Yes, Hotter Girls are Higher Maintenance | Girls Chase

Yes, Hotter Girls are Higher Maintenance

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a subscriber? Log in here.

hot girls are high maintenance
Hot girls are (usually) higher maintenance. The reason? Higher dating market value means she can demand more – and will.

I had a beautiful, intelligent, ambitious girlfriend in the room with me when I finally got through to the state’s Department of Revenue to ask about a somewhat large tax bill I’d gotten. It was a weird tax situation, where I thought I’d paid all the taxes I owed, and yet I received this letter saying I had back taxes and need to pay now or they were going to come and get me.

So I called the department, got a very nice, jovial guy on the phone, he looked through my record, and was as stumped as I was. He admitted several times my case was outside his usual depth and he suggested I get legal counsel to look at this issue. He was as unsure about whether I actually was legally obligated to pay this tax or not.

Anyway, I got off the phone and my girlfriend, who’d been lying on the bed, said, “Well?” And I said well, the guy at the tax department doesn’t know either. So I can get some legal counsel and see what they have to say. Or I can just pay it and be done with it. Or I could...

And then she flipped out. “You don’t owe that tax. And you would just pay it? I just lost a lot of respect for you,” she told me. And then she stormed out of the room.

I didn’t have a chance to say well wait a second, I think there’s a pretty good chance I actually DO owe this tax. I didn’t get to mention that I just got new information and was in the process of processing my options, and since she asked me immediately she heard Chase thinking out loud.

She simply immediately sprung to, “He shouldn’t have to pay this. I think he is just going to roll over and pay it anyway. Therefore, he is weak. Thus, I am disgusted with him. Why am I with a weak man?”

(for the record, the odds I would actually pay something, no matter how large or small, without making sure I absolutely owed it first are near-zero. But I will not rule out an option until I’ve examined all my options)

I eventually explained the situation, and this girlfriend chilled back out. But not before she’d locked herself in a room to make it impossible for me to resolve the situation with her, leaving me to stew with the negative emotions she’d just dumped on me. Thanks, babe.

You might be thinking Man, that girlfriend sounds like a bitch! Well, every girlfriend I take has a low tolerance for perceived weakness. Yet it’s not just me either... every man I know with a genuinely hot girlfriend deals with stuff like this too. It is not a fluke; it’s a pattern: hotter girls are higher maintenance.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Sz's picture

Chase, what tips could you give me for college game?

Imma head to school and want to have fun!

I know you said you don't have much experience with college, but I'm asking what should I do while I'm there that will increase my fun and lay counts that you would do if you could do college over again.

I think you'll say join a frat, but that is still in the idk category. Let's just say this is without a frat just in case I join.

I've read Hectors articles on this too, just wanted to ask some questions I couldn't find in the articles.

1. Do you think I should lie about my age if asked? Or do you think I should be honest? Or just ignore them?. I wonder how I could ignore them without it looking like I'm too old.

2. Will my older age help me with girls or hurt?
(I'm not super old, but I'm older than them)

3. Think I can still hangout dates even though I'm older?

4. Should I holla at most girls I pass by?

I'm trying to be in the position to get as many lays as possible.

Any advice you could give me to make this a great experience to have fun and get many lays are appreciated.

Chase Amante's picture


My #1 tip is of course "read Hector's series on this" (which you said you already read):

He's the expert. I wish I knew what he did when I was in school.

Peter Fontes's social circle series should also be of great use:

  1. Meeting Women via Social Circle: The Pros and Cons
  2. How to Escalate with Girls in Social Circle
  3. Killer Reputation Management for Your Social Circle
  4. Tapping Your Social Circle to Meet Loads More Girls

... and I have an article on meeting girls in class that might be useful, too.

Your "old guy in college" questions I can't well answer. I remember a few older guys hanging around when I was in college. Seemed kinda weird to me to have a 29-year-old guy at parties where everyone else was 20 to 22, but I dunno how other kids felt. I think some of the girls hooked up with those guys. All I can tell you for sure is "test!" If you do not get good results with one approach, try another.

