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When I first started lifting weights regularly, there were plenty of days I did not want to go to the gym at all - days I felt sick, days I felt tired, days I was down in the dumps. But I made myself go anyway, because I had committed myself to it, and I knew that if I started skipping days at the gym, I'd skip more and more, and whatever gains I actually made would be slow and, likely, negligible.
So, I went, time and again, when I did not want to go at all. The feeling after was always triumphant - I had vanquished my emotions and managed to achieve in spite of myself. And six months after I'd begun working out three times a week, every week, I was back in front of a bunch of my old colleagues, and everyone was impressed at how much muscle I'd put on.
I hadn't even realized; because I saw myself in the mirror every day, I hadn't seen the transformation. All I'd seen was that I kept lifting heavier and heavier amounts of weight.
Going out to meet women is just like this; the important thing is not being "ready" to go out and meet women - the important thing is going out and meeting women.
But a lot of men have trouble doing this.
Comments
Good advice.
Hey Chase, great article. I've been reading a lot of your blog posts especially the ones about persistence. So I'm in my freshman year in college and I went to a party and met this girl very briefly. I got her number and I texted her once before the weekend to build rapport. It was good and then on the weekend I went to a frat party and basically invited her there. After that I took her to my apartment and we watched a little bit of a movie and talked a lot. We had a lot in common and she seemed to really like me. Somewhere in the conversation I made a move to kiss her and she resisted. I persisted and she said she wanted to do it, but next time because she had just met me recently. I persisted more and she said next time we hang out. I probably should have persisted more but I said okay, and she asked me to walk her to her dorm. I walked her back and when I got there, I attempted to kiss her goodnight and she said no, but she told me to text her later.
Now, a friend of HERS had told me EALIER that she had a boyfriend. (She never told me this) And maybe that's why she didn't wanna kiss me. But I am not sure and would like your opinion on it.
She did tell me to text her later but I am not going to and I will wait for her to text me. Is that the right move? Would appreciate some advice in this situation. Thanks!
Girl with Boyfriend
James-
Sounds like she liked you initially, and was exploring the option of sex with you, but wasn't really feeling it when she got back alone with you. If she has a boyfriend, I doubt this worked against you - in fact, it probably kept you out of consideration for a boyfriend, which means she was looking at you purely as a potential lover. When she got back alone with you though, there wasn't enough sexual tension built up that she was interested in physical intimacy.
Because she spurned your advances hard multiple times, didn't go very far with you, and wouldn't kiss you at your place either, it's almost certainly done. You can try inviting her to meet up with you again in a week or so, but your best bet's going to be moving on to other girls - and, working on your sexy vibe.
Chase
Hey, she actually did text me
Hey, she actually did text me the day after asking if we could hang out on Sunday.
Its Sunday and I told her we should get something to eat later tonight, and she told me her mother is in town and she doesn't know when she'll be free. In this situation, what do you suggest?
I simply told her to let me know when and if shes free, and I left it at that. I wont worry about it and ill move onto other girls.
STDs
Hey Chase,
I know this is kind of a taboo topic and a personal one, to say the least. But I was wondering if you can elaborate and explain on the risks of STDs and your personal view on them, as a person who has been sleeping with countless number of women. Are STDs actually over-hyped in the media? What's your philosophy on taking the risks and learning to live comfortably with that uncertainty?
Thanks,
Re: STDs
Tom-
I have an upcoming article on this at some point, but my thoughts are already laid out on the boards here: "Re: The Dangers of Sex - Virgins."
Basically, definitely overhyped and a lot of fear-mongering around the subject, but if you go bareback long enough you WILL pick something up sooner or later.
Even condoms don't give perfect protection against everything, however.
Chase
Need your help
Hey Chase!
First of all, great article - as always.
I've been reading articles on your site since... I can't remember when. They're worth gold. Keep up the good work!
But I have a question and I need your help. I read tons of advice on the game, I believe I'm charming and witty, I can talk with anyone about anything and I'm pretty good looking guy too (that's what I've been said)... but. I have a two really big, BIG, insecurities. I know, I should not give a damn about what anyone things and accept myself the way I am.
