Articles by Author: Hector Castillo | Girls Chase
  1. Articles by Author
  2. Articles by Author: Hector Castillo

Articles by Author: Hector Castillo

Are Casual Hookups Worse Than Relationship Sex?

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

casual hookup vs relationship sex
Most experienced guys will agree that relationship sex is better than casual hookups. But that’s not to say you should limit yourself to one or the other.

I’ve read and heard many, many, many times that sex in a relationship is better than casual sex.

You’ll see it said in most media – be it television, movies, books, or on social feeds – that being a player and having lots of casual sex is empty and unfulfilling.

While there is some truth to this sentiment, I want to dispel some of the negative connotations surrounding casual sex.

Firstly, realize some possible motivations behind the negativity.

If a man says that casual sex is empty and relationship sex is fulfilling, he will usually fall under one of a few categories.

He is most likely a guy who doesn’t get laid a lot, is envious of those who do, and tries to shame them. To dissuade other men from banging lots of girls, he will advise against casual sex. He will poison the lifestyle with claims that it robs you of meaningful connections and is a waste of time. He’ll say that you shouldn’t disrespect women by seeing them as sex objects.

This guy is wrong for reasons you already are aware of – the pursuit of women is a worthy one. There are higher goals than chasing pussy, but it’s something almost every man needs to learn, at least to a degree.

There are also women who aren’t that competitive in the dating market, so they look to undermine men – either consciously or unconsciously – from pursuing other women during their sexual adventures. Ironically, this crusade against casual sex rarely stops the protesting women themselves from engaging in it.

Occasionally, you’ll hear this from a conservative, high-value girl, but it’s usually her reacting to a specific conversation rather than going out of her way to denounce casual sex. And don’t forget about the girl who just got pumped and screwed by some guy – she’s going to cry about casual sex being lame, but the real issue is she’s mad that the guy she gave it up for didn’t want more.

Men who are experienced but not expressing themselves clearly or are currently in a down state might also criticize the player lifestyle. It generally doesn’t come from a bad place and is usually the most informative of the “casual sex is inferior to relationship sex” arguments, but one should take pause when reading or listening to such criticism.

There is an important nuance when considering whether casual hookups are inferior to relationship sex.

Do You Keep Thinking “I Need a Girlfriend”? Read This First

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

I Need a Girlfriend
Do you need a girlfriend? Maybe. But perhaps you’d be better off without one right now. These considerations will help you decide.

What I’ve learned over many years of teaching, mentoring, and coaching, is that my desires have not always matched those of my students and clients.

One of my most common recommendations for guys at all levels is to sleep with a few women before settling down with one.

I know – from both ends of experience – why this can be helpful for men. My first serious girlfriend was the girl I lost my virginity to. Then, a few months into dating, we had to shift to a long-distance relationship when I went off to college.

The relationship itself wasn’t bad, and I learned a lot. Additionally, my life has led me to where I am, so I have no regrets. But regarding that long-term relationship, there were many better paths I could have taken, given how many chances I had with hot, thirsty girls at college.

It’s tough to judge the past from the future, since it is self-evident that the past – every detail and crease – led to this future.

As for girlfriends, something that takes time and focus on your part... that’s a tricky subject.

When should you have a girlfriend?

The question “Do I need a girlfriend?” comes to mind, as a teacher of the romantic arts. But for many guys out there, it takes the form of “I need a girlfriend.” Two different sentiments, but both lead to the same inquiry if one is calm and introspective.

There are times in your life when a girlfriend is nice but not necessary. There are also times when you really shouldn’t have a girlfriend, and there are times when you really need one.

Why Having a Girlfriend Makes You Better with Women

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

girlfriend confidence
Few things can boost a man’s game like having a girlfriend. Women show more interest, and talking to them becomes easier. Ever wonder why this is?

During my previous monogamous relationships, I noticed that my ability to talk to women dramatically increased, as did their attraction. I would also get a lot more approach invitations and even get approached on occasion, mostly because of social circle game – we’ll talk about that later.