4. Should I holla at most girls I pass by?

If you're going to go the super social friendly guy route, could work. You'd need to chat up men as well though, not just women. If you're just going to hit on any girl who crosses paths with you, it'll get old real fast, and you'll probably have campus representatives tell you to knock it off. I suggest you use targeted approaches on campus. Look for approach invitations, and when you approach, be chill about it.

As for the age thing...

I'm around people who feel life is over after 30, you're just old. If you try to stay fit and fuck girls, youre just trying to fit in be cool, not take responsibility, and not grow up, that's for 30, I don't want to mention going up.

For most people in the West, their twenties are their fuck-around years. Once they hit their thirties, they've started to get their shit together. So yeah, you're going to look somewhat stunted if you're talking with other people the way you talk on here in these comments.

Ever see Napoleon Dynamite? I suspect you'd resonate really well with Uncle Rico. Sort of stuck in the past / trying to relive / go back to it, caught in this loop, etc. But the worst part about him is that he advertises it constantly.

Staying fit and shagging girls is not immature. But my guess is you are talking to people about it.

Guys who are nineteen talk to all their buddies about hooking up with girls. Guys in their thirties just hook up with girls if they're going to hook up with girls and don't go talking about it excitedly or hopefully. They're used to it. It is not some new, novel thing.

I suspect the problem you're running into is not what you are after, but that you are advertising it the same way a much younger guy would. Which makes you seem incongruous to your age - almost like you've had arrested development or something.

I suggest you be a lot more chill and quit advertising you're trying to do now what other guys were trying to do 10 years earlier than you. Just act like you're already a boss, while you continue to pursue your goals. And the heat should come off.


Sz's picture

How do you feel about getting older Chase?

I'm around people who feel life is over after 30, you're just old. If you try to stay fit and fuck girls, youre just trying to fit in be cool, not take responsibility, and not grow up, that's for 30, I don't want to mention going up.

All people talk about is settling down, and that's ok, but they make it seem like the fun is over. You just start a family and get fat.

I don't hang with a lot of these people, but a big majority says it, and dann they make me feel bad every year I get older.

I keep fighting the thoughts, but hearing this from so many people makes it hard.

I just wanted to know you're thoughts on life after 30 and even beyond because some people complain about 40s, 50s, 60s 70s 80s 90s 100s+, you get the point.

I even went on a website from some pick up guy. he was saying how hard everything is when you get older in your and 40s, and even said you have to pay for pussy when you're in your 40s and 50s because a girl won't be attracted to you if you were in your 20s or 30s.

Anyway, just wanted your viewpoint on it.

Sz's picture

This isn't a question :)

The funny thing Chase is that im the complete opposite in real life. I don't let people see or know what goes through my head, I learned that a long time ago. I look like such a strong dude to people, they think I'm fuckin girls left and right, and that I got a lot of money. That's why i go so crazy when I write to you because people say these good things about me, when I don't have the shit. It's like wtf!!!!!!

I don't mean to ask a bazillion questions, but there's stuff you tell me that I never would find out.

Like the talking stuff, I thought I had to force myself to talk, when I hate that shit, being my blunt, straight to the point self is what I want to do.

It's really funny to me when I read my comments to myself, i really sound like a lame ass, but in the real world, I'm very laid back and no one could guess I stress what I stress about. That's a good thing I can tell you.

It drives me crazy how what people think it is, but it's not what it is. It's good people think high of me, but it sucks when I can't make it happen for me.

I do give off the vibe of not marrying or having kids until I'm ready 40s or later. I have said thus before as well, but that's just it.

The people that say this to me say it because of my age, it's like they expect me to do what they do.

A random girl told me, it's time to start a family, another person told me I was too old to club.

I never said a thing to them, but they know my age from a bday or something.

Lol I'm not some lame dude running around saying, "I'm about to fuck 100 girls in a year" lmao.

Even when I was 19, I was chill. But I guess the comment section to me is an outlet to discuss about what's in my head, that I don't speak about in person.

When I read the comments that I write, it looks like a really lame dude. Which I'm really not, I'm one of the most chilled guys ever.

