Don't Hurt a Girl: The Importance of Expectations | Girls Chase

Don't Hurt a Girl: The Importance of Expectations

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Ricardus Domino's picture

don't hurt a girlSometimes, it seems like an impossible to world to live in when you're trying to follow the mantra of “don’t hurt a girl.” The people on TV tell you you’re no good if you sleep with a woman only to realize she isn’t the girl of your dreams. But if the woman realizes that herself - that you aren’t Mr. Right - and walks off, that’s A-OK for her to do. And if a man sleeps with a lot of women nowadays, he’s a dangerous playboy. But if a woman does the same thing with men, she’s a tiger - a vixen - a veritable icon of the modern age. What gives?

“I don’t want to use women, and I definitely don’t want to hurt them.”

“I don’t want to get involved with many different women because that would be wrong.”

“I don’t want to lead women on or give them false hopes.”

If these thoughts (or something similar) have ever crossed your mind – this article is for you.

The question of the century (or at least 2012): is it WRONG to sleep with many girls?

Comments

Anonymous's picture

You recommend meeting less than once a week, and I am sure a little unpredictability (rather than, say, every Friday night) offers a level of mystery and excitement which is sexy. (Am I going to see him this week, no, disappointment, yes, wow I'm going to make this the best night he ever had.)

However, do you have any thoughts on other types of contact, like text or phone. Is it one touch every ten days regardless of the medium are do you think a phone call or text or two during the week is acceptable?

Thanks for a great blog.

Danny's picture

"Is it one touch every ten days regardless of the medium are do you think a phone call or text or two during the week is acceptable?"

^^I am interested in hearing your response to the previous question. Would you recommend calling her just to check in, or just keeping contact when you want to set up a date?

Franco's picture

Based on the other articles on this website... my guess is that the answer would be "no." The idea is not to hurt a girl. This means do not act like a boyfriend if you do not want to be her boyfriend. By checking in on a girl, you are communicating that you are thinking about her when you are not with her... doesn't that sound awfully a lot like a guy who wants more than a casual, less-than-once-a-week relationship?

My general rule of thumb is that I will allow myself to answer texts that these girls send me (with a varying delay of course), but the only time I will text them first is to set up the next meet. Answering their texts shows that you are not ignoring them, which will help keep things from getting awkward. Be careful with this though... girls may try to text you more often as they become more attached. The best way to deal with this is to wait longer to respond to these texts or, in more critical cases where she is texting you daily, start not responding to some of these texts. Use your judgment.

And I pretty much avoid phone calls altogether if I am not in a relationship.

Just my two cents!

- Franco

Anonymous's picture

There is a sentence:

So my advice is - do everybody a favor and try not to meet the girls you’re only dating casually all too often… a bit less than once a week is about right.

so we will date a girl once in a week, right?

Secondly, girls should not take me as their "boyfriend" category, right?

Sora's picture

A bit less than once a week refers to how often you're meeting them, i.e 8-10 days and yes, for this kind of casual relationship you definitely don't want them thinking of you as a boyfriend, because you'll just end up hurting their feelings later

Anonymous's picture

How quickly should you have the " I like being single" conversation? Should it happen before or after you get with a girl? Obviously, the sooner the better, since waiting for multiple hookups to say this is giving the wrong message, but it seems if you haven't hooked up yet it could give the girl a reason to say at the last minute "maybe this is a bad idea, this guy seems like a player." Any advice?

Anonymous's picture

Good Q -- Anyone have thoughts on this? I'm interested to hear peoples thoughts.

Nathan's picture

Thanks Man,

I had this problem seeing a girl once a week. It got pretty serious. I really helped her to transform her life so I think it's ok. But yeah I hurt her.

That 10 days is a really good tip

Nathan.

Anonymous's picture

Hey guys! Love the site. On reding this article, a thought occurred to me. If you read the 1950's era teen detective novels (Hardey Boys, Nancy Drew, etc.), the characters often date, but are rarely exclusive. They had their "favorite dates" instead. I thought that was interesting when I first noticed it (being raised in an age of premarital exclusivity), and is even more interesting now! Thanks Guys!

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