I had to ask myself, “Why am I suddenly better with women while I have a girlfriend?”

The answer: “You just are.”

But like you, I wanted more details. What specifically is it about being in a relationship that made me magnetic? Obviously, I was harder to get, and this unattainability stirs female lust. But after looking deeper, I've discovered some more key factors of having a girlfriend that can affect your game for the better.

Here they are.

3 Types of Edge, and How to Use Them to Attract Women

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

3 types of edge
Every man has edge, but it’s sometimes hidden or underdeveloped. Here are 3 types of edge you can cultivate into a highly attractive persona.

Edge is something of an esoteric subject. We all know when someone has it. We can see it and feel it when we’re in their presence. But how do you develop edge? That’s what I aim to explain in this article.

Edge, simply put, is something you reveal and then express. Everyone has edge within them. They only need to reveal it, then express it.

Have you ever met an MMA fighter who seems like the most normal of guys? There’s nothing intimidating about him visually, but if you see him train, spar, or fight, you know he’s a tough cookie.

While that’s cool and has some “hidden value” magic to it, it’s not going to help him socialize with those outside his circle, people who don’t know about his talents.

The purpose of edge is to purposefully affect those around you, both men and women. Your edge should intrigue (and maybe even frighten) the people you meet.

It’s meant to trigger those around you to think “There’s something more to this guy than meets the eye.” Edge is, as the name implies and denotes, a feeling of anticipation. Something is bubbling beneath the surface. What is it? It depends on the type of edge that man possesses.

How Being on Your Smartphone Can Attract Women

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

attract with phone
Busy, waiting, or boxed in? If done right, being on your smartphone can be a powerful tool to intrigue and attract women.

A common target of social criticism these days is our obsession with phones. You’ve seen those trite, hipster videos about how all we do is stare at our screens, how we live in a fast-paced, consumerist society, which has caused us to lose touch with in-person communication, leading to our lacking social skills.

I don’t buy it. For a while, I did. It makes sense. We do live in a disposable society that throws things away when they’re no longer needed. Chase elegantly pointed that out in his article on how some guys feel like disposable dicks-on-sticks.

However, he also pointed out how this disposability goes both ways, affecting women, too.

There’s always a flip-side.

Should You Ever Set Up a Second Date While on the First?

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

setting up second date while on first
When your girl is into you but you think she’ll resist first-date sex out of fears of getting played, this is how you can safely bring up a second date.

For most guys in most situations, it’s advisable to avoid setting up the second date during the first – or even setting up the third date during the second.

The risk of being so forward is that you play your cards early. Instead of waiting for her to tell you she wants to see you again – which can and will happen if you give her a great date – you should be the one to propose the second date.

You can potentially betray too much interest and come off as the one chasing.

For guys who have a more relaxed style, show little emotion, and prefer to be smooth and cool, I would advise against using the method in this article.

However, for those who have a more upbeat style, or for guys who find themselves having an attainability issue, either due to the player problem (i.e., she thinks you’re a player and doubts your intentions beyond sex) or from being too high value, you can use this more forward approach to prevent a girl from going into auto-rejection.

Let’s go through the two prerequisites for setting up a second date while on the first.

True Love Doesn’t Exist (Video)

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

This is my favorite video I’ve put out. It’s so beautifully empowering and inspirational if you can make it through. The journey of seduction and learning about women is, at its core, a journey of understanding what you can and cannot get from women. When you learn that romantic love, the everlasting kind that is perpetuated by not only our media and culture, but by our intrinsic desire to find lasting pleasure and lasting peace, is not real, your world will change.

Some might argue that romantic love is a new idea, and in some ways this is correct; most cultures up until a few hundred years ago saw sex and marriage as a transaction that kept resources flowing and bloodlines intact, but the game we play in public is very different from the game we play in our hearts and in our heads.
 
We have ALWAYS sought true love.

We are driven to find permanence, and the biggest trick we ever played on ourselves was convincing ourselves that we could find it in a romantic partner.