I'm not trying to re live the past. I'm just trying to make a better future and use your site for to build skills that I had no idea I could build.

I'm making up for lost opportunities mostly, all the girls I was picky with. That was my main problem, so I regret it and now I want to sleep with as many women as I can. I want to be in the best shape that I can, be healthy as I can, have as much money as I can.

I'm just gonna relax now, and get to how I really am. Like I said before, people expect big things from me, they see me as a winner so I gotta win. I gotta have the flyest shit, fuck alot of women, make a lot of money.

All I want to do Chase is to make up for all of the opportunities that I missed and get what I feel I should have and what everyone thinks I have.

Anyway just wanted to let you know you helped me realize that I'm a complete different person on here and I want to be chill at all times.... Like A Boss.

Chase Amante's picture

Glad to hear it, SZ.

Just remember: even if you think you aren't letting on you are a certain way, if you are that way on the inside, it bleeds out. People can smell it.

So whatever you've got going on inside, that's what people will be picking up on.

Ultimately, you want your internals and externals to match.

If you are chill everywhere, then exactly right - they ought to match!


JJ's picture

Hey Chase!

Quick question because I know you're a busy guy. With hotter girls do you still recomened only showing the lover value until you've slept with her? Or would such a high value girl screen out someone who can only give her sexual value as opposed to all four pillars you mentioned in the article? Thanks for your time!

Chase Amante's picture


Great question!

My experience has been (and research into hooking up shows) that girls with higher sexual market value are much more stringent about whom they hook up with. They look for higher SMV men for hookups as well as dating. So as her SMV goes up, it becomes increasingly important that she recognizes you as a high SMV male as well.

The lover-provider disconnect still applies. If it is not clear what role she should put you in, you run into competing objectives: part of her wants you as a lover, part of you wants you as a partner, and none of her can make up her mind about you. So if you're going for a hookup, you are still best to fall into just the lover box.

But this doesn't mean you need to be the scruffy lover with no redeeming mate value. Juan Antonio from Vicki Cristina Barcelona or Thomas Moore from The Saint are good examples of high SMV men, with money, resources, etc., who nevertheless plant themselves firmly into the 'lover' categories.

So, the short answer would be: as her SMV goes up, so must yours. But you must still mind the boxes you let her put you in, and stay out of the boyfriend box (unless you're fine with the multi-date path to sex).


GeneralFap's picture

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.

Cacc's picture

Hey Chase,

I want to know if I'm doing something wrong.

I'm trying to approach girls and I'm running into this situation religiously.

A cute girl would be walking towards me, she'd make eye contact from afar and when we start getting closer she'll do something like pretend to use her phone or look to the ground to release the tension. In fact most women I make eye contact with seem to do the latter.

Am I scaring these girls? I'm walking like you say we should walk, I'm 6'1 in height, have light facial hair and olive skin. However, plenty of dudes in the area are way manlier and scarier in appearance than me, which tells me it's not my appreance. But still.

I have never been called scary, however I've been called attractive plenty of times.

So, I guess everything is pointing towards just being intimidatingly attractive, but im not sure.

Why can't these girls handle the tension? Do you experience things like this Chase?

Chase Amante's picture


What are you doing after you lock eyes with them?

Do you smile at them? Or even give them little waves?

Or do you just give them the laser eye contact and stay locked on target? :)

If the latter, that is why; laser eye contact without friendly expressions feels like a potential challenge. She wants to avoid staring too long into the eyes of a serious-looking stranger, lest he take that as a threat and come confront her.

If you are being friendly, you can troubleshoot your eye contact... try breaking to the site, then looking back and smiling.

One other thing to try is the check-out; once she notices you looking at her, run your eyes down and up her body, then make eye contact again and smile. This works best with bedroom-ish eyes and a sexy smirk/smile, so she knows you're being impish with her.


Cacc's picture

Yeah I was definitely not showing friendliness. Silly me.

Should the smile be a sexy one like how you teach it, or more of a nice guy smile? Basically, how much is enough to let her know I'm friendly?

Chase Amante's picture


Thought that was it ;)

Start with warm & friendly, just to get used to smiling on eye contact.