But those two insecurties made me anti-social in past, afraid of meeting new people and talking at all. I feel like I'm wasting my potential. And those insecurities are - my crooked teeth. I wear braces and I can't wait to get them off, on the day when this happens I will go to a bar and talk with everyone there. I'm afraid of smiling, because my teeth are (were even more) crooked. But as you know smile shows confidence so it's a must for me to have a nice smile. I can't do much about it, just need to wait to get my braces off.
The second one is a big one. This is probably the biggest insecurity in my life. I have a speaking problem. I can't pronounce a letter 'R' and in my native language (I'm not English speaker), you can really hear when someone doesn't pronounce 'R'. And to make it even more harder, I have two 'R's in my name Robert. I can't introduce myself, because people never understand what I say. I always try to get introduced by the mutual friends. I avoide using words with letter 'R' which makes everything much more awkward. I really don't know what to do with this. It doesn't affect pickup, it affects my everyday, normal life.
If I would get ride of those two flaws, I'm sure I would have no excuses. I would be like rocket shot into the sky. Fullfiling my full potential.
Please give me your advice on this.
Mouth trouble...
Hey Casa,
A closed mouth smile is sexier...
...and you give yourself a nickname: "Hello, I'm Bob..."
Hth,
Speaking and Smiling
Great, succinct advice from Anon here.
Casa, for more on smiling closed-mouth see: "Smile Warmly, Smile Sexy."
And for the "r"s, I'd recommend a speech therapist - these can work wonders, sometimes in only a session or two. Then you'll be able to say whatever you like and not have to worry about pronunciation issues. (you can also just set aside time every day to work on getting the pronunciation down until you get it - you will eventually if you're persistent enough at it)
Chase
Girlfriend question
Hey Chadsta you are some sly bad boy. Good for you. Anyway I remember reading in the comments section recently about you having this dating system where you have No 1 girlfriend and a bunch of other girls competing for that spot. So how does the No 1 even accept this kind of thing considering she cant fuck around like you can, and second how do you explain it to other girls you meet. Is it possible for someone not so high status like you to run it ?
Running One-Sided Monogamy
Alex-
It's actually a very messy system to run, unless you're fine with open relationships / dating women who are non-monogamous to you as well (in which case, Ricardus's "How to Date Multiple Women (with Zero Drama)" will do the trick). Because you're fighting against society, it's always a losing battle - the #1 girl gets upset and leaves or rebels eventually at some point, regardless how good your relationship management skills are, because the cognitive dissonance between what you're telling her and what everyone else is telling her is too great. Even movie stars and politicians - the top status individuals of the West - don't seem to be able to pull this off; once the #2 girl gets revealed publicly, the #1 girl leaves to save face. It's an inherently unstable relationship model, and leads to large amounts of drama, fighting, and distraction.
I may do an article on it at some point - I suppose it's an interesting topic, if simply for its complexity and the layers of nuance and detail that are involved in making it run if even for a few years - but I'm undecided on that, as it's typically a setup that causes some very high emotional highs and very low emotional lows, and is very difficult (maybe impossible?) to run in the West right now in a way that doesn't undermine a girl's sense of self-esteem. I have my doubts whether it can really be run responsibly, and I wouldn't write about it unless I was able to solve those issues (which may not happen).
As far as status is concerned, generally, the more deviant from the norm a relationship structure is, the higher your status must be relative to the girl's in order to pull it off.
Chase
Habits, Hobbies and Mastery
Hey Chase
Solid article, experience and continually getting into the field (for whatever the skill) and learning from mistakes is the way to go about efficiently learning any skill or trade.
I had a few questions relevant to this topic of skills (acquiring and keeping skills) that I hoped you could address.
1. Chase I wondered what you personally do to keep up good general knowledge and be someone who knows “a little something about everything”. This comes from always exposing yourself to new ideas and being open to new things (I know this and try to always strive towards reading new things and getting new ideas from other dynamic people) so I guess my question here is also what are some sites, blogs, etc. you read or follow or procedures you follow to learn new things on a regular basis and continually gain exposure to innovative ideas.
2. Is there value, do you think, in breaking a habit (or breaking off from a skill of yours) temporarily such as taking a week off working out or something in that regard? I am not really sure yet what I think about this because from my experience I’ve found that any of my hobbies I have that from time to time taking a slight break helps to sharpen your mind help refocus and relax (and that when you get back to the skill you start off stronger; sort of like a muscle relaxed after being killed at the gym). However, if I take too long off I feel sick and I really feel an intense urge to get back to it. This is with picking up girls, writing, working out, any of my hobbies really and so I still struggle with this idea of “renewal in taking time off” and wonder what you think about the subject.
