3 Ways to Handle Women Who Are Attention-Seeking Freaks

She’s super flirty or grinding you on the dance floor. So you reciprocate... but she quickly loses interest. How in blazes does one take these freaky girls to bed?

Hey, guys. Now that I’m done with my series on hooking, I can finally allow myself to move on to my next project. However, for now, I’ve decided to spend a bit of time responding to some great questions from our readership.

Here is one of those questions, from Lawliet:

When a girl makes a direct statement of interest or sexual flirting, such as:

    Her: “I did something sexy today.”

    You: “What did you do?”

    Her: “I’ll show you.”

    Her: *sits on your face*

Or this happens through role play over text – you get the idea.

When they talk like that in person, or over text, what is your way of approaching this?

Jump on her? But what if it’s over text? Invite her out?

That feels a little too reactive.

[And when you decide to react]:

    You: *jump on her*

    Her: “Hold your horses, sweetheart, and maybe you’ll get some tonight ;)”

Then we’re stuck there, hung out to dry.

Would love to hear some examples from you on girls taking the sexually aggressive role verbally. How do we not kill the tension while keeping the mating dance going? I honestly love this flirting back and forth.

This is a great question because there is a technical element at play here. I know exactly what type of situation Lawliet is talking about, and if you haven’t seen this yourself, let me illustrate with a more extreme and even more frustrating example.

Introducing “The Freak”

Have you ever been to a club or a social gathering? There you are, it’s fun, you’re having a few drinks. The night seems good, and you’re feeling great. Everything seems to be working out just fine. However, there is one thing that would make the night even better – a nice, beautiful woman to satisfy your needs.

And there she is. She could be described as a femme fatale. Her hair is beautiful, her face is captivating, her eyes are glistening. The way she looks at you is almost as provocative as her clothes. Lots of skin is displayed, and the way she moves communicates one thing: sexuality.

Here she comes, looking at you. She may even come up to you. To your shock, this beautiful, charismatic lady is hitting on you in a rather sexual way. She is not hesitating to touch you, even in the most inappropriate places. Eventually, she grinds against you or touches your dick. Her eyes scream sex. She might even say something dirty.

You’re feeling happy. You think she is one of those freebies – those laid-back, sexual women who give you an easy time and a good bang. You perceive her as a sexual woman. Feeling happy, you make a move. You reciprocate the vibe – in other words, you are reacting to her move – which is usually a bad call, considering you must be the one in charge of leading the process forward. You touch her back, maybe even in an explicit way.

The thing is, you perceive this girl as an “easy deal” or “a secure lay”. Yet, once you start reciprocating this promiscuous vibe, she disappears. She might have seemed interested at first, but now she’s gone – perhaps ignoring you, or flirting with some other guy.

What Happened?

This behavior is something you will see in clubs. A freak, according to pickup community language, is a girl who will use her sexuality to the utmost extreme to gain your attention. Every woman seeks attention, but a freak is one who will primarily use her sexuality and be extremely forward simply to get you to notice her.

And just like any woman, once she sees you as a chump who reacts predictably to her moves, she loses attraction. Again, who is controlling the interaction if you are reacting to her moves in the most obvious way? Wouldn’t every guy react by reciprocating the sexual vibe she imposes? The fact that she imposes it is also alarming here.

Another thing to keep in mind is that these women lose attraction for men who become “easy targets” or are overly compliant with them. These women love strong men who are in control, who can set them straight and ignore their crap. By reciprocating in a needy way, you kill all your chances of succeeding. They love being chased – but they lose attraction for guys who chase them.

This type of woman sees men who react to their crap as weak and unworthy. It’s not that they don’t enjoy the attention you are providing. Oh, they love it – just not the provider.

The “common” version of these women are the ones in clubs who dress promiscuously and may dance sexily, alone or with a friend, or perhaps even kiss their friend (this is lame – if you ever react to two girls kissing, you are just a wimp that women can suck the attention out of).

