Confidence | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

How Women Test Men in the Face of Sexual Desire

tests in the face of sexual desire
If you show sexual desire toward a girl you just met, she’ll throw tests your way. If you pass with flying colors, she might get excited to have sex with you.

In my last article, we covered why it’s important to show aggressive desire to women. Too few men are doing this properly, so now you can – and should – be one of the exceptions.

What I’ve observed is that overall, guys have regressed socially. A friend and I went to a New Year’s Eve party in San Diego, and we didn’t see any men approach women in a 1,000+ person party… until around 1:00 am when every single guy was needily – and horribly – approaching every single woman they could. They got rejected after 5 minutes or less every time. This happened over and over throughout the venue.

By 1:30 am the walls put up by every single woman in that venue were sky high – even a good approach wouldn’t be entertained, unless value had been built earlier in the night when the opportunity was there. So, it’s always better to be the exception to the rule.

However, being the exception also means women will test for authenticity harder, faster, and stronger.

“I've seen it all.”

Have you ever heard this from women? I have – it’s funny when they say this because they already know all the typical emotions of a guy if they’ve had enough experience (and if they’ve been screwed over by men enough times). Despite this, you can still entertain women with your antics as long as you rebuff their tests, stay, and maintain a fun and sexy frame.

“I know exactly what you guys want.”

This is another classic test. Last time I heard it, I looked at her straight in the eye with a boyish grin and smiled as though I was enjoying myself, which I was. After a short silence, I said, “So what? Have you also seen when guys do this?” And I lightly grabbed and squeezed her ass, in a way that no one else around us could see.

“Stop!”

She pulled away a little bit, laughed and smiled at me playfully while she said it – clearly she was annoyed, but she was having fun, too. I smiled and went right back to talking about something else. We cooled off for a little while, but she came right back and locked hands with me after that. That was a first date, and we had great sex that night.

Since I recognized her tests and signals, and passed with flying colors, I knew I'd be going home with this girl, and it was fine to do it. I wouldn't recommend it if you're not absolutely sure that a girl sexually desires you. For my style, it was great – playful, fun, sexual banter. She said something that I recognized that she was testing me on, and my response was to be aggressively playful and show some sexual desire – which probably turned her on. She pulled away because we were in public – she wouldn't want our antics to be seen by anyone around her.

When you're trying to go for sex with a woman, she's going to test you. It's in her nature to do that. The real reason that women test men is that they're used to seeing all sorts of tricks by men – and no girl wants to feel like a guy is just trying to get his rocks off inside her like she’s some random girl. No girl wants to feel like she's being masturbated into. Even if it's for one night, she still wants sex to be passionate and mind-blowing – she needs the man to give her his full attention, not just to treat her like a sex doll.

What a girl tests for is how strong a man’s desire for her really is.

Day Game Tour with Tony Depp, Pt.6: The High Five Game

day game high five
Give that chick a high five! Sounds pretty simple, right? But for beginners, it can be a challenge and a great way to learn the fundamentals of day game.

In part 5 of my day game tour, we covered various tips and tricks for day game, like warm-ups, hired guns, transitioning from indirect to direct, and more.

Today’s article is a dive into an exercise I employ in boot camps, and I’ll explain why it’s incredibly powerful for improving your day game.

As a coach, I’ve learned that teaching game is more than pointing and saying “Go talk to her.” The challenge is to nail down lessons on fundamentals, like vocal tonality, body language, and verbal game. You want experiences that push your comfort zone and give you reference memories so that you aren’t stumped when you encounter similar situations.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. That’s one reason why learning game is so hard. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between going to war, and embarrassing yourself in public.

You have to train it.

Also, women love men who “don’t give a fuck.” If you are so embarrassed or worried about social fear that you can’t even give someone a high five… then you give way too many fucks.

On that note, here’s one of my favorite day-game exercises.

Tactics Tuesdays: "She'll Probably Reject Me (So Let's Try)"

reject me
An easy way to get your feet moving despite fears of rejection: just tell yourself "She'll likely reject me anyway... so let's go see what happens.