I had a couple of questions also regarding hobbies/skills that you have already learned.
3. Chase I was wondering what you think of past hobbies that you were really good at but don’t do as much now or get to do as much now because you have new skills, hobbies and endeavors that take your time and are your main focus in present day. For myself personally, I have always been really competitive and really intent on getting to be the best I can be at hobbies I’ve taken up. Here I feel like, do you just accept that it is a new version of yourself that grows and that you can really only carry with you the lessons of the past (and that with this as you learn new things you will have to forget some old), or should you still strive to spend some time with as many of your old hobbies as you can (say like your music for your case, that you would work on so passionately and diligently in the past).
4. This last question sort of stems from the previous one: how should someone balance between many hobbies, and also, in balancing between hobbies will someone necessarily have one that is stronger than the rest or is jack-of-all-trades master of none often typical as well. I have many hobbies that I spend a good deal of time and effort working to get better at, and somehow I am always managing to add to this list and try new things take up new hobbies (salsa dancing and mma fighting currently on this new hobbies list). Leonardo Da Vinci, is one of the most notable polymaths of the Renaissance and had accomplishments in a variety of different fields, however, his paintings were quite prolific and arguably his best mastered pieces of work. How do you feel someone can work actively to balance between their various undertakings and be a modern-day renaissance man?
Thanks for all the work, hope you can get to the questions (came out a bit longer than I had expected sorry about that ;) ) and have been enjoying the site’s new topics very much.
Thanks Chase, keep it going strong
p.s.
On the charity issue from the previous article I agree 100%. I used to struggle with the issue as a child, feeling bad for homeless people and would always see my dad (still do) give them money out of pity. I got less naïve, and more skeptical/cynical some years ago, and really came to this same conclusion that if someone gives to a cause that isn’t helping fix the problem they aren’t part of the solution then and are doing nothing more than temporarily gratifying some fleeting sympathetic feeling of theirs (focusing on the reactions and not the results as you might say).
Re: Habits, Hobbies and Mastery
Gem-
Knowledge-upkeep-wise, I read Scientific American, Nature, and Hacker News almost daily. The first two, I try to read every article that comes out to expose myself to new concepts I otherwise might not have been aware of. I also try to research whatever topics I'm writing about for this site, which sometimes forces me to reconsider previously held positions in light of new evidence to the contrary. In addition to these, I have a few circles of friends I knowledge share with who point me toward things I never would've found on my own in a million years (e.g., masterminds, that sort of thing).
On breaking habit - absolutely. Your dormant periods are vital to consolidating the things you've learned consciously and transcribing them into unconscious lessons. If you look at many great men and their achievements, you'll notice a surprising pattern of a guy working on something for a long period of time, then taking a little while off, not thinking about it, and having the idea hit him out of the blue - that was his subconscious consolidating everything he'd worked on previously, now that it had a break from it to do that, and him being able to approach the problem from a new and more highly aware position.
Old hobbies - there's a nostalgic part of me occasionally that crops up and says, "Someday! Someday I'll go back to that and do more with it again!" but by and large once I'm out of something, I'm out of it. I still go back on occasion - maybe once a year, I sit down and produce some new music - but mostly these are hung up and moved on from. The primary advantage of them are the peripheral learning they give you - music forced me to be much clearer and more articulate in my speech, and to learn how to invoke emotions in people I wanted them to feel; it also gave me a very clear demonstration of the arc of learning (I could listen to music I made when I first started, and how terrible it sounded; music a year later, still pretty bad, but showing some signs of definite improvement; music a year after that, which sounds almost professional; music a year later still, which is more or less ready for radio play).
On learning - I think it's far more useful to target one primary skill area at a time and largely focus on that, with a few secondary skill areas you spend some time on that are useful to you in other ways. In this way, you can master a series of different skill areas, and once you have them, you have them; I don't know much about Da Vinci's learning process, but I do know that his primary occupation was as weapons maker, and that necessitated him learning things like sketching, painting, etc. - he may be an example of using one's job to further one's skill base while getting paid to do so.