Once you have a baseline doing that, you can start experimenting with sly, sexy, flirty, etc., smiles.

You'll find some girls respond really well to the latter, but more girls respond positively to friendly. Bit of a calibration element to it. So start with the one you'll get a broader good reaction to, then play around and calibrate as you get more comfortable with it.


Cacc's picture


I'm grateful. Telling me that helped me discover a lot of my actions were coming across as challenging and somewhat confrontational.

I was closed off and got closed off reactions. I'm trying to drop all that now and becoming open and adding value.

I'm already seeing a difference. It was like the change of mindset changed my body language completely, and what a difference it has made in the way people treat me in just a day.


Washington Trees's picture

hey chase, when you say "hot girls" and girls with higher mate value, are you including the naturally beautiful girls, the ones who are just pretty as is and not like dressed as "hot"?

i remember asking you a comment about them before, and i was astounded that some of
these girls went for some other guys that didn't meet my expectation of mate value and you said appearances matter less when people know each other. i don't have much experience with these girls except for a few but most of them seem so low maintanance.

I worked with two of these kind of naturally pretty girls, and one of them was naturally pretty, a little on the thicker side, but she wore her hair in a bun, little makeup, charismatic and fun - we had initial attraction even when i had medicore fundamentals/before GC but i mucked it up with her by not moving fast enough :/ - but she seemed so low maintenance, like i'm not like the strongest, or a very confident guy at all, like medium at best and there were a lot more confident/louder/more dominant guys i worked with but maybe we had a spark/+ i think i come across as cooler....and the other girl i worked with was like this too, except her boyfriend was high social status/fraternity president but even she was so sweet and nice, a little neurotic tho ahha.

maybe it's because i wasn't these girls' boyfriend they were low maintenance with me?

anyways I ask because these girls are the kind of girls i want to date/marry eventually and why i read gc/practice and i don't like high maintenance girls like the one in the example, so what maintenance are these kinds of girls? i was talking about specifically the girls from "hottest, coolest girls" reference. cause even when i get approach invitations from some of these kinds of girls, some of them are so cool you know, like chill at least from their vibes. so these are the girls im shooting for as i work on myself.

also thanks for ideas on my summer free-time questions last week
-i have been starting to hit the gym, 3x a week. it is hard to stay disciplined
-im already skinny-thin so i don't really have fat on my face there
-im not sure what else to do from your points, i was thinking of the vision board but im more into short term/right now stuff at least for now. i'll see


Chase Amante's picture


Happy to see you hitting the gym. Do hope you'll stick with it! The gains you can make from even a few months of hitting the gym religiously three days a week are worth the work.

Yes, that's the thing with maintenance - very hard to tell from the outside. Most girls work to present themselves as sweet, pleasant people to those they know socially... and especially to men they're courting or keeping in their back pockets! You're unlikely to see maintenance from the outside with most girls. It's only once you start dating them - or spend a lot of time around them + their boyfriends - when you can really evaluate how they are in relationships.

And, at least in this article, I was using 'hot' in the more general sense of 'attractive'; really targeting high sexual mate value women overall. That will usually include 'hot' women (makeup, hair, dress, etc.) and naturally beautiful women, too. However, some hot and some beautiful girls are only moderate SMV, rather than on the high side. Depends what else they have going on, and how they perceive themselves, as well.


Washington Trees's picture

thanks chase,

yea sticking with gyming is harder than it seems. i rationalize me out of going to the gym which is hard sometimes

that makes sense, women expecting more from their boyfriends as a man than just guys they talk to or flirt with. hopefully i can experience it first hand if i can get these kinds of girls ;)

i was rereading the article, when you talk about maintanenace are you talking about just tests or expecting guys to be strong in general? what exactly does a girl being high maintanenace mean? I don't have much experience in relationships if you couldn't tell.

you kind of answered this question too but what exactly constitutes mate value? beauty, ambition? i thought it would be relative? cause i know i don't value some of the girls my friends like as much as they do


Chase Amante's picture

Washington Trees-

"Maintenance" overall is the general upkeep you need to do to keep a girl satisfied in a relationship. The whole GISS system, for instance... she will test you any time any of those elements is out of whack. Like security - higher mate value girls demand more security and are more sensitive to declining security than lower mate value girls are.

A woman's mate value is determined in part by her appearance. But there's a lot that goes into it. Sexiness - which is different from raw appearance - has a big effect. Personality has a big effect. Ambition, education, career can all have big effects. The effects of each element differ from guy to guy, too. For instance, if a guy works as a window tinter and prefers to date women who make less money than he does, he will be much more excited about a girl who is a secretary than he will a girl who is a lawyer.

For the purposes of this article, the mate value to pay attention is what a woman's overall mate value is, as assessed by the various different people she encounters. So while her value may be higher or lower to YOU, what effects her behavior most is how in-demand she is in her present environment. If you take a girlfriend, then move with her to a city with an overabundance of beautiful women, her relative mate value decreases, she'll be more pliant with you, and will reduce her demands on the relationship (lower maintenance costs). Conversely, if you take the same girl and move somewhere women are scarce, and the few women who are there are unattractive, and there are lots of attractive men there who want her, her relative mate value increases, and she'll start to require a lot more maintenance out of you in the relationship.

So, what you're really looking at is what is her overall relative mate value in the environment she spends most of her time in, and this will tell you to a certain degree of accuracy how high or low maintenance you should expect her to be.


Jimbo's picture

Interesting to see that good genetics are correlated with masculinity and male sexiness. The study you linked to added: "Good gene indicators are hypothesized to include masculinity, physical attractiveness, muscularity, symmetry, intelligence, and “confrontativeness”"

My understanding is that what we mean by "good genes" are simply genetics that make someone highly likely to survive and pass on in its genes in a given environment. Though I'm failing to see how things like masculinity, sexiness, symmetry, and physical attractiveness make one much likelier to be genetically fit. I know those things are just "hypothesized" but still.

Chase Amante's picture


Yeah, it's an interesting term, huh?

It's basically an evolutionary psychology term. Which means it's an interesting theory, but you can only get at it indirectly. You can show that women value certain traits, for instance. But it's much harder to show why they value them. One hypothesis is "they're picking guys with 'good genes'."

The reason these traits are considered 'good genes' can be either that they signal or contribute to health, or they contribute to mating success. So for instance, body symmetry is a factor of health and stress while young. The less healthy someone is and the more stressed he is as a child, the less symmetrical he is as an adult, and the more health problems he runs into as an adult as well. But symmetry isn't universal; there are some societies in which asymmetry is more prized than symmetry (maybe as a sexual selection signal?). And in the West, asymmetric individuals often become sex symbols, like Marilyn Monroe or Ryan Gosling (both of whom have loads of facial asymmetry).

Facial good looks are positively tied to intelligence. They're also a sign of 'averageness' - the best looking individual is the one whose face is the closest to the average of all the faces in a population. So such a person is presumably a safe middle-of-the-road bet, looks-wise. Sexiness increases the reproductive potential of the children you have (e.g., if you're a sexy guy, and you give her sexy sons, her sons with you are a lot more likely to knock up more chicks and spread her genes further than if she makes babies with an unsexy guy). Masculinity has lots of benefits, like supremacy in social groups (leading to more resources, alliances, and higher survivability). You can probably think of other reasons these qualities might be beneficial, too.


Jimbo's picture

I guess that makes sense. Thanks for responding!

John Greco's picture

Hey Chase,

For starters, eye-opening article once again man, and your story-telling is impeccable in this one.

So the thing is, I'm always wondering how do you approach a woman that she is famous, like an actress,singer,athlete etc? I think the dynamic would be different since you can't play it like you don't know her, it might seem try-hard, but if you play it like you know her, you're framing yourself like a fan not a lover.

I don't know if any of you have experience with famous girls and if it's worth it, but it would be fun to write an article (or a series ;) ) about flirting and dating celebrities.

John Greco

Chase Amante's picture


Well... not sure I'd have enough for a full article on the subject at the moment. But I'll add it to the queue (think we have it in there already, actually). And I'll share a few tips here.

