Confidence | Page 3 | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Want to Get Good? Make Predictions in Your Head

pickup predictions
You can learn to read women's signals far more reliably, and shorten your seduction learning curve, if you first learn a simple little trick: how to predict with accuracy.

At the carnival, there is often a man (called, like all carnival workers, a 'carny') who will offer to guess your weight or age.

birth month guess trickSometimes carnies use trickery. For example, one might offer to guess your birth month, then write down something like the scribble on the right. That, of course, could be said to say January... or June... or July. If you say your birth month is any month other than October, the carny will have 'guessed' within two months of your actual birth month, and keeps your $2.

However, not all carnival guessing games use tricks. Some actually do rely on skill.

What is the skill involved in guessing someone's age or weight?

While there's no skill I know of to accurately guess someone's birth month, you can get scarily good at guessing weight very quickly... and guessing birth year (not month) is not nearly as hard as you'd think.

In fact, over the years I've developed the ability to guess women's ages with startling (even to me) precision. I am good enough at it that about 3 out of 4 times I guess the exact to-the-year age of whatever girl I am talking to, or am within a year of her calendar age, so long as she is somewhere between 18 and 36.

How do you develop this ability to accurately guess age or weight?

You do so by making predictions, and discovering if you are right.

You can make predictions about a whole lot more than just age and weight, too.

And the better you get at making various kinds of predictions, the more easily you will tend to discover things about whatever it is you've learned to predict.

Approach Anxiety: 1 Simple Mindset Flip to Talk to More Girls

approach anxietyYou won't always be super active with approaching new women.

You'll go through stretches where you're focused on work or other things. You might only approach opportunistically, to girls who show a lot of interest. Or you might break off approaching entirely for a time.

After you take a little time away like this, after a while when you want to get back to approaching, the rust comes back... and you have to deal with approach anxiety all over again.

When you're not in the habit approaching a lot, especially when you're not in the habit of making uninvited approaches (where the girl hasn't signaled you to open), there's anxiety.

  • What am I going to say to her? you'll ask yourself.

  • I'm not warmed up, I don't feel confident using one of my regular openers.

  • I'm not sure what I'll say to her AFTER the opener.

  • She's not in an easy place to get to, if she isn't into me it's going to be awkward to move away from there.

You might go out intending to chat up women, and end up chatting to no one.

Yet, there's something you may have once known... something you forget when you don't approach as actively.

And as soon as you remember it, you can be fine.

You start approaching again in earnest, shake the approach anxiety off, and have no trouble meeting girl after girl.

That one thing you can remember (or learn, if you hadn't previously known it) -- the one great trick you can use to get yourself approaching after a hiatus from it -- is the difference between creating attraction and finding attraction.

5 Ways to Be a Smooth Dude

be smooth
If you want to be smooth with women and life, you won’t get there with snappy one-liners or good looks. True smoothness requires a much finer grit.

A while back, I wrote about how to be smooth with conversation. With this article, I want to expand the dialogue on smoothness and get your interactions slathering with smoothness on all sides.

Let's make your entire demeanor smooth.

It’s the way you talk (your voice tonality, rhythm, etc.), the way you gesture with your hands, the way you move your eyes and face when you speak (and when you listen), the way you walk, the way you shake hands, the way you touch a woman who is sitting with you at a bar.

That’s what we want to make smooth. And how do we make this smooth?

Well, smoothness in a sexy man can be expressed in many ways.

Smoothness is one facet of sexiness, and there are many levels to sexy. I always tell my students they need to find a way of expression that fits them.

Once you find your style, you must do three things:

  1. Master the fundamentals of your style; become the best version of your ideal man

  2. Master the conversation of your style; become the best conversationalist you can be

  3. Master your mind; see and know that you think like this man

The technicalities of smoothness are:

  • Fundamentals
  • Conversation
  • Mind (inner game)

In my experience, these are not enough to make a man truly smooth. The final two recommendations of mine are to:

  • Spend time with women you love
  • Have a mission

We will focus on these final two later. First, let’s look at the most crucial areas, the technicalities.

How to Deal with Freeze-Ups when Trying New Venues, Part 2

social freeze ups
Social freeze-ups can happen anywhere, even venues you’re familiar with. So here are more ways to set things in motion and turn a sour mood into a sexy vibe.

Hey, guys. Welcome back. Last time we discussed overall strategies to prevent and handle potential freeze-ups when frequenting new venues. Today we will delve deeper into this topic. Let’s focus on practical tools that can help you counteract potential anxiety in the field.

Last time we focused primarily on dealing with new venues, since these are usually a source of potential nervousness. You do not feel fully at home in new environments, and they can be a bit scary.

I’ve mentioned that freeze-ups can also happen in familiar venues where you do feel at home, too.

Even though you’ve been to a place many times and have had great nights and much success there, there can be nights where you still struggle and have a hard time interacting with others. So here are some more general solutions that will also help in familiar places.

How to Deal with Freeze-Ups when Trying New Venues, Part 1

social freeze ups
The experience you gain by going to different venues is invaluable, but it’s easy to freeze up socially in new environments. This is normal, but not untreatable.

Hey, guys. Welcome back. Today, I’ll discuss club game issues that are relevant to everyone at any level. What do you do when you experience a “social” freeze-up at a club?

Sometimes guys freeze up when entering a club. They feel unable to approach women or groups. Their anxiety rises, and they start feeling anti-social, and not in the mood.

If you are experiencing this, you are likely entering what psychology calls “freeze mode.”

Guys freezing up will often rationalize that the venue is bad for hooking up and start seeing negativity everywhere:

The list goes on.

When you enter freeze mode, and you don’t feel social, you start seeing negativity everywhere. And most of the time, it’s just a bias created by your mood.

