How to Be Decisive

Nick-

The general rule is that you want to remain calm and unreactive when a woman is being dramatic. HOWEVER, when you're in a long-term / serious relationship with her, if she starts being overly dramatic it is better to get angry back, until you can calm things down.

You DON'T want to get angry, EVER, with a girl you are casual with or not yet serious with. Otherwise, you are reacting too strongly to a woman who is not supposed to have much emotional hold on you.

However, with a woman you've clearly let into your life as a girlfriend or more than that, you've given her a lot of emotional power over you by elevating her to such an important role in her life, and it's critical that she understands that there are limits to how she can behave around you and that there are certain things she is not allowed to do. Just as she would get angry at you if you pushed her limits, you must get angry at her for pushing yours. Otherwise, she will view you as a weak man who lets her do what she likes.

A woman causing too much trouble in a casual relationship gets kicked out or dumped. A woman causing too much trouble in a serious relationship gets scolded and told to knock off the bullshit… and then if she still can't, gets kicked out or dumped.

With horny women causing drama, you have to resolve the drama first. Sometimes this means get angry at her / fighting with her. Once things calm down, you let her know that because the two of you fought, you will not have sex tonight… you can have sex tomorrow morning if you both still want to then, or the next time you see each other, but just not tonight.

It's fine to be reactive if you WIN. If someone comes up to you at a bar and punches you in the face, then you stand up and punch him in the face harder and knock him out, then sit back down at the bar and continue sipping your drink, you reacted, yes, but you also won, and come across a lot more powerful for it than had you just sat there and let him use your face as a punching bag with no response.

It's fine to be reactive. Just make sure you win when you are, and don't react in situations where you aren't supposed to be emotionally involved (e.g., casual relationships, one night stands, etc.).

Chase

Tornado-

I take it you're from a more conservative country (India, somewhere in the Arabic world, etc.) where there isn't really dating and it's more or less just people courting for a bit and then asking for marriage?

Anyway, if she's giving you anything other than an enthusiastic, "YES!" to a marriage proposal - and then returning your stuff rather than hanging onto it for dear life and love immediately after - that's a pretty good indication marriage is not something she wants with you.

I'd move on, yeah. Plenty more out there to meet and hit it off with.

Chase

J.B.-

Attached women tend to be more openly sexual and flirtatious than single women are.

Single women play things more conservatively because they don't know until they get to know you whether they'll want you as a friend, boyfriend candidate, or just a lover. In fact, most of them will continue playing things relatively safe right up until you have intercourse, because until it actually happens, it hasn't yet been written.

Conversely, attached women know exactly what they want out of you, and it ain't a friend or boyfriend. They're often a lot less conflicted about their intentions - and, thus, open with their signals - because of it.

Chase

Wes-

Sounds like it's time to upgrade your circle, yeah, if you're the most mature person there. Having immature / inexperienced / less intelligent friends has a big (negative) impact on your growth.

There are a few articles up now on making new friends, with a special emphasis on making high caliber friends - check them out:

• Guy Talk: Here's How to Kick Butt at Talking to Other Men
  
• How to Make Friends? The Master Key to New Friendships
• How to Make and Find Female Friends

Chase

That's really all about 1) knowing when to jump in, and 2) when to hang back and just let the group do its thing. You'll be hanging back 80% of the time and letting everyone talk and chat and laugh and remind each other of in-jokes from 4 years ago when you're new... just smile and don't try to jump in and act like you know what they're talking about because they know you don't. Just be calm and cool. Eventually they start including you on stuff - again, be cool, be sociable, be friendly, contribute, but don't try to turn it into the Wes Show. View yourself as a student of the group... you're there to look, listen, and learn.

Chase

Anon-

Hostels can be good for getting situated in new areas and finding people to roll with right away who often know the good places to go. And you can sometimes sleep with the girls in your hostel too. However, you only meet certain types in hostels - usually the backpacker / hippie crowd.