Guys point at these girls and call them “sluts”. And yet, most of these guys never get to screw any of these women. If you approach a girl like this, you will quickly notice their open sexuality is all a show to grab attention. It is just a play and says very little about whether or not she is a hornier girl than others, or even more sexually open.

As a matter of fact, that nerdy, introverted girl might be more of a sexual woman than those so-called sexual “freaks”. That said, freaks don’t usually screw a higher number of men than any other woman, but they tend to be easy pulls – if you know how to handle them.

And most men don’t. When guys end up with these girls, it’s usually at the end of the night when the freak is fed up with seeking attention and starts desiring dick. In which case, she will just hook up with the best available dick there, and the guy who gets her is usually a beneficiary of luck.

I should mention that even though freaks aren’t necessarily “freakier” in bed than other women, they have a higher chance of being wilder. They also tend to be more open and expressive about their sexuality than other girls.

All Girls Love Attention

And all girls can use sexuality as a means to gain attention from men. This is not shocking news to anyone reading this. The freak is more of an extreme case, and the reason I mention this is that Lawliet asked a question involving a freak.

I mean, a girl sitting on your face is a pretty bold move. But keep in mind that all women can use their sexuality to gain attention from you. The freak is a woman who might use her sexuality – or use it more explicitly – to gain attention from men.

She’s gotten her fill from this guy.

The good news is that no matter who (or what) she is, the solution tends to be the same. This is what we will discuss now: how to respond to women who act in a sexual way towards you. I will briefly discuss some theoretical background on how to deal with such situations, before sharing three pretty simple techniques on how to respond.

How to Deal with Female Sexual Advances

As you have read, reciprocating a woman’s move or vibe is a risky one and usually tends to fail unless you are lucky and she genuinely wanted to hook up with you from the get-go.

So, being reactive to her behavior is usually a bad call. But being overly non-reactive has its pitfalls too. Many would think “be the prize” and ignore her moves, or even outright ignore her. This can work, especially if she is one of those low-self-esteem girls who are desperate to have everybody like them. However, besides the special cases of damaged goods, this doesn’t work for two simple reasons:

1. She has an abundance of guys wanting to play ball. If you don’t want to give her attention, she can go up to ten other guys. Why be so desperate for your attention? There’s an exception here: if she perceives you as a guy of high value – i.e., if you’re a guy who knows everyone in the club or happens to be social proofed – she has a reason to stick to you. Besides that, perhaps being very good looking can help, but not that much. There are probably many good-looking guys willing to play her game.

2. She is behaving in an attention-seeking way but also a sexual way. The sexual component here is the good one. Ignoring her moves would be a form of punishment towards her sexual expression. You want to encourage sexual expression (towards you), not punish it. That’s the frame – she is communicating her sexuality to you. Ignore her, and you break that frame. Unofficially, she intends to get you sucked in so that you can validate her, but you aren’t supposed to know that.

So, we cannot react, and we cannot ignore? What do we do? The solution lies somewhere in between.

Here are three suggestions:

Compliment and Challenge

Basically, you don’t want to punish her for being sexual. Nothing is more likely to destroy the sexual frame and make her feel less inclined to express sexual intent towards you than punishing her for it. So what do you do?

You compliment her or reciprocate the vibe – just barely, not over-the-top – while challenging her at the same time.

You want to communicate a few things:

• That you are not against her showing sexual behavior

• That you are also not overly impressed by her behavior – hence, not a wimp who will fall for her attention-seeking – which is extremely attractive in her eyes

• You challenge her, which makes women chase – especially these women

• Lastly, you push her to extremes of even more sexual behavior. What she is giving you is not enough to impress you. See the frame here? You need more.

Let me give you some examples. There are two ways you can compliment and challenge her. One is by giving her a compliment followed by an explicit challenge.

A girl comes up and starts grinding on you in a sexual way. You might say something like:

• “You are being so sexy, but I know you can do even better.”
• “Those moves are killer. Do you have the spirit to pull them off, or is this just a show?”

