Video Messaging Girls, Part 2: How to Video Message Her

Hey guys, and welcome to part 2 of my two-part series on video messaging.

You can read Part 1 (on why video messaging girls is so powerful) here.

This will be the final article that will cover some practical guidelines on how to deliver the best video message ever.

Last week I shared with you my backstory and my failures when it came to texting my way to a date. This curse was finally broken once I started sending video messages instead – I saw an immediate big change, with girls either responding right away or at least sending a video response back (higher investment from her end). All my video messaging has translated into dates.

Last week, we covered all the reasons why one should opt for video messaging instead of texting (if possible). Some of the main reasons we listed were the following:

• Video messaging allows her to see you, your look, your vibe, your body language and so on. It also allows you to speak more freely, which is good if you are a verbose guy like me.  But the most important thing is that you get to remind her of who you are and how you made her feel – triggering anchors that may put her back into the mood she was in when she initially met you. Very important.

• It allows you to catch her attention when you are competing with tons of other guys trying to reach her. It is also low-pressure, unlike phone calls.

• It shows balls and confidence.

• If she responds with a video message herself you can see her, her vibe, her reaction and so on. This gives you key information to calibrate to.

We covered many more reasons in last week’s post, so consider checking it out. Today we get more into the practical realm on how to deliver proper video messages.

 

The Basics

It is obvious that you need to either get her number (for WhatsApp) or add her on Facebook Messenger. What I usually would do when taking her contact is to ask her if she has WhatsApp. If she says no, I will go for Messenger.

Why not just opt for Messenger right away? Considering most girls do have Facebook, Messenger seems to be a safe bet.

Well the reason being is that adding a guy on Facebook is pretty low investment. Her threshold for adding a guy on Messenger is pretty low. Whereas on WhatsApp she has to give you her number, which is a bigger investment from her – it adds more significance and shows she puts you in higher regard than “just another guy” she added on social media.

Her giving you her number is a sign of higher commitment from her than her adding you on social media.

That all said, she may still add you on Facebook and be really into you – so it is not a deal breaker. You simply lose some potential key information regarding her initial level of compliance.

But in addition to that, I believe that her adding you on Facebook rather than giving you her number may make her rationalize that you are not a guy she is committed to. After all, she added you on social media, just like she does with all other men she meets. In other words, she may backward rationalize it. If she does gives you her number, she may see you as “a guy I gave my number to” and may feel more invested based on that.

It is however important to keep in mind that these are just details and do not play a major role at all. I have pulled from Messenger, as well as WhatsApp. I ask you to not get too hung up on this. Just keep it in the back of your head.

An interesting sidenote, however, is that younger girls have moved over to Instagram. I do not use Instagram for many reasons I won’t cover here (it is not like I hate it, I am just too lazy to maintain it). I am not sure if one can send video messages on Instagram, but if you can, you may experiment with it. That all said, unless you have a killer Instagram, you should simply not add women on it (because she will judge you by your Instagram and if it is not pristine, you are most likely out).

However, most young girls do use WhatsApp, so that is good news for you.

There is also Snapchat, but I feel Snapchat is not intimate enough and tends to be a bit too superficial for my taste. But you are welcome to try it out.

Now onto the video messaging itself.

 

Video Messages

When should you send video messages?

Honestly, right away; and do not delay it too much.

I have tried to start with texting. If that works, fine. You can easily switch to video if that doesn’t work. This is good if you are too nervous to try the video message route right away. And heck, if texting works, so be it. Do not change what works.

But say she does not respond to your text. In that case I suggest the following: Wait a week and out of the blue send her a video message.

I have used this strategy to regain contact with girls who “vanished”… and it works.

This is good news for you.

If you get to that point, you know your texting has failed, in which case you have nothing to lose by changing strategy.

So we have two options here:

• Go for texting first if you do not feel comfortable (yet) with video messaging and/or you happen to be good at texting and have had good results with it in the past (those of you who have read my previous article should know this was not the case with me). If texting fails, which can happen to even the best texter, you now have a second option and you may save your lead from disappearing into the abyss.