I just talked with one of our senior discussion forum members, who took on the 30 Days Invite a Girl Home Challenge. This is a challenge for advanced guys, where the singular goal is to invite a new girl home each and every day for 30 straight days. She doesn't have to say yes and you don't have to sleep with her, but you do need to invite her home to do it. The goal is to push a guy's comfort zone and open his eyes to what's possible.

In our forum member's case, his first day on the challenge ended up with the girl he invited home saying yes and going home with him. However, he liked this girl a lot, overthought things a bit, and escalated too timidly, despite feeling like the girl was quite into him.

He didn't get the lay (although he did get a nice start to the 30 day challenge!), and the girl left.

He tried to set a date up with her later, and she LJBF'ed him.

His escalation (too unaggressive for her level of horniness) was the immediate cause, he figured... but the root cause was that he liked her too much, which led him to go too slow for this girl's tastes.

Does he just need to convince himself not to like girls too much, he wondered?

That brought to mind a long-time technique I've used to overcome nervous hesitation with women, that might be useful to some guys.

It's this: you simply tell yourself "Well she's probably going to reject me, so let's try anyway and just see what happens."

3 Very Different "Going Out to Meet Girls" Aims

going out aims
Every man's actions when socializing are guided by 1 of 3 core aims. The wrong aim can sabotage him in social situations… but the right aim will give him wings.

When a man goes out to meet women, he has a certain aim he takes with him. That aim might be a conscious one; an aim he knows he has. Or it may be unconscious -- he doesn't know what his aim is. Yet whether he knows it or not, he carries that aim with him.

The aim a man takes out with him colors his experience. It colors his actions and behavior while out. And it colors his perception of what happens while he's out too.

The right aim leads to progress with women, as a man hones his abilities to socialize or familiarizes himself with new venues, types of women, or techniques. Or the right aim might lead him to a lot of fun. Or to get dates, get laid, and meet a future girlfriend.

The wrong aim leads him to a disappointing outing. On the worse end, he may end up depressed, disappointed, or beating himself up over the outing. This happens when he has an aim -- conscious or not -- and fails to achieve it.

If he takes the wrong aim with him too often, and fails to achieve it too frequently, it can tank his morale and cause him to give up. Most guys who quit the game do so because they spent too much time aimed at the wrong place.

There are three easy-to-identify aims a man can take with him out into the field. All other more complicated aims boil down to these three. Two of these aims are self-focused, while the third is other-focused.

In this article, I'm going to argue that too many men go out with other-focused aims when they should take self-focused aims with them instead.

I'm also going to show you how many naturals and men who are good with girls go out with very different aims than what most less experienced, more aspirational men take with them.

Does Having Good Looks Come with Disadvantages?

Good Looks Come with Disadvantages
To combat the myth that “looks are all that matter” for getting laid, we examine several disadvantages of good looks you’ve likely never considered.

Hey, guys! Welcome back.

If last week’s post where we discussed the importance of looks in pickup did not convince you that looks actually are far from being one of the most important aspects in meeting women, then this post is for you.

So let’s quickly recap. Last week we discussed how good looks can:

  • Help you give a good first impression and get the ball rolling for you. This is key because you need to start somewhere, but a start is just a start. Much more than some basic early game flirting is required to get the girl.

  • Good looks allow a woman to accept and rationalize her attraction to you – however, there are other key factors that can help you achieve this.

  • Good looks are far from being a game winner, but really bad looks is a game killer.

  • In regards to the point above, better looks can be achieved. Most guys can reach the minimum threshold. Today we will discuss some other aspects of looks that you may not have considered.

To me, good looks is just another parameter one must adjust to. Same goes for average looks and bad looks. Personally, I have had times where I did not care about my looks, and even got fat. However, I presently spend lot more time getting in shape, dressing well, and taking good care of my hair and trimming my facial hair.

