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Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Decision Making in Seduction I: How to Be Cool-Headed

cool headed
How you conduct yourself has a big effect on how attractive you are to women. Cool heads in moments of chaos set men significantly apart.

Hey, guys. Welcome back. Today we will discuss another subject that I believe will make you a better seducer.

This subject is one of the variables covered in my post “How to Tell If a Guy Is a Good Seducer” where we covered multiple variables that I believe are what give a guy great success, and more importantly, great consistency – which kind of signifies that the “luck aspect” is less significant for him, hence why he is good.

In that post, we covered the following variables:

Decision making is another subject that I believe has been under discussed. I will make this a two-part article, with the first piece focusing on cool-headedness (the right state of mind to be in whenever facing difficult situations). We will focus more on the practical aspects of decision making in Part 2.

Decision making is key, and it can mean the difference between hitting and missing. Wrong decision? You are out. Think about it. You have a great lead with a girl but suddenly decide to change venues (without her). Well, guess what, you won’t bang that girl. Now, perhaps you may find another girl in the next venue, but what if the next venue sucks and you get no leads? I am sure we’d all agree the decision was bad.

Usually, situations that force you to make decisions hastily result in, sadly, unfortunate decisions. She is resisting, your material is not working, a cockblock shows up, or another wildcard chimes in (e.g., her friend starts puking). These situations can be stressful, forcing you to make a decision, and often quickly. We will discuss these scenarios in further detail next week. However, before you are able to become a good decision maker in the field of seduction, you first and foremost need to understand the importance of cool-headedness.

Cool-headedness is a prerequisite for decision making in dating, pickup, and seduction. To be honest, I think it also is essential for all types of decision making in life.

Therefore, we will focus on this subject first before moving on to the more practical aspects of decision making.

Rehearsing Your Approaches Before You Talk to Girls

rehearse an approach
Do you ignore signs of interest from girls or get too nervous to approach? You may want to spend 5 minutes to rehearse approaches and scenarios in your mind.

If you’ve ever gone out to chat up new women and had approach anxiety hit, you know how much it sucked. You wanted to talk to girls, hoped to talk to girls, tried to talk to girls... then couldn’t.

You walked up next to a girl with the long black hair and the tight jeans on the street corner as she waited for the light to change. You said nothing.

You took a seat in a café next to a girl with medium-length blonde hair and big googly glasses. She glanced at you a few times, and you tried to summon your nerve. Yet your nerve went unsummoned, and you and her never spoke.

That night you went out with your buddies to the lounge, and this one girl in a sequined dance danced over right near you. You could tell she wanted to meet you. You tried to get yourself to say hi, but you didn’t say anything.

It might be you just weren’t socially warmed up. You lack social momentum, and needed to do some warm-ups – but you hadn’t done them yet.

You wish you could just spring into action the moment you saw a girl.

Is there a way you could?

Perhaps there is. Next time you go out, try to rehearse your approaches first.

Resistance/Susceptibility to Influence

susceptibility to influence
Everyone out there is trying to influence you. How susceptible are you to that influence – and how susceptible are those around you?

I wanted to write a quick post (that turned out not to be so quick) on resistance and susceptibility to influence. This article is something of a cousin piece to my piece on grouping and herding in dating from last week.

The subject of this article - resistance and susceptibility to influence- goes for you and the people around you. Your friends, your family, your workmates, your lovers, partners, and dates.

Everyone is susceptible to the influence of other people and forces. The degree of susceptibility varies from person to person, and situation to situation. Some people are more easily influenced than others. Some situations make it easier to influence people than others. Most people are only marginally aware (at best) of their influencability.

If you are susceptible to influence but do not realize it, other people can step into your mind and make you think things and believe things you might not really want to think or believe. This can lead you to taking actions you might previously not have agreed with. Sometimes this turns out to be beneficial; sometimes not really.

For an example of the beneficial sort, I had a friend in university who influenced me to apply for an internship with Nike and pick up a minor in supply chain. Until this friend, I did not care about getting a job after school, was doing the minimum necessary to get through school, and disdained the idea of internships. Yet because of this friend, who'd had an impressive co-op run building a new supply chain process at Tyco, I grew excited about getting a good job and doing better in school. I didn't get the internship, but came in second in a pool of 200 candidates and got some very valuable feedback from the interviewer which played a key role in me getting the job I did get, a year later. I got more a lot more focused on school and got straight As again the next semester, for the first time in years. And I got my dream job on the first try - I zeroed in on them and the job fair and blew their socks off in my interview. Had that friend not influenced me, none of that would've happened.

