Confidence | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

How to Become a Passionate Man

how to become passionateCommenting on my article about 12 common unsexy nice guy traits, a reader named Colin writes:

Your article stings and hurts [f]or one reason...which is #8 on this list [don't have any interests or passions]. That's me. That's the reason I'm a mid-30s virgin and am too scared to try any relationships with women. I have a well paying job, own my house, have good relationships with my parents, and behave the way in my "nice guy" mind an attractive guy should be. But I have no passion. I hate and avoid competitive things, because I feel so bad about myself when I fail. I never played sports as a kid for that reason. I'm sort of a wuss, really. #8 is KILLING me. Girls I like have passions. Guys they are with have passions. Why should they like a wuss like me who avoids passionate things? At least it makes sense to me. I even have a girls number and I'm too afraid to call her for fear of exposing my wuss, passionless self. That and the fact that I don't socialize with any friends...don't really have any at that. I realized long ago I had no hobbies other than masturbating, and so I started taking up guitar. But even that's wuss because that's not competitive. At least not the way I play. I'm lost and I don't know how to get around this, no matter what I read. I need specific help.

We've had a lot of guys ask the "How to be passionate?" question over the years. Most of the advice out there is ephemeral - you've got to search for what you're passionate about! they tell you. Makes for a nice sound bite, and while it is true, it is also pretty useless, as far as advice goes.

We're going to nail it down for you today, and give you some practical tips you can use to immediately get the 'passion' area of your life handled.

Because, well, everything's better with passion. Until you reach the point where everything's better with Zen... however, that's a discussion for another day.

Today, let's put the magnifying glass on passion, and see how to add it into your life even when it seems like it isn't there.

State Control, Pt. 3: Awareness

in-venue awareness
Situational awareness makes a huge difference in your ability to meet and connect with women. You must notice the right things – and filter out noise and distractions.

Today we are going to talk more about state. Previously we discussed what is was – primarily a social and sexual state – and how it can be useful to be in such state when out meeting women. We also discussed how to get into and manage this state.

What we will discuss today is a topic that has not been discussed much in this scene – awareness. I will explain what I mean by the term and how it is useful. That said, I know some of you become skeptical when one uses terms such as “awareness.” This is partly due to the term being vastly used in spirituality and other similar stuff. Whether or not you believe in such things, I can tell you right now that this post has nothing to do with that. In fact, what we will cover is actually rather practical in nature.

Besides feeling slightly social (but not too much, as we discussed) and preferably sexual (in order to sub-communicate sexual intent), I find the most ideal state is to be relaxed and aware. Think of a Zen-like state, where your head is clear and you feel calm, and you see everything going on around you. It is like seeing the whole world from a third perspective. You see who talks to whom, you see who knows whom. You also see who is attracted to whom. And more importantly, you easily spot who is looking at you.

You also easily spot girls who are logistically available. Think of a girl standing on a podium attention whoring verses the girl sitting alone in a corner. Or let us say you are inside a noisy club and happen to prefer using verbal seduction. Suddenly you spot your favorite girl grabbing her pack of smokes and heading outside. That is the time when you wait a minute and “coincidentally” go out for a smoke/fresh air yourself.

How to be Certain, Part 4: Extension and Perfect Uncertainty

certainty extension
As we go deeper into certainty, we look at three more aspects: extension (the follow through after a decision), perfect uncertainty, and faith.

Welcome to Part 4, guys. If you missed the previous articles in this series, here they are.

Understand the Triumvirate of Uncertainty. Nail down your certainty by improving your morality, your knowledge of women, and socializing. Figure out what you want from others, then learn how to demonstrate these certainties in your verbal and non-verbal expressions. That will cover most situations where you must take the lead.

But the question I raised in Part 3 remains: do you ever really know where you’re going? Are you ever truly certain about anything?

The answer to that question gives us two possibilities.

  1. If one can ever be truly certain about anything, how do I get there?

  2. If one can never be truly certain about anything, how do I lead decisively?

If we’re stuck with inevitable uncertainty, we can still succeed, because for women, appearance trumps substance. If it looks like it works and actually works, who cares what it’s made of? Practicality wins. Thus the answer here, if certainty is impossible, is that you don’t fake it until you make it; you fake it because there’s no other option that works.

Even if you make the wrong play, say the wrong thing, make the wrong facial expression, or time some move with a girl or a follower incorrectly, you can still stumble forward without missing a beat, and succeed. Most of my seductions are rough. Like fighting, love and sex are messy. The better your training and experience, and the better your fundamentals, the more smooth and error-free you are. But you can’t always prevent error, especially with wildcards like jealous guy friends or cockblocking girlfriends, or a resentful member of your social circle. See, that’s all perfect execution. But this series is about perfect certainty, not perfect execution.

And now, to answer the question. Can you ever be 100% certain about anything, including what you want, what you know, and what you think you ought to do?

I have three answers, starting with the most practical answer.

State Control, Pt. 2: How to Get in State

get in state
With the right mix of practices both before you go out and while you’re already out, you can keep yourself in a proper social and seductive state.

In part 1 of this series, we discussed what “state” is and how it worked. We also mentioned a few caveats to keep in mind regarding state as a tool for seduction. Today we will discuss how to get in state and how to manage it in field.

Here are a couple articles that supplement what I’ll be covering today:

How to Be Certain, Part 3: Appearing Certain

how to appear certain
You won’t always be certain. But you need to be able to at least appear certain, when you are in leader-follower (or male-female) situations that demand certainty.