Now you’ve given her a compliment with an embedded challenge – the challenge is implied in the compliment itself, such as:

• “That’s nice…” (delivered with an aloof tone)
• “Not bad, my lady, not bad…” (same tonality)

Mixed Signals

Another thing you can do is reciprocate for a few seconds, then take a few steps back. Say she comes up to you and dances with you in a sexual way for a bit. You reciprocate, then you walk away without saying a single word. Make sure you do this before she walks away.

This will put you in control over the frame. Being in control is the key here. If you have control over the frame, you have control over the interaction – and its outcome.

You can do this non-verbally. For example, smile at her, then look at her like you’re checking her out, judging her vibe, and assessing whether she is good enough for you. This is my favorite trick – it works well on the dance floor.

The “I’m done giving you unwarranted attention” head tilt.

You are playing her game for a bit, and she feels a sensation of power. She gets a taste of validation. But suddenly, you walk away. What happens is that you cut out her source of validation. She enjoyed it, and she wants it back. This can make her chase.

You are more prone to chase something you already had a taste of, enjoyed, and lost, rather than things you never had in the first place. To be clear, you don’t walk away far, just two or three steps. Also, you don’t necessarily have to walk away. You can just act aloof with frozen body language, communicating that you don’t really care anymore.

An important thing to note is that, after a few minutes of doing that, you want to re-engage and show sexual interest to avoid auto-rejections – i.e., her feeling rejected or losing hope.

Social Proof and Ignore

I told you that being fully non-reactive was a bad idea earlier. Well, there is one exception – when you have been pre-selected by her. In other words, you have social proof. She has seen you getting interest from other women or knows you have others pursuing you.

The reason you can ignore her fully is that she sees you as a high-value male, a prize to win over, making her pursue you. By ignoring her, you are communicating that you will not fall into her frame. But because of the social proof, she won’t just go to the next guy. No, you are the guy who is worth it, the one she wants.

A woman wants attention from all men, yet some attention is worth more than others – i.e., from men she perceives as attractive, guys she cares about (on an emotional and sexual level, which doesn’t apply when you’re dealing with strangers), and guys who have been seen socially proofed.

Don’t know how to build social proof? Don’t worry – I’ve written plenty about it in the past!

• Using Social Proof to Get Laid: A Report (with Demonstrations)
• Social Proof in Nightclubs: Jumps, Momentum, and Girl Circles
• Hit and Run Social Proof for Girls You Meet at Bars

Now, once you are socially proofed, and you find yourself dealing with one of those girls, you can ignore her for a bit. Most likely, she will try harder to win you over, perhaps by making bold moves, perhaps even telling you she wants to suck you off. Yes, this can happen! Social proof is the magic bullet.

However, be careful not to ignore her too much. Auto-rejection (i.e., her losing hope) is still an issue. At some point, you will have to show interest, so don’t overdo it. How much can you get away with? Unfortunately, that’s a question where the answer belongs to the realm of what can be taught about calibration from experience. Usually, you can get away with a few seconds to a minute, maybe two.

But I would personally prefer a safer route, because once you are socially proofed, you don’t really need to do much to get the girl. When you are socially proofed, your concern should be about the process – i.e., making things happen – rather than focusing on compliance and attraction, which is already there from the social proof. So why introduce more risk?

Recap

Today we discussed how you can deal with those girls who use their sexuality to gain validation from you. They will usually make bold moves on you in hopes that you will reciprocate. However, once you do so, they will run away and ignore you or talk with some other guys. We talked through how to respond to such situations.

The solutions presented covered techniques that would make her feel challenged (i.e., communicating that you’re not going to fall for her crap), yet without punishing her for expressing sexual intent. We also want to avoid the potential auto-rejections that come from the “full ignore, non-reactive” strategy. The solutions presented were:

• Compliment and Challenge
• Mixed Signals
• Social Proof and Ignore

Anyway, that’s all for today. If you have any questions or comments regarding this topic, feel free to post them in the comments section.

I hope you enjoyed this post.

Until next,

Alek