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Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Girl Hunting: Pickiness vs. Selectiveness

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girl standards pickyMany guys are ‘too picky’ with girls. They ignore good-looking and great girls. Then end up alone, or stuck with girls who are bad news. You must escape this trap.

Here's a couple of concepts I want to differentiate for newer (and maybe some not-so-newer) guys:

Those of pickiness vs. selectiveness.

If you've read my stuff on screening for both long-term commitment as well as for girls you'll hook up with in one-night stands, you know how much I harp on screening out girls who aren't a fit and/or will cause you problems.

I've cited science that shows men are a lot less discriminating about the women they start relationships with than women are men, and that men look for red flags a lot less.

In other words, men are a lot more likely to stumble into relationship quicksand.

However, there is a flip side to all this discrimination you want to employ as a dater, and that is this: if you are too picky about the wrong things, you can also stunt your growth as a seducer and make it nigh impossible to get enough experience to progress.

This is the double side of being discriminating: you must be discriminating enough, without being too much so.

You must be selective without being overly picky.

How to Work on Both Outer & Inner Game

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

inner and outer gameIt is possible to work on your self-image and outlook while also improving your game technique.

I’ve been coaching clients for many years now. Everyone has nearly the exact same issues, just in different degrees.

The universal problem they all have is taking their boring conversations that get them friendzoned or ignored, and turning them into attraction.

That was the promise that hooked me. If I learned the magic routines then sexy women would just follow me home for wild, no-strings-attached sex.

While that’s happened plenty of times, the reality is much different. I had to face soul-crushing amounts of rejection to develop the most fundamental skills.

Just learning how to approach, talk to women and hold their attention took me almost two years of daily effort.

In Seduction (Like So Many Things), Seeing Is Believing

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

seduction seeing is believingUntil you see something, you'll be hard-pressed to believe it. That includes some of the more incredible things you can pull off with seduction.

When I was a seduction neophyte, I had this idea in my head: "Quick pickups will work with loose, low value girls. But really super, scaldingly hot girls could never in a million billion years be picked up fast. Those girls know their value."

For a few years my experience bore that out. I neither picked up super hot girls super quick, or even all that often, nor did I encounter anyone who did.

We might call this a 'stable mental model'.

2.5 years into my seduction career, I made a friend who consistently slept with lots of hot girls, some of whom were very hot. Some of those girls he bedded quick... but all the quick ones there'd be some caveat or other with.

So with each of them I'd be able to tell myself, "He met that girl on MySpace, and MySpace girls are all kinda screwed up. So yeah, she's super hot, and she shagged him on a quick first date, but doesn't invalidate the rule," and my mental model remained (mostly) intact.

Then I went traveling with a mentor and watched him pick up an insanely beautiful girl exceptionally quick. A year later I was in this same mentor's town on business and here, too, I watched him pick up very, very good-looking girls at lightning speed and bed them (and I'd be along for the ride, winging him on the girl's friend, racing through pickups happening way faster than any I'd ever put together myself at that point).

That made me realize, "Wow, it actually is possible to pick up extremely hot girls extremely fast."

But I still had some reservations.

I thought, for instance, that a more reserved very hot girl, like the girlfriend I had at the time, wouldn't go for that sort of thing. I knew her, after all, and knew she wouldn't.

Then we broke up, and a few months later I read her journal, and discovered my gorgeous, high value ex-girlfriend, whom I thought was oh-so-judicious about her sexuality, let some banker she met outside a nightclub while on the rebound from me pork her up the butt.

It took me a few weeks to fully process how this girl, who had guys drooling over her wherever I took her, and always seemed like the absolute cream of the crop to me, would end up taking anal from some guy off the street she met on the rebound.

"My sweet princess, my one-time soul mate, lying on the floor of some dingy apartment in hippie-central Ocean Beach getting reamed by the meat shaft of a random she just met." That takes a moment to get your head around.

In the end, I arrived at a very different understanding of women than what I had going in, and this shift altered everything for me.

It was a great shift -- a breakthrough shift -- that allowed me to start doing the same thing I'd watched that mentor do, and the same thing that banker did to that former girlfriend of mine.

It allowed me to pick up very good-looking women, very quick.

A year later, it was friends and students of mine going out with me, watching me pick up extremely hot girls, extremely quick, and coming to me the next day saying, "I cannot believe you got that girl. And I cannot believe how fast you got her."

Then going on for a bit about how they did not believe a girl like that would even hook up with guys that fast.

Then, a bit later still, I ended up on a phone call with the ex-boyfriend of a girl I shagged (long story how I ended up talking to that guy), who could not believe how quickly this beautiful, intelligent, highly educated girl he'd wanted to marry had jumped at light speed into bed with a guy like me. I felt bad for the guy... he began the call with a long and drawn-out sigh that told me he felt in that moment exactly the way I'd felt reading my ex's journal a few years back.

What I'd seen done, I came to do. What I'd witnessed embodied, I came to embody.

I'd never have had that transformation just from someone telling me about it.

I had to see it. I had to experience it first.

So much in seduction (and life) is this way.

New Study: Men's Testosterone Down Another 25% Over 15 Years

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

testosterone declineOver the past several decades, men's testosterone has declined by a lot. What's caused this huge drop, and what can you do to save your own t-levels?

A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine discovered men's testosterone levels fell by 25% between the year 2000 and the year 2015.

The study, conducted by researchers from the University of Miami, the University of Manitoba, and others, adjusted for lifestyle factors, age, and BMI, and still found a decline in testosterone across the board. (the Urology Times has a good non-paywalled write-up on the study here)

The gist:

Between the years 2000 and 2015, men's testosterone fell from 605.39 ng/dL to 451.22 ng/dL.