You might have it in your head that you are certain about something, and being certain will help demonstrate certainty. But if your certainty isn’t visible, people will not be fully sold on your certainty, and thus not follow you as wholeheartedly. In seduction, even the slightest error can have her questioning your sincerity, confidence, and any other facet of your personality.

In the first article of this series, we covered the three types of certainty (certainty of knowledge, desire, and morality), then we detailed how to become certain in part 2, and now we will cover how to demonstrate certainty.

State Control, Pt. 1: Do You Need to Be "In State" to Pick Up Girls?

state control
State control (your ability to manage the mood you’re in) is vital and powerful for seduction. Yet, like anything, lean on it too much, and it can become a crutch.

In my past article about what makes a good, consistent seducer, I listed a few related traits:

  • The ability to handle logistics

  • Good decision making

  • Good calibration

  • Good timing

  • Awareness

  • State control and cool-headedness

Today I will discuss the last aspect, state control. There is a lot of info regarding this online, and many dating companies are obsessed with notions such as “state” and “inner game.” And even though there is a lot of truth there, I find them to be sometimes overemphasized (meaning, they’re leaving something out).

I do believe having the right mindsets and a positive reality that reinforces seductive behavior is essential. The problem is that your belief system and your inner game, even though attractive, have to somehow be conveyed in order to have an effect. Conveying those traits requires a form of “outer game” – or rather, technical game.

Either way, today’s topic is related to state control. Many seducers are very obsessed with getting in state when meeting and picking up girls. What they refer to is basically getting in the mood. Even though I agree that “feeling it” and generally feeling good (i.e., having energy, feeling confident, and being in a social state as well as a sexual state) is beneficial, I believe aspects of it are exaggerated. I will discuss why I think so, and also how you can keep your head cool in tricky situations.

How to Be Certain, Part 2: How to Develop Certainty

how to develop certaintyIn Part 1 of this series, we discussed the fundamentals of certainty – The Triumvirate of Certainty.

The Triumvirate goes like this:

  • Certainty of Knowledge

  • Certainty of Desire

  • Certainty of Morality

If any of these pillars are missing from your mind, your certainty will be imperfect. You will be uncertain. This article is dedicated to managing these uncertainties.

Let’s get to it.

Don't Let Your Approaches/Courtships Be Adversarial

adversarial approach
If you get your hackles up, or start to feel defensive, it’s easy to turn adversarial on dates and in conversations. Yet do this, and you will quick run into walls with women...

Here’s an insidious problem it’s easy to overlook.

Sometimes if you hit the bars, or the street, or a party, and your first few approaches don’t go well, and you pick up a couple rejections, you can start to sour on the whole ‘chat up new girls’ thing.

Or sometimes if you have a history of rejection... or you’ve been reading too much anger-inducing content on the Internet... or you’ve just had a terrible day in general... this can happen.

Basically: you start to expect the worst, and either bristle for it, go in adversarially, or both.

And when a woman talks to you, she can feel it: you’re defensive, guarding against rudeness, insult, or dismissal. And/or you’re aggressive, treating her like an opponent whose defenses and objections you must ‘beat’, instead of as a friend you’d like to help lead around those objections (and into bed).

Yet the more adversarial you let your approach become, the worse it will usually do.

You need to not do this to make things work better with girls.

How to Be Certain, Part 1: The Triumvirate of Certainty

how to be certain
To be able to lead – whether men, women, or both – you must be certain. And to be certain, you must have three (3) elements in place.

Two candidates are about to give their speeches for president of the Interfraternity Council. The IFC is the board that governs all the fraternities on campus. It controls how and when rush proceeds (the process by which fraternities and sororities recruit members) and deals with disciplinary action.

It's not that important of a position, since at this school, they're quite liberal with control, but it's still a position. And men, well, they like titles. It makes them feel important. They respect them. Women? They yearn for men with position. It gets them wet.

So these two men want it.

The first candidate is the former vice president and has been given the opportunity to speak first.

Hey guys! As you know, I was vice president for the past year and hopefully have lived up to the duties given to that position. As you saw, I tried to reestablish the philanthropic duties of vice president and actually held a fundraiser, something no vice president in recent memory has done. Also, I oversaw a judicial board hearing and carried it out quickly and efficiently, another duty of vice president that hasn’t been fulfilled in recent years. I’ve seen how the executive board works. I’ve worked with the president closely, helped him facilitate almost every duty of the council, seen how all the paperwork gets dealt with, and have even met with administrators in an effort to better understand what the school wants from us.

I hope that you’ve noticed my hard work and dedication and will do me the honor of voting me in as president of the council. Thank you very much!

Using Visualization and Affirmation to Skyrocket Success with Girls

pickup affirmations and visualizations
Affirmations and visualizations are more than just New Age mumbo jumbo – they work. And they can help you do better with girls, and get the women you want.

Even if your desire suddenly appears before you, it may just as quickly pass you by if you haven’t prepared your mind to say “yes.”

Most guys are hesitant to try visualization and affirmations, and some think it would be just as helpful to throw a penny in a wishing well. But contrary to popular (skeptical) belief, they work.

For me, these two things were among the biggest factors in my social progress. If it were not for me visualizing my results differently, I probably never would have changed for the better. There is a reason so many successful people tout the effectiveness of these tools. So let me show you how you can use the power of the mind to send your results to the next level.