• And … if you feel like it, start with a video message instead of texting at first. The benefit from this is that you create a frame where video messaging is the new norm between you two. Exchanging videos will obviously increase the pace of the interaction – i.e. you will get quicker from chatting to an actual meet-up. However, if you start with texting, she is more likely to respond to your video with a text … which is obviously not the end of the world but not that favorable. The reason being is that you started the interaction with texting, so texting becomes the “set” norm for how you communicate – it becomes the frame (of you two being texting friends). Remember that how you start an interaction will have an impact on the underlying tone and frame of the rest of the interaction (see my series on frames – a must-read).That said, in my case, they have often responded with a video to my video messages.

Many would think “maybe I should go for texting since she wasn’t that into me when I met her and videos are higher investment, and she is less likely to respond.”

Well in theory this is true. If she was not that compliant when you met her, she is less likely to respond to your videos.

I honestly do not have that problem since I prefer not taking a number if she is not compliant to me.

That all said, I ask you to be realistic: How many guys have managed to turn a girl from non-compliant to fully compliant: i.e. meet you up and have sex with you, through texting? It can happen but is unlikely.

Most likely she will enjoy the attention and text you back, and you will get NOWHERE.  And the odds for this to happen are VERY HIGH.

So maybe … sending a video message is the way, because remember that those are more impactful (your voice, your looks, your body language, your vibe, can all be communicated – while you can allow yourself to talk more) and hence have more chances of leading her into a compliant state. So, all in all, you will have a higher chance of “building things up” than with texting.

And if she doesn’t respond, you most likely never really had a shot anyway (not saying you can’t turn non-compliant girls into compliant ones, but rather that doing so over text is almost impossible).

Let us get into how to make good video messages.

 

Making Video Messages

My basic advice is, be relaxed, look your best, and maybe wear some cool clothes – hopefully something that resembles (i.e. same style) something you wore when you met her (to trigger an anchor -i.e. remind her of when she met you).

Besides that, talk normally, act chill and casual. This is very important. Do not … I repeat DO NOT make it seem like a big investment from you. Just lay on your couch or walk around and send a film. The more casual you make it look, the higher value you come off, and the less pressure you put on her. All good.

A cool thing with video messages is that you can take multiple takes and pick the one you feel most comfortable with (and that hopefully is the best) before sending.

Two important notes I would like to add before I discuss some key ingredients to a good video message:

• Do not make videos that are longer than one minute. This is due to many reasons. The first being that most girls have short attention spans. If she sees a video that is too long, she may not bother to watch it. The second reason is that longer videos display high investment, and high commitment from you, making you show a bit too much dedication, which would set the frame as you chasing her, and in the worst case scenario make you come off as needy (big bad!)

• Make sure you always open up for her to respond to you – this is done by asking her about something (opinions, a comment on something you said “What do you think about X?”) or ask her about her day/week. You can also, if you happen to share a cool story about your life (more on this in a bit) ask her if she had similar story or something equally cool to share. The key here is to give her an excuse to respond to you – and by doing so you force her to invest in you.

There are three (3) key ingredients to good video messaging.

• Triggering anchors
• Displaying high social value
• Creating plausible deniability

You do not need to have all three of those – although it is recommended. These are just useful tools for you that you can implement.

If you choose to use all three tools, you do not have to use them all in one video message (although you CAN). You can spread them over different messages based on your own convenience. Make sure it all flows naturally. That is the most important thing.

 

Triggering Anchors

Probably the most important aspect of them all. The key here is to “remind her” of you, and more importantly, remind her of the initial interaction she had with you, and hopefully “retrigger” the emotions that you generated when you met her.

The mere fact of her seeing your face, hearing your voice and feeling your vibe again will do a big part of the job (which is why video messages are so awesome).

