he likes to cook. Of course, don’t set all these rules at once – you’ll just seem like a control freak. Let them be known over time, while the relationship develops.
And don’t just dump a girl because she’s in a bad mood. Women are highly emotional in comparison to men. Sometimes they just are. Only end things if her attitude or bad behavior becomes a recurring theme or is disrespectful enough to warrant such a decision.
Maybe you’re dating a hot girl who acts out, and you just don’t think you could get another girl like her. You can. It might take a lot of work to learn seduction, but if you do, your sense of abundance and ability to attract other females will allow you to not only meet limitless numbers of new, beautiful women but also keep the ones you enjoy being with the most.