If you really want to learn lots of things, I'd suggest the Da Vinci route, and find a way to get people to pay you to learn (or, put another way, take jobs that are going to force you to get good at whatever it is you want to get good at).
Being a polymath is a fun and interesting goal, and will take you down myriad disparate life paths, but you've got to be comfortable becoming a beginner all over again after having already mastered something… most people aren't able to do this, both for ego reasons and for motivational ones.
Chase
Fully agree
Hey Chase:
I completely, totally, 100% agree with this. It's the only way to improve at anything: make it a habit.
I only do daytime approach and I go out every business day, in my lunch hour, to various parts of my city. If I want to change it up a bit, I try a new location. Then I add that to the regular list, or if it's no good, I cross it off. So far I find I get about one phone number for every three approaches, and one (first) date for every five phone numbers, so on average it takes 15 approaches to get a date. I'm sure those statistics will narrow a bit once I get more established and smoother.
I add in grocery store and weekend approaches where I can, but whatever happens, unless absolutely impossible due to business commitments I go out religiously five afternoons a week. Just like I run 5-6 miles a day whether I feel like it or not. After a while, you begin to see improvements, and so do other people.
And you're right about randomness... Shocking what can turn up sometimes when you're least expecting it, but you have to get the sample population up to reasonable levels before you start seeing it.
-Marty
Like this, because this is
Like this, because this is exactly what I am telling to my pals all the time, in terms of advice to get more success with girls
What's your take on "Why Men Love Bitches"
Dear chase,
what is your take on Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov?
Do you think Sherry is an experience women who intended to teach woman how to be dominant in a relationship, so women will in charge in this partnership?
The sad thing is: Once women takes the dominanat role, they will not respect the men.....
Re: What's your take on "Why Men Love Bitches"
Chichi-
I haven't read it, so can't weigh in on the book specifically, but... all people love things that are a challenge, and are going to give them a run for their money. Part of the way the human mind assesses value is to ask itself, "How hard is it for me to get something, and how willing am I to continue chasing after it, investing emotionally, investing time, investing effort?"
The more effort someone is willing to expend just to get something, the more highly he or she will come to value that thing... mates included.
Chase
Failed Escalations
Thanks alot for your reply in the other article.
Im gonna go ahead and support you as much as i can cus its genius.
Her city is really close by. Anyway, after my "desperate" attempt to get her to go out with me after the night with failed escalations, she was to "busy" but she was in my town ( i know cos i saw her and she saw me but i just ignored it. Shes a close friend of my brother so its kind of a weird situation.
Im thinking of some sort of text to use as a last thing to try out,
Or just walk up to her talk and do the "manhandle" thing you wrote about in an article?
Logicly thinking it would be what she´d like right?!
Out of ideas.
Im really into her and this just makes me wanna get her more.
Thanks in advance man.
Goliathus
Re: Failed Escalations
Goliathus-
Manhandle kissing is only for women who are very attracted to you, and very much WANT intimacy with you as soon as possible. When a woman is either auto-rejecting you or has lost respect for you due to a failed escalation, this is usually not the case (one possible exception: if she really gets emotional telling you off, this can sometimes work, but must be executed perfectly... otherwise, she'll become even more furious with you).
If a girl is not responding to you, avoiding you, and has seemingly lost interest, that usually means it's time to close up shop, stop fighting a losing battle, and do things right from the get-go with the next girl instead.
Chase
X-Factor
So I was a huge fan of Ricardus's X-Factor article and I have to say I agree with this post because it's true but it also contradicts the article at the same time. 2 questions:
-Have you personally practiced and used the X-Factor exercises to improve your state? and how effective actually is it to spend time practicing the exercises (I personally have seen some benefit and usually consciously improve my state daily, but have burned out after 6 months of practicing the exercises daily).
-Is the X-Factor more important/conducive for emotional contagion than being in "state" to meet women?
Like I said I'm a big fan of the X-Factor and have drank the cool aid but I have to say after 6-7 months of practicing when I produce states they are easily fleeting due to external factors.
Should I keep practicing until I get it wired or focus more on acting like I want to be (thus taking more off my mental load).