But you can add more. Some suggestions:

• Make a comment or say something that reminds her of something key you two talked about when you met, like a fascinating subject you discussed

• Something you teased her with

• Something you guys experienced

The key thing is to remind her of things that had a key impact on your interaction, that truly elicited strong emotion toward/with you.

 

Displaying Higher Value

Also known as “DHV.” Here you can show up in super awesome clothes, mention something awesome you did today (make sure you also ask her about her day/week) or something crazy you experienced.

This communicates that you have a fun and exciting life that she would like to be a part of.

You can also show her cool stuff you have in your apartment (guitars, cool clothes – I show them my crazy wardrobe), cool things you have made if you are an artist or something cool you collect (I show them my collection of teas – I have 46 different types of Chinese high-end teas).

 

Creating Plausible Deniability

This one really makes setting up dates MUCH easier. It is usually a good idea to opt for this after she has responded to you a few times (hopefully with video messages herself) and shown great compliance.

The idea here is to give her an excuse to meet you up.

For example, if you are a wine collector, you can show her your wine collection (DHV – although careful going overkill with showing materialistic goods, as you can fall into the provider role). If you are like me, show her your fancy Chinese tea set (Gonfu tea set with a flashy gaiwan) and all my teas. Actually, this one has gotten me laid a lot because they all want to come over to try them, because tea is actually more a girl thing than a dude thing. If they do not suggest trying my teas themselves (or wines, if you collect wine) then suggest it to her, “Hey, you should come and try some of my teas/wine”.

Another one I use, as mentioned earlier (yes many of these are DHVs as well), is to show girls my clothes. I have a sick wardrobe with flashy clothes that women go nuts about. Women oftentimes love trying my clothes and do like a fashion show for me. It gets them all girly! Even when I pull from clubs, women tend to do that.

Oftentimes women change to my own clothes (which I know very well how to take off … lol).

So, I will show them my clothes and tell them they should try some of them, and maybe show them a specific jacket they should try (always my golden leopard sequin jacket).

Or if you show her your guitars … and she seems hyped about them. Tell her you will play for her next time you see each other.

All of these are plausible deniabilities – excuses for her to come over.

I just listed some examples. Plausible deniability can be anything. However, make sure it is something exciting, and more important, something that is likely to excite her (I am for example skeptical about your Pokémon card collection, or your coin collection).

Either she will use it as an excuse to meet up with you (which means you are in a VERY GOOD position) or you will propose it (and if she seems exciting about it, then you are in a GOOD position).

If it works out, set up a date.

Got it?

 

Recap

So, this was all I had for today.  This is my guide on how to use video messages to set up dates with women.

A little sidenote before I recap: You can combine this with sending cool pics or memes once in a while – basically combine all of this with the ideas I presented in my “how to ping girls” article (I know it is a “COVID” article, but the concept applies even when the world becomes a normal place again).

Now here are some of the main pointers of this article:

• Get her WhatsApp (number) or Messenger.

• Either send a video message as your first message (I prefer this) or try texting first and if that doesn’t work, wait a few days then move on to the other solution: video messages.

• Make sure you are laid back, casual and relaxed when making a video message. Look your best, too.

• Also very important: Make sure you ask her about her day/week or opinion about something to trigger her to message you back (preferably in the form of a video message)

• The tools for a good video message are as follows:

1. Using anchors – say, do or remind her of something you guys talked about or did to remind her of you, and more importantly remind her of how she felt around you.

2. Display higher value – tell her about your awesome life, share a cool thing that you did/happened to you. Show her your cool stuff.

3. Create plausible deniability: talk about things or show her things that can generate an excuse to meet up with you again. Fully optional (so is DHV’ing), but it really helps to ease up the “setting up a date process.

Video messages should not be longer than 1 minute.

That’s it for today. Try it out. You will be amazed by the results – although keep in mind that what guarantees the best results (whether is it from texting, calling or video messaging) is you having a solid first interaction with her.

Next week we will move on to another subject.

Best of luck to you.

Cheers,
Alek