No matter what phase I was going through, I had an equal amount of lays. However, keep in mind that when I was less good looking, I had to “work” harder to convince girls to give me a shot, and the hooking phase was harder. But once in, getting the girl was not that much more difficult.

But wait! That’s not to say that good looks do not make it easier for you. In fact, I definitely got more hooks when I wasn’t fat… so appearance and looks are important.

Why Are So Many 'Pick Up Artists' Uncool?

pickup artist wannabes
If you meet many 'pick up artists', you may realize the majority aren't very cool. There's a very good explanation as to why (and it's not that talking to girls doesn't work).

Over on the forum, one of our members, Ree, asked a provocative question: "Are pick up artists losers?"

He notes:

"Man i have to ask a very tough question.

when i got into seduction,i imagined a seducer is a guy like james bond.

someone who knows how to handle any social situation,someone skilled,well off,charming and with super tight fundamentals.

yet I am in a whatsapp group with a bunch of seducers and only a few satisfy this image.

most puaz that i have had the misfortune to meet,are guys who have read every article of gc but still have victim mentality,entitlement ,bitterness ,very poor fundamentals,meagre results and when i point this out to them,the reactions are usually very hostile and explosive.

something else i have noticed,the few guys who are good and normal would never react like this

for example, say you walk up to me and say, "ree : your girls are ugly"

i would either try to do something about my purpotedly ugly girl,or i would shrug and ignore you,both ways,nothing anyone can say would make me explode with rage.

however in my experience most people take any criticism very badly,
and this just does not affect their seduction only,most puaz i know are jobless or they have very low value,on top of that ,after reading countless articles,they walk around life with a "i know it all attitude"even though they have no credible achievements.

what is your experiences for those of you who have hang around puaz?is the same true for you guys too?"

If you've met many guys into seduction, you've undoubtedly noticed what Ree has: many aren't so good. Many carry around a lot of negative mindsets. The majority aren't so open to criticism. And by and large, many aren't cool.

But why should this be so -- aren't PUAs, by definition, supposed to be babe magnets?

How to Pick Up Girls When You're Broke

pick up girls broke
No woman wants to be with a broke guy. Or does she? With a few adjustments, it's easy to do fine with girls, even when you're broke.

In my recent article on limiting beliefs, a reader named Dr. Klas asked:

"Hey Chase,
Thanks for the article — very in-depth as always.
Now, I have this limiting belief “When I’m broke, I can’t get a girl”. Since you haven’t really written an article on how to get a girl when broke can you please address this issue.

I find that I’m usually depressed when I’m broke and I just close off — or reject myself even if a girl likes me. But when I’ve got cash, I do a whole lot better. Is it a matter of self-esteem?

I don’t know why this is or what to do to prevent this. Should I just tell girls “Hey, I’m having a hard time at the moment” or “I’m broke, I can’t do X”.

What should be our response and behavior towards women when we are broke? I think a lot of guys will appreciate this."

Okay, sure. This is something I've talked about a bit in the past -- picking up girls when broke or unemployed -- but haven't gone in-depth on.

It actually is pretty closely related to the limiting beliefs concept too, because a lot of what seems to hold men back from doing well with women when broke are limiting beliefs (like Dr. Klas's).

One reason I haven't gone as in-depth into this topic before is because there are multiple routes to 'broke'. One is to start out not-broke, then end up broke, which was my route there. The other way is to start out broke and just always have been broke. I don't have experience with the second route, though I've known guys who have been that and have done quite well with women. I can talk intelligently about the first route though -- and I'll try to make the points there as applicable to the guys who get there via the 'started broke' route as possible too.

Why Getting Tables and Bottles at Clubs Doesn’t Get You Laid

Getting Tables and Bottles at Clubs Doesn’t Get You Laid
Do you go to clubs and feel you can’t compete with dudes who get tables and bottles and have hot women sitting with them? Well, you shouldn’t. Here’s why.

Many times, when I head out with a group of guys, I see that many of them feel inferior to dudes with tables and bottles of champagne and whatnot. Normal guys feel these men have an easier time getting laid because they usually have more female company.