Re: X-Factor
Mr. Rob-
Yes, that's probably important stuff to mention that I didn't think of here... when I'm going out, my posture is always perfect, I force smiles on myself (ESPECIALLY if I'm feeling down / weird... force some BIG smiles on your face, and your mood starts to lighten quite quickly), and I'm a pretty consistent meditator - while I don't use this out in the field very often (though occasionally when I was new I used to, if thoughts were running rampant - just focus on being present and noticing all the little things going on around you there in the moment and think of nothing else), I do have a much greater level of emotional control than most people seem to (e.g., shouting angrily at one person, turn to someone else and tell them in a calm voice not to worry, it's just between me and that other person, then turn back to the first person and resume angry mode).
My personal view on emotional states while out in field is, you're going to default to your normal response in new and confusing situations until those situations stop being new and confusing anymore. Once your exposure levels are high enough though, and they stop being new and confusing, you're afforded a great deal more control over your own emotions, actions, and behavior. However, subtle things like how your mood changes and whatnot can affect this, which is one of the reasons I recommend going out to meet girls no matter how you're feeling, or perhaps even specifically when you do NOT feel like it - because you condition yourself to be meeting new women regardless of your emotions, which, as an effect, trains your emotions to be much more placid about the act of picking up despite your emotional condition.
My favorite aspect of Ricardus's X-factor series are the discussions about correcting posture to correct internals - hard, concerete actions you can take that affect you on a very basal level you're otherwise hard-pressed to override or control. I'm a big believer in any time something is weird or scary or different or difficult to you, you should just "do it until you get used to it."
Once you're used to it, you're able to control everything about yourself a lot more easily, because there are far fewer confused / distressing thoughts and stimuli competing for your limited mental resources (the brain really only seems to be able to run about 8 or 10 thought streams at any given time, and the fewer of these you have going on, the more relaxed, positive, and can-do you're going to be).
Chase
Hi Chase, I have a question I
Hi Chase,
I have a question I was wondering if you had any insight on. I had asked you a question about a month ago regarding a girl that I had met before college ended in May.
http://www.girlschase.com/content/dating-younger-women-does-it-make-you-...
Long story short it was a girl I made out with but we went our separate ways. She had a tendency to get really attached to guys and at first she really liked me but the contact just dropped off from her end. I ended up deleting her on facebook and you had suggested I write something like:
"Hey, I think we had the wrong ideas here… I really dug you, but we live pretty far away, and I think you like me more as a friend. So it's probably better if we just dial this relationship down so we can both move on with our lives,".
She ended up sending me a message wishing to still be in contact and her friends told me she was checking my facebook like 5 times a week.
Fast forward to a month later, about 5 days ago she sent me a facebook friend request and at first, I thought maybe I should just ignore it to retain her feelings towards me as adding her might make her feel like she "got me".
However, I am not so sure now. I won't see her for at least 5 months so would it be a good idea to friend her? Or should I send her something like: "Hey, hope things are going well with you, maybe in the near future :) (friending her in the near future)?"
Basically, I am really curious how an experienced guy like you would handle facebook friend requests from old flames who you MIGHT want to have relations with in the future.
Thanks Chase so much!
Friend Requests
Steven-
I'd just ignore it... if she asks you about it, say you hardly ever check Facebook / never pay attention to your friend requests anymore. Most women use Facebook for collecting orbiters and emotional validation - if she gets a "Yes" to her friend request, this lets off the pressure she was feeling in wondering if she'd lost you for good, and now she doesn't have to chase after you anymore. If she gets no reply, she continues to panic and chase, wondering what's going on with you, unsure if she's got you or not, and you stand a much better chance of translating chasing into meeting up with her at some point than you do with complacent and validated.
Chase
Got a little problem on my hands
Hey Chase, an embarrassing social problem on my hands I just can't figure out. The thing is, whenever talking to women or even men, there's always this awkward feeling creeping onto the surface of almost every conversation. Whenever in the beginning of the conversation and in the middle of the conversation, almost without fail there's an awkward feeling to it. To me, it feels forced and desperate even, awkward silences and unexpected interruptions on both parties, and finally such awkward closings that in the end the person just ignores me. Maybe I talk to much about myself, maybe I just have this creepiness vibe, or maybe I couldn't relate with active listening.
