If you have an agreement with a woman, then time passes, and she wants to renegotiate for yet more favorable terms… what do you do?
A woman writes on Reddit about her relationship:
I’ll try to keep this short... my fiancé and I have been together for 5 years now. I knew very early in the relationship I had no intention of taking his last name. After the first year or so of dating when we talked about the future I mentioned I wouldn't want to take his last name because I like my last name. I’m second generation Italian and my last name reflects that. It’s an important aspect of who I am and my fiancé at the time understood. I said I probably would be fine if any kids we had had his last name and we dropped the conversation since it was so early in the relationship.
Fast forward four years we are obviously much closer to actually having kids then when we had that initial conversation. I mentioned today that I’m not sure I want the kids to just have his last name. I explained that it didn’t seem fair for them to be half genetically mine, and for me to carry them for nine months but for their names only to reflect him. I listed some options other people do, hyphenating the names, using one last name as a middle name, making a new combined last name, etc. To be clear this would only be for the kids I’m not asking him to change his name.
He said this wasn’t fair because he had already “compromised” by saying I could keep my name and that I told him the kids could have his last name so I can’t change my mind. I told him I’ve changed my mind as we have matured and the prospect of kids has become more real (which in my mind seems more fair then holding me to an off hand comment several years ago) but he is still extremely upset and not talking to me.
Now, Reddit, as you might expect, being Reddit, is in full support of this woman.
I'm not really interested in whether she should take your name, or the kids should take her name, or you hyphenate last names, or whatever. The whole situation is frankly a little ridiculous.
Regardless, my interest in this seemingly petty affair is this: what do you if you've already established something in a relationship, and then your woman decides to unilaterally change it?
The guy here was obviously upset. But look how he reacted: he just went off and sulked.
This is not the way you deal with someone attempting to renegotiate previously settled terms.
When a woman wants to pull a switcheroo on you, you don't beg, plead, or sulk.
Instead, if you can't shut it down, or talk it out calmly, you pull a switcheroo right back.