If you ever watch good verbal movie seductions – like, say, one featuring Sean Connery or George Clooney – you’ll notice there’s often a moment when the male suddenly cuts all the cute stuff, leans in, and says something that locks the tension in and dials it up through the roof.
This is usually the moment of the seduction when you smile to yourself and say, “Wow, he’s good.”
Sometimes when one of these men do this, the woman in question is going off on a tangent, or rambling, or even panicking.
And then he just hushes her up, leans in, drops a little word bomb on her, and the tension goes through the roof.
If they’re somewhere private, they may start kissing... then disrobing. If they’re in public, the tension might be thick enough to chop with a meat cleaver (and the man will follow it up either by lightening the mood a bit to avoid cresting emotions too high and causing the spell to break... or by pulling her somewhere private, if it’s an option).
For the sake of discussing this technique more easily, I’m going to call the phrases the male uses ‘tension locks’; there are four (4) of them, they can be really effective, and best of all, you needn’t be a movie star or a master seducer to use them.
You just need to know what they are, and when to put them into play.
When It’s Just About to Go Off the Rails
... that’s when you use these things.
A ‘tension lock’ works best when a woman is just about to do one of the following things:
- Reject you or dismiss you
- Babble too much, begin feeling overly self-conscious, then eject
- Start reducing some tension you’ve built up (sexual or otherwise)
What makes the move such a powerful one is it’s a pattern interrupt, and an especially potent one at that because of how forcefully it rejects her frame.
However, it doesn’t reject her frame in a negative way. Instead, it does it in a forceful and mutual one; it says, “No, I am not going to let you kill this interaction or walk away from me. We’re going to dial it up more, instead.”
It’s an imposition, of sorts. And a reversal.
She expected it to go one way. Then, suddenly, you step in, take the power out of her hands, assume the lead, and direct the whole thing an entirely different way.
And if there’s one thing that makes a woman’s breath quicken like little else, it is an attractive, powerful, dominant man taking the lead from her right when she’s getting a little too flighty or a little too uppity or a little too stuck-in-the-mud, and showing her the path toward the two of them enjoying a romantic, sensual, and quite possibly (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime connection, while she protests but in vain.
And if you don’t believe women absolutely love this, and adore every minute of it, go read a romance novel.
What the Connection Must be Like
There’s
only one thing mandatory for this to work: she must have at least hoped you were or could be a strong, attractive
man for her.
You could’ve flubbed your opening line and pelted her with boring and tryhard early conversation. She might be about to leave frustrated and annoyed at what a let-down this conversation has been. That’s fine.
But she must have at least hoped, in some part of her heart, when
you walked up, that you were going to be that man. The one that makes her
go, “Whoa, this is the man I got out of bed this morning hoping to
meet.”
She doesn’t necessarily need to have shown this to you. Just hoped it.
If she didn’t hope that, the tension lock won’t work. You’ll just be some guy she’s not into throwing words at her trying to change her mind when her mind’s already set.
How do you give her that little hopeful spark at the beginning?
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Fundamentals are a big part of it. The better yours are handled, the more women you’ll give that feeling to
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Other environmental factors, like her seeing you preselected or with lots of social proof, or her witnessing you displaying authority in some way or another, all can work
Generally, you’re going to know you can use this because there’ll be a point in the interaction where it feels like you and her are absolutely clicking... and then she’ll start pulling away or self-sabotaging.
That’s your signal to pull out a tension lock. It was getting warm, and then... suddenly it start slipping.
Before it slips, you get in there and lock that tension into place.
The Four (4) Tension Locks
To use a tension lock, right as she’s just about to tell you it was great to meet you or otherwise dial it down or ruin the moment, you stop her (you might raise a hand or a finger here to signal for her to stop), lean in, and use one of the following:
- “Let me ask you…”
- “Tell me…”
- “You know…”
- “I’ve just realized…”
There might be other ones,
but be careful, because a lot of things you’d think could be tension locks (“I’ve
noticed something about you…”, “I want to make you a bet…”) actually
end up being tougher or impossible to get to have the same effect.
“I’ll tell you…” might be another one, but again, that one’s tougher to
string a good tension lock together with; it’s too much ‘you commanding
her’ and much less of an intriguing interactive conversation. Her
guard’s going to be up.
After you say it, you pause – a pregnant pause – and tell her what you’re going to tell her.
The pause is IMPORTANT.
It’s where much of the tension comes from. You’re completely rejecting
her frame and sucking her into a new one. You want to get her wondering
here just how you’re going to justify pulling this off. You’re putting
on a bit of a show for her here; think of it as a cliffhanger. What IS he going to say?
What you’ll say after the pause: you want this to be somewhat profound. Don’t worry if it’s not the most profound thing in the world. The important thing is not the message, per se; it’s the act.
The act of stopping her mid-rejection or self-sabotage, and pulling her right back in. The act of showing her you know what you’re doing with girls, in no uncertain terms.
It’s a cool little technique. It gives you a second chance, and that’s good; it stops a girl from leaving, or from blowing herself up.
However, the real power is not the second chance, it’s the second
chance with her now viewing you as this powerful dude who’s able to
stop her and command her and override her rambling or her dismissal of
you, and that’s just mighty.
What to Say After the Tension Lock
If you’re not sure what you can use after the tension lock, use a cold read based on something you’ve noticed about her. Cold reads about her being more spontaneous or adventurous, or needing to ‘let go’ (there’s a reason women love that Frozen song so much), generally work pretty well here.