So let’s discuss what causes this mood and then discuss some solutions to help you successfully move forward in these situations.

Game-Life Balance

game-life balance
How do you balance game (as in, the art of getting together with women) – and the pursuit of getting better and better at game – with the rest of your life?

On a recent article of mine, Sub-Zero comments to ask about what we might call 'game-life balance':

Hey Chase,

1. I was wondering with going out 3-4 times a week, how do we handle that if we work 9-5?

should we go to the club early and leave at like 1, instead of staying until close around 3ish during weekdays?

then you got to think, what if you take girls home? then who knows how long you'll be out and you'll have work in the morning.

how did you pull it off?

Overthinking and Seduction Don't Mix

seduction and overthinking
Attraction requires a flow of action and reaction. It gets disrupted when you overthink. To gain a successful seducer’s mindset, practice acting on a whim.

As men, we are thinkers. When faced with a problem or difficult scenario, we want to take a seat and mull over the possibilities. As a seducer, you want to interrupt that process and adopt another kind of thinking.

There are a few things overthinking men do “wrong” in the eyes of women:

  1. Acting on opportunities too late or delaying sexual behavior to seem chivalrous

  2. Promising things in the future that have no evidence in the present

  3. Desiring the ideal of sex like it can't go wrong and losing sight of reality where it can

We tend to slow down when things get complex, but women start to worry and think faster as things get complicated. To girls, we seem ill-equipped to handle complexity. Girls have no way of measuring the potential success rate when we sit down to think; they assume we are “sitting this one out.” So by that standard, it is not chivalrous to delay sexual behavior; it is often seen as a man “quitting very easily.”

Also, we like to promise the future to women. However, women are intensely connected to their feelings in the "right now," and the future does not affect them emotionally like the present does. A woman will never give up an emotion NOW for an unmeasurable gain later. Neither will she respect a promise without strong evidence, no matter your conviction.

Lastly, if you desire sex, and do not consider all the ways it can blow up and be annoying, girls will just become lazy and entitled about sex. They’ll think of you as far too slow-witted to have a mind of your own about what is desirable. And if they think you don't know what is desirable, they won't strive to be desired by you.

These three concepts are why you need to stop sitting down to think or slowing down to seem thoughtful. Girls do not think like you, they think faster and faster, intensely relying on feelings NOW, and they adhere to a code of absolute desire or apathy.

To think like a seducer, you must become uninhibited in every action you take, adhering to a philosophy they adore. You must flow from task to task, and make the complex seem simple and beautiful. You cannot slow down or get flustered, and you cannot overthink.

Seducing is much like playing a musical instrument. You cannot worry about what others will think of you if you start scrunching your face as you search for the perfect sound. You can't stop halfway through the song to think through the next part. At that exact moment in time, it is sink or swim, and you must act in the way that produces maximum effect. Anything less, and you will not capture people's imagination or stir up their feelings.


Do Not Compare Yourself to Women

women have it easier
"Women have it easier." Well sure, in many ways they do. But YOU are not in competition with women.

There is a thing I have seen online (not so much in real life, but perhaps I'm not socializing with the right guys for it in real life) where guys complain about how easy women have it or how much XYZ thing favors women.

I'll give a few examples of this:

  • "Women don't know anything about how hard it is to approach guys. Men approach THEM! Why do men have to do all the work?"

  • "Dating is all about what the woman wants. Men have to do all the work of planning and wooing and courting a girl. The man has to make all the moves. Then if he messes up, the woman walks! How is any of that fair!"

  • "The law is completely stacked on women's side! If a woman wants to screw a man over, she totally can! As a man, you are a second class citizen!"

Are these things true?

Well yes, they are. Men do have to do all the work of the approach. Men do have to do all the work of the date. Men do get ditched if they mess up with a girl, often (but not always. Girls will cut you some slack if they like you). The law does often favor women (though not quite to the extent most men's rights activists seem to think).

I guess if you are arguing for a change to cultural norms, or the legal system, it might be worthwhile to complain about this stuff and get a movement going.

If you're on Girls Chase though, I assume your primary objective is more success in the world as it exists, and not so much becoming a political activist to try to change the world.

You might well be a political activist too. But that's not why you are here.

If you're here, it's because you want girls.

And if you want girls, stop comparing yourself with girls.

Do Seducers Seek Women's Approval?

seeking female approval
If you go out to flirt and talk with women, and you set up dates, and have sex, does that mean what you’re really after is female approval? Well, yes and no.

There is this argument that resurfaces every so often from the MGTOW/MRA/incel crowd. The argument is that by approaching women, flirting with them, asking them out, and sleeping with them, you are engaged in approval-seeking behavior. A seducer is the ultimate 'approval seeker', by this logic, because he devotes even more time to seeking out women to date and bed than an ordinary guy.

It's an interesting argument.

At its core, there is truth. There's a fair bit of approval seeking among some chunks of dating men. And in general, any public activity you engage in to any extent involves at least a little approval seeking.

Speaking to another human is always going to be a form of approval speaking: you want this other human to acknowledge (and approve of) your thoughts, perspectives, point of view. (If you don't think that's the case, then find me one person who has no reaction when his thoughts or perspectives are rejected and mocked by another individual. Such a man is very rare.)

You want to feel (in the language of today's progressives) validated (approved of) by others.

Pickup Practice

pickup practice
If you have a little trouble approaching (or sticking with it after the first few approaches), just switch yourself over to “pickup practice mode.”

There are three different 'going out modes' a guy can be in when he might meet girls:

  1. Just hanging out mode
  2. Make something happen mode
  3. Pickup practice mode

One of the major differentiators between different skill levels of seducer is what mode the guy gets 'hung up' in. Because to do truly well with women you want to be able to use all three.