Not Connecting
Inexperienced-
It sounds like you're not connecting with people properly on the topics they bring up, or you're bringing up topics they're unable to connect on. I'd recommend checking out this article: "The Conversationalist", and focusing on talking about yourself as little as possible while showing interest in and getting others to talk more about whatever topics they feel comfortable discussing.
Also, pay attention to whether your topics are personal (about your / her personal experiences, passions, etc.) or impersonal ("Oh, isn't XYZ character on ABC show crazy! He always..." "My favorite band is Wild Screaming Monkey Paws - they're just ridiculous!" "Man, can you believe the news on Experion Corp. and all that..."). People connect over personal topics; conversation feels vapid, hollow, and forced over too many impersonal ones (impersonal conversations typically last about 30 seconds, usually between close friends or office mates or what not, and then conversation returns to personal topics again).
I'd also recommend this article: "Don't Get Hung Up on Topics."
Chase
Hey man, can I just tell you
Hey man, can I just tell you how fucking awesome you are? You post such wise and insightful things; I'd be curious to hear your commentary on other aspects of life. I really love your writing style and overall post format. You cut the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter! You've seriously got the blogging thing down pat. I was about to not post this for fear of coming across as irrelevant or maybe just weird, but I had to give credit where credit was due. Keep up the great work man, I look forward to future posts.
By any chance, would you be able to recommend any good music/songwriting blogs? Again, totally off-topic, but I figure that greatness recognizes greatness and that it might be worth asking!
Thanks again for your awesome posts. I hope to continue growing in my quest for successful seduction of the opposite sex (in no small part thanks to your advice, of course)!
Songwriting
Veritas-
Thanks for the kind words!
I actually don't really follow any blogs, so I'd be a poor choice to refer a music or songwriting one, unfortunately. If you're familiar with Hacker News, you might try setting up an account there if you don't have one already and posting an "Ask HN" about the topic - there's a surprising amount of knowledge on there about all kinds of things all over the Internet. Reddit, Quora, or some subdomain of Stack Exchange are probably good bets for this too.
Chase
Completely Un-Related
Hey Chase, I wasn't quite sure how to go about contacting you, so, I figured I'd post here because I know you read the comments on the most recent articles.
Anyway, I was wondering how does one go about writing an article for the site? I saw a long time ago that Eric expressed an interest in writing a few articles, and has a few on the site, I have something that I'd like to write about.
-Richard
Fear of Intimacy
Chase, can you do an article on Fear of Intimacy, and how to overcome it?
Thanks
Re: Fear of Intimacy
Anon-
I'll add it to the article queue.
Chase
Why Bash? and Questions
Chase, im not against interracial dating, im just against people bashing their own race, how serious should I take this? I hear some black girls I know starting to say they only want white guys and are done with black. I don't have a problem with interracial dating, it's just how they say it is like having a white dude will make their lives easier and they won't have to worry about getting cheated on, being mistreated, the guy will be intelligent because he's white, he has money, whatever. This is what I hear from these girls and they really make it seems black is bad and white is good, I don't want to hear that bullshit.
1.I just want to know do they really mean what they say? Or are they mad because their past boyfriends happen to be black and are bitter towards them?
1. How do I show girls race and color doesn't make a person?
2. How do I make a girl not see everything black and white and that all people are different.
3. Why are black girls and even black guys make it seem they will be better if they're with a different race of their own.
4. Why do they have to bash their own race and not just say they want to try something new, its always black guys this and black guys that.
I feel it's self hate im sorry if this touchy, but I want to know this.
Thanks
Bashing
Wolf-
Women do this as a challenge, and as a way to communicate what their "new" standards are. An easy way to think of statements like these is as applying to other men... but not to you.
e.g., I'll be around women who will loudly declare things like, "I am DONE with hooking up!" or, "I will ONLY date wealthy men from here on out!" or what have you... which I just ignore and proceed ahead with them as if they'd said nothing. Women typically say this about kinds of men they have love-hate relationships with... and usually, the reason they have to say it is because they don't REALLY believe it.
Let the weak men be intimidated by these empty declarations; they're not meant for you.
Chase
How to sleep with flirts/attention whores
Chase, how do you sleep with attention whores and flirts?
Attention Whores / Flirts
Wolf-
By being calm, relaxed, unimpressed, and refraining from giving any emotional validation at all, whatsoever, until they calm down and are dealing with you in an intimate one-on-one way.
