Tactics Tuesdays: Make Her Come to You (on Dates)

When you plan out a date, it’s just easier to plan it for somewhere close to you. If you’ve been trying to meet girls “halfway”, you’ve been doing it wrong.

Short article. This won’t be anything terribly new or earth-shattering if you’re a longtime reader. But it might be a worthwhile refresher.

Was talking to one of our grizzled GC veterans whom I’d unfortunately missed a series of phone calls with. He’s a punctual guy, and I missed three calls I had scheduled with him in a row. I miss a lot of calls (I’m the worst at schedules. Punctuality is not my strong suit), but I’ve never missed three in a row with one person before, I don’t think. He felt understandably bothered/devalued by my missing scheduled calls with him. The first time was me being absentminded, but the second two missed calls were black swan woman-related chaos (I almost never have women derail my business or personal plans, and the only two days I can remember where I missed calls due to a woman were both days I had calls with the GC veteran in question).

Anyway, I felt bad, but once a call is missed, there’s little you can do. You are just that unreliable jerk who disrespects other people’s time. You are an asshole.

But it isn’t just scheduled calls I miss. I’ve long been very flakey about meeting girls for dates, too. I forget about dates, I show up an hour late, I go to the wrong place, etc. Sometimes it works out okay; I’ve had girls show up to the next date ready to go to bed after I’d stood them up on Date #1 (always by accident; I have never stood anyone up on purpose, and don’t expect I ever will). But often you’ll just never hear from her again. It’s not a reliable way to turn strangers into lovers.

So, as a result of my flakiness, I adopted the strategy I’ll review with you today: make her come to you.

Shouldn’t You Meet Her Halfway?

When I was younger I subscribed to the “I should probably meet girls halfway” theory. I would trek all over creation to reach some date spot I figured would be more convenient for her. Often the date would not go as well because our logistics were not so great.

Also, it’s just plain hard to find excellent venues located 10 minutes or 20 minutes or 30 minutes away from you. The farther you get from your home base, the feebler your knowledge of the area tends to be, and the less excellent your venue choices will be for dates.

Once I began to have women meet me as close to wherever I was as possible (if I didn’t have them meet me directly at my place, that is), I received some unexpected benefits.

Not only was it much, much easier for me. But my date location options became much better too. I suddenly found I knew a lot more good spots to take girls, in addition to having better default logistics. This was because I was in my area, and I knew what all the spots were in my area.

Thus, not only are logistics and convenience improved for you by having her meet you on your turf. You are actually able to craft her a better experience, too.

Benefits of Having Her Come to Meet You

There exist a cornucopia of benefits to girls meeting you on your turf. Here are six (6) of them:

1. Logistics. It’s easier to pull her home to get intimate when you are closer to your place. Naturally.

2. Venue selection. You’ll typically have a wider array of date spots to choose from closer to home. A bigger selection means you can better choose venues tailored to different dates. Such a selection also means you keep things fresh and interesting for yourself (so you’re not bored taking girls to the same spot all the time), yet still comfortable and familiar enough you can relax on the date.

3. Convenience. If your date spot is right across the street from your apartment building, you don’t have to leave home until five minutes before the date starts. This is a very nice perk to have. A side benefit is that if the girl is late or a no-show, it’s a much smaller deal to you when you’re across the street from your apartment building... compared to when you’re a 40-minute train ride from home. That makes it much easier for you to stay cool if she chucks you a curve ball and means you’ll handle flakes a whole lot better.

4. The pressure’s on her. When you have a date somewhere far for you, the pressure is on you. You invest a great deal more in the date. That puts you a lot more on edge, and makes the date more of a high-pressure scenario for you. When the date is nearby for you but farther for her, the roles reverse. You’re the one who is relaxed and not inconvenienced; she is the one who’s trekked halfway across town to come meet you. Her being nervous and invested in the date, and you being relaxed and not overly heavily invested is a very good thing for your seductions.

5. She’s more likely to stick around. If you agree to date her closer to her home or in familiar territory for her, she’s more likely to adjourn the date earlier. After all, this is a casual affair... she just walked eight minutes and she was there. She doesn’t realize it took you almost an hour to reach the date destination, and if she ends the date in 40 minutes you will have spent more time in the car one-way than you spend on the entire date with her. When the roles are reversed, instead of being comfortable going at any time, she is now a lot more invested in having this be a longer date. What that means for you is more time... And also, sometimes, a girl who is more willing to accompany you to your place, because she isn’t ready for the date to end.

6. She knows she’s complying with you. This is a big benefit. It might even be THE biggest benefit of choosing dates convenient to you. Whether you tell her it’s convenient for you or not is irrelevant. If you picked the place and you seem relaxed and comfortable, she’s going to assume you’ve picked somewhere on your turf. By agreeing to the date, she knows that rather than push for a date on her terms, she’s accepted one on yours. That means she’s accepted your leadership, is complying with you, and has handed the reins to you. This is what women do with men they intend to mate with.
   

She would likely not be as chummy had he commuted halfway across the city to come see her.

How to Make Her Come to You

This part is simple enough.

When you tell her what venue to meet you at, just pick one close to you.

Or tell her to meet you at some train station or street corner or landmark near your place.

For instance:

Her: Sure, 7 o’clock on Friday works great!

You: Excellent. Let’s meet at the little coffee shop on Main St. and 10th Avenue. Know that one? It’s the one with the big pink cup in the window. That work?

Her: I know it! Sure, that works!

You: Perfect. 7 o’clock Friday it is.

Her: See you then!

That’s all you need to do.

If she counteroffers, you can accept if her counteroffer is acceptable to you. That would mean it’s still convenient and easy for you to access. If it’s not an acceptable counteroffer, you just decline: “Eh, I’m not in the mood for [whatever she said]. If you don’t like [your first choice], we could do [another place – your second choice] instead.” Most girls will then pick from among the choices you’ve given them. Sometimes you’ll get, “Ooh! [Second choice] sounds good; let’s do that!” and other times you’ll get, “Let’s just do [first choice].”

What If My Place is Far?

If your place is out in the sticks, you will need to do a better job up front interesting women in yourself. The more interested she is, the farther out she’s typically willing to go. The less interested, the less far.

That said, if you are out in the sticks, try to move your living arrangements closer to town. You will make everything – dating included – a whole lot easier.

Ultimately, there is not a good solution for forgetting about or missing phone calls, especially when your phone is often off (like mine is – I only turn it on when I want to see/respond to messages) or you’re doing stuff over Skype.

However, when it comes to dates? You can be as absentminded as you like and it won’t mater, so long as your date location is just downstairs or across the street.

Even if you don’t remember you have a date set up until five minutes after the date was scheduled to begin, you can still get dressed and dash out the door and be at your date location before the 10-minutes-late mark flies by... and she’ll hardly have even noticed you’re late.

Chase