Daytime in foreign countries is the same as daytime anywhere else - approach in malls, the street, etc. On day game in general:

• Using Day Game to Get Girls: 14 Myths Debunked
• Day Pick Up: Take Girls from Street to Bed in a Snap
• Meeting Women on Buses, Trains, and Airplanes
• Unmasking the Secrets of Beach Pickup: Why It's EASY

I normally recommend approaching in English in foreign countries - in my experience, you get more points speaking a foreign language (to her) and having the girl working to speak the same language as you than you trying to speak her language and sounding inelegant and tryhard. Some posts on the site on meeting women while overseas:

• How to Get Foreign Girls
• Foreign Women: Why to Consider Dating Overseas
• How to Pick Up Girls in Foreign Countries
  

Chase

Thanks for sharing, Krim - I'm thrilled to have been a part of that transformation. It sounds like you've made some pretty significant strides. Being motivated and goal-oriented is a cool place to be.

Chase

Wolf-

Some interesting questions.

Knowing if she's underage: you've kind of just got to be good at knowing ages. If she looks young, ask her what school she goes to - if she tells you a high school, or goes, "Uh..." and looks taken aback, there's a good chance she's too young.

Girls setting you up act a little weird / a little too flirtatious, and will strongly take the lead. That's the most important signal. If you're saying, "Let's do this," and they're saying, "No, no, no... let's do this OTHER thing. It'll be GREAT!" run in the other direction. They're not interested in you sexually or romantically... they have another agenda.

Trannies - the elbow test is reliable about 95% of the time (take her/his arm, and have her/him fully extend the arm, palm facing up - women's arms bend upward at the elbow, men's stay straight). The exception is men who've broken their arms at the elbow at one point or another - they can hyperextend their elbows just like women can. You can also look at arms / legs - trannies have thicker arms (more muscular), or are anorexic thin, which is gross anyway. They also don't have the hourglass figure of a woman. An Adam's apple can be a dead giveaway, though it's common for transexuals to have these shaved. Jawline, nose, facial stubble (if they haven't had it lasered), and fake looking facial features (from too much plastic surgery) can be other giveaways. Hands are often rough, large, and mannish. Voice is another one that's very difficult to fake. Behavior-wise, trannies are excessively sexual - they throw their sexuality around far more than any real woman does, and are scads more sexually aggressive / revealing about their bodies. They try too hard to be feminine and sexual. Also, if they're Thai - just be wary of anyone who's Thai, even in the States you will meet Thai trannies.

Noted on the article on dealing with girls of different ages. With younger girls, you lead more, are more blatant/obvious, and more of an asshole. With women in their mid-20s and older, you want to be more subtle, get more into conversation, and be more charming rogue than jerk-like asshole.

Girls at work - I have an article in the works on this. Meantime, see this one for some tips: "Can You Flirt at Work Under the Radar? Why Yes You Can."

Chase

Anon-

She sounds shy and inexperienced. I'd check out these articles for next steps:

• Mixed Signals from a Girl: What These Mean
• How to Ask a Girl Out and Always Get a "Yes"
• Girl Types:  Shy Excited Girls
  

Chase

Nick-

I would not recommend ever rejecting gifts unless the gifts are meant as an insult to you. e.g., someone gives you a sex toy to try to embarrass you... just say, "No thanks, you'll probably have more use for that than I will. Why don't you hang onto that." That's the only case I can think of in which you'd want to turn down a gift.

Let people give you gifts. You're allowing them to invest in you, and allowing them to feel closer to you and feel better abou themselves in the process. Gift-giving very often feels even better for the giver than it does for the getter.

Chase

V-

You can get into some dangerous situations pretty fast when you're dealing with young punks in groups. The best thing you can do is just stay out of areas that have them (or move out of them if you're in them right now). When I went through my tough-guy phase, I was lucky my family had moved up to the middle class and I wasn't in the bad part of town anymore… the biggest groups of punks I met on the streets were two or three guys, and I could just look angry and they'd mostly leave me alone. I decided not to move to Colombia a while back despite all the reports of gorgeous, friendly women there because guys I talked to said that you WILL run into groups of 6 or 7 guys with knives there who will hold you up, so carry a backup wallet with a little money in it to give them when they stick you up… every time I've had people try to rob me I fought them, and I'd probably try to do that there and end up dead. So I just skipped that country.

Lifting and getting bigger helps act as a deterrent - most guys won't want to challenge you when you have muscle. Looking really pissed off when you walk is another deterrent, because people just assume you're crazy, and every guy with an ounce of street smart knows you don't mess with crazy. I've always walked extra slow through dangerous areas too… while it means you're there longer, I feel like it makes you look tougher / less afraid / more familiar with the area. I can't say that's true for sure, but I've been through a number of bad areas where I stuck out like a sore thumb and only had people try things a few times.