Also imperative: get them away from high stimulus areas and into secluded one-on-one areas as soon as possible (and, obviously, never agree to party dates or meet them socially where they'll be the center of attention).
You can also go about making yourself a center of attention too... but it's much harder to get the girl when she's at the center of her circle, and you're at the center of yours, even if there's attraction there, because then you've got to leave your circle (and at that point, you're chasing) or she's got to leave hers (and again, that's chasing, which she's probably not going to do - her social reputation is far more important), though you can sometimes translate this into something later if the two of you wind up in a much more placid environment.
Most of the time though, these girls really are more trouble than they're worth - aside from the thrill of the conquest, they don't have much else to offer.
Chase
What do you mean by not
What do you mean by not giving validation until she's "dealing with you in an intimate one-on-one way"? If the woman is making an effort to talk to you one-on-one do you count that, or do you mean not give her any emotional appraisal until you've isolated her and slept with her?
How to Stop being unsatisfied?
No matter what I do chase im always unsatisfied with myself. Examples I can sleep with a new girl, but Ill think why cant I do better than her? I should be at a higher number of girls. If it's anything im just thinking why am I not getting something better or doing something better? Im never satisfied. How can I be satisfied?
Thank you !!!!
Unsatisfaction
V-
Satisfaction's a double-edged sword. When it's there, you feel better, but become less driven. When it isn't, you're more driven, but far less happy with what you've accomplished.
The quick-fix way to feel more satisfied with what you've got now is to compare it with what you used to have. i.e., if you're unsatisfied with a girl you're sleeping with, think back on when you used to want to be able to sleep with women but couldn't, and you'll instantly feel a lot more satisfied.
However, the longer term way to be more satisfied is to look at the things that aren't satisfying you - the caliber of woman you're getting, for instance - and resolving to do better, and do whatever it takes to do better.
In this way, you can upgrade your results, and increase your levels of satisfaction naturally.
Chase
Going out alone...
Chase,
This is the first time I am actually posting on this site, but have read through quite a few articles because I find most are like self confirmations of my beliefs/experiences, and sharpen my tool set. So kudos for putting all this great info out. This article and the going out alone one especially hit home. Anyways, in the past year or so I've been mostly going out alone, and also found out about those fleeting state problems, even turned around once or twice and went back home such as you have. I've realized that bad state is really a function of thinking too much, and not being present in the moment/letting go. One thing that has helped other than music is dancing/moving your body/smiling/talking to the door person...anything to stay out of my mind. Just so happened last weekend I caught the eye of a nice looking girl who must've seen me as a nice confident guy, with open body language (sexy man? haha) as I was just enjoying watching other people out on the dance floor..she opened me..and I knew she was basically handing herself on a platter...so I moved her with me, chatted her up, not much later I moved in for the kiss when I felt it, we made out...check..got her number..check...
OK, two things..
When a girl asks if you're there by yourself, what are some clever things to say and not seem out of place? I used that I was new to the area...not really true...and I prefer a natural approach.
Also this girl was there with her friends, and at the end of the night they made sure she was going home alone...is there anyway around this? Can you get a girl to please both her friends and you (aka white lie to them?) Girls don't go out alone like us, and i'm sure most don't want to look easy in front of their groups by going home with a guy/leaving them...
Either way she still text me first the next day (in the bag lol) and I set up a date..after I brought her home and got what I needed haha.. So is there anyway to expedite the process to skip that last step? Or are there just some girls you must go slower with?
Much appreciated! From another soldier in the field..
BfromtheH
Venues
Hey Chase,
I have been reading your blog for a couple months now, and I am baffled by the quality of the material you have put together, it is truly awesome and I already see a positive change in my interactions with girls.
I have been living in the DC area for a few years now, but for the most part remained around the suburbs and satellite cities. I am new to the DC bar scene, and, since you lived here, I wanted to ask you if there are some venues you can recommend for bar pickup, as well as good locations for day game. I appreciate your help.
Sincerely,
JA
Good luck happens!
Chase: "And, you're every bit as likely to stumble into some good luck on a night you didn't want to drag yourself out of the house as you are on a night you went out on Cloud Nine."
My Dad used to say, "You can't lose them all!" Which is a very positive attitude, when the lemons that life sometimes hands you have already been squoze, and you can't even make lemonade!
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