Examples:
Her: I should probably... [about to leave]
You: [lean in, sexy smile] I just realized... you really don’t ever let go, do you? You have all this armor up. What are you hiding from?
Her: I... um... nothing..?
You: Wait, come here; sit down with me. Actually, let’s stand; let’s get an ice cream. Do you like ice cream?
Her: I... yeah, I like ice cream.
You: Then let’s get one. And I want you to tell me about what you look like underneath all this armor you have on.
That’ll work well if she seems a little stiff or a little
standoffish; if your read is basically “She likes me, but she’s not
comfortable letting herself chat with a stranger”, this’ll usually
server you well.
Here’s a similar one, for a girl behaving similarly to the first:
Her: Well anyway, I... [about to say she’s leaving]
You: [hold up hand, interrupting her] Tell me... when’s the last time you really let yourself go wild and do something crazy... maybe even dangerous?
Her: Umm... like what do you mean?
You: [now you either ask for investment, or go into a role-play; I’ll opt for the role-play here] I think we need to steal away somewhere exotic, right now. Maybe charter a plane to the Congo. Or at least grab a hot chocolate and take a stroll through the park.
Her: I don’t know. I’m...
You: I don’t want to hear it. You know that rule book you live your life by? We’re going to throw it out. Just for 20 minutes. Then you can pick it right back up again after. What do you say? Deal?
Here’s one for if she’s babbling too much, and you can tell she’s about 3 seconds from starting to feel self-conscious about dumping too much information on you then self-destructing:
Her: And then I didn’t know what to say and, I don’t know, I just... [rambling]
You: Let me ask you... you’ve got all these crazy stories. They seem like they’re all about you helping and saving other people though. When do you get to take a break and be the one who gets to get saved and enjoy life?
Her: That’s a good question.
You: Here’s the way I see it: you’ve got this warm, tender soul, and no one ever gets to see it in a nurturing way because you’re always stuck doing the nurturing.
Her: That is kinda true, yeah.
You: I think what you really need is a day off, when you can just take a break from all the drama of your friends, live your life, and be completely free. Don’t you agree? I think you need that.
Her: Totally.
You: Here’s what I propose: you and I are going to go for a walk, right now. We’re going to get some fresh air, maybe grab some food from one of the street vendors if there’s something that smells good and looks delicious, and those crazy friends of yours, we’re going to try to forget them, just for a little while.
Her: Okay.
These are just a few examples to give you the general feel for how
this works. You’ve probably seen it in movies, and it usually follows
the same formula:
- You interrupt her before
she can say what she means to say
- You deliver the tension lock
- You pause
- You ask her a question based on something you’ve noticed about her
- [optional, but recommended] You lead into proposing something,
right now
Should You Go Out of Your Way to Use This?
This is a great piece of tech that really establishes you as this sexy, powerful, dominant guy for her, who really gets her and is looking out for her and knows her possibly deeper than she even knows herself. It’s strong.
However, it’s kind of dependent on the conversation just twisting and turning its way to this point where she’s about to dismiss you or blow herself up in it. You can’t always control that. You can certainly get better about directing your conversations this way if you specifically want to use this technique, but it’s more of a firefighting tactic than it is a proactive attraction-building one.
Considering too that there’s no guarantee it’s going to go off as expected (you’ll still get plenty of girls who will think about it a moment, then say, “No, I can’t, I’ve got to [whatever they’re going to do]” – sometimes you can break out the hard push and get them to come along anyway, sometimes not), it’s a little too risky to rely on as a regular part of your process.
However, for dealing with a good interaction that’s about to go belly up, keep the tension lock in your back pocket; it’s handy in a pinch.
The girls you do use it on, and use it successfully on, will tend to think you stepped off of the silver screen. Makes for some really fun interactions.
One caveat: as for any tech that comes packing this much of a “this must be destiny” punch, where the girl is just in awe at how you pulled off that crazy thing you pulled off, be careful not to boyfriend-zone yourself. It’s important you keep building the sexual tension and using your chase frames or sex talk after you execute this little maneuver, and that you let her know through other ways that you are not boyfriend material.
Unless you want to go the boyfriend route (which you can; just use date compression).
Because
when you’re this
awesome, if she feels like she has a shot to, she’s typically going to
want to get you to stick around.
Just remember, you’re using a pattern interrupt that rejects her frame (where she’s either giving you the boot or dialing things down, or she’s running off rambling and you aren’t stopping her) and imposes a new frame where you are firmly in charge.
And it does it all in a perceptive, romantic, and fun way that makes her feel good.
You’ll usually know you can use this, and when it’s time to use it,
because the conversation will have been feeling good, like it was
building up to something, and then it will suddenly veer off or begin
to chill off. That’s your sign to tension lock.
The rules of this one are:
- She has to have had at least a spark of hope you could be “that man” for her
- She must be about to reject you, ramble too much, or unravel the tension
- You interrupt her before she can say what she’s going to say
- You deliver your tension lock:
- “Let me ask you…”
- “Tell me…”
- “You know…”
- “I’ve just realized…”
- You pause (very important – need to let that tension build! Make her wonder)
- You ask her a question based on an observation or cold read about her
- Optional, but recommended: you then propose doing something here
and now
And after that, of course, you give her an experience phenomenal
enough it matches all the awesome precedent you just have set!
Chase
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