Years later, I was in a startup where one of my business partners influenced me to open up the purse strings more than I thought was wise, against my instincts and all the reading I'd done on startups spending all their money too quick being one of the #1 reasons they go under. He influenced me to do a number of other things more in-tune with how he thought we should do things and less in tune with how I thought we should. We ran out of money and I had to close the business and lay everyone off. The partner who'd influenced me to spend more managed to negotiate the rights to the business away from myself and the other partner (despite having joined the startup much later, and having taken far more capital out of it than he'd put into it), then sold those rights to another group of founders. The business is now a successful venture-backed business doing everything I originally wanted to do, and would've had it do... had we not run out of funds so quick.

I don't regret the experience (I enjoy Girls Chase much more as a business; and I received a lifetime of invaluable lessons in negotiation, predatory partnerships, and sticking to your guns - plus a healthy dose of business confidence after I found I'd been right all along), but the outcome was a direct result of that business partner influencing me to act in ways contrary to how I'd have acted on my own.

Every human being is susceptible to the influence of other human beings. There are no exceptions to this. Locate the strongest, most resolute human being in the world, and I guarantee you we can find a way to make him crack with enough time, and the right people, in the right situation.

The question we want to look at today though is how susceptible vs. resistant are you and those around you?

How to Become a Passionate Man

how to become passionateCommenting on my article about 12 common unsexy nice guy traits, a reader named Colin writes:

Your article stings and hurts [f]or one reason...which is #8 on this list [don't have any interests or passions]. That's me. That's the reason I'm a mid-30s virgin and am too scared to try any relationships with women. I have a well paying job, own my house, have good relationships with my parents, and behave the way in my "nice guy" mind an attractive guy should be. But I have no passion. I hate and avoid competitive things, because I feel so bad about myself when I fail. I never played sports as a kid for that reason. I'm sort of a wuss, really. #8 is KILLING me. Girls I like have passions. Guys they are with have passions. Why should they like a wuss like me who avoids passionate things? At least it makes sense to me. I even have a girls number and I'm too afraid to call her for fear of exposing my wuss, passionless self. That and the fact that I don't socialize with any friends...don't really have any at that. I realized long ago I had no hobbies other than masturbating, and so I started taking up guitar. But even that's wuss because that's not competitive. At least not the way I play. I'm lost and I don't know how to get around this, no matter what I read. I need specific help.

We've had a lot of guys ask the "How to be passionate?" question over the years. Most of the advice out there is ephemeral - you've got to search for what you're passionate about! they tell you. Makes for a nice sound bite, and while it is true, it is also pretty useless, as far as advice goes.

We're going to nail it down for you today, and give you some practical tips you can use to immediately get the 'passion' area of your life handled.

Because, well, everything's better with passion. Until you reach the point where everything's better with Zen... however, that's a discussion for another day.

Today, let's put the magnifying glass on passion, and see how to add it into your life even when it seems like it isn't there.

State Control, Pt. 3: Awareness

in-venue awareness
Situational awareness makes a huge difference in your ability to meet and connect with women. You must notice the right things – and filter out noise and distractions.

Today we are going to talk more about state. Previously we discussed what is was – primarily a social and sexual state – and how it can be useful to be in such state when out meeting women. We also discussed how to get into and manage this state.

What we will discuss today is a topic that has not been discussed much in this scene – awareness. I will explain what I mean by the term and how it is useful. That said, I know some of you become skeptical when one uses terms such as “awareness.” This is partly due to the term being vastly used in spirituality and other similar stuff. Whether or not you believe in such things, I can tell you right now that this post has nothing to do with that. In fact, what we will cover is actually rather practical in nature.

Besides feeling slightly social (but not too much, as we discussed) and preferably sexual (in order to sub-communicate sexual intent), I find the most ideal state is to be relaxed and aware. Think of a Zen-like state, where your head is clear and you feel calm, and you see everything going on around you. It is like seeing the whole world from a third perspective. You see who talks to whom, you see who knows whom. You also see who is attracted to whom. And more importantly, you easily spot who is looking at you.

You also easily spot girls who are logistically available. Think of a girl standing on a podium attention whoring verses the girl sitting alone in a corner. Or let us say you are inside a noisy club and happen to prefer using verbal seduction. Suddenly you spot your favorite girl grabbing her pack of smokes and heading outside. That is the time when you wait a minute and “coincidentally” go out for a smoke/fresh air yourself.

How to be Certain, Part 4: Extension and Perfect Uncertainty

certainty extension
As we go deeper into certainty, we look at three more aspects: extension (the follow through after a decision), perfect uncertainty, and faith.

Welcome to Part 4, guys. If you missed the previous articles in this series, here they are.

Understand the Triumvirate of Uncertainty. Nail down your certainty by improving your morality, your knowledge of women, and socializing. Figure out what you want from others, then learn how to demonstrate these certainties in your verbal and non-verbal expressions. That will cover most situations where you must take the lead.

But the question I raised in Part 3 remains: do you ever really know where you’re going? Are you ever truly certain about anything?

The answer to that question gives us two possibilities.

  1. If one can ever be truly certain about anything, how do I get there?

  2. If one can never be truly certain about anything, how do I lead decisively?

If we’re stuck with inevitable uncertainty, we can still succeed, because for women, appearance trumps substance. If it looks like it works and actually works, who cares what it’s made of? Practicality wins. Thus the answer here, if certainty is impossible, is that you don’t fake it until you make it; you fake it because there’s no other option that works.

Even if you make the wrong play, say the wrong thing, make the wrong facial expression, or time some move with a girl or a follower incorrectly, you can still stumble forward without missing a beat, and succeed. Most of my seductions are rough. Like fighting, love and sex are messy. The better your training and experience, and the better your fundamentals, the more smooth and error-free you are. But you can’t always prevent error, especially with wildcards like jealous guy friends or cockblocking girlfriends, or a resentful member of your social circle. See, that’s all perfect execution. But this series is about perfect certainty, not perfect execution.

And now, to answer the question. Can you ever be 100% certain about anything, including what you want, what you know, and what you think you ought to do?

I have three answers, starting with the most practical answer.

State Control, Pt. 2: How to Get in State

get in state
With the right mix of practices both before you go out and while you’re already out, you can keep yourself in a proper social and seductive state.

In part 1 of this series, we discussed what “state” is and how it worked. We also mentioned a few caveats to keep in mind regarding state as a tool for seduction. Today we will discuss how to get in state and how to manage it in field.

Here are a couple articles that supplement what I’ll be covering today:

How to Be Certain, Part 3: Appearing Certain

how to appear certain
You won’t always be certain. But you need to be able to at least appear certain, when you are in leader-follower (or male-female) situations that demand certainty.

You might have it in your head that you are certain about something, and being certain will help demonstrate certainty. But if your certainty isn’t visible, people will not be fully sold on your certainty, and thus not follow you as wholeheartedly. In seduction, even the slightest error can have her questioning your sincerity, confidence, and any other facet of your personality.

In the first article of this series, we covered the three types of certainty (certainty of knowledge, desire, and morality), then we detailed how to become certain in part 2, and now we will cover how to demonstrate certainty.

State Control, Pt. 1: Do You Need to Be "In State" to Pick Up Girls?

state control
State control (your ability to manage the mood you’re in) is vital and powerful for seduction. Yet, like anything, lean on it too much, and it can become a crutch.

In my past article about what makes a good, consistent seducer, I listed a few related traits:

  • The ability to handle logistics

  • Good decision making

  • Good calibration

  • Good timing

  • Awareness

  • State control and cool-headedness

Today I will discuss the last aspect, state control. There is a lot of info regarding this online, and many dating companies are obsessed with notions such as “state” and “inner game.” And even though there is a lot of truth there, I find them to be sometimes overemphasized (meaning, they’re leaving something out).

I do believe having the right mindsets and a positive reality that reinforces seductive behavior is essential. The problem is that your belief system and your inner game, even though attractive, have to somehow be conveyed in order to have an effect. Conveying those traits requires a form of “outer game” – or rather, technical game.

Either way, today’s topic is related to state control. Many seducers are very obsessed with getting in state when meeting and picking up girls. What they refer to is basically getting in the mood. Even though I agree that “feeling it” and generally feeling good (i.e., having energy, feeling confident, and being in a social state as well as a sexual state) is beneficial, I believe aspects of it are exaggerated. I will discuss why I think so, and also how you can keep your head cool in tricky situations.

How to Be Certain, Part 2: How to Develop Certainty

how to develop certaintyIn Part 1 of this series, we discussed the fundamentals of certainty – The Triumvirate of Certainty.

The Triumvirate goes like this:

  • Certainty of Knowledge

  • Certainty of Desire

  • Certainty of Morality

If any of these pillars are missing from your mind, your certainty will be imperfect. You will be uncertain. This article is dedicated to managing these uncertainties.

Let’s get to it.