And here you are, a chump with a bottle of cheap beer in your hand. How the hell are you going to compete with those guys?

Well, here’s the thing. I don’t consider having tables or bottles to be an advantage when it comes to getting women in bed. The only advantage those guys do have is the confidence kick they get from having so much – i.e., other people seeing them with a bottle gives them an inflated sense of value.

The idea that bottles or tables equate to high status or easy women is a false perception that clubs use to make money. They’re just using lizard-brain marketing triggers that get you to hand over more of your money. It’s a bit like traveling first class on a plane – sure, it can be worth it sometimes, but the folks in coach still fly just as far.

Clubs need to make money, so I don’t blame them, but I have noticed that many guys – especially in higher-end clubs – start feeling very insecure when they see guys with flashy bottles of crappy champagne. In that moment, they’ve already lost. Coming off as insecure or inferior is a terrible angle when attracting women. That is why men struggle in high-end venues.

It’s also why many men tend to avoid these venues in favor of more relaxed, easygoing places – because they are more egalitarian in nature. However, those guys will be missing out on a ton of hot girls. High-end venues not only have hotter girls, they also have more girls.

So, perhaps it’s time to cure that inferiority complex. I'm sure you need more convincing, of course, so let me explain why I don’t consider having a table and bottles to be an advantage.

12 Limiting Beliefs Men Have About Women

limiting beliefs
If you have one of these beliefs about women, it's holding you back... and you probably don't even realize it.

Each man sees the world in a different way.

Some of the differences between how one man sees the world and how the next one does are slight. Other differences, though, are extreme.

If a man holds the right beliefs, he unshackles himself to achieve success beyond his most fantastic hopes and dreams. If he holds beliefs that limit him though, he may stumble into great ravines on the road to wish fulfillment... or he may chain himself fast, so that he never starts on the road to fulfillment at all.

There are four types of limiting beliefs men hold:

  1. Inaccessibility ("I can't get/have what I want")

  2. Over-accessibility ("I can have that whenever I want")

  3. Transience ("Once I have it, I'm destined to lose it")

  4. Permanence ("Once I have it, or someone else does, it's forever")

Those beliefs boil down into two dimensions: one of accessibility, and the other of transience/permanence.

The most accurate belief sets abandoned these extremes. Men who succeed most stop thinking about the world in terms of the blacks and whites of beliefs like these, and view it as a vast world of gray -- a promising world of gray, with boundaries and limitations, but where most things are achievable, though not always easy.

Today we're going to talk about 12 common limiting beliefs men have about women and dating. Hang onto these beliefs, you'll make costly mistakes, or never get far with women at all. Wouldn't it be neat though, to be free of these beliefs -- and free to meet the women you want, date them how you want, and get success with them that seems out of reach to most other men?

The best way to overturn limiting beliefs is through action, because action is where you put your beliefs to the test -- and find out which hold up, and which do not. We'll talk about this below too.

We'll begin with one of the most common limiting beliefs: that girls like that are simply too hot for you.

Stop Assuming Other Men Are Better Than You

don't compare your success with other men
If you keep asking yourself why you suck so bad with women while all these other dudes are getting laid, there are probably some things you aren’t taking into account.

Lately, I’ve been writing a lot of posts to debunk common ideas that I believe are wrong. I decided to follow up with a problem I see a lot of men suffering from – and that I also struggled with.

That is when you start comparing yourself to other men’s success. You see them with girls and feel inferior. This happens especially when you don’t find yourself in female company. You start seeing these other men – either willingly or unwillingly – as superior to you.

It isn’t a good feeling, and it doesn’t result in any kind of productive mindset when it comes to meeting women – quite the contrary. You usually start experiencing this feeling when you have a crappy night. You’re already in a bad place, so feeling inferior creates a vicious circle.

This post is designed to debunk some common misconceptions, but it’s more of a fact check that will help you avoid harmful biases about your own and others’ success.

First things first – we shouldn’t care about whether other people succeed or not unless it has an impact on our own interactions. However, many of us do care.