Not only is this a lie, it will SEVERELY hinder your romantic capabilities, both in casual and long-term relationships. You will be perpetually disappointed that a seduction or a relationship did not remain filled with bubbles and joy.

Watch the video and find out why true love is an illusion and why you should let it go.

For Faster Sex, Avoid the Boyfriend Zone

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

boyfriend-zone-paths
Sex won’t happen as quickly if she sees you as a potential boyfriend. Avoid boyfriend qualities and behaviors, and she won’t feel the need to wait for sex.

Girls generally want three types of men in their lives.

Lovers. Men they see as potential sex mates who may or may not be available for longer-term flings. They end up falling the most in love with these men because they are men who make it clear from the get-go what they want from her – sex – and she respects that. They have mostly a sexual value but can also have romantic value to her.

Orbiters. These are men women draw into their lives with some light flirting. Women give these men a sense that maybe something might happen if he provides her with emotions and/or social connections (a job, money, etc.), or they make it clear to the guy that he’s only a friend – but he hopes that might change some day. He has little-to-no sexual or romantic value to her.

Boyfriends. These are men women find cute or charming but seem a bit safer than some rascal lover. They can see themselves dating these men or even marrying them. The most elite of men can straddle the line between a lover and boyfriend quite well, which helps with higher-caliber women who don’t hook up with strangers too often. But most men who are boyfriend types are strictly boyfriend types.

At Girls Chase, we advise readers to focus on enhancing their position as a lover, since it’s the best route to go. Going the “I want to be your boyfriend” route takes more time than it takes to be a lover. Why?

She Liked Me Before, Why Not Anymore?

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

she liked me before
One minute, she’s into you; the next, she’s gone cold. Why does this happen? Well, because if you’re not climbing a ladder, you’re sliding down a chute.

I like video game analogies for explaining social situations, but there is one element to a video game that sadly does not apply to real life.

When it comes to women, there are no save points and no pausing.

Take the Dark Souls games – although you get save points, there is no pausing. If you go into the menu during the game, it continues without you. Enemies can still attack you. Think of life this way.

Or more accurately, you may be old enough to remember the board game Chutes and Ladders, a modern take on the ancient Indian game Snakes and Ladders.

You roll the dice. If the roll brings you to a ladder, you climb up the board. But if you roll onto a snake, you slide back down to the snake’s tail. This can happen even if you’re only steps away from winning the game.

Seduction and relationships are like this. There are ladders, and there are chutes.

Trust Your First Impressions

Hector Castillo's picture

By: Hector Castillo

trust your first impression
When you meet new people, should you trust your first impressions about them? How can you tell whether new “friends” are genuine – or out to use you?

You will have many friends in this life. Many will come, most will go. I can count on my fingers the number of true friends I have, and I suspect that with most, we will eventually no longer need each other, want each other, or respect each other.

It’s easy for a friendship to dissolve.

The more I see, the easier it becomes for me to ditch a friend who acts up. I have raised my standards of behavior, not only because I know that those closest to me influence me more than I realize, and I don’t want to be held back by poisonous people, but also because I would prefer not to put someone in a position to be able to betray me.

You will be surprised at the closeness of the bonds you will form with the most random of people you meet. Before you meet them, everyone is a stranger. Even if you are introduced to someone, they’re a stranger — doubly so if you tend to meet people randomly like I do.

Those introduced to you through social circles have an impetus to be nice to you, as you have been vetted by their friends and they assume you are an ally. They will be on their best behavior.

Random people are a bit more… well, random. Sometimes, they will show you their true selves the moment you meet them, since they owe you nothing and have no act to put on. Other times, especially if they’re more skilled, they will put on their best face the moment you meet them. Why? They may want to use you. Sometimes it’s because they’re polite and high value, but you’d be unwise to count on this — you’ll meet more sharks than saints.

So how do you screen out those who wish to use you — or even harm you — for their own benefit?

Trust them the first time they reveal themselves. Trust your first impression.