If you want to catch and keep a beautiful girl, you need to be at the top of your game. And no matter how much you love your family, sometimes it would help if they were buried deep underground. The thought of exposing a girl to the circus of your nearest and weirdest can be truly terrifying.
But there’s really no reason to be afraid. I’ll show you how to play this game like a pro, winning the affections of the girl and the admiration your family.
The key to success is realizing what you’re dealing with. Regardless of what you tell each other, every girl thinks meeting your family is getting to know “the real you”. Interactions with your family will make a deeper impression on her than almost anything else, including, in many cases, how you treat her when you’re alone.
This is a prime opportunity for you to attract her. When she meets your family, she’s ready to notice everything you’ve got going for you. Like how you’re manly and self-assured when you talk business with your dad, how you’re kind and sensitive when helping your mum with the dishes, how you’re hilarious when you tease your little sister, and how you’re boldly sexual when you put your hand on her under the dinner table.
Putting on this kind of show is going to take some serious preparation, not to mention skill. For a start, when is it okay for her to meet your folks?
There are two variables to consider:
- Is the time right for the girl to meet your family?
- Is the time right for your family to meet the girl?
#1: Is She Ready?
If she’s a girl who isn’t serious about getting to know you on a deeper level, then introducing her to your family will be like introducing her to all your innermost tender feelings. Either you’ll be consigned to the friend-zone, or she’ll be gone (with one exception that we’ll discuss later).
On the other hand, if she already secretly wants your babies, then she’s going to be all over your family like a rash, even if she just meets them in passing. Your mum will ask about her in front of the next ten girls.
For most girls, it’ll be somewhere in between, and you need to adapt your strategy accordingly. If you invite her over to dinner with your folks before she’s even thought about it, then she’ll think you’re a needy wimp. If she’s super keen and you make endless excuses (or unconvincing claims that you’re an orphan), she’ll think you’re an untrustworthy player. As is always the case with women, it’s better to err on the side of untrustworthy player. That way you’re mysterious and attractive and a box of chocolates away from assuaging all her doubts.
However, there’s a foolproof way of dealing with this balancing act: let her tell you when she’s ready. You will want this conversation to arise organically, so don’t push the issue. Don’t mention family unless the conversation demands it, and certainly don’t drop any hints. Feel free to ask her about her family experiences, but only to get to know her better. Don’t show any particular interest in the lives of her family members.
When she’s ready she will tell you in one of three ways:
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She’ll ask you to meet her family, at which point she will expect you to reciprocate before long.
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She’ll start dropping hints and asking questions, showing interest in your family members for their own sake.
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My own personal anti-favorite: she’ll outright nag you to meet them.
(Disclaimer: These three are by far the most common cases, but be aware that if the girl is very shy and/or very unsure of your commitment to her, she might say nothing, or just drop very subtle hints. In this case, you’re just going to have to make an educated guess. As you’ll see though, there’s not much risk in asking, if you ask right.)
#2: Are They Ready?
This one is much trickier, and really, the whole enterprise hinges on your family’s readiness. To succeed you must realize that you cannot wait for your family to get ready by themselves, you must prepare them.
If some or all of your family normally treats you badly, don’t imagine they’re going to magically improve when you have a girl with you. Even if they’re usually pretty cool, they may still embarrass you if they’re unprepared. You need to control their expectations.
Every interaction you have ever had with your family built some kind of expectation in them. And any man who violates other people’s expectations, especially when trying to improve himself, is in for some unpleasant treatment. Like crabs in a bucket, people will try to pull others down if they see someone with ideas above their station. It’s sometimes unconscious, sometimes well-meaning, but totally inevitable. It’s human nature.
And families are especially guilty, for two reasons. Firstly, they have very clear and very reinforced expectations, since they’ve had so many interactions with you. And secondly, they know just where to hit you where it hurts. So if your folks expect you to be a mute loser and suddenly you’re trying to be talkative and confident and charming, it won’t be long before someone mentions that time you wet the bed at Christmas aged 11.
To avert this sort of disaster, you need to deliberately shape your family’s expectations every time you see them. Reinvent yourself as necessary. Stop joking around with your brother if he’s not funny. Tell your mom to mind her own business. Don’t do it half-heartedly or you’ll be crushed. Don’t attempt to do it slowly by degrees, that won’t work either. Come out swinging, like your manhood depends on it (it does!).
A very useful tactic is to imagine that an audience of cute girls is watching you every time you’re with your family. That way you’ll make damn sure they see you as a confident, high-value man with strong romantic interest in beautiful women.
That last point is crucial. Even if your family knows you’re a great guy, don’t let them imagine you’re romantically timid or they’ll cause you problems when the chips are down. Drop a few casual remarks about girls you’re seeing (real or imagined). Remark that so-and-so is drop dead gorgeous. It’ll be easier than you think: everyone secretly enjoys the vicarious excitement of chasing girls, and they’ll secretly enjoy it all the more when you bring home a babe.
Re-branding yourself to your family is a difficult task, and there’s much more of the topic to cover. But it is hugely rewarding. An unshakeable confidence comes from knowing that you’ve carved your place in the tribe. Especially if the tribe can be real assholes.
(I don’t like to be defeatist, but in a moment I have some advice on what to do if you haven’t totally succeeded with this.)