For punks in groups talking shit, I like to have some standard responses that deflect that without being overly confrontational... you don't want to hurt dude's pride, because that's when he attacks (to restore his honor). But you also don't want to ignore it, because then you just look like a mark. So standard responses look like:

Punk: Yo man, you better watch out. This a bad part of town. Not safe to be out here all by your lonesome.

You: [slowly turn your head to look at him as you walk by; slowly smile at him] Naaaaah, man... [said slowly] I can take care o' myself. [pause] Later. [give him a slow, friendly nod, then break eye contact by looking to the side, back to where you were heading. Keep walking that way without looking back]

or

Punk: Yo, what's with the bag? Looks like you some teacher's bitch!

You: [slowly turn your head to look at him as you walk by; slowly smile at him] Naaaaah, man... [said slowly] Jus' books an' shit. [pause] Peace, bra. [give him a slow, friendly nod, then break eye contact by looking to the side, back to where you were heading. Keep walking that way without looking back]

or

Punk: You look like you dressed like a girl or somethin'!

You: [slowly turn your head to look at him as you walk by; slowly smile at him] Naaaaah, man... [said slowly] This the style nowadays. [pause] Lates. [give him a slow, friendly nod, then break eye contact by looking to the side, back to where you were heading. Keep walking that way without looking back]

If you see guys repeatedly and have interactions like this repeatedly, they will eventually start thinking you're pretty cool and invite you to hang with them. When this happens, you DO want to accept, but NEVER for more than a few minutes.

Just go over, shoot the shit with them for a few minutes, then tell them you've got to get going. Just do that enough so that you're a bit more of a familiar face and they're cool with you, but don't hang around long enough that they start hazing you for initiation into the group (where they start asking you to do stuff - if they do, just go, "Nah, man, I can't do that; you guys is way too crazy for my ass" [said in a way that you think they're too badass / cool for you], then laugh, then, "All right man, I gots to get going"). This way they'll mostly leave you alone, and you won't have to worry about them trying to turn you into a dealer / banger.

Black culture is based on braggadcio - it's inherited from African tradition. Men boast to one another about how strong and tough they are. It's a sort of warrior culture. Mostly it's testing, just like what women do - respond right, you pass the test and are seen as pretty cool. Respond wrong, you fail and are seen as weak and pathetic. Respond confrontationally and you send them flying into a rage. It's exactly the same as what girls do in bars and nightclubs in this way.

I probably wouldn't get a posse going - you stand a better chance of people judging you based purely on your merits and thinking you're cool and then leaving you alone when it's just you than when it's your group. When you have a group, it often ends up being your group vs. their group, which is not what you want. You just want them to think you're some kind of cool cat who passes through every now and again and that's just it.

Mostly though, I'd recommend changing where you live to some place you don't have to deal with that shit, although if you do deal with it, and manage not to get shot or stabbed in the process, you'll end up being a lot more street smart and a lot better prepared to handle those kinds of situations in the future.

On talking shit about women - I wouldn't do that, even if you had lots of girls. If you're getting challenged on women, just say, "I do arright," or, "I ain't even stressin' it, man."

Chase

Jada-

It's best if you're sitting next to the girl if you're at a table... you're less likely to be interrupted there than if you're apart. However, depending on the group, they may or may not interrupt you if you're having a great conversation (some will, some won't). It's really kind of the luck of the draw there; very much depends on the group.

The best thing you can do is once you're in a conversation, try to get her sufficiently engrossed (and yourself engrossed too), without making it TOO heavy. Basically, you want people on the outside to look in and say, "Well, I probably shouldn't bother them," without it being so intense that if the conversation is interrupted, it feels weird for the two of you to go back to talking again because it's such a mood shift from the light chit-chat she and you are having with the rest of the group to return to the intense conversation you and she were having with each other.

Sometimes it really isn't possible to get too involved there - the best you can do is have some light flirting, and then before you leave at the end of the night say, "Let's grab some lunch or something this week or next... sound cool?" and then trade numbers to follow up later.

Chase