First, your approach depends mightily on what kind of status you're coming in with!

If she's famous and you're a man on the street, my recommendation is to treat her like you don't know her. Treat her like any other chick, she's just a stranger, and so are you. It'll be refreshing for her. And it'll be relieving to you.

Famous people get tired of running into people who feel like they know them so well, but who don't actually know THEM as people... and who are in any event strangers to the famous person. It's a weird dynamic. When she's famous and she meets a regular cool guy, and he's cool with her and doesn't act like he knows her, it's a rare, awesome experience for her.

If she asks you if you know who she is, you can just give her the, "Uhhh, no... should I?" look. If she says the movie or show or whatever, and you know it, you can be like, "Oh yeah, that's a good show. You're on there?" When she says yeah, you can be like cool, that seems like it'd be a good gig. And then just move onto other convo / change the topic fairly quick. Like if she told you she worked for Deloitte or something. Think how someone who met stars all the time would act, and act that way. e.g., you won't be asking her, "So how'd you get that gig?" or, "What's it like working with so-and-so?" for instance, because those questions position you as a clueless outsider.

There's a reason stars hook up with their body guards and managers and makeup artists and backup dancers... they're some of the only people who don't treat them like zoo animals when they meet them. If you want to date a star, you need to be more like her barber than her fan.

If you end up getting hitched you can always tell her on your tenth anniversary that you knew who she was all along and have a good laugh about it. Otherwise, won't matter if you fib a bit about not knowing her ;)


John Greco's picture

Yeah, great points man. If she is REALLY famous like I don't know Scarlett Johansson( Okay, I know I took it a bit too far but you never know) and she says something like :

Scarlett: " don't know my name..?"

Maybe it would work well to respond with something like:

Chase : "Well...I know your name..and I've seen a couple of your movies...but apart from that, we don't really know each other, so let's treat us this way."


Chase Amante's picture


Yeah, that's a weird one.

I'm going to speculate a bit here, which I don't normally like doing. But it's a rare enough scenario that no one's actually going to be experienced doing this (except Jeff Goldblum, maybe? There's actually video of him doing street stops, presumably in LA. But I guess he's in the reverse situation)... so I'll speculate a little here.

My first instinct is to say you'd be best off with a "I don't know, you seem familiar... did we go to school together? (shrug) oh well..." sort of response. But if you actually know the chick really well (from her movies, etc.), you'll likely have too many tells to pull that off convincingly.

My suspicion is there's probably not a good way to do this from a straight up cold approach scenario, unless you're totally unshaken and can credibly deliver a "you seem kinda familiar... (shrug)" line.

The problem with a "let's act like we're both strangers" approach is she already knows you know who she is, but she doesn't know who you are. Which means unless you're coming in with some kind of sky high value already, she's already on the pedestal for you (relative to where you are for her). Otherwise you wouldn't be talking to her (you already know who she is; at that point, you're only going to talk to her if you value her). You can pretend you're both strangers, but she knows you aren't.

And you don't want to do the I'm-also-valuable thing, like, "Oh, you don't know who I am... I'm John Greco of such-and-such notoriety," when whatever it is you might be known for doesn't compare to her stature, and isn't anything she's heard of anyway.

I think if you get nervous or show familiarity at all, you're probably dead. It's a signal right off the bat that you perceive her value as superior to yours. I think it only works if you're chill, and can credibly pull off the "you do seem familiar... hmm. Must have one of those faces" thing.


John Greco's picture

I think it's kinda funny that a chick will think she is above you value-wise just because you know her, only to date her and find out she is just a beautiful, narcissistic, vain girl that is kinda meh in bed (maybe because she thinks the guy has to do all the work since she is famous) and cooks bad dinner (or doesn't cook at all).

It would be fun to surprise a girl like that, giving her good conversation, a real connection and then making her orgasm, like no famous-or-not lover of hers has, (maybe sprinkle some pleasurable back-door action) and then leave her spread the word to her girlfriends about how sexy and intriguing you are.

If you ever got to that, man, THAT would be a hell of report ;)

Thanks man for you detailed replies.


Add new comment

The Latest from