More Preparation
You’ve primed your family. The girl has told you she’s ready...
Now don’t make the mistake of inviting her right away! Doing what she wants as soon as she wants it is letting her lead the relationship. That’s a recipe for a failure. Sit tight for at least a week, and then wait to have a conversation. Something like this:
Her: “What are you doing on Saturday?”
You: “My family are having a barbecue, I might go to that.”
If she responds with anything like “Ooh I love barbecues!” or “Ooh that sounds awesome!”, then it’s problem solved, and you tell her she can come if she likes. Don’t make a big deal out of extending the invitation. If she doesn’t take the bait, it’s wash rinse repeat as you deem appropriate. Don’t rush.
The girl might ask you about your family. Answer her questions, but don’t be desperate to engage in girly gossip. Suppress the urge to say how awesome/awful your family is. Tell her casually. Clearly communicate that you won’t get even slightly worked up about the event.
This is especially true if you think your family could cause you stress. If (despite your best efforts) you still think your brother is liable to make a hundred jokes about your height, or your grandmother has a good chance of getting drunk as a skunk, then you need to play it cool.
Strike a note of calm detachment and slight pity when warning your girl of any family problems. Frame it in a way which suggests that you’ve come to terms with your family’s character flaws and love them still. If you’re a scoundrel, you can do this no matter how outrageously it mischaracterizes your family. Don’t worry if your dad is still furious about the way you punched Great Aunt Edith in the face last Thanksgiving. Just say something wistful like: “My dad was stifled by his strict upbringing; it’s a shame he won’t ever come to terms with my creative energies.”
In contrast, there is absolutely no need to tell your family anything about the girl. An untimely “George never stops talking about you!” could cast a serious shadow on your prospects, even if untrue. You can breeze past any social difficulty provided you haven’t handed them the rope with which to hang you.
Crunch Time
You’ve just (casually) introduced the girl to your family. How do you take it from here?
There are three methods you’re going to use to attract your girl:
1. Confidence and Social Prowess
You’re going to be all confidence and poise the entire time that you are around your family, because that’s the way you are with them now. She’s going to notice how cool and strong you are, and how easily you handle social situations.
You will play along with this script at all costs. If your family is weird, embarrassing, angry, drunk, insane, or all of the above, you will respond to them with a calm shrug and direct a knowing smile towards your girl.
Demonstrating a strong or dominant social presence for a short time in a group of strangers will impress a girl, and she’ll probably think you’re attractive. But demonstrating a strong or dominant social presence amongst your family is proof that you’re permanently strong and dominant with the people who know you best. That’s truly impressive.
2. Creating a Bubble
You can create a powerful sense of intimacy by having private moments with her. Almost invariably you’ll have a brief chance to talk about another person, and that will do the trick nicely. If your family is embarrassing you or her, then all the better. You can rise above it and observe the disaster going on around you, and this way it’s you-and-your-girl-against-the-world. Ladies love this dynamic, because they get to play the supportive, girly confidante role while still being entertained by social drama.
A less PG-rated method of creating a sense of intimacy is to get hands-on with her when nobody’s looking. This can be enormously fun, provided of course she’s not too straight-laced. Use sparingly.
With girls who just want to have sex with you, covert groping is the only appealing aspect of meeting your family. Talk beforehand about how you’ll do it, and do it all day. If you’re feeling dangerous and think of an innuendo during group conversation, you can always slip it in ;)
3. Including Her
If your family is cool, and they are friendly and welcoming to her, then she will want to be a part of it. And like a good wingman, your family can act as a demonstration of how high-value you are. For example, if your mom says “He’s such a good boy, he always calls his mother”, then she knows you can be caring (note that you needn’t worry about coming off as needy: she doesn’t know you will be caring towards her). Just make sure not to act embarrassed.
Here’s a bonus for families with babies: all girls love babies on some level. If you can be seen for a short time holding or playing with a baby, without looking terrified that you’re going to break it, the girl is going to be fantasizing about having your babies in no time. The sting in the tail here is that you’ll have to be a man of iron to resist everyone (possibly including your girl) insisting you change a nappy/look after it for half an hour. No, no, a thousand times no.
Pitfalls
There are still traps to avoid.
First, even within your family, there can be jostling for social position. If a male in your family is being particularly strong on the jokes or compliments, he could upstage you in front of your girl. This is certainly annoying, but less to worry about than the guy at the club. Your best bet is to laugh along, and if it gets too heavy just whisk her off to somewhere quiet (with or without a good excuse).
On rare occasions the girl may seemingly betray you and join in with whatever belittling/flirting is going on. Sometimes just to be a bitch and see how you react, sometimes because she’s desperate to get close to you through your family. Either way, your best bet is not to take it too seriously. If it’s the former case, then nonchalance is all you need to pass her test. If it’s the latter, then she’ll warm up to you again as soon as you’re in the car.
Finally, if you repeatedly bring girls to family occasions, there will eventually be some tedious buzzkill who tries calling you out, “Hey George, yet another girl?!” Nine times out of ten this won’t hurt you at all. If the girl is particularly sensitive, assume the briefest of hurt expressions, and reassure her later.
Conclusion
That’s everything you need to mix your family with your girl and come out covered in kisses. Use your new knowledge wisely. My next article will prime you for hitting the clubs with your mum...
George
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