A man in Year 2015 had 74.5% of the testosterone a man in Year 2000 had.

Yet this decline did not begin in 2000.

An earlier study (from 2007) discovered men's testosterone had fallen 17% in the 17 years between 1987 and 2004.

If you take the 17% drop from 1987 to 2004, and then use the 2004 number (567.44 ng/dL) from the first study and drop it to the 2015 number (451.22 ng/dL), you're looking at a 38.4% overall drop in testosterone for American men between 1987 to 2015.

And what's more, the drop is accelerating.

It only fell 17% from its 1987 numbers in the first 17 years. It then fell 21% from its 2004 numbers over the next 11 years.

The rate of testosterone decline went 33% faster after 2004 than it did before 2004.

Soum Lokeshwar, one of the researchers on the recent study, notes, “We’ve seen that lower values of testosterone have been associated with increased comorbidities and an increase risk for all-cause mortality. This decline specifically, in these young adult men, with increased obesity may lead to an increase in precocious cancer.”

Lokeshwar went on to add that as testosterone falls, men's libido falls too, and men increasingly struggle with erectile dysfunction.

There are problems beyond the rising health issues and collapsing sexual function of low testosterone men, however. A decline in testosterone causes problems at a civilization scale.

But first off: how did we get here, and how do we fix it?

Learning to Seduce, Pt 1: "Get Her Now" vs. Build the Skill

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

learning seductionMost guys who start learning seduction do so to fix an immediate need. Yet the REAL results come from long-term practice.

Hi there. I hope you are all doing fine.

After spending weeks discussing indirect game and sharing two very detailed case studies of how I do things in field (showing how all the puzzle pieces come together), I have decided to move on to other subjects.

So today, let’s discuss seduction advice. I’ll debunk some misconceptions about the limitations and promises of those “quick fixes” for seduction we all too often hear.

What can we know, and what can we not know? And more importantly, what can you expect from this field of knowledge? I intend to give you a more realistic view of pickup and seduction.

Unfortunately, in this industry, we see many empty promises and outright crap to buy into. I hope that my breakdown will make sense and seem trustworthy.

Why You Eject from Talking to Girls Too Soon (Plus How to Stop)

Allen Reyes's picture

By: Allen Reyes

eject talking to girlsA lot of guys bail out of their interactions with women too soon. How do you stop ejecting from women, and start winning with them?

The worst thing to come out of most guys' mouths when dealing with women is: "Well, it was nice to meet you."

This is the classic bail out ejection line of the beginner. All the way from budding pickup artists to just a guy trying to meet a girl who gave him some eye contact at the bar.

One of the biggest mistakes beginners, intermediates and even advanced guys make is never getting rejected. They reject themselves first.

Women Don't Care About Your Insecurities

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

your insecuritiesWomen don't know your insecurities or care about them. So be free. Let the past go, and go get the girl.

In the dating community, there's always this debate about inner vs. outer game, technique vs. belief.

The truth is, they're symbiotic. Where would the bee be without flowers? It would just buzz around and die.

Social Success Requires You Be Social

Frankie Bismarck's picture
social success socializeCan you learn to be social, alone in a room, on your computer or phone? Not really – you must get out into the world and socialize.

A man is not defined by his job, car(s), trophy wife (or wives), luck in the genetic lottery (good looks), muscles, house(s), other expensive toys (airplane(s), yacht(s)) or cashflow. He can have all those things, and still be considered a ruffian. Rough around the edges. People may still generally avoid him outside of what he can provide for them in terms of access to the various resources he commands.

What’s the missing ingredient? What is the feature which one finds to be ubiquitous among people who belong to the old landed aristocracy – the nobility – in Europe, and its American counterpart – “older” money (descendants of the industrial barons of the Gilded Age) and those belonging to the first families to set foot in today’s United States?

This will be the subject of today’s article. I will endeavor to guide you through what I consider to be the single most important tool you can possess to achieve personal satisfaction in life.

Loving the Tests

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

loving the testsWomen will throw all kinds of tests your way. On dates and in relationships, the tests don't stop. That can grate you… or you can learn to love it.

Whether you're approaching a woman for the first ever time, or you're dealing with her in your long-term relationship, she's going to test you.

These tests never go away. Not permanently.

You can get a woman to a point in a pickup where she is more or less fully on board with you and the tests subside to a light flirtatious murmur... so long as you maintain the vibe, the forward progress, and don't make big mistakes.

You can get a woman to a point in a relationship where she has fallen back in-love with you again after a time not being so, where the adversity in the relationship has quelled, and she's staring at you with dreamy eyes again... for a while.

Tests always return, though.

Sometimes they sneak back in in little ways, dancing around the fringes.

  • The girl you're picking up pushes back gently and playfully when you invite her home: "Oh, we're leaving so soon?"

  • The girl you've been dating for 6 months who's mostly pretty happy with you puts your feet to a gentle fire: "Where do you want this relationship to go?"

Sometimes the tests come roaring in in earth-shattering ways. She tells you there's no way she'd go with you, or that the relationship is done.

The first time most guys realize this, it feels like a colossal burden.

"The tests never end!"

Yet so much of life is how you frame it. This is true with tests as it is with anything.

Tests can be an endless burden, yes. Or they can be a thing you appreciate, or even love.

How to Confidently Fail

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

confidently failYou must fail before you succeed at any great skill. This is especially true for getting girls, a skill so many men fear failing at so greatly.

I was working with a client who